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Q & A, by Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.
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TODAY'S QUESTION(S): Q: Can you give me some kind of clue of the first step in becoming a more "time-productive" person? A. ---CHANGING YOUR THINKING STEP ONE The average American works about 40 hours per week. That’s pretty embarrassing if you love your work…and if you loved your work, you wouldn’t do that. You’d spend more time doing what you love! (Clue #1 - do what you love for a living!) The average Dad spends 20 minutes per day in the presence of his kids. Are you average there? (Clue #2 - spend more time doing the really important things, like being with your kids!) There is SO much more to being massively time-productive, but this is a place to start. Your thinking. How do you think about time? How do you allow others to control your time? In what ways can you be more in control? How can you make that happen? The new 6-CD set, Time for Love, Time for Money goes in-depth to answer this question. Check it out! Q: What would you say are the most important traits of a successful person? A. ---
A. ---Eye contact is critical in any face-to-face meeting. As a rule of thumb you should maintain eye contact with your client 2/3 of the time. This doesn’t mean that you look at her eyes for 20 minutes then away for 10 minutes. It does mean that you keep in touch for about seven seconds then away for about three seconds, or in touch for about 14 seconds and away for about six seconds. Eye contact doesn’t mean just gazing into the eyes. Eye contact is considered any contact in the “eye-nose” triangle. If you create a triangle from the two eyes to the nose of the client you create the “eye-nose” triangle. This is the area that you want 65-70% of eye contact. Should you sense that your client is uncomfortable at this level reduce your eye contact content. Many Americans who were born and raised in the eastern countries (Japan, for example) are not accustomed to the eye contact that Americans are. Eyes are a fascinating part of the human body. When a person finds someone or something very appealing to him or her their pupil size (the black part of the eyes) grow significantly larger. This is one of the few parts of body language that is absolutely uncontrollable by the conscious mind. You simply cannot control your pupil size. If you are interested in someone else your pupil size will grow dramatically. If someone else is interested in you, their pupils will grow larger when looking at you and there is nothing they can do about it. This is one of the powerful predictors of liking in nonverbal communication! Q: Is there a difference between power and will? A. ---Abundant research argues that most actions and behaviors, sadly, are will-free or done unconsciously without intention. Will is best defined as an action that is taken with conscious intention and development. Most societies discourage the use of will or "free will" if...you will. Let's define "power" as knowledge into action into results. I would argue that if indeed humans have "will" then it would precede power which is more of a system which includes "will" and definitely dependent upon the result of action. Q: What is it about men that let's Jenn fly under the radar on The Apprentice? A. ---Jenn is arguably a "10" and if she doesn't screw up too bad she will fly under the radar. It should be noted that women allow other attractive women to fly under the radar in roughly the same magnitude that men do. People are wired to strive to be in beautiful environments and with beautiful people. Her good fortune to have that appearance allows her to be the coveted. Where was I when looks were being distributed.... Q: You do free teleseminars and you charge for some. What is the difference? A. ----The difference is that I get paid when it isn't for free....I don't do many teleseminars at all. I've been on too many sales pitch calls and I get to threshold quickly when it comes to my time. If I'm going to be on a teleseminar call as the guest, then that simply won't happen. I sometimes will do a teleseminar as a favor to a friend, thus giving hundreds of people a gift that day. Typically the free teleseminar will be shorter in duration. 45 minutes. Content will be high but I will anticipate the opportunity to briefly share information about an upcoming promotion. In a standard teleseminar that is fee paid on your part, I am there for the sole purpose of meeting the objectives of the call. If I mention something else it is likely to be in passing. I won't promote anything unless I go over time and give more than I intended. Ever... Q: What's the difference between Boot Camp in Las Vegas and the Science of Influence programs? A. ---Boot Camp is designed to bring general though powerful information to people who will generate specific uses for that information to make a powerful impact in their business. In their life. I might be at the front of the room creating applications for the participant or it may be part of a project. Boot Camp is also a high level networking event. "Who you know" matters a lot more than people give credit for. People who are smart enough to build networks of friends have a very hard time not succeeding. The Science of Influence 1-36 is probably my best work. The vast majority of it is still untapped by other guru's who still haven't gotten to the first 10 CD's! As long as that is the case, listeners to SI have a corner on the persuasion market. Q: I heard you are going to run for Senator! True?! A. ---Not out of the question, though unlikely. Casey started the whole idea at the NGH convention this year. At first I thought he was kidding...until I realized he was absolutely serious. I told him I could never B.S. people about the economy, how jobs are produced, etc. (In other words, I couldn't say the incumbent failed to create jobs because the market creates jobs not the politicians). Candidate A wants to spend grandkids money for Medicare for this generation. Hogan. No. Candidate A wants to spend grandkids money for healthcare. Hogan. No. Candidate A wants to increase funding for education, arts, welfare, guns, blah blah blah...Hogan. No. No. No. No. No. and NO. .....not much special interest money to pay for a campaign, in paying the bills and building a stable country. Teachers will abhor me. Christian right will be driven insane by me...Unions in general will freak out... Though Schwarzzanegger and Ventura did well, I'm not sure that success can carry over to someone like myself. I'll talk to some people in Minnesota, see what is interesting. It's flattering and all but it probably will not happen in real life. If I were advising myself, I would say "No" to me, and try and influence change in other ways. A. ---The question is more about you than your employer. How long would you like to read a script? One month? Six months? Two years? Twenty? For the short run, during training, scripts can be useful in gaining a foundation for actual thinking later. But you cannot be effective for any length of time using a script. If your personality is coming through in your voice, ask your manager for a temporary reprieve as an experiment. THEN, kick butt, or you WILL be gone...
Previous QUESTION(S): Q: What do you think of Dr. Phil? A. ---Overall I like him. I don't have time to see his show but when I see him on Leno, he seems to have a good sense of humor and a solid basic philosophy for relationships. A. ---Laws of Persuasion is a term I coined in 1991. (Actually it started when I coined the phrase: The Law of Reciprocity.) The SIX laws you refer to are Cialdini's and not the 10 in The Psychology of Persuasion that I list. It's impossible to sequence them in general. In selling, relationships, management they all come down differently. A. ----Like The Gong Show and some of the amazingly bad garbage that gets public attention. The answer to your question is that the public does have a significant interest in watching people make idiots of themselves and then endearing themselves to their celebrity. A. ---Call them. Your fellow competitors won't. A. ---TMJ is usually caused by stress (or physical injury when it's not stress.). Treating TMJ when it isn't terrible can be done with antianxiety medications, self hypnosis and biofeedback. When it gets serious, there isn't much you can do to realign your teeth/mouth, without having surgery...a very unpleasant choice. For tinnitus, see FAQ.htm A. ---The copy is very aggressive. Michael refers to retirement as doing something you love instead of being enslaved to another alternative. I think in that context, the copy is aggressive and not hyperbolic. Q: How effective is hypnosis in striking business deals? A. ----If you're using Covert Hypnosis, then the answer is quite good. If you're not, forget it. Q: You have so many programs. Where do I start? A. ----The Three Disciplines is a unique self development program. The Science of Influence Library is simply the best in the field, head and shoulders above everything else. The Wealth Package in the store is particularly good. Those are three good starting points. A. ---I like some reality shows. Mark Burnett is a creative genius. Survivor and The Apprentice are two of my favorite shows on TV period. They are brilliantly devised and schemed. They teach us a lot about ourselves and others. I haven't had a chance to watch most reality shows. Except for "Big Brother" which I thought was inane...if I had time I might watch a couple more. Q: What is "flagging" in persuasion? A. A way to utilize people's lack of accurate recall is to place a "flag" in their memory to begin communication with. See the example below:
"Remember when Gore and Bush debated and Al Gore seemed so arrogant to the public that his numbers started dropping at the very end? Well, that was one of the reasons I thought Bush had a chance."The flag is Gore's arrogance. The point of placing a flag in someone's memory is that once it is there, it becomes part of their permanent memory and gives you a point from which to establish a key piece of the persuasion process. A real life example...
"Remember when you bought this house? You wanted something that would be big enough for your family to comfortably live in."Now, the real estate agent may have no clue if this is true, but by flagging the memory of the decision to buy the house, they have added this specific "recollection" into the client's memory and have made it as if it had always been there. If you were to ask, "What caused you to buy this house?", the client will generate numerous possibilities internally before giving you a reason. Now, that reason could be helpful in the persuasion process, or not, but one thing is certain. The reason that they stated probably had little to do with their decision in the first place! Therefore, they will be more likely to doubt the generation of their own recollection and, even though you now have a piece of information that is useful, it also has drawbacks. To read more about flagging, please see the article, Flagging in the Persuasion Process. A. Two questions. Four answers. The average 67 year old American has less than $40,000 in liquid assets (18 months of living.) They get much less than $1000/month from Social Security and will live about 15-20 more years (men getting the short end of the stick). In other words. Most elderly people will live in complete poverty. So you don't end up in this boat, let's look at a realistic outcome at age 65: $500,000. Assuming a 7% rate of return on investments (reasonable but let's not talk inflation) you can stash $200 per month in your 401K if you are starting at age 25.
35? You need to save $418 per month.
A. There is less than 3% NLP content in the 36 CD's. The first 12 do not overlap the the second 12 or the third 12 in any way. The programs can be listened to "out of order" because I recorded them modularly...but because the advanced fundamental concepts are on the first 18 and the far more advanced material (which is challenging to understand and apply without the first 18) are on 19-36. Here is a basic outline of the content of each of the programs:
As far as Covert Hypnosis, there is ZERO NLP content in the 8 CD's (Covert 1-6, and the additional Covert 7 & 8 set) and they do not overlap Science of Influence in any fashion. (They could be called, "Science of Influence") A. The writer asked me this several months ago and my answer remains "yes." The question is when will it actually happen?!?! That I am not certain of! Q: How do I work with anger issues, especially in service (Veterans) people? Most service people don't go into the service because they are enjoying gardening. Anger issues are dealt with similarly whether the person was working in a war or Wal Mart. Anger is a biologically normal response in an animal or human when it is trying to "let off steam." The same part of the brain (left frontal lobe) that process anger processes ALL positive emotions. Anger is the only negative emotion that is processed there. All other negative emotions are processed in the right frontal lobe. People react with anger so they can become "happier." Anger is in part biological. High testosterone, low levels of serotonin between neurons. Anger is in part a learned response. (Respond this way to get this result.) Anger is a useful response but a less useful reaction. A reaction happens instantly...and that means it is tough to control. Reactions to stimuli occur about 1/2 of one second before the conscious mind is aware of what you just "did." That causes a big challenge...especially if someone has a weapon in his hand. The Dalai Lama has sponsored and promoted numerous studies in a kind of mindfulness meditation that have shown that people can begin to reduce the gap between reaction and response times. (Instead of the man shooting his wife...he now can get the gun only to the trigger point before he realizes what he is doing) I suggest reading "Destructive Emotions" for a thorough overview. Essentially you want to use a reduced harm model for anger. Instead of someone (the hockey Dad) killing someone, you get them to break a comb or pencil or hit an inanimate object. (...easier said than done because you must first get past the 1/2 second cortical processing delay of something that is already in process.) Then work toward a ritual once you have taken harm to others out of the equation. Anger can be reassociated to a verbal response now. (Golly gee Batman, that makes me mad.) You help the client learn that they can yell or scream without certain phrases or sentences that can emotionally cause another person moments of concern or sadness. Then (over weeks) you create another ritual to replace the reduced harm verbalizations. I use a coffee table. (Guess who has dealt with this first hand!?) I get angry, breathe in DEEPLY and then either literally or figuratively walk around a Coffee table. Tracing the outline with your eyes. The ritual can help the anger to recede. Anger needs to "get out" but it can be controlled with some degree of success with a great coach, daily practice of meditation exercises, mindfulness in particular, and creating rituals when angry. The fastest way to finish your time on the planet is to not express anger. The fastest way to finish someone else's time on the planet is to express it with weapons or clenched fists. Use the reduced harm model for results that can improve a great deal fairly quickly. To aid the process, any SSRI medication is obviously going to help a great deal. SSRI's will cause more left frontal lobe processing as each moment of the day goes on. That means it's already at work when an anger moment happens and the reaction is biologically routed to a response instead of a reaction. A. I'm working on this project and I'm VERY excited about it! It will possibly be out on CD by November 2004. A. No, I'd really not rather write what I think of organized religion. It's like telling people which way I lean politically... or telling the people in the direction I lean that handguns really do kill and that stem cell research is the hope of the future....but...why not... The question answers itself. If a person is involved in an organization of any type where the feelings, experiences and time is not appreciated, desired or creates negativity at any significant level within the individual it's probably a leading indicator to leave the environment. My personal feelings about religion mirror those of Ben Franklin, William James and the other great philosophers. Religion is an organized way for people to collectively come together and experience some specific set of feelings which they find useful or familiar. It can be the opiate of the masses in post reformation Christianity or it can be the fuel for terrorist activity and ultimately war. People will die for ideologies much faster than they will for values. "Religion" imparts from a human leader a set of beliefs and attitudes and actions toward other people. In the majority of religions those actions are largely neutral to slightly positive for society or perhaps simply a bit annoying. In fundamentalist religions the beliefs of the leaders are driven into the minds of the masses as a stimuli to harm or hate others. Thus, my personal opinion is that religion is potentially dangerous. It is also potentially useful. Religion by definition is run by the individual who claim to represent or maybe even be in touch with a god. No one tests him, checks his cell phone calls to and from heaven or paradise. The masses simply believe it to be true because it's what they were taught. Study religion and it's long history and you study the most powerful and painful uses of influence for good and evil. There is much to be learned from watching how religion ...influences...the masses. A. This question has been narrowed to a few sentences. It came in as a full page! The answer is that in the case noted above the man loses credibilty and status points and the woman gains. Any time you see a substantial contrast in pairs you immediately experience these biases, and, so does everyone else. It's how you were biologically wired. Q: What were the seven beliefs of abundance and wealth you mentioned in your recent wealth seminar? A. First you need to understand there are about two dozen beliefs (beliefs like people believe in their religion...not offhand opinions) that are crucial to an abundant life. The phone call allowed me a chance to talk about a few. Here are the seven I had on my card to share with you.
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