Free Pain Relief Newsletter  Click Here       Laughter Heals      [ Send a smile to a friend ]   Unnecessary Operations “Our doctor would never really operate unless it was necessary.  He was just that way.  If he didn't need the money, he wouldn't lay a hand on you.”                                                                                                     -Herb Shriner Our Health Care System “America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay! “                                                                                                -Homer Simpson  The Good News and The Bad Two carrots were walking down the road one day, when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one of them.  The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital.  After examining him, the doctor came into the waiting room and said: "I have good news and bad news.  The good news is your friend will live.  The bad news is he'll be a vegetable the rest of his life." Describe The Pain A woman went to her doctor, who verified that she was pregnant.  Since it was her first pregnancy, the doctor asked her if she had any questions. She replied:  "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain.  How much will childbirth hurt?" The doctor answered:  "That varies from woman to woman and from pregnancy to pregnancy.  And besides, it's difficult to describe the pain. "I know, but can't you give me some idea?"  she asked. "Okay," he said.  "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little.." "Like this?" "No.  A little more..." "Like this?" "No.  A little more..." "Like this?" "Yes.  Does that hurt?" "A little bit." "Now stretch it over your head."   It Pays To Switch A plumber attended to a leaky faucet at the neurosurgeon's house.  After a two-minute job, he demanded $150.  The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "This is ridiculous!  I don't even make that much as a doctor!"  The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."   Doctor, Doctor "Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed the film from my camera." "We'll just have to wait and see what develops."   "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a clock." "OK.  Just relax.  There's no need to get yourself wound up.   "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog." "Sit down and tell me all about it." "I can't.  I'm not allowed on the furniture."   HMO Stories Changing HMOs is like changing deck chairs on the Titanic.   Q.  I think I need a specialist, but my gatekeeper doctor insists he can handle my problem.  Can a GP really perform a heart transplant right in his office? A.  Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there is no harm in giving him a shot at it.   Q.  Will HMO health care be any different in the next century? A.  No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.     Adjustments Did you hear the one about the Psychiatric Chiropractor? He specializes in attitude adjustments.