Marriage Counseling
Marriage is one of the most treasured aspects of life, and one of the most fragile. It is a simple expression of our need for togetherness and the two-sidedness of human nature; yet very complex in what it requires for success and what it demands of each partner.
We all know the divorce rate is high. Most of us know that many relationships do not go on for a lifetime (friendships, romances and family), no matter how much we swear or hope they will. It is not enough that partners in a marriage be attracted to one another, sexually and otherwise. For a lifetime commitment to actually succeed, much more is needed – friendship, passion, humor, self-control, a clear vision and empathy, and we are not always up to the challenge.
We must become skilled at communication. Not necessarily to become masters of words, but to know how to express our thoughts and feelings so that our partner will understand. To listen to what they say, and to “feel” what they cannot say. To value the other so much as an individual that her needs will always come first – because that is love, because her love will do the same for us; because this will satisfy our own basic needs, but also elevate each of us into something larger and better than ourselves as self-serving individuals; and to take care of ourselves as best we can, because the life and happiness of our family now depends upon us. And lets not forget – if you’re going to be devoted to one person for decades, it will take some expertise, stamina and creativity to keep in interesting and healthy!
A marriage without conflict is a marriage in which people are not paying much attention. That is usually a cop-out. Passion and creativity can run the full spectrum of human emotions, and it is only natural that we will sometimes become very upset with or downright sick of our life-partners. However, sometimes it gets worse than that. Sometimes people who have promised to care for one another for life, who have created children together, perhaps, will just be bad to each other – saving the worst for the ones they love. These people may have never known what love is, or think it is something bizarre and cruel. Some will simply lose their way; they will forget how to talk to one another, and the marriage will seem in desperate danger. Sometimes the marriage is ending, and it is the kindest thing to find a way to honor one another and the years that did succeed, or find the best way to handle the divorce with the children in mind.
The last thing we at Toltex, or any counselor, should do is make moral judgments about what a marriage “should” be. It is our job to help people find their way. Toltex counselors have worked for many years with couples and families as well as individuals, and have belonged to national associations for family therapy. If you are struggling to make your marriage work, to get through a rough period, or looking as a couple to find your way into whatever comes next, consider scheduling a free consultation with us. We will take seriously the effort, struggle and hope that has gone into this commitment of a lifetime. Whether it will be a little talk and an unbiased opinion, some guidance during a period of terrible stress, or ongoing deep emotional work, we can help. It may be easier, more affordable and more effective than a trip to a therapist’s office. Give us a call and see what you think. The first call is on us.
