Online Dating Guide

Common Worries

One thing that is common with most people when talking about online dating is they approach it with a little apprehension at first.  Asking themselves, "Why am I doing this?  Will I actually meet someone I'll like?  Aren't only people who can't get dates in the real world trying online dating?"  The truth is online dating is growing and more accepted today.  The reason is we all have less time.  In today's lifestyle and culture people want more control in socializing.  Many people are putting in more hours at work these days and some are even juggling two jobs leaving them little time to socialize.

This is where online dating comes in:  you choose who you want to talk to and when.  You have a wide selection of people to choose from, and often with their likes and dislikes right there to read.  So it is easy to find people you may share interests with.  These aren't random encounters at the bar but people you have done a little research on and decided you want to know more about and test the waters with a simple email message.

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Who uses them?

Everybody. You can't point to one demographic because that's like saying who goes to movies? It's essentially the world's biggest singles bar. Except you can do it in the privacy of your own home and take your time to read about someone and get to know them by e-mail and phone before you ever go out.

The Expansion Of Online Dating

Online dating is growing.  Socializing online is increasing as internet connections speed up with DSL and make it easier to navigate online.  The future of matchmaking online will get more advanced and fun - with videos, live voice, and more.

Again, the great thing about socializing online is you can be very exact about what you like and dislike right off, and choose people who share those interests or you may even want to meet someone who does something you would like to know more about.  You will not only meet someone new but take part in a new activity.  You might not like tennis but this person is such a good teacher that you come to enjoy not just this person's company but their sport and being around them.  Online dating just expands your opportunities to meet more diverse people.

Should you look for dates online if you're not that serious?

Absolutely. Don't do it if you're in a bad place, but this can serve whatever purpose you want it to serve. Think of it like joining the gym. You can join the gym and work out six days a week, workout three days a week, one day a week, once a month. You get out what you put in.

Quick Tips

• Have fun!

• Fill out registration honestly.

• Ask and answer questions.

• When email exchanges move to the phone you can read a lot by the tone of voice.  Also, pay attention to their ability to listen and communicate.

• Date safe.  Don't give out personal information (home address for instance) until you know you want to go on a date with this person.

• Meet the person in a neutral zone.  At a cafe or restaurant - a public place.

Diversity of Users

There are all types of people online just as in the real world.  There are people who just want to have fun and may back out at the last minute.  Others may act more serious and want to find their 'one true love'.  Next there might be the socializing chatter brain who just to meet a bunch of people and not actually go on a date.  Finally, the largest group, the dedicated searcher, focused and definitely online to find a date and make a connection.

You will probably find a mix of all these kinds of people, so have fun and choose wisely, usually your first thought is the right one.  If you are unsure ask a friend for advice.

Find The Right Relationship Match

The key is finding the person who wants the kind of relationship you are looking for.  Whether you want a serious long term relationship or a friend to go out with.  The relationship may be platonic at first, but could lead to something more. 

Good Advice:  Be Patient

Make sure the person you might meet has answered all your questions.  If pressured move on, don't rush into anything.

Ask Stupid Questions

Some people might not lie outright but may hide the fact that they are not really single but have a girlfriend or boyfriend or are even married.  If you get a sense that something isn't right, it most likely isn't right.  Ask and see if they can erase your initial worry.

Caution Signs

1.  No definitive answers.  You ask how old they are and they respond it doesn't matter for example.

2.  Following up and reliability.  Doing what they say they were going to do.  Simply responds when they say they are going to respond.

3.  Consistency in writing style.

4.  Doesn't want to exchange pictures.

5.  Only emails late at night and in a cryptic style that is hard to understand.

6.  Immediately wants to meet or says I love you after just a few messages.  (Obviously a red flag!)

An overall good idea in online or dating offline is follow your instinct.  The great thing about online dating is you can pick and choose easily and not necessarily go out on an awkward first date.

The Steps To Offline Dating

Again, take your time.  Don't skip any of the steps that are the normal course of online dating.

1.  Meet online anonymously.
2.  Chat and exchange emails:  dislikes and likes, shared goals.
3.  Speak over the phone.
4.  Meet in a public place.  Possibly with friends at a party for example.

You could add exchange pictures to this short list.

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Writing A Personal Ad

Try to type something up before you go to the site to post your ad.  You are marketing yourself, essentially creating a brief resume but rather than for a job, for a date or love.  Take the time to craft a fun and clever ad.

Your Alias

You will also need to select an alias.  This should be an attention grabbing name and should give some clues to who you are and tell a little bit about yourself since this is the first thing people will see.  Your alias might be funny and clever, tell something about your personality, tell something about what kind of relationship you are seeking, and be more a descriptive combination hinting at your personality and showing what kind of date you are looking for.

You could also use your alias to let people know about one of your passions or hobbies.  If you enjoy dancing you could have an alias like dancinggirl or salsaman or if you like sports you could use the alias skigirl or soccerboy.  Although you should only use an alias that relates to one of your passions or hobbies if it is truly something you are passionate about because it will not only attract people with those similar kinds of interests but exclude those that don't enjoy those activities.  This is what is great about online dating, you can narrow down and find exactly who you are looking for.

Make It Sell

Again, you are basically marketing yourself.  If you say 'fun girl' you will probably attract a lot of guys simply looking for a good time.  So you have to think about what kind of people you want to get responses from.

Another thing to think about is when choosing an alias you need it to stand out amongst all the others.  You can do this by referring to something unknown or esoteric and only those who know what you are talking about will be in on the reference.  For example you could mention a writer or actor you enjoy and attach that to your alias like Rowlinglady (referring to JK Rowling the author of Harry Potter) or merylstreepwoman, this can also hint at what you look like if you look similar to the actress Meryl Streep for instance.  Having a hidden reference can also give you and the person you're contacting something to chat about when first exchange messages.  Acting like a spark for the initial connection.

Another option you have when creating an alias is to have it say something about what your like or what the dating experience might be like with you:  funlovingdude, or shygirl, goodkindofbad, hittheclubs, studiousbutfun.  Also, you could give an idea of what kind of relationship you want, seriouslovelady, lifelove, kindhearted, justbrokeup, huggable, or justfun.  Try to get creative and the bottom line in the online dating world is to have fun, express yourself, and be safe by listening to your own internal instincts, trust them.

On The Front Page:  Create A Headline

Most matchmaking sites will want you to write a headline for your ad.  Potential dates will only see this at some sites, so it is important, just as when creating an alias, to have it get people's attention and say something about yourself or give clues to what you're like.  The more it intrigues people the more clicks you will get and visits to your profile.  You can take a similar approach to your headline as with your alias, incorporating a little about yourself or going the clever, funny route - below are a few quick examples:

"I'm Worth It"

"You Won't Be Disappointed"

"Devilish Angel"

"Seriously Studious But Full of Fun"

"Sunsets and Walks On The Beach"

"Ask and You Shall Receive"

"Scratch and Sniffable"

"People Usually Lick, I'm Like Me"

As I said before, you can definitely come up with some better one's.

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Truthfully Describe Yourself & What Kind Of Relationship You Want

Don't lie about your appearance if you want the potential relationship to work out.  If you're a little chubby say so, you may find a great work out partner, your alias could be dietpartner even.  If you're tall, say so, this is another reason why online dating has grown in it's popularity.  The way that it can narrow down your selections and match people.  If you're tall and want to connect with someone who is equally tall you can put that in your ad and those that qualify will click to your ad.  You are in control.  You can pick, select, and choose.

There are all types of people online and they can search for specific traits.  If you are looking for a serious relationship, say so, if your looking for fun, say so.  You will get what you want and get responses based on what you ask for.  This way you are also not deceiving anyone and being upfront.  People will appreciate that.  Nobody wants to be duped or tricked.  In this way, apply this throughout the process of setting up your personal ad, in your headline, alias, and ad itself try to write honestly and from the heart, and don't forget to have fun doing it.

Say Something About Yourself

You can list things you like and activities you enjoy or your job and career goals but also try to give a view into the way you think or the views you hold.  Although you still want to have fun and try to be clever.

"Make love not war.  Really let's make changes in this world.  Do you agree?"

"From a big family, want to make one together."

"Yes I recycle and don't eat meat but I can be bad.  I'll give you a demonstration."

"Like whispering in girls ears.  Need I say more."

"Enjoy walks.  Enjoy the outdoors since I grew up near the mountains."

Be Honest, Yet Draw Them In

You can do this by giving a general description of what you've done but not give up all the details.  For instance, say you enjoy music, "Love Music", instead of saying exactly what kind, or if you want to be specific you can of course say, "Love Hip Hop", this way you narrow down who clicks on your ad, or you can name an artist or musician you love. 

However, if you get too specific you may exclude a number of people that might be right for you.  Another example of how you can arouse people's interest is by saying you enjoy traveling, you can say, "Been to five different countries in one trip," instead of listing all of the countries you visited right off.  Along the same lines you might say, "Speak love and two other languages."  Here you are kind of incorporating all the different levels of a good ad, clever, fun, sparks an interest, and gives someone a sense of your personality.  Another example could be, "Professional Recreational Sports Star."  This is a heading that is somewhat funny and may get people to ask what sport do you play recreationally/ professionally.

Another way to get draw people in and get them curious about your ad is to ask a question or give them a riddle to decipher:

"Get up and have a coffee or get up an have juice?"

"Write to me in two languages."

"Just finished school.  Finish this sentence:  I want to have___?"

These give a hint at your personality and at the activities you enjoy as well as make the initial dating process interactive and fun.

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Get Specific

Be specific when describing yourself.  Most sites will have a form to fill out to list your physical characteristics.  As was stated before, the truth always comes out, so in the beginning be truthful and you will be rewarded down the road.

Positivity

Be polite, sincere, and positive.  Say what you want rather than what you don't like, instead of "hate drunks", say "Can party without cocktails."  Try to give people the sense that you are open to new things and willing to try new things.

Express Yourself

There is almost nothing more fulfilling than creating something and expressing yourself clearly and sincerely all the while having fun doing it.  Also, the fun will only increase once you start receiving feedback and prospective dates start lining up in your inbox.  So create that amazing or funny Nike, Bud, BMW, Amazon or Super bowl advertisement right at the matchmaking site.  Of course, you can always improve upon it too, cutting and adding things as you begin to get responses and feedback.  It's not set in stone, your online personal ad is more like clay and yours to sculpt and mold.

Personal Ad Mistakes

As was stated earlier, don't list everything you enjoy doing like a shopping list.  State a few things you like to do and expand upon them.  You may feel like giving people a glimpse in on how you came to love doing this or that.  For example, you may love tennis because you like to challenge yourself individually or you may like playing basketball because you enjoy the team camaraderie.  Or you may have fallen in love with playing soccer because you used to play basketball but weren't tall enough and switched to soccer.  Have fun with it but also try to give a little history behind the hobbies and sports you enjoy.

Don't mention past relationships right off, or keep it short and sweet if you do.

Less Is More

Too much information, as in a list of a million things you do or like is almost overwhelming.  Try to be succinct and capture the readers attention with a concise description or sentence or two.  Of course you need to give enough information to give people an idea of what your like but try not to ramble on.

It is almost as if you're creating a slogan for your ad. Tastes great verses Less Filling.  Coke is it.  Just Do It.  This is your canvas.  This is your resume.  This is your cupid's arrow to shoot or get clicked on, become Shakespearian with your ad.

You want to show and not just tell in your ads.  Try not to say I'm an intelligent or a funny man or woman but rather show this in your writing with clever word play or even by making fun of yourself.  The latter is another key to dating online, don't take yourself too seriously, adopt a self-deprecating style, this shows confidence.

Self-Assurance

As is said at the beginning of this site, everyone approaches online dating with similar worries and fears.  You can discuss this with your potential date how you are so busy, and how the world has changed and people work more and longer hours and don't have time do even date or just get so wrapped up in their work they almost forget how to date.  You get into such a routine, work and then to the gym and then to your house and then do a little more work until you have  to go sleep and get up and do it all over again.  So be confident in your personal ad and don't stress on the initial foreignness of online dating.  Dating online is losing the stigma of being just for computer geeks or losers.  More people are trying it and finding that is it easier than going to the bars or the clubs.  You are in control and choose who you want to talk to or chat with.

Fine Points

Don't use funky fonts, colors, or caps.  People don't want to be screamed at when you post a message, here simplicity is good.

Responding to Ads

This goes along with being honest.  You need to follow the ad writer's wishes.  If they say only looking for people of a specific religion or background then move on.  Don't waste their time or yours.  Or, if they want you to answer a certain question, answer it.  Try to reply to someone's ad with a response that you would enjoy receiving.

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