Getting Kids to Read

     Knowing that someone thinks you’re special is, indeed, a very excellent state of mind. Being four years old and knowing that someone thinks you’re special is truly a gift for the soul. In our society, children often stay with non-family caregivers, see their parents for less than one hour a day, and know more about what is going on in their teachers’ lives than they do about their own mothers and fathers. I am sure that much of this “leaving” is of necessity and that most parents whose children hunger for attention are desperately trying to “be there and do that” for them. One way to help build positive self-esteem in small children is to provide books and toys and games which are personalized for the individual child.

     Personalization is not a new technique – I remember buying these kinds of books for our oldest son who is 31 now – but with the advent of the internet, these books have become much more accessible. We all know how wonderful personalized books sound at first reading, but how many parents have taken the time to research whether or not these books are appropriate means of educating children? In this column I will identify several conclusions which are supported by valid research and set forth the conclusion that personalized books for young children are excellent methods for helping children grow into caring, thoughtful, and literate adults.

The goals of personalization
     Some of the major objectives for the writers who write these books, the publishers who market these books and the parents who buy these books are:

ü to foster a positive parent – child interaction.

ü to strengthen a child’s self-concept through opportunities to learn with a caring adult nearby and to produce a positive attitude toward learning.

ü to focus on building self-esteem by using many, positive “I” statements throughout the books.

ü to instill a love for reading.

Most people who have promoted the personalization of their children’s books will state that this kind of reading material builds positive relations between the parent and the child, the teacher and the child, and parents and teachers. When these three groups of people agree, it makes for a very powerful commitment.

What is self-concept?
“Self-concept” is defined as the sum total of all experiences we are exposed to over time (DeMoulin, 1999). As an educator, I have seen more than my share of children who truly dislike themselves. These are the children who are treated with sarcasm at an age when they are doing their best just to learn the language and the expected actions in their society. These are the children who are told many times a day that they are not good, nor smart, nor pretty or handsome. When negative thoughts are expressed over and over at the time when children are just beginning to realize that they are individuals, these thoughts take root and continue to grow and soon become fixed in the children’s developing brain. Too often, parents are not deliberately demeaning their offspring, but they sometimes forget that the words they say are heard by three or four-year-old ears and processed by a three or four-year-old brain. Children who feel special, act special and children who feel incapable and unsure act that way. Years ago, I found a poem which summarizes the circles of anger and hurt which develop around some children. To this day, I cannot read this beautiful composition without shedding tears. Please let me share this treasure with you:

Pray for the Children
By Ina Hughes, author of the book
Pray for the Children

We pray for the children, who sneak Popsicles before supper,
Who erase holes in their math textbooks,
Who can never find their shoes,
And we pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
Who can’t bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
Who never “counted potatoes”,
Who never go to the circus,
And who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for the children, who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
Who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
And we pray for those who never get dessert,
Who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
Who watch their parents watch them die,
Who can’t find any bread to steal,
Who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
Whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
Whose monsters are real.

We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
Who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
Who like ghost stories,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed,
Who never rinse out the tub,
Who get visits from the Tooth Fairy,
Who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
Who squirm in church and scream into the phone,
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for the children whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything,
Who have never seen a dentist,
Who aren’t spoiled by anybody,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
Who live and move but have no being.
We pray for the children who want to be carried and for those who must,
Who we never give up on and for those who don’t get a second chance.

For those we smother and…

For those who will grab the hand of anyone kind enough to offer it.

At our house, we pray for the children. (I added this line).

When discussing a young child, self-esteem means the extent to which they expect to be accepted (Katz, 2003). Children with a healthy sense of self-esteem feel that the important adults in their lives accept them, care about them, and would go out of their way to ensure that they are safe and well. This feeling of being valued and loved gives children a sense of security and comfort. A child who has a healthy level of self-esteem is usually eager to learn new things and meet new people. The gesture of giving a personalized book communicates to the child, “I must be pretty good because my dad (or mom) paid money and time for me to have this book which is about me.” Even if a child is too young to talk, the sense of comfort that having a personalized book and a caring adult to read it aloud is the same. Some points to remember about building positive self-esteem in children are:

ü Young children are unlikely to have their self-esteem strengthened by excessive praise and flattery.

ü Likewise, children’s sense of self-worth is more likely to deepen when adults respond to their interests and efforts with appreciation rather than just praise.

ü Self-esteem is more likely to develop in young children when they are shown nurturing and caring by the adults who are important to them.

Since the late’70’s, there have been a number of research studies carried out at major universities attempting to prove that personalized learning materials, especially books, motivate children to learn and enhance their chances of achievement.
Personalized children's books use names, places, and objects that are familiar to a child and make learning and listening much more enjoyable because the situation and the characters in a book are very familiar. By listening to the books being read or by reading the books themselves, children are motivated to learn and, as a by-product, they enjoy what they are reading or hearing. Children become focused - the primary ingredient for learning. Finally, by hearing personalized books, children can play the part of the characters with names just like theirs and they may become heroes to themselves and others (DeMoulin, 1999).
Finally, the most important thought that I want you to take from this
conversation is that you, as parents, play a very important role in shaping your children’s self-esteem by treating them respectfully, taking their views and opinions seriously, and showing appreciation to them. Above all, please keep in mind that self-esteem is a very important part of every child’s development. Enjoy parenting your children and add to their self-esteem by reading personalized books to them.

References consulted for this article:

· The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease

“A Personalized Development of Self-Concept for Beginning Readers” by Donald, DeMoulin. Education, (1999).

Bio for Brenda Rollins, Ed.D.

Dr. Brenda Rollins is a retired educator having served as a classroom teacher, assistant principal, principal, and director of elementary programs for her school systems. She is married and has three grown sons and two grandsons – all of whom are read aloud to frequently. Dr. Rollins has written several books and articles, the latest of which appeared in ePregnancy, the best-selling pregnancy and infant magazine in this country, in February. She may be reached through the More4Kids website or e-mailed at bjrollins50@hotmail.com.

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· The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease