Mortgage Rates - A Ballad Of Lost Hope
A chantey for the likes of ye mortgage rate lackeys!
Ye mortgage scallywags beware! The Mortgage Pirate be fond 'o the devil drink, got me own coffer an' plenty o' grog to boot, and when I gets goin' I tends to fall back 'pon a wee spot of Pirate pastime, hee hee. So takes a seat an listen - if ye dares - to me terrible tale about when I lost mine eyes...in chantey form. Ahem:
Upon the seas we drift awhile
starboard to port, we be alone,
And through our syphalitic smiles
we cries a lot, and wants a home.
A fine ole house on a spit o land
about yea big, to big to burn
yet ourn poisoned booty don't go far;
low mortgage rates be what we yearn.
I'd tear mine eyes and give 'em fire,
sail round and back the Cape 'o Fear,
if only mine home mortgage rates
be smaller than a witches ear.
Oh give me rickets!
Take me sword!
Feed me naught but gruel and hate!
Shiver me timbers twice again
yea Gods!
I need mine mortgage rates!
I've sailed round this ball thrice over,
lost both my eyes in a game of Twinks.
Mortgage rates were on the table
I bet it all and lost, methinks.
I can't recall, the years be cruel
but mortgage rates still haunt my dreams
I sees them there, so low and fair,
and run my debtor through with screams.
His name be Quest!
I know it well
He saved me hide in Tenerif!
It was naught
but hottentots
yet Quest saved me from their soups and grief
Then took my Mortgage rates! Curse he!
A pox upon his future seed!
The devil take him to the deep
then 'turn mine mortgage rates - and eyes - to me!
Alas! Alas! Mine eye be gone
and mortgage rates seem lost at sea.
So we's drift here, so far and mean, thinkin'
where on Earth mine mortgage rates be?
Thank ye, me hearties! And pardon whilst I wipe yon salted tear from mine eyeless orb. I mightn be the dirtiest Mortgage Pirate in the Spanish Main, yet I cries like a babe when I think about mortgage rates an' the dastardly dogs who be wantin' em raised. Curses! Scab! And fie upon the mortgage machine!
All material copyright © 2006 Mortgage Pirate. All rights reserved.
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