Writers John and Sally Macdonald based this independent review on their 7-night Western Caribbean cruise departing from New Orleans, Louisiana.

Conquest is all about sunshine and good times amid classy surroundings. A perpetual-motion schedule keeps the party-set on the go night and day. For everyone else, there’s Conquest’s art-drenched décor. Lounges, bars, and the atrium lobby (don’t miss the ceiling) are rich with portrayals of the florid diversions and sun-struck holidays immortalized by French impressionists like Gauguin and Degas, and post-impressionist Toulouse-Lautrec. And there’s music for everyone’s ears: Caribbean steel drums by the pool, pop-rock at the casino bar, and classical favorites played during afternoon tea when the sun’s too hot and the rum too strong.

Conquest’s maiden voyage was in November 2002, making her one of Carnival’s newest ships in a fleet of 22. She’s also one of the behemoths of the cruising world: At 952 feet long, she often sails at her 3,000-guest, 1,000-crew capacity.

Why Carnival Conquest?

• Activities: Conquest is big enough to have some gotta-do-that activity going on nearly 24/7. The fitness room opens at 6 AM and so does the latte stand. The casino closes when the ship is in port or the last loser goes to bed. And the kid crowd has no time to whine, what with a playroom for the little ones, video games and hang-out spots for the tweens, and karaoke and late-night dances for older teens.
• Fun in the sun: Laugh-out-loud games and Margaritaville music keep the sun decks jumping sunup to sundown. A series of staggered decks rise theater-like from the pools so everyone can watch the action. And Conquest’s splashy waterslide drops three levels from the topmost deck to the pool.
• Interactive TV: Ordering shore excursions in your room is a lot easier than waiting in a long line.

Who should Go
Conquest is a great choice for families as well as singles or couples who want a casual, lively cruising experience. The ship caters to the young with oldsters feeding off the energy that creates. Many activities are geared toward everyone, including dance classes and TV-style games. Most people go dressy on formal nights, but Sunday-best is acceptable. If that’s too much, tennies and jeans at the buffet is always an option.

Who shouldn’t go
People who expect a sophisticated or educational experience probably wouldn’t be happy. Pool games can get a bit bawdy -- “Survivor” contestants sent off in search of a green bikini top may stop at the lady in the next deck chair. And dinner in the main dining rooms can get rowdy just before dessert when the music is cranked up and dancing waiters start climbing aboard tables (not yours, but one next to it) for a wild rock number. As for learning, you’ll get it during some shore excursions, but ship time is mostly party time.

Hits and misses

• Don’t miss: Male contestants in the poolside hairy-chest contest have everyone in stitches, strutting their funky stuff to the tunes of “Macho Man” and “I’m too Sexy.”
• Best part of ship: Impressionist Boulevard’s night spots and shopping mall provide the perfect setting to watch the fashion show on formal nights, as guests stroll past on the way to dinner or a club.
• Best experience: Jamaica’s spirited send-off by the Montego Bay Boys Club Marching Band -- what the boys and girls lack in musical experience they more than make up for in enthusiasm and pride.
• Best shipboard activities: Lido Deck’s infectious island music played morning to night lures most everybody out of their deck chairs to dance in the sunshine.
• Needs improvement: The only news likely found on the in-room TV is, oddly, a Tennessee station’s local effort beamed in by satellite. You’ll find more onboard programming than anyone wants to watch; last night’s talent show, say, or constant reruns of the shore-excursion talk.
• Activities to skip: Galley tours are crowded, brisk strolls through a long stainless steel corridor, with quick glimpses of people cutting vegetables, and a detour to the head chef autographing cookbooks for sale.

How to meet the captain
The captain’s table is located in the Monet dining room where he sometimes shows for the formal Captain’s Gala dinner (but usually eats in officers’ quarters). You could get lucky and hit the right receiving line at the cocktail party that precedes the formal dinner, but the party’s held in four different lounges and the hand you shake is more likely to belong to a junior officer than the main man himself. Being a VIP passenger (someone who’s cruised Carnival numerous times or who belongs to the line’s vacation timeshare club) is your best bet, though there are no guarantees there either.

Heard on the deck (from a woman selling timeshare vacations at a desk on Promenade Deck): “One of the perks we have is a private cocktail party on every cruise. We always invite the officers to meet our folks, but we can’t promise you the captain himself will be there. He’s busy running the ship.”

Carnival isn’t famous for gourmet food, so don’t expect truffles and foie gras for every meal. But the food is usually good and always plentiful. There’s breakfast and lunch in the Monet dining room (full service, open seating) or Restaurant Cezanne (where the buffet line is almost nonstop). Passengers are assigned a table and time for dinner in one of the main dining rooms. Dress is casual everywhere except the main dining rooms on formal night and the Point, Conquest’s specialty restaurant. Room service (the usual Continental breakfast, soups, salads, and sandwiches) is available anytime and pizza is served on the deck 24 hours a day. If the wait between lunch and dinner seems interminable, tea is served with little sandwiches and canapés mid-afternoon. The sushi bar (free) is popular during cocktail time, and there’s always a line at one of the several soft-ice-cream stations (free) on Lido Deck.

Main dining rooms: Monet and Renoir
Despite the pink tablecloths and impressionist décor, these dining rooms are far from stuffy. Wait staff may stop to tell a little joke or chat, and every evening between the main course and dessert they entertain diners with a raucous table-top rock number. Each of the rooms has two dinner seatings. Food is often imaginative (think chilled apple curry soup or a pyramid of gravlax prettied up with rosemary) but sometimes disappointing. A tart, for instance, was topped with a slice of canned pineapple, right there in the midst of the pineapple-laden Caribbean islands. And Chateaubriand should never, ever be tough.

The Point Supper Club
For fab food hit The Point specialty restaurant. The price is $25 per person; $48 if you want to start with the caviar. But you don’t need fish eggs to feel like French nobility. The menu seems unremarkable – the lobster and beef filet combination is called “surf ‘n turf,” just like in any cheap steak joint – but it’s gourmet delectable. No matter what you order, you’ll be royally pampered by a well-trained wait staff always at your elbow to refold a rumpled napkin or straighten a wayward spoon. You’re urged to allow 2½ hours for dinner, but don’t be surprised if it takes longer. Dress is not formal, but jackets are required for men.

Heard on the deck: “The steak I had last night at the Point was the best ever. It wasn’t huge, but you know what I say: Good flavor trumps volume every time.”

Other dining options

• Restaurant Cezanne: This is the place for all-you-can-eat most any time. It’s steam-table fare most of the day with a late-night buffet that shuts down at 1 AM. A “Taste of the Nations” line features different ethnic dishes every day.
• P.C.’s Wok: For a quick lunch, pick up Asian noodles at this small counter.
• Paul’s Deli: This counter in Restaurant Cezanne serves up gourmet sandwiches.
• Coney Island Grille: Hamburgers, hot dogs, and steak or chicken sandwiches are dished up poolside.
• Sur Mer Seafood Delights: A hidden treasure, this seafood bar is tucked away in Restaurant Cezanne. It features mostly fried oysters, clams, shrimp, and calamari, but there’s also a killer bouillabaisse some days. It’s quieter than Cezanne and has a view of the sea and a quiet lounging deck outside.

Best dining

• Dish: Escargot at the Point consists of six tasty snails lovingly enclosed in phyllo, enveloped in a little brioche or laced with mango-butter sauce and set on a pastry.
• Dessert: The delicate but truly decadent sampler of five chocolate mousses (light, dark, white, orange, and coffee) at the Point wins hands down. It’s served on a simple white square plate with melon balls the size of pearls and a very dry white wine gelée.
• Restaurant: No contest here: The Point. Go there.

How to…

• Get a table for two or change a table: As soon as you board, go immediately to the dining room and join the line waiting to see the maître d’; if the ship is full, you may not get your wish.
• Celebrate a birthday/anniversary: On booking, arrange to have a decorated cake served with dinner for $8-10 (serves 6-10). Better yet, arrange in the Formalities shop to have someone decorate the cabin for $32, and champagne with a keepsake can be ordered for $75. (If all that seems too much, ask the wait staff and the crew will gather at your table to sing “Happy honeymoon – or whatever – to you;” they know the tune.)
• Dress for formal night: Formal is “suggested” on two evenings, but a sport coat and nice outfit will do.
• Dress the rest of the time: No shorts or T-shirts are allowed in the Monet or Renoir dining rooms during dinner. Otherwise, the code is as casual as you like.

Tips:

• If you don’t want to pack a tux and gown for formal night, but still want to participate, either can be rented for $75 from the Formalities shop. Add patent-leather shoes or a vest for $10-15. (Tuxes are available for women, too.)
• Secure late dining if possible. Many of the shore excursions don’t get back to the ship in time to relax and dress before early dinner.
• Try to get a table in the Monet dining room, where the captain's table is set. And, if you can, make it a downstairs table. The Monet and Renoir have balcony seatings but the wait staff's table dances are done on the lower levels. If you're upstairs, you'll have to run to the railing and peer over to see the action.
• Reserve early for a dinner at the Point Supper Club; the room seats only 70.
• Skip the $6.95 drink specials in the neon plastic souvenir glasses. They cost only $2.95 if you just order the drink.
• If you don’t finish your wine, it’ll be corked and waiting for you at the next dinner. It usually works, but if the bottle gets lost, the wait staff will replace it free of charge.

Heard on the deck: “Free ice cream? Free sushi? All I want to eat? I must have died. I’m in heaven.”

Fabrics in soft shades of gold, orange, and green, and serviceable but not rich wood veneers, make cabins seem more motel-like than nautical. Because the ship is fairly new, most cabins are roomy with ample storage space. Even the smallest inside singles have closets and space under beds for suitcases. In most cabins, you can reach most everything in the bathroom by simply turning around. Penthouse suites and demi-suites have whirlpool bathtubs, bidets, and open space for two. Suites have large balconies and king-size beds with sofas that make into queens. The demi-suite is a little cozier when the sofa is folded down; otherwise, distinctions between the two are negligible.

All rooms have the same basic décor, in-room TVs, and safes. In inside cabins, the only outlet is at a desk, which means drying your hair or using the electric shaver in the bedroom.

Cabins for guests with disabilities
There are a few cabins for people who use wheelchairs. Most are located in inside corridors. Two are near the bow where the windows are large but a solid railing means there’s a view of the sky but not the water. Access to the deck is close by. There are ramps across thresholds to most outside doors throughout the ship but they are short and therefore steep, so the going can be nerve-wracking for both pusher and rider.

Tips:

• Pay attention to the size of cabins as illustrated in the brochure and on Internet ship schematics. Those that look larger in the drawings often are.
• Unless you’re on a really tight budget, avoid the tiny rooms by the aft elevators on Deck 6.
• Bathrooms are often stocked with sample sizes of toothpaste, breath fresheners, razors, antacids, face cream, and dental floss.
• Coin-operated laundry facilities are located on all passenger decks. Clothes can be washed and folded or pressed for a fee, but dry cleaning is not available.
• Bathrobes and beach towels are provided. The beach towels, with a big Carnival logo, are to be used at the pool and on shore excursions, but if you leave one on the deck chair or at the beach it will cost you $22. If you want either as a souvenir, you can buy towels for $22, robes for $39.
• Gratuities are automatically added to shipboard accounts at the end of the cruise, but can be adjusted to give more to an especially attentive cabin steward or a particularly entertaining waiter. Just tell the purser.

Heard on the deck: “I can’t believe this ship’s so darn big. I’m always ending up at the front when I wanted to be in the back. I haven’t gone straight to my room once.”

Conquest’s staggered riser-type pool decks mean there’s always a spot to set a deck chair within people-watching distance of a pool. But when the Caribbean sun gets too hot there’s inside action: Possibly bingo, a TV-themed game, or a live musical group. Impressionist Boulevard is the place to meet up with the group or take a leisurely indoor stroll past shops, the casino, meeting rooms, and lounges. There’s no traditional card room so bridge players set up wherever they can find a large enough surface to crowd four chairs. The library is open an hour or two at a time, never long enough for a game of Monopoly, and book choices are mostly limited to novels by relative unknowns.

Heard on the deck (after someone won $200 at bingo): “What’s with the booing? There’s no booing in bingo, is there?”

Bars, lounges, and casino
Most of the bars and lounges are decorated with lush renditions of famed painters of the impressionist and post-impressionist movements. The Toulouse-Lautrec show lounge features large prints of his Moulin Rouge cancan dancers and top-hatted gents. Seats are plush scarlet and small drink tables are inset with bright art prints. The Degas Lounge, a smaller showroom used for art auctions and dancing, is decorated in the subdued dusty wines and creams the painter favored. Niches along the walls are filled with ballerina bronzes dressed in real tulle tutus, their sculpted hair tied back with white satin ribbons. Vincent’s (Van Gogh) Lounge is lighted with sunflowers.

Many other lounges are simply high-style or high-tech. Henri’s Dance Club is wall-to-wall and all-across-the-ceiling TV screens that pulse the same scene. Alfred’s Bar has a clubby atmosphere, perfect for live jazz and cigars after dinner. Blues’ marine-blue piano is encircled by an endless faux keyboard. Montmartre, the teen clubroom, forbids drinking or smoking but features plenty of gunplay -- of the video-game variety. While gawking from one lounge to the next along Impressionist Boulevard, don’t miss the ceiling light fixtures: Glowing stained-glass trumpet flowers in rainbow colors.

In the Tahiti Casino, Gauguin-style décor vies with 270 slot machines for knock-your-eyes-out color. Slots and table games close when the ship’s in port, but otherwise there’s always a chance to try your luck.

Heard on the deck (by “grandpa,” as the family begs him to join them for line-dance lessons): “I told you kids already, I can’t even line walk, much less line dance.”

Swimming pools
With three large pools, five whirlpools, and a kiddie pool, there’s plenty of opportunity to make a splash. Whirlpools at the stern are marked “Adults only.” The whirlpool in the fitness and spa area is shaded and made to look like an island grotto, complete with cascading rock background and artificial vines. The line at the waterslide is usually long but the kids say the thrill-a-second ride is worth the wait. The stern pool can be covered in inclement weather. Thanks to the tiered decks over the Lido Deck pools there’s space for hundreds of deck chairs, so getting one is usually not a problem (but reserving isn’t allowed).

Shore excursions
Skip the long lines when purchasing shore excursions: They can be purchased right from your interactive TV. One caution, however: Descriptions of several tours are similar enough to be confusing. Be careful you don’t order a four-hour stay on a sugar-sand beach when what you really wanted was a quick look from an air-conditioned bus.

Shows
Conquest’s showgirls and guys perform twice a cruise, then come back to lend razzle-dazzle to the magic show. “Formidable” is a song-and-dance tribute to Paris, with a spicy and highly athletic cancan that prompts the audience to whoop along, and an exotic Mardi Gras sequence features a grinning blow-up clown float. The quick-change showgirls (it doesn’t take long when costumes are this itsy-bitsy) are lovely in glitter, glitz, and feathers. The other show, “Point and Click,” tells a musical tale of an Internet romance between a pair who exaggerate their status in life. There’s a live 10-piece orchestra in the pit.

Weddings and vow renewals
Packages for a shipboard wedding or vow renewal range from $750 (champagne and cake for eight, flowers, recorded music, and a photographer) to $1,450 (a reception for up to 20, with the above basics plus hors d’oeuvres and an ice carving). Photos are priced separately. There is no chapel, but Conquest’s intimate meeting rooms are well appointed. The captain won’t marry guests, but a local secular officiant will. Shipboard weddings are performed before the cruise (non-cruising guests must leave before the ship sails). Island weddings can be arranged while in Montego Bay, Grand Cayman, or Cozumel, and start at $995 including an officiant, a photographer, island music, and transportation for bride and groom to a wedding site.

Looking for…

• Quietest spot: Outside the atrium lobby on Deck 3, lifeboats provide a shady spot away from the crowd to curl up in a deck chair and read or nap to the gentle whoosh of waves.
• Liveliest spot: Boredom isn’t allowed on Lido Deck, where all the pools, enough of the bars, and much of the food are located.
• Best view: Sky Deck, just under the smokestacks and as high as passengers are allowed, is open to spectacular ocean views and awesome sunsets.
• Best show: Deja, Diva of Deception, delivers how-does-she-do-that magic that would put Houdini to shame. Adding glamour are the Conquest dancers, weighted down in feathers and sequins; and Deja, in slinky black leather and glitter.
• Best drink: Stars and Stripes layers red grenadine, white vodka, and blue curacao in a patriotic and potent little after-dinner drink.

Tips:

• Before springing $20 for a triple bingo card, make sure there’s time for multiple games. Often a series of five games is played, but if previous activities run overtime, bingo gets cut short.
• Conquest makes it easy for novices to play video poker -- the best cards to hold are marked for you.
• One of the best places to tan is Sky Deck, where there’s always a tropical breeze, but it’s far enough from the poolside action to make you feel like you have your own private yacht in paradise.
• Try the whirlpool in the spa for an even more private experience. Because it’s inside and far from the pools, most people don’t know it’s there.
• If 11 PM is past your bedtime, take in the early show. There’s no reason late-seating diners can’t do show-and-a-dinner rather than the other way around. You’ll miss the comedy and juggling that usually come after the floor show, but you’ll be able to stay awake for the showgirls.
• Sit downstairs to see the show in the Toulouse-Lautrec Lounge. Shiny metal railings in front of all the balcony seats are at eye-level for just about everyone.

Spa and salon
Spa Carnival is the entrance to all things healthful and fit. Treatment rooms are small and plain with low lights and soft music, and the herbal air is hypnotic. One massage room has two beds for a not-cheap his ‘n hers experience. Private massages and facials range from $72 to $175, while for $130 a special 75-minute collagen treatment guarantees to keep you away from the plastic surgeon for a while. You’ll be offered the chance to buy the pricey products they use, but you can always say no. There’s pampering to be had, too, in the oceanview hair salon where an up-do for the Captain’s Gala starts at $30. For a more long-lasting indulgence, settle into one of the leather pedicure chairs for the full hand and foot ritual; they’ll be soaked, creamed, massaged, trimmed, and polished, all for $95.

Fitness areas
The spa opens into the fitness area. The sexes separate at the entrance for segregated steam baths and saunas. They meet again in the fitness area, which takes up as much space as many land-based health clubs. Twelve treadmills face the view, backed by six stationary bikes, seven elliptical trainers, and a full complement of weight machines and free weights. Go mid-afternoon when most everyone is at the pool. Classes and seminars are offered throughout days at sea. Some cost $10 – cardio kickboxing, group cycling, Pilates – but most are free. Reservations are required for classes. When you’re done, reward yourself with time in the grotto whirlpool.

Tips:

• Don’t schedule a spa treatment too close to dinner. A manicurist running five minutes behind could ruin what should be a relaxing experience.
• The spa offers specials when the ship is in port and most people are out on shore excursions; a $137 facial and back and scalp massage could be reduced to $89.
• Though Conquest is a child-friendly ship, anyone under 18 in the massage rooms must be accompanied by an adult.
• If you can’t afford the massage in the spa, there are two coin-operated leather lounge chairs on the promenade across from the coffee bar that will do the trick for change.

Heard on the deck (by a 20-something whose salon-do still sported curls and spangles the morning after formal night): “I slept on it, barely, and there’s no way I’m going in the pool today. Hey, I’m keeping these curls as long as I can. I gotta get my money’s worth out of this.”

Conquest’s shopping mall sells the usuals, including gold-by-the-inch and expensive jewelry. But you can also buy tropical print shirts, glittery tops for formal night, underwear, rubber-soled beach shoes, and cruise-ship Christmas ornaments. One shop, Formalities, sells the china plates used in the dining rooms and the sturdy steak knives used at the Point Supper Club. There’s a one-year guarantee on anything you buy in shipboard shops.

The art auction is popular and features works by masters as well as less expensive prints by lesser-known artists. Devotees say they are able to buy art for a fraction of what it would cost on land. A Rembrandt reportedly went for $36,000.

Heard on the deck: “I’m a serious shopper. I figured I could spend $40 a day and be okay. So far I’ve spent $50 a day. Oh, well…”

Tips:

• Jewelry prices in ports may be wildly overpriced, with better deals often found in street markets.
• If you buy the video travelog produced by the ship’s photographers before you disembark, the price is $25. If you order it later, you’ll pay $30.
• If you buy duty-free liquor on the ship, you won’t get it until the night before disembarkation.

Heard on the deck: “I can’t believe it. I bought three Thomas Kinkades for $500-600 as an investment. They’re worth $1,500. Of course, now I can’t afford the cruise, but I have three beautiful paintings.”

Camp Carnival has activities morning to night for kids ages 2-15. For the toddler set, there’s a bright, airy playroom that might have been designed by a Disney veteran, with plenty of plastic cars, games, and toys. Next door is a space for older kids, with art projects, games, and Sony PlayStations. Kids ages 6-8 have special “coketail parties,” and pre-teens have all-night p.j. parties and a talent show. For teens up to 15 there are dances, basketball, volleyball, and scavenger hunts. Montmartre, a non-drinking, non-smoking nightclub for 15- to 17-year-olds, is also open for special parties for the younger set. Babysitting from 10 PM to 3 AM costs $6 an hour for the first child, $4 for others in the same family.

Heard on the deck (from a father with his 13-year-old in tow): “I’m pretty comfortable letting her go to the game room whenever she wants to, but I’m never far away. I don’t let her just hang out at home, so I’m not gonna let her just hang out here, either.”

Tips:

• Walkie-talkies are a good idea for keeping up with kids.
• Video games are marked for parental guidance. Some are labeled “suitable for all ages,” but several are not (including a cops-and-bad-guys shootout called Police 911, which purports to “analyze your aptitude as a police officer,” and is marked “Lifelike violence strong”).
• A $28 Fountain Fun Card entitles the owner to unlimited sodas throughout the cruise. Adults can buy the same card for $38.50.
• Conquest’s “Sail and Sign” card allows parents to set up a debit system for kids to use as spending money.
• Don’t faint when your darling daughter comes back to the cabin with a “Bad Girl” tattoo; it’s a temporary stencil applied poolside.

Conquest sails from New Orleans to the Western Caribbean year-round, with stops in Montego Bay, Jamaica; Grand Cayman Island; and Cozumel, Mexico.

• Cruise line - Carnival
• Ship name - Carnival Conquest
• Type of cruise - Fun/Casual
• Total cabins - 1487
• Private balcony cabins - 556
• Decks - 13
• Passenger capacity - 2974
• Total crew - 1150
• Officers nationality - Italian
• Ship size - Large
• Year entered service - 2002
• Tonnage - 110000
• Ship length - 953
• Registry - Panama