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Ask Becca ... : Advice for Men

Becca's Advice:

I Have Aspergers. How Can I Find a Girlfriend?

Dear Becca:

I'm mentally slow. Finding a female is hard for me. A lot of them see that and only use me for money, laugh at me, run the other way, look at me funny, or expect me to change the way I am. I have Aspergers Disorder. I don't have a car, don't own a home, no bank account, don't wear namebrand clothes or footwear. I don't know places to find someone.

Andrew

Dear Andrew:

I took the liberty of adding punctuation and capitalization to your letter to make it easier to read.

Unfortunately, it is not only people with Aspergers who find it difficult to function socially and form meaningful relationships with others. You didn't state in your e-mail whether you come from a little town or a larger center. Resources are more plentiful in big cities than they are in small communities. Well over 300,000 people in the USA suffer from Aspergers (about 0.4%). Multiplied on a worldwide basis, that is a huge number of people.

You obviously want some kind of meaningful relationship. There are many thoughtful women who would fall in love with you if they could get past the first impression and understand who you are.

Talk to your doctor, minister, community mental health center, or some other professional who might know of Aspergers support groups. You can also find groups online by doing a search like 'Asperger Syndrome support group'. If you don't own a computer, go to the library, to an internet cafe, or some other place where you can access the internet. If you feel so threatened by speaking to a stranger that it makes you incapable of speech, write down your request in advance and hand it to the person you need help from.

You were able to send me an e-mail, so I am guessing that computer access is available to you.

You might be able to form some online friendships. Be careful, though, and honest. There is a lot of media attention about internet romances that go sour. In fact, there is always a risk when you meet someone new - on the internet or not.

You may have heard the saying: 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' Why not use your Aspergers as a way to get to meet people. With coverage on television shows such as 'Boston Legal', Aspergers is more in the eye of the public than it used to be. Maybe you can write a little note about yourself that you carry around with you. Explain that you have a disorder like the lawyer on Boston Legal. Give the note to somebody with whom you wish to talk - and see how it works. (Don't pass the note to a bank teller, though. She might get the wrong idea and think that you are attempting to rob the bank!)

Above all, be optimistic. Life is not just for the smartest, the richest, or the most intelligent. We all deserve happiness and a companion who appreciates us for who we are deep inside our souls.

Becca

All advice on this website is for entertainment purposes only. Please seek professional help for serious problems.

ID100079

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