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Business_Flan7243 · 2022-12-06T00:28:17+00:00

Watch trans porn. I find porn to be really useful in getting rid of biases. I grew up hearing a lot of racism and bigotry towards poc/minorities in general, so whenever I would see a one of them I would get a yucky feeling about them and was especially found them sexually repulsive. I started watching more diverse porn, and eventually I was able to sexualize every minority group including trans people and that gradually got rid of the yucky feelings I would get with marginalized groups of people when in public and sexually. (I don't fetishize anyone I just respond to them normally now) (I'm also mexican and straight, just so you know)

Andy_Liberty_1911 · 2022-12-06T00:42:50+00:00

As someone who doesn’t understand nor particularly care for trans ideologies. Just ignore it, its a free country and they can do whatever they want, even if personally its hears odd.

AliveJesseJames · 2022-12-05T23:15:45+00:00

I mean, a lot stuff squicks me out - like, there's food that's disgusting to me, but I'm not going to try to discriminate against people who eat it, or say they can't teach kids because then those kids might like that type of food.

As long as you don't make political or personal decisions based on that disgust, whatever. That's just being human. Not everybody is going to be a 10 on the openness scale and if that's necesssary, the movment is going to fail anyway.

There are millions of people who'd find watching man-on-man sex disgusting, but happily wave to their gay neighbors as they head to work.

Censorstinyd · 2022-12-06T04:25:44+00:00

Tag team your wife with a trans chick.

lakers612 · 2022-12-06T02:22:53+00:00

It’s not hard. Just don’t give a fuck about how other people live their lives if they aren’t harming anyone

_Nonni_ · 2022-12-06T00:21:32+00:00

Maybe you should work on seeing people as equally worthy humans beyond their identities. Truly not giving a fuck about other people’ business has been the best thing I have cultivated.

Balthorin · 2022-12-05T22:16:13+00:00

Why do "former males" gross you out but regular males don't?

Thinking about that would be step 1 imo

GAKBAG · 2022-12-05T22:16:27+00:00

I guess a good point would be to think, "Why or how does anything they do or identify as affect me?"

Because why would it matter if a person is queer? How does that affect you in any way? It doesn't. Nothing that person identifies as or is, affects you.

IAbstainFromSociety · 2022-12-05T23:45:18+00:00

As a wise Vaushite once said: "Your first thought is what society tells you, your second thought is what you truly believe". Work on your second thought, learn positive things about the trans community, interact and meet trans people, deconstruct why you have that reaction in the first place, etc.

For example: I'm Non-binary and I have misandristic thoughts due to a lot of BS the cis men in my life have put me through, but that's just my first thought, my second thought counters the first by refuting it. "Not all cis men are like that" or "I'm mad at how society raises cis men, not at cis men the gender."

MegaCrowOfEngland · 2022-12-05T22:10:43+00:00

There are two issues of bigotry people often have to address. One is "intellectual level" ideas, and it looks like you have that sorted. The other is gut feelings, or as it is sometimes called brainworms. The brainworms are hard to get rid of. The basic method is to get less contact with people spreading the conspiracies that make you uneasy around trans people, and the conspiracies themselves, along with spending time normalising trans people to yourself. Basically like exposure therapy, and it doesn't have to be in person. Jessie Gender does some good videos, and if you like Vaush you might well like Conure and Demon Mama.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-05T23:02:32+00:00

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Th3bober · 2022-12-05T23:52:02+00:00

It takes time. Your world has recently been turned upside down. Now the mind gets it, but the feelings still need to get it. As a nurse you deal with all kinds of people in weird situations. They probably dont gross you out anymore so why would someone being trans?

AutoModerator · 2022-12-06T00:00:36+00:00

Former right winger here, it takes time, funnily enough what changed my perspective was hanging out with more queer folks. The more you surround yourself with a diverse crowd the more you acclimate and normalize it in your mind.

In case it hasn’t been said, you’re doing a great job at moving over, it’s hard to pull a 180 on your beliefs and takes a lot of self awareness. It’s a gradual process, don’t get discouraged because your biases rear their ugly heads on occasion.

Invisible_Bias · 2022-12-06T00:17:45+00:00

This is unconscious bias at work, friend. Welcome to the club, you are on the right track to recognize it.

jols0543 · 2022-12-06T00:18:33+00:00

amazing that you recognized this bias and want to fix it, that’s more than the vast majority of people do!

Fluffy-Argument · 2022-12-06T00:27:46+00:00

I'm not sure you need to do much besides treat her like the human she is, then keep questioning your biases. Consider the reason you are grossed out by this person being seen by you as opposed to the trans person in a different building or on the other side of the world. I'd suggest seeing if you are compatible friends then hanging out or just be cordial work friends. Familiarity is a strong bias. Use it to your advantage. Just don't be a jerk or push your personal hangups in their face.

KingArthurHS · 2022-12-06T00:53:29+00:00

(Definitely could be off-base with this analysis.)

It seems to me like a lot of the "icky" feeling that people express about trans folks is rooted in the idea that they are/think they should be sexually attracted or in some way sexually aware of every member of the opposite gender, and learning that somebody is trans somehow conflicts with the story of what they think they should be attracted to. I'm assuming you're straight and might have had a set of general, normal thoughts that a person would have about a member of the opposite sex, and then realizing they were trans crossed paths with those thoughts.

If you met a woman who you didn't know was trans and thought they were a 100% smokeshow 10/10, but then later learned they were trans, how would that make you feel? If the answer is that you would suddenly feel weird about that attraction, then you likely still have some basic hangups about sex and attraction that you need to sort. If you wouldn't care, then I'm curious why a trans woman that you find unattractive is alarming to in a way different from that of any cis woman you find unattractive.

45spinner · 2022-12-06T01:08:29+00:00

If you can go to a big city and into places with lots of lgbtq people after while it doesn't matter anymore. I'm bi/pan myself, but grew up in a somewhat conservative area and felt a lot of shame for it but after I left home and hung around a bunch of different people a lot of the mystique went away.

Also, you're allowed to notice people look different so don't feel to bad if you have a thought that pops in, but in the end you can't always tell Luke I have a few cis women that I'm friends with who have been mistaken as trans guys before. In the end its about being respectful, and if you do every accidently mis gender someone just correct yourself and move in, if you dwell in it to much or double down it can get awkward or rude, but as long as you make an honest effort most people will be willing to work with you.

Also like other pointed out its a loooong process working through internal biases. Like I mention I've be out as bi/pan for awhile I think over 10 years at this point. And 99/100 I'm absolutely out and proud, but because of years of conservative propaganda and Catblholic guilt I still sometimes have feelings of shame, ever though I've been living my life outside of that for a decade.

BadKarma043 · 2022-12-06T01:34:04+00:00

The question that came to me was a little more philosophical: why should I denigrate my fellow human for trying to live their best life?

Edit: my apebrain didn't realize what you were asking. Being 'grossed out' is a response that's been beaten into you by a society severely lacking love and humanity. I challenge you to reclaim both.

Jones088 · 2022-12-06T02:05:11+00:00

Spending more time around LGBT should help. Gotta train your body to feel safe around Somethhing it doesn’t currently feel safe around.

Vlistorito · 2022-12-06T02:14:48+00:00

Don't worry. I also went through this at first. Your beliefs will slowly overcome your subconscious habits. Don't beat yourself up about it. That just reinforces that it is a static mindset. If you're aware of your bias and want to change it, you will be fine.

PreparationAdvanced9 · 2022-12-06T03:44:51+00:00

Couldn’t relate to a post more. I was raised in a Pentecostal household and now have shifted significantly to the left. I know and believe trans ppl need to be treated with dignity and I deeply empathize with their struggle. However my initial reaction to them is always one of weirdness and I feel as if they are abnormal. I immediately reason inside myself and the feeling eventually fades but happens all over again in my next interaction m. I feel this way for the whole LGBTQ… community and it saddens me since I truly do want to be an ally

GrubbyTheGrub · 2022-12-06T04:13:03+00:00

Former right winger here. What helped me was transitioning lol. No but seriously hang out with trans people more. I would try to make this woman your friend if you possibly can. Trans people are very cool and we always have something interesting to talk about.

mwhite5990 · 2022-12-06T04:26:38+00:00

I think exposing yourself to trans people is one way to work on it. Maybe try to get to know your colleague. Or just watch some trans YouTubers like Jesse Gender, Contrapoints, and Philosophy Tube.

Balthorin · 2022-12-06T04:55:01+00:00

Just get to know people who are trans, They are people just like any other and the more you know them the less the "theoretical" will blind you to that fact.

AwkwardStructure7637 · 2022-12-06T05:10:13+00:00

I just kind of exposed myself more to trans culture and that helped tremendously, and even over time made me realize I was trans and that my inner transphobia was just a rejection of myself

BeginningBubbly356 · 2022-12-06T06:02:03+00:00

I take time to imagine their life story. And imagine them just like me, doing normal things — grabbing coffee in the morning, watching Netflix at night, enjoying good food, etc.

gamagama420 · 2022-12-06T07:05:30+00:00

dont walk on egg shells. being on the receiving end of that sucks and doing that sucks

just dont do it

Syncopia · 2022-12-06T07:11:47+00:00

It took my gut feelings years to catch up with my political opinions when I moved over from conservatism. Exposure to more trans people and/or trans-related content and media will gradually cause those feelings to subside. Reactionary tendencies get programmed into you easily, but deprogramming them takes much longer and can be frustrating. Just try not to relapse into reactionary thinking. Try to catch yourself. You'll get there.

SupermarketZombies · 2022-12-06T07:39:49+00:00

Identifying and being honest with yourself about these subconscious reactions is a step towards unlearning the underlying bigotry. It's something that many people have work to do ok, whether it be disgust or steteotypical thoughts about someone based on an immutable charactistic. I don't have great advice on next steps other than try watching my trans fem creators or spending more time in trans friendly spaces to help shift those unwanted thoughts you had.

BigZamWoahHey · 2022-12-06T08:46:49+00:00

Man first off cheers to you for 1. Recognizing that this is a problem and 2. Making an active effort to change it.

The answer is simple. Watch more trans content creators and spend more time around trans people. At the end of the day they are people just like you and me. You just need to break down the barriers in your instinct and you'll be fine. Your heart is already in the right place.

That_Dumb_Flower · 2022-12-06T08:47:12+00:00

you're never going to stop having problematic thoughts. the best you can do is when you have them remember you don't believe it

IllCountry6841 · 2022-12-06T09:13:06+00:00

I think the secret lies in seeing them as human beings

MommersHeart · 2022-12-06T09:43:51+00:00

Kudos to you for recognizing it’s a problem & asking for help.

Often our gut reactions come from deep-seeded family of origin issues. Finding a good therapist to help you better understand your emotional reflexes might be very helpful.

And as others have (correctly) noted, familiarity breeds comfort. Simply spending more time with TG folks, either IRL or even by watching YouTubers like Contra will help.

Lastly - you aren’t your reaction. Your emotional responses can be unlearned. Just like learning a new skill. Remember the fear you felt driving a car the first time - once you drive even for a very short time, the fear is quickly replaced by feeling confident.

I’m glad you are taking steps to grow into a more well-rounded person. If I was your Mom, I’d be very proud of you!

permalink · 2022-12-06T13:05:59+00:00

Your gut feeling is what it is, you don't have to listen to it or reject it for that matter, If you're feeling uncomfortable with her and aren't bothered by the fact I don't see the problem. If you want to change, then just stop listening to your gut feeling.

MYrobouros · 2022-12-06T14:16:53+00:00

I think you're fine. You know it's not correct and you're gonna get over it just by existing in the world. Changing your mind takes time and you're trying.

warren_stupidity · 2022-12-06T14:32:55+00:00

Make an effort to get to know this person.

permalink · 2022-12-06T14:57:08+00:00

As of right now, not acting on it is huge. I think just more exposure and trying to be open minded will help

Avvaann · 2022-12-06T15:12:35+00:00

I just wanted to say I respect you for trying to be better. Keep it up my friend!

AxolotlAristotle · 2022-12-06T15:35:54+00:00

I agree with other commentors. The best thing you can do is continue to expose yourself to it, perhaps reach out online and get to know some queer or trans folks. Biologically, gut feelings of unease usually come about from the unknown/something we've been conditioned to believe is dangerous. It'll take time but you can condition yourself not to have that grossed out feeling or at the very least have it extremely muted.

bigsatodontcrai · 2022-12-06T15:52:17+00:00

jerk off to trans women that’s the only way

PessimistThePillager · 2022-12-06T17:04:45+00:00

Expose yourself to more trans people. Contrapoints is a good starter but like others said there's also DemonMama, Conure, Gallae, Kat Blaque, Jesse Earl, etc. The more you expose yourself to our ideas, speech, mannerisms, the less you will feel about those feelings.

Maybe you could even try getting in touch with your trans coworker more often. Talk about anything casual like, small talk. "How's your day been" stuff like that. Hospitals don't really seem like a good place to socialize so you can try it when you feel it's appropriate. The important thing is building the connection and slowly eroding those left over barriers in your mind.

Also important is being able to take a moment, tell yourself it's OK and pushing your boundaries little by little. It's OK if you have intrusive thoughts, the important thing is that you know they're wrong and don't act on them. But also forgive yourself for having them. Shame is not a good motivator for change.

permalink · 2022-12-06T18:33:56+00:00

Bias is fine and normal and takes time to adjust. The most important thing is that you recognize the issue and act accordingly

gemgem1985 · 2022-12-06T19:30:42+00:00

You might not be able to, and that's ok, as long as you are kind and respectful of the person. You can try and talk yourself out of it, but I don't know that everyone can.

limonada_com_laranja · 2022-12-06T21:35:14+00:00

why does it gross you out?

Spartan_1_1_6 · 2022-12-08T04:54:43+00:00

A lot of that is stuff that's so deeply ingrained in your brain that you're not going to be able to get rid of it exactly, the thing about not being weird about it is just mentally notating when you are being internally problematic, even on accident, and correcting for it on your own.

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