January 16, 2000

Article and Interviews by Professor John E. Morgan

Freddie Finkle Becomes Acting Reldni Productions President

In a bold yet strange decision the Reldni Productions Board of Directors have dismissed Paul Quinton and hired Freddie Finkle as acting President.  The real President, Reldni co-founder Troy Scott has decided to continue his work on various projects at home. 

As you may recall in December of 1997 Troy was kidnapped by Mike Alfano.  Troy was finally rescued in September 1998.  After the ordeal Troy seemed to be doing fine.  Unfortunately by 1999 Troy was fearful Alfano would return.  Troy spent much of 1999 in solitude watching DVDs in his basement.  Although Troy occasionally updated the Reldni website and worked on Vinnie's Tomb Chapter Three, he rarely visited the Reldni Productions building.  Meanwhile, Paul Quinton was accused of embezzling the company's toilet paper, money and liquor.

When Freddie returned to Reldni Productions this week he brought his long lost son Franklin with him.  This was an amazing photo opportunity and a chance to interview Freddie Finkle once again.


Picture of Freddie and his long lost son, Franklin Finkle.

Interview With Freddie Finkle

JOHN MORGAN:
Were you surprised when the Reldni board of directors hired you as acting President despite your dreadful performance in other Reldni executive positions?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
It was that very thing, the dreadful performance coupled with dreadful breath that got me hired. These people at Reldni go against the flow - they are anti-trendy, non-conformist and independent of all rationale thought. They are morons beyond belief, and for that reason, they hired me. They not only notice non-talent, but bathe their senses in the stupidity of serendipity - the serendipity of stunners like those who run Reldni . . . . . .
 
JOHN MORGAN:
What was your opinion of Paul?  Why do you think he was fired?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
Paul that blithering idiot - he got fired because of the booze, broads, dope and self-abuse . . . . . pins in his bum won't get him anywhere.
 
JOHN MORGAN:
Have you been in touch with Troy lately?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
No. And I don't want to because of his arrogance and deceitful vises . . . . . talk about Paul . . . . . . I operate on a higher moral plain.

JOHN MORGAN:
Despite his ordeal in September of 1998, Troy seemed to be in good health.  Do you know the reason for his eventual mental breakdown?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
Hallucinogens will do that to those with small and uncontrolled brains.
 
JOHN MORGAN:
What are your immediate plans for Reldni?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
To divide and conquer - I will break the company into a hundred parts, each worth about a quarter - sell - take the profit and sink it into the stock market . . . . . . . I'll be rich, rich . . . . . . . . . rich I tell you. Then I will banish the rodent Alfano to the far reaches of Troy Scott's expansive mansion.

JOHN MORGAN:
Please tell us the story of how you found your long lost son Franklin.

FREDDIE FINKLE:
In a turtle shell. It didn't take long really, I just had to keep staring at my toes as I walked through the swamps of East Havana.
 
JOHN MORGAN:
According to police Mike Alfano is still wanted for kidnapping and public indecency.  Knowing the bizarre relationship between you and him, where do you think he is hiding?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
I know where the swine is . . . . . he's in the second story of a building, somewhere in North America, surrounded by women and computers  . . . . . . . in a semi-state of consciousness, with drool hanging from the corner of his mouth . . . . . and dried vomit in the hairs of his chest . . . . . . is that clear enough !!!!! And if you think I'm jealous, I'm not . . . . . . . . . . . . UNDERSTAND!!!!! He deserves worse . . . . .  he deserves to have fresh, wet vomit in the hairs of his chest  . . . . . . MY VOMIT !!!!!!!!
 
JOHN MORGAN:
Although it now appears obvious that you and Alfano are sworn enemies, Jim Daniels still believes you, Alfano and a third person named Aex plan to undermine Reldni.  Is there any truth to this?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
You know, I have heard those rumors too . . . . . and from where I sit, I can tell you a couple truths . . . . . . Aex and Alfano are lovers, never seeing the light of day because of their tempestuous frolicking. They don't have the time to even consider what their next move will be, except on each other . . . . . . as for me . . . . . .  if I told you, I'd have to kill you . . . . . . Daniles should quit while he still can!
 
JOHN MORGAN:
Will your son Franklin participate in running Reldni Productions?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
Now that he has come out of his shell . . . . . . . he is in charge of security.  He'll keep that fool Quinton away so I can have exclusive rights to the liquor cabinet.

JOHN MORGAN:
Why did you shave off your beard and change your hairstyle?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
First of all, if you're being so attentive to my looks, you would have noticed that I disappeared for a few months before I emerged with my re-arranged follicles . . . . . . .  so there, I've told you - my beard wasn't shaved off, it was moved to other parts of my body . . . . . . . . yes some went to my scalp, giving me that kind of big hair look . . . . like when I was in high school. The rest was divided between my . . . . . . . chest (I'm so sick of Alfano at the beach) . . . . . . and the rest to my buttocks. My buttocks you ask????? YES . . . . . . so that when I encounter those with beards, I can say . . . . . . . . "why do you cultivate that on your face, which I allow to grow wild on my ASS! "

JOHN MORGAN:
Can you dispel the rumors that the company is headed for bankruptcy?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
If it's headed for bankruptcy, then my name is Jane. Do you know what a ledger sheet looks like???? Well it has long columns and numbers all over it, you moron . . . . . . . and our sheet has really long columns with many, many, many numbers on it, especially in brackets . . . . . . . . . bankruptcy . . . . . . . my ass . . . . . . .  .
 
JOHN MORGAN:
According to an anonymous source Troy is continuing work on Vinnie's 3 during the rare times he is lucid.  Will the game ever come out?

FREDDIE FINKLE:
If lucidity is a factor, then I can tell you, the only production that will take place on the project, is when Troy is NOT lucid. How do you think the previous games came out the way they did . . . .  the guy has to be totally out of it for there to be any quality - I can tell you, he has been drinking a lot of coffee, Coke and Pepsi - he's been remarkably with it. Is it coming out soon? Only if I take the project over, and trust me . . . . . . . that card has not been played . . . . . . . YET !!!!!!!!

 

Interview With Franklin Finkle

JOHN MORGAN:
Freddie I would like to ask you a few questions regarding your position here at Reldni Productions.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
Get lost you jerk.  Can't you see I'm busy?  Father and I have come up with a new colour scheme for the office.

JOHN MORGAN:
Please Mr. Finkle, it will only take a few minutes of your time.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
Okay, but be quick about it.

JOHN MORGAN:
As head of Reldni security will you be on the lookout for Mike Alfano?

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
What's all the noise about this Alfano guy?  I don't really care.  I'm sure my Father will deal with him if necessary.  That's all I have to say right now so please leave immediately before I smash your face.

JOHN MORGAN:
That is very rude.  Troy Scott would be very upset about this.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
Troy and all his moron buddies like you have no reason for being here.  Leave the premises immediately.

Just then Reldni founder Troy Scott arrived.

TROY SCOTT:
Hang on a minute Finkle.  It's alright, John Morgan is a trusted journalist.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
How did you get in?

TROY SCOTT:
I have a set of keys.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
I have to ask you to hand over them immediately.

TROY SCOTT:
What are you talking about Franklin?  Where is Freddie?

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
He can't talk to you now

JOHN MORGAN:
He was here just a minute ago Troy.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
He doesn't wish to be disturbed.

TROY SCOTT:
You can tell him it's me that wishes to speak to him.  I came to see how the renovations are going.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
Forget it loser.  The both of you better leave now before I get violent.

TROY SCOTT:
Wait a minute.  You can't kick me out.  I'm the President of this organization.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
You're wrong.  My Father is the President.

TROY SCOTT:
Freddie's only the acting President.  I still have complete control.

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
Think again Troy.  You're nothing now.  My Father has the backing of the Board of Directors.  They know only he can save Reldni from complete ruin.  You've been working on that stupid Vinnie's Tomb Three for years now and you all have to show for it are a couple of cheesy screen shots.  Don't you see, you're no longer wanted or needed!  You've been on the sidelines too long.  You let your buddy Quinton nearly destroy Reldni!

TROY SCOTT:
Mike Alfano is to blame for Reldni's decline.  He's the one who kidnapped me!  The Board of Directors hired Quinton to take over in my absence.  Now they are making another bad choice by hiring your Father!

FRANKLIN FINKLE:
How dare you!  If it weren't for my Father, you'd still be rotting in Alfano's wine cellar!  Now get out of here!

TROY SCOTT:
Alright, I'll leave; but I'll be back!



Franklin Finkle struts down a hall at Reldni Productions.


Franklin points toward the exit, demanding that Troy Scott and Interviewer John Morgan vacate the Reldni building.

After the interview Troy and I left the Reldni building.  Later I decided to try and get in touch with the Reldni Board of Directors, however none of them could be reached for comment.  As I finish writing this article, I only hope it can reach all the fans of Reldni Productions.

 

Article and Interviews by Professor John E. Morgan

 

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