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  June 11, 2000  
Two Faced Kitty

A two faced kitten was born in Bensalem, Pennsylvania, on Wednesday, to a proud mother cat Butt-Butt. The two mouths operate in unison -- simultaneous sneezing, yawning, etc. When the eyes open, they will blink in unison as well. Prognosis for the kitty, now named Image, is good.

(Philadelphia Enquirer)

  June 11, 2000  
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away

Allegations regarding John Lennon's sexual conduct made in a biography by Geoffrey Giuliano have been derided by his sources, and a spokesman for the Lennon estate. Among the claims were (1) Lennon was a bisexual; (2) a bulimic; (3) used the services of male prostitutes; and (4) had sexual relations with his own mother! Say it ain't so! According to Eliot Mintz, Lennon estate spokesman, Giuliano "simply made things up".
(The Pink Paper)

  June 10, 2000  
Candy for the Kiddies

A package of over 200 Bon-Bon-Bum lollipops were seized at Bogota International, containing an extra-special center surprise, police said this week. The surprise, 21 grams of white nose candy, totalled ten pounds of cocaine, destined for the cokeheads of lovely New York City. This begs the question on all our minds, how are the children of New York supposed to get really fucking high now?

  June 6, 2000  
Boobies on the Butt

Mary Gale, go go dancer, has filed suit against her plastic surgeon for complications relating to an operation in which breast implants were placed in her ass in a posterior enhancing operation. According to testimony of Miss Gale, "They looked like two [tits] on my butt". She is suing her doctor, Dr. Elliot Jacobs, for malpractice, though apparently it was the idea of the illustrious go go dancer herself to have the operation. The case is being heard in a Manhattan supreme court.
(New York Post)

  May 30, 2000  
Human Shit as Fuel Source

Thai scientists have developed a process by which human excrement can be turned to fuel, dubbed "bio-oil". This processed poo juice is capable of powering automobiles, which will be quite handy considering that feces is nearly always a buyer's market. The fuel is produced by a nitrogen gas "blast", a rather unusual approach as earth's air is 78% nitrogen. Poo conversion is still too expensive to use for the time being, however.

  May 10, 2000  
Boxer Shorts Rebellion

We found this wonderful story in eXile, a newspaper for American expatriates living in Moscow. Anyway, it's fun reading, a real tearjerker involving slave labor, vodka, boxer shorts, and antifreeze. It's also why we don't have a Moscow branch office.

  May 10, 2000  
Even Clinton Loves a Parade

  May 9, 2000  
Fatties in SF Victorious!

San Francisco's Board of Supervisors has voted additional protections to People of Size, adding their special interest to the list of forbidden discriminations such as race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and place of birth. It is believed that supporters of this measure celebrated by stuffing their fat faces.

  May 9, 2000  
Foot Cult Crackdown

Twelve leaders of a "foot cult" in Japan have been arrested, including the founder, Hogen Fukunaga. The cult believes that the shape of feet and other foot attributes reveal both personality traits and fortune of the individual, in some manner of physiognomic proclivity. Also fat toes are better than short stunted toes, apparently. Organized foot fetishism alone was not sufficient to bring the boots of Japanese justice down on the cult; the organization had defrauded its 30,000 members of about $750M, though why it took so long to determine this is not clear.

  May 9, 2000  
Thank you for flying Rotten

  May 8, 2000  
Cybersex 101 at SFSU

5/3--Explore Cybersex at the MSP
A new MSP course, Exploring Cybersexualities, will be offered to the public for the first time beginning this Sunday, May 7. Students will learn all about the wide variety of cybersexual experiences available through multimedia, from love and romance via the Internet to electronic pornography, online erotica, Web cams, hot chat, and much, much more. They will learn from the examples of vaporware hype, the emerging technologies of cyberdildonics, and the reality of Internet pornography, hot chat, etc. to design a cybersex system of their own. There are still seats available in this exciting and innovative class. Be a part of cybersex history--Register Now!

This is a real course description from San Francisco State University, copied verbatim. We are not making this up.

(SFSU Catalog)

  May 4, 2000  
Beheaded Goats Found

Three pygmy goats with their heads missing, hooves bound with duct tape, and stomachs sliced and filled with baked beans were found in Chesco Township, Pennsylvania, on May 1. A knife was abandoned by the scene. This crime has been reported to the local police and SPCA, but the significance of the mutilations is unknown. We will keep you posted on details if they develop.
(Philly News)

  May 4, 2000  
Panties in a Bunch

Parental panties are in a bunch as women's and family's groups protest the planned May release of a Simon & Schuster game called Pantyraider, (CDROM $20), involving the rather juvenile goal of stripping a supermodel and photographing her in varying panties. In doing this, aliens agree not to blow up the Earth. Ooooookay. The company claims the game is not marketed to children, but instead horny adult men with lots of time on their hands.

  May 3, 2000  
Senator Stretch

We don't know whether or not to believe this, but this is the story from Rocket -- "The man in the photo is U.S. Senator Max Cleland of Georgia doing his morning exercises. A Vietnam vet and hero. three limbs blown off by clumsy grenade wielding service buddy." Regardless, this is a fright.

  May 2, 2000  
Those who Remarry Condemned to Hell

Jesus says,

"Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery."
Luke 16:18

And the Apostle Paul tells us that,

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor sexual perverts, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God."
1 Corinthians 6:9-10

If you're divorced and remarried, and consider yourself a Christian, might we suggest another divorce, or finding a new religion?

(Brian Elroy McKinley)

  May 1, 2000  
Deer vs Fence

John Dale writes us, "A friend of mine went to the Civil War cemetery at Andersonville, GA. and happened upon this scene. Apparently the deer tried to jump the fence and impaled itself."

  April 28, 2000  
Gonorrhea Tax Proposal

A new study by the U.S. Center for Disease Control (CDC) calculates that a $0.20 increase on six packs of beer will have the effect of a 9% reduction in gonorrhea cases. Cheap beer causes unprotected sex? The study's basis is a tax increase on California beer in 1991, among others, wherein drops of reported gonorrhea cases were measured in the 15 to 19 age group, as well as 20 to 24. This seems strange, as we think the average 15 to 19 year old, who cannot buy alcohol in any event, wouldn't be affected by a $0.20 or even $2 increase in beertax.

  April 28, 2000  
Where are Screaming Jay's Kids?

Screamin' Jay Hawkins, dead at age 70 on February 12 of this year, may have sired as many as 57 kids. The whereabouts of all these children are unknown, and thus a nationwide search has been undertaken. If you know where any of these bastards are, you should let these guys know!
(Jay's Kids)

  April 28, 2000  

( Click on above image to enlarge )

Photo of an airplane that has crashed atop a police car. Yay!

  April 27, 2000  
Jews Now Upset at Rotten

Rotten.com has received a letter from the Jewish Anti Defamation League (ADL), regarding a picture we posted of the Pillsbury Doughboy, one shown being cooked in an oven gaping at its skeletalized former compatriots. They claim that this may offend some members of our "diverse audience". Being that our existence of being is to offend, we consider our mission a success. Some of our best friends are Juden! The ADL could use a good fisting about now, and should find better uses for their time.

click to enlarge

  April 27, 2000  
Semen Squirting Mayhem in Orlando

A man in Orlando is being sought for semen-based squirtgun attacks in department stores, apparently engaging in as many as 11 incidents recently. The man approaches young girls, asks them to open mouth, and squirts his manfluid at them after they (presumably) refuse. Kmarts and Walmarts in Orlando have been targeted, and it is unknown what the man's motives are, other than he's probably insane. Police have a DNA sample now, and he is sought for battery as no other charge could be found for the crime.

  April 26, 2000  
Elian's Got a Gun

This is an untouched, undoctored photo of Elian, taken by Rick Wilking and distributed by Reuters. The Cuban boy was seized at gunpoint earlier, and is now perhaps learning to fight back? Or to shoot his scary uncles or penis-fondling grandmothers?

  April 26, 2000  
Hitler Skull to be Displayed

Russia has agreed to exhibit at its Federal Archives Service a fragment of what it says is Adolf Hitler's skull. Portions of the Fuhrer's skull and jawbone have been kept in a cardboard box since 1970, after they were dug up from Magdenburg in East Germany, where they were buried by Russian troops in 1945. The exhibit is titled "The Agony of the Third Reich: The Retribution", and will also include research on the bone samples, some of Hitler's personal belongings, and artifacts from the Fuhrerbunker.
(Associated Press)

  April 25, 2000  
Scary Oriental Meals

Yeah, it may seem that we've been lazy, but actually your esteemed editor has been out of the country. In Japan, where this image was found on a piece of plastic that cost 250 yen at some horrible tourist shop. It actually seems to be from Thailand, and if I ever find out where it came from, I'm bringing my own food.

Update by DH: That latest picture from dailyrotten translates literally to "Never experience disappointing" which we think means "Never a disappointing experience" as in, any S&M; fan will enjoy the time spent... Anyway, that first quote is the exact literal translation, so a few meanings could probably be derived.

  April 11, 2000  
Naked Runners to be Prosecuted

The Ann Arbor Police Department (Michigan) has announced that participants in the Naked Mile race, an annual celebration of the end of school season with dangling dongs and bobbling boobies, will be subject to arrest and prosecution. Furthermore, in Michigan, indecent exposure gets you on the sex offenders list, not to mention your naughty bits on the Internet, see right. Annually, under 1000 people have participated in the run, but about 8000 perverts watch from the sidelines.
(Michigan Daily)

  April 11, 2000  
Newborn in Portable Toilet

Abigail Caliboso and Jose Ocampo, both of Virginia, have been arrested for disposing of their newborn baby in a portable toilet in Delaware. The baby was born full term, and while no cause of death has been determined as of this time, the couple have been charged with manslaughter and conspiracy. It should be noted that Abigail is a freshman nursing student.

  April 10, 2000  
Popstar Sentenced in Teletubby Theft

Steven Strange, the former lead singer to the 80's pop band Visage, has been given a suspended sentence for his shoplifting of a Teletubby doll from Boots, a rather lame UK chainstore. What really is not clear is why one would shoplift a Teletubby in the first place. Was it a Tinky Winky?

(Dot Music)

  April 8, 2000  
Twisted Sister Endorses Gore

Washed up 80's band Twisted Sister has "sort of" endorsed presidential candidate Al Gore in his campaign for the US presidency. In his glowing endorsement, lead singer Dee Snyder said, "I don't trust the guy as far as I can throw him." The weight of Vice President Gore is not known, but he does appear to be a bit on the chunky side. Gore's wife cofounded the Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC), which in the process of lobbying for record warning labels, generated extensive ridicule. Twisted Sister was used as an example by PMRC of all that is evil with current music, and yet somehow, Dee Snyder intends to vote for this man. [Note too Dee: You're old.]
(Associated Press)

  April 5, 2000  
Headless Chicken Honored

A headless chicken named Mike that survived for 18 months in 1945, has been honored with a statue in his native home of Fruita, Colorado. The poultry was decapitated by Lloyd Olsen, with a single blow to the head, but apparently enough brainstem was left intact that Mike remained chickenlike in actions. A nationwide tour ensued, with feeding accomplished manually until in Arizona, a breathing passage became clogged and the bird died. A four foot metal statue has now been dedicated, for reasons known only to the Fruita Chamber of Commerce.
(Denver Post)

  April 5, 2000  
Cannibal Cooking School


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