Pollyanna's Pragmatic Guide To Writing Fanfic
(Written mostly from a Slash X-files point of view)Have you always wanted to write? Were you one of those children scribbling epics in exercise books at the age of seven? Do you look forward to the day of your first professional sale? Well, in that case, leave now - this page isn't for you.
This page is for those of us who were pottering around the Net one day and discovered that people wrote stories about our favourite TV series. We quite happily read away for some time until thinking "I don't go much on that ending" or "He would never say that" and finally "Even I can write better than this". Then came the startling revelation that not only can you write your own fan fiction but you can send it out on the Net for other people to read!
However, there are potential stumbling blocks in writing which can cause people not to read your fanfic, to send you nasty letters about it, to hold you up as a bad example in rants, or - the ultimate degradation - to snigger about you behind your back. So to help you get over the ground lightly here's a run-down of some of the big blocks and how to get round them.
- Spelling: Claim to be from another country.
Since I live in the UK this excuse has worked fine for me over some years. Most fanfic is written in American English since the greatest percentage of Net users come from there, but of course Standard English is spoken (and spelt) in places like the UK, Australia, India, and the Gilbert and Ellice Islands. By claiming to be from one of these countries, you can divert readers' attention away from misspellings. The fact that you live in America is no hindrance to using this excuse since you can always say that you're an expatriate.
The reason readers are so frustrated by seeing a word that is spelt incorrectly is that it shatters the suspension of disbelief that is so necessary for fiction. If you provide them with an excuse why a word may look wrong it keeps the illusion going. I've found, myself, that although very pernickety when I first started reading fanfic I now assume that anything that appears to be spelt incorrectly is actually an American spelling. (Although I have to admit that honor will always continue to look dishonourable without its 'u'.)
Of course, if your first language isn't English, then you've already got a head start with readers. Most native English speakers are so abysmal at foreign languages that they will be in awe of you actually being able to write in a language not your own!
- Dialect: English as she is spoke.
Now obviously we don't only spell things differently but we use English differently all over the world. Something that may not be so obvious if you live in the States is that it's also used differently from one part of the country to another and you may find that you're completely misunderstood when you write down a phrase that you've heard all your life.
Here's an actual example from a story I wrote "It's not safe to be a FBI agent, Mulder. Scully knew that and she'd be tearing you off a strip if she was here now.". My beta reader had never heard of "to tear a person off a strip" but she modestly acknowledged that perhaps it was just her, and perhaps I should go for a second opinion. So I posted a question on a.t.x.c. and I can really recommend this as a way to get LOTS of correspondence! From the South I had 'I'm going to rip him a new one'; from Wisconsin "tear someone a new hole"; it was suggested that a crude American would say "ripped him a new asshole"; New Jersey came up with "to tear into someone"; Canada suggested I rearrange it to "tear a strip off of someone"; Minnesota (perhaps because it's near Canada) offered the similar "to tear a strip off someone's hide" and the original is used occasionally in Massachusetts!
Now you can't just give up on idioms, especially in character's conversation, since nobody speaks 'properly' all the time. Creative use of HTML might give you the option of sub-titles or footnotes, but you still have that tricky task of identifying which are the obscure phrases. If you don't have a beta reader then you could try casually dropping the phrases into notes to email penpals and see if they come back with a run of question marks. How you solve the idiom hurdle is up to you, but one final word of advice - never end your story with an idiom. A slash reader with a frustrated climax is a dangerous creature.
(In case you're wondering, in the example above I ended up changing it to "It's not safe to be an FBI agent, Mulder. Scully knew that and she'd really be chewing you out if she was here now." which everyone seemed to know!)
- Punctuation: Who cares?!
Look at the following three sentences and decide which, if any, of them are punctuated correctly:
- "I have no intention," Skinner said firmly, "of wearing the gold lamé briefs to work today!"
- "If you haven't got your winkle-pickers with you," snapped Pendrell "then you'll have to borrow Frohike's."
- "Do tell me, Mulder," purred Krycek, trailing a finger suggestively down the fly of his jeans. "Have you reconsidered your decision about the chandelier?"
I surmise that you'll fall into one of three groups. The first group can look at these sentences and automatically spot the errors. They can leave now and go on to the next section. The second group can look at them and with a bit of thought work out which example is correct. The third group just wants to know what happens next.
The second and third groups now need to consider how much effort they want to put into improving their punctuation and other grammar. Here are a few pros and cons to think about.
- Like the spelling it can discourage your readers, but fewer readers know how to use punctuation correctly than know how to spell.
- If you're going to use it outside of fanfic, then improving it would be profitable, otherwise it's a luxury paid for in time. (e.g. If your main job is sexing three-day-old chicks will the correct use of the semi-colon have any noticeable improvement on your lifestyle?)
- Is your character geared towards perfection or are you content with adequacy? Or more specifically: do you want to be as precise in your off duty hours as you are in the things you need to do? Perhaps you're an English professor in real life and you relish the freedom to toss commas about with gay abandon in fan fiction.
Don't despair if you're a perfectionist and in the third group, but despite your best efforts never manage to master the intricacies of those little characters. Nobody has ever got a feedback letter complimenting them on the use of a well-placed comma.
- Canon: Into the valley of death rode the five hundred and ninety-nine.
Although I don't have any statistics to prove it, I believe the majority of readers read fan fiction about series that they enjoy watching. They are called 'fans' of the series and it is very important to remember that 'fan' is short for 'fanatic'. But in slash (and possibly in het fanfic) you also get fans who are fanatical about the actors involved whatever the series, or sometimes just the bodies of the actors. Perhaps we need a new genre to describe this - Bodyfic? (Or in the UK we could call it Fannyfic.)
Mix two sets of fanatics together and what do you get? Holy War. So in the interests of diplomacy here are some possible workarounds. Write original fiction and cast the characters with the actors you like - of course no one reads original fiction, but this makes it even less likely to raise readers' hackles. Create alternate universes of the series involved - this can vary from one piece of canon being ignored to whole socio-economic-historical inventions. Stake out your territory in the notes at the beginning of the story - stating that you've not seen any of the series involved will usually act as a broad hint to people that you're not going to be sticking strictly to canon.
- Beta: Better or beater?
There is one very important reason for getting a beta reader - it means you get at least one feedback letter. Now, of course, it may not be a very complimentary feedback letter, but you can always ignore the criticisms and concentrate on the bits they did like. If they didn't like any of it - get a new beta reader.
What should you look for in a beta reader? Someone who reads a lot; is expert in grammar, spelling, idioms, canon, plot, style; and who laughs at your jokes. Failing that, get someone who likes what you write and has something to say about your stories.
How do you get a beta reader? The first piece of fan fiction you post will probably be unbeta'd and can act as a good lure to trap unsuspecting beta readers. If you get any feedback letters then leap on the senders and ask them to beta your next piece, especially if they send any criticisms. Somebody tearing their hair out over your complete disregard for commas would be an excellent person to help with your grammar, even if you can only get their services for one story. If you don't get any feedback for your first piece (and this does happen) then post a note to a newsgroup or mailing list asking for beta readers and pointing them at your story as an example of your work. This will usually shake somebody out of the lower branches of the Tree of Beta Life.
Be nice to your beta reader. If an author gets paid nothing for writing fanfic then a beta reader gets even less. So think up some ways of showing appreciation: always acknowledge them at the beginning of your story; perhaps your beta reader would like to see your feedback letters; or you could write stories specifically catering for your beta reader's likes; or you could offer them your firstborn. (This latter has the benefit of giving you more free time to write.) And in the words of the old song: "Once you have found them, never let them go."
- Sex: To bonk or not to bonk.
I have something of a heresy to confess - I don't read slash for the relationships, I read it for the sex. This doesn't necessarily make me an expert on the subject, but here are some thoughts about sex scenes:Now take these thoughts and go off and read one of your favourite sex scenes. Do they agree with what you're reading? Good. Do they not agree with what you're reading? Also good. This is not an example of my famous ability to fence-sit, but instead a revelation of what you like in a sex scene. And what you like is what you should write, and that includes the option of fading to black when it gets to the naughty bits. Sex in fiction is like sex in real life in one point at least - don't be cajoled into doing anything you feel uncomfortable with. It shows.
- Keep it simple to start with. One sentence describing a touch can be more effective then paragraphs of sighs, smells, colours, textures and running commentary.
- Readers will accept the unlikely - a man having three orgasms in one hour, but not the impossible - a man having three arms (or occasionally two arms in Krycek's case.)
- If you've got three sentences in a row where all you've done is describe body parts, it may be looking a bit like the instructions for constructing a Meccano kit.
- Warnings: Buying curtains or nasty bits.
Otherwise known as the section on how to get readers not to read your fanfic. It would be nice to write a story that was so perfect and so universal that everyone would read it, and like it, and write and tell you about it. But in the real world you should aim a little lower and try to make sure readers don't have any reason for telling you in words of four letters why they really didn't like your story. The best way to achieve this is to warn off readers who are likely to violently dislike some aspect of your story.
What kind of things might you want to warn readers about?
- Rape
- BDSM
- Comma Abuse
- Krycek having two arms
- Alternate Universes
- Songfic
- Overt romantic sweetness, otherwise known as schmoop
- Use of standard english
- Use of Frohike as a sexual partner to anybody
- First person narrative
- Death of a character
A little thought shows that it is soon possible to produce a warning so comprehensive that no one will read your story, in which case you might want to take the opportunity of using the Caveat Lector approach. This is similar to a health warning on a packet of cigarettes and will be a general 'read at your own peril' warning without specifics - this is also handy when a specific warning may give away a major plot point. Careful use of warnings can keep your fans happy. E.g. if you happen to be a writer who's known for their curtain-buying epics then it is really a Good Idea to give a warning if you suddenly produce a story which makes the last scene of Hamlet look like a quilting bee.
- Feedback: Nobody loves me.
It's a hard fact but nobody does love you for writing fanfic, except your mother and that's because she loves you whatever you do and even she has her off days. So let's rephrase the problem: Nobody reads me , and that can be a major cause of gloom for a fanfic writer. Do you remember the opening paragraph of this guide? Well, if you were a real writer then the writing itself would be enough to satisfy and you wouldn't need to post your stories on the Net. But you want to know that other people share your vision of your fandom and the only way you can be sure about that is if people read your story and tell you they've read it.So here are some ploys for getting feedback:
- Put heartfelt/witty/desperate/polite pleas for feedback in your story heading. This doesn't work. You know how you can ignore adverts that flash up on commercial free sites? Readers have evolved exactly the same mechanism for ignoring any sentence containing the word 'feedback'.
- Write angst not humour. People's senses of humour vary widely, but everyone gets miserable about the same things - hence a bigger pool of readers.
- Join a mailing list and post helpful, non-controversial messages. Everyone will like you so much they'll fall over themselves to send you feedback.
- Divide your story into four parts, making sure there's a cliff-hanger at the end of part two and then post parts one, two and four. Somebody will always ask for part three.
- Write for very obscure fandoms or pairings. The fans of those are so delighted to see anything that they're more likely to send feedback.
- Get a counter or tracker for your web page. The realization that people are dropping by your site and downloading your stories can be a distinct balm to the soul.
- Write dark stories. Painstaking research has shown that more people read stories with suffering, sadism and violence. But the downside is that nobody admits to it, so only a tracker will show you the number of people heading for the dark side.
And if you are in fanfic for the love then send another author feedback - guaranteed happiness all round!Conclusion
So there it is, the accumulated wisdom of my grey hairs and which can probably be summed up in one word - perspective. This involves looking at your work from other people's points of view; and realising that this is probably only a small part of your life. Many people only spend a few months or a couple of years writing fanfic before going on to pastures new. This page won't help you to write better, but it may ease your way so that when you look back on your fanfic-writing days it will be with a nostalgic grin and not a pained wince. If you do stay around in fanfic for a while and decide that you want to improve your writing then here are some possibly useful links.
I'll finish with a quote which may act as a maxim for you in your dalliance with fan fiction. It's attributed to Francis Bacon 1561-1626, English philosopher and writer, briefly Lord Chancellor before being accused of corruption, founder of modern scientific research who died while inventing the frozen chicken.
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humour to console him for what he is."
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