Outpost Gallifrey

Christmas on a Rational Planet

   Doctor Who: The New Adventures (Virgin) #52
   Written by Lawrence Miles
   Reviewed by Jill Sherwin

Cacophony being a main theme in this book, one might accuse Laurence Miles, author of Christmas on a Rational Planet, of being too liberal in his usage in writing this work. Or to put it simpler: it's not a bad book, it's just silly. No, not funny-ha-ha. Silly. The Seventh Doctor reads like a very early Sylvester McCoy episode, very flip and light, not the Doctor as we've come to know him through the years. Of his latest companions, Roz Forrester reads like Benny and Chris Cwej is superfluously shoved aside for most of the book. Aside from that, there is (rather thankfully) no attempt to adjust the speech patterns to historical accuracy. Everyone speaks very twentieth century English, slightly curious as the story takes place in 1799 America.

Consider this a companion piece to the (far superior) Missing Adventure Millenial Rites or even to the recent McGann TV-movie. It's the end of the century as we know it and nobody feels fine. Strange things are afoot in the small town of Woodwicke, New York, and after some convoluted machinations, Roz and the Doctor wind up there. Chris is stuck running around a rapidly dissolving TARDIS with a psychic Frenchwoman (from yet another secret society following the Doctor), magically brought there by yet another oh-so-convenient Time Lord device called an amaranth which warps reality in the nearest space according to the most rational potential. (I know... doesn't make much sense in the book, either.)

This convenient little device, which serves no better purpose than serving the author's needs for a magic wand (wave to change things as needed) in the story proves to be one of the many crutches in a basically limp story. An interesting seed of an idea is hidden behind the convoluted plot (involving a rational man slowly going insane and using the stolen amaranth to affect his surroundings): that rationality, the framework behind the universe, is essentially male construct, and that imagination, shut out of this universe, is essentially a female construct. Now, this is either very sexist or very true. Or both.

But the exploration of this idea gets caught up in a war between the Watchmakers, the creatures supposedly ordering around the rational man -- whose description made me picture them throughout the book as the Candyman from "The Happiness Patrol" only with a watch for a face -- and the Goddess of Cacophony (not to be confused with "Next Generation's" Goddess of Empathy, of course!)... neither of which are explored or explained until the end of the book. By that time, I really didn't care who these creatures were or why they were interfering with 1799 Earth. Actually, the Watchmakers aren't ever defined.

What it comes down to is, I just didn't care about the 'guest characters', none of whom was even remotely three-dimensional, and as stated before, the main characters didn't read properly. If you're looking for new insight on our characters or the history of the universe, look elsewhere, particularly toward the recent and wonderful GodEngine.

The real shame of this book is the author has a clever turn with descriptive phrases. Perhaps if he wrote with a partner who structured the plot better, then he could let loose with his ability. Just a thought. But could somebody please explain the frisbee? Or the cover painting?