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Princess B Make your own and send it in First and most important is that today (or tomorrow?) is Princess B's 30th Birthday and she's approaching it with a great deal of dignity and self-confidence by submitting an article to commemorate the occasion. Check out the whole article by using the link and wish her a Happy Birthday by responding there. Halfway to 60 - I’m turning 30. There. I said it. I’m turning 30. Here’s what’s bugging me about turning 30 - It’s not bugging me. I feel like I should be a bit hysterical about this, but I’m not. It’s true that I may be a bit more introspective on this birthday than I usually am on birthdays, but I’m not depressed, upset, let down, filled with regret, or in any other way negatively affected by this – at least I don’t think I am. It's also Dan Brennan's Birthday today, but I don't know how old he is. Dan sends in quite a few of the nifty little items that have shown up here lately. In fact, here's a few from yesterday: Molecules with Silly or Unusual Names - Believe it or not, some chemists do have a sense of humor, and this page is a testament to that. Here you'll see some real molecules that have unusual, ridiculous or downright silly names. ImplosionWorld.com - Although the demolition industry is very competitive, Protec has created this website to celebrate the art form as a whole. Winners of the "I Look Like My Dog" Contest - This is a PowerPoint slide show, with sound (but it's funny even without it). !About 1.1mb! Two New Jokes Kim C sent along a little info on today's Cesar Chavez Holiday, which I mentioned yesterday. The City of Sacramento has observed it for about three years now, instead of Columbus Day, thanks to Former Mayor Joe Serna. They observed it last Monday though. Why not on the same day? I also found that a great many state employees don't get it off at all. Russell Crowe as 007!!! Now that's the best idea I've heard in a while. Director's money on Crowe for 007 job - OSCAR winner Russell Crowe is tipped to be the next James Bond. The New Zealand-born Australian, named best actor for his role as warrior Maximus in the epic Gladiator, would be the obvious choice to replace current Bond Pierce Brosnan, 007 director John Glen said yesterday. Looks like the "great right-wing (and obviously racist) conspiracy" is going to claim another victim. Jesse Jackson is about to get a taste of his own medicine. Note that the source of this story is the National Enquirer, not exactly a bastion of truth, but if people can use the Enquirer to bash Schwarzenegger, I can use it to bash Jackson. Oh yeah... Jesse's Mistress Writing a Tell-All - The mother of Jesse Jackson's love child is penning a tell-all book that claims she received a secret payoff of $450,000 from the civil-rights leader, a new report says. Ex-mistress Karin Stanford also reveals that to prove Jackson was the father of her 22-month-old daughter, she froze a condom containing his sperm, the National Enquirer says in its upcoming issue. It says the book also alleges that: Before giving birth to their child, Karin was pregnant by Jesse a previous time but had an abortion at his request. Speaking of Schwarzenegger ... huge article in the Washington Post yesterday. Even better since, after a 15-minute interview, they at least had the courtesy to briefly mention my other hobby (unlike other reporters). Ended up getting over 600 visitors yesterday thanks to this story. Conan the Politician: Schwarzenegger Eyes Calif. Governorship - ... Arnold Schwarzenegger is auditioning for a new role: governor of California. The Austrian-born actor, 53, best known as the star of "The Terminator" and other action movies, is considering bidding hasta la vista to his Hollywood career and entering the state's 2002 governor's race as a Republican. ... It remains to be seen whether a man whose public image draws to mind mass carnage, and whose campaign organization at this point consists of a fan's unsolicited Web site (www.schwarzenegger2002.com), can really pull this off.

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A. Hambone from Bootysmack Make your own and send it in Lots of new stuff this week, in case you missed anything: Frank Duclos made a post yesterday on how crisis brings out the worst in politicians - "Of Bad Ideas and Nasty Weeds". Freida penned an Oscar related rant - "Julia Roberts is a Bore". Princess B posted on how one of her old articles was brought to dear old Dad's attention. Ouch! - "What Have I Done"? Frieda dropped another bomb on some silly California legislation that's supposed to keep kids from eating snacks at school - "Escutia: Goddess of Self-indulgence". Speaking of silly California legislation, tomorrow is Cesar Chavez Day, a state holiday for yours truly. If you're not from California, and even if you are, you're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Cesar Chavez Day is a brand new holiday. As far as I know, it's only in California and only extends to state employees. I think that makes 14 or 15 'official' holidays for state workers. Sweet deal, eh. Someone did the math once on how many days a state employee actually works. He got it down to about two months. It was pretty funny. I can't duplicate it, but let's give it a shot for legislative employees. 365 days in a year less 104 days for weekends (52x2) equals 261 working days. 'Allowed' sick time works out to one day a month - 261 minus 12 leaves 249 days. Everyone's vacation time is a little different, newer folks get less than longtime employees. Let's say it averages 15 days - 249 minus 15 leaves 234 days. Take out your 14 holidays leaving 220 days. Then there is the 'holiday season', that two week period orbiting Christmas and New Year's. We get two days off during each of those weeks and those are already counted in the holidays, BUT, it's so slow that we set up a rotating schedule and each of us usually comes in only one day during that period - that's another five days, leaving 215. Now average in an hour and a half each day for lunch and coffee breaks (that's a pretty conservative estimate for many) for those 215 days. That would be 322.5 hours, or about 40 eight-hour days, leaving us with 175 work days. That's about 7 days short of half a year. So get back to work and maybe next year you can take a whole month off for Cesar Chavez. Food news seems to be the hot item today. My apologies if you were just getting ready to eat.: Love for St. Bernard Meat Angers Swiss - The Chinese have taken a liking to a revered symbol of Switzerland -- the St. Bernard dog -- but the Swiss are not flattered. Gentle giants famed for rescuing people in the Alpine snows of Europe, the St. Bernard's size and docile nature have become a major selling point in China, where dog meat has long been a popular delicacy known as "fragrant meat." McDonald's sued over 'rat head in burger' - A Toronto family is suing McDonald's after claiming they found a rat head in a Big Mac. They say their nine-year-old daughter found the head "complete with eyes, teeth, nose and whiskers", just as she was about to bite. Hong Kong Chef Finds New Fame As Rat Exterminator - A Hong Kong chef has found new fame trampling rats in his restaurant as nimbly as he dishes up food in the kitchen. The chef, identified only as "Uncle Kai" by the Apple Daily newspaper, killed 60 rats in the last six days since joining a new restaurant in Kowloon. Kai killed nearly 200 rats in the eatery where he worked last year, winning him the nickname "the anti-rat king", the newspaper reported on Thursday. The chef, from China's Sichuan province, begins his killing spree before dawn each morning.

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Buffy Make your own and send it in Before I start, make sure you read Princess B's post from yesterday (right below this one or go here). It didn't get much time at the top of the page and I don't want you to miss it. As you probably know, Bressler.org recently had an Oscar contest. Freida came in third. Although not an upset, clearly one of the most frustrating awards of the night for her, and many aficionados, was best Actress. Freida had a few things to say about this year's winner, Julia Roberts. Use the link to read the full article. Julia Roberts is a Bore: or Why I thrice denied my love for Joan Rivers before the cock crowed - America’s lil’ darlin’, Julia Roberts, is a perfect example of placidity. With few exceptions, she plays the same two roles over and over. She either does spunky or feisty, and all with the same physical gestures. If we’ve seen her squeal while throwing her hand over her mouth once, we’ve seen it a hundred times. Honestly, if Roberts ever unleashes the torture that she’s surely been burying all these years in order to stay sprite for the public, she might actually deliver a decent performance. Like Bressler.org?: A lot of work goes into this site, and not just by me. It's always been a collaborative effort with folks like Princess B, Frank Duclos, Kim C, Lucie, Cladmartin, RodJSM, Jonesy, Freida, Buffy, Edward's Geist, Stryder, and others that either write articles or regularly email interesting items to me. I certainly appreciate all the help because this place would get boring real quick if it was 100% JBMoney. If you like Bressler.org, please spread the word to some of your friends or put a link to us on your page - the more the merrier. Thank you for your support. Misc: Viacom names Bressler as CFO Fisher Price is doing it's part to help election reform in Florida. Christopher Walken Is A Deity - Seriously. Can you even repeat the name in a disrespectful tone without feeling you've done something wrong? His game just keeps getting better. He is now appearing in Fatboy Slim's new new video "Weapon Of Choice", with Spike Jonze directing. You need RealPlayer for this and it's a serious download, but worth it. Pay homage. Dan Rather Leaving CBS - Check out a retrospective on America’s most politicized journalist. Chip & Dales M.M.O.R.P.G. - Could this be the next All Your Base Are Belong To Us? Planet Krulik - From Edward's Geist: Basically, two guys who create some fabulous documentaries went to a coliseum in Maryland in 1986 and filmed the heavy metal burnouts who were waiting for a Judas Priest concert to start. Clinton Cries Foul; Freshman Hazing Gone Too Far - "I knew I was to expect some type of punishment, but this is ridiculous!" says Clinton after senators Trent Lott and Dennis Hastert walked by and dumped a plate of spaghetti on her head during a lunch break in the Congress cafeteria. When Doves Cry: Bird 'explodes' after flying in path of fastball (with video) - During the seventh inning of the Diamondbacks' split-squad 10-6 victory against the Giants on Saturday, the NL Cy Young winner hit and killed a dove flying in front of home plate. Johnson's pitch to the Giants' Calvin Murray was about three-fourths of the way to home plate when it struck the bird. The bird flew over catcher Rod Barajas' head and landed a few feet from the plate amid a sea of feathers. Quote: “A Maryland elementary school has banned the game of tag. Joan Briscoe, principal of West Annapolis Elementary tells the Capital newspaper that the game violates the school's ‘no touching’ policy.” - “Best of the Web,” OpinionJournal.com, 3/27/01

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In an alarming example of short sightedness, I emailed the bressler.org link to my mother. After years of having my parents make fun of me for falling on my face all the time, I knew they would enjoy reading the lead-footed gazelle article. I was right, she loved it – then she read the rest of my stuff.

Then she showed my father all of my articles, beginning with International Love.

Now my father knows that I made out with an older man in Morocco.

I can just imagine the conversation when they read Beer Goggles. “What are beer goggles – what does that mean?”

I am suddenly self-conscious about writing here. I had this great idea for an article about my escapades in West Hollywood, but I can’t stand the idea of my father hearing about me dressed up in a feather boa I bought at Hustler in Hollywood and a tight red t shirt that says I love boys across the front in rhinestones while I party until dawn with a group of hot gay male models (Armani models I might add).

To top it all off, my mom sent the link to all her friends. The response was great. They all can’t wait for more. “We’re bookmarking this!” “What’s she writing about next?” While I’m sure that this has been great for the bressler.org stats, I suddenly have writer’s block. All creativity has fled as I picture my mom and her sorority sisters from all over the country waiting for my next article.

So here’s a disclaimer for my mom:

Mom – I love you – you’re the best (and your friends are cool too), but please read this at your own discretion, and please use even more discretion when you show this stuff to daddy. He doesn’t need to know about some of this stuff and I don’t want to have to censure myself.

And – let’s make a deal – if you have a question or comment about something I post – don’t call me about it – hit reply and post it - and get your friends to reply as well – they would be most welcome here on bressler.org.

JBMoney may even give me an extra star next to my name!

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Freida The Oscar Contest is over and the winner is ... J. Se. She correctly predicted 8 out of 10 Academy Awards, and won two of the 10-point exactas. Way to go!!! For contest scores and selected Academy Award winners check out the Oscar Contest page. Freida was the first to send in her StorTrooper, which you see to the right. Buffy's will be going up in my next update. Make your own and send it in. Freida also wrote an article on upcoming legislation. Use the link to get the whole story. Escutia: Goddess of Self-indulgence - Our dearly misguided state legislature has once again taken up the grave responsibility of solving yet another of our social ills — obesity. The media had fun for a day or two over Senate Bill 19, introduced by the goddess of self-indulgence herself, Senator Martha Escutia. Most of the commotion has been more about the novelty of the bill rather than the substance. But once again, it is important to consider the larger picture, lest liberals gain additional ground in the battle for our souls. Fun Stuff: The George Bush Big Book of ABC's (satire) - Citing his commitment to education and his desire to "make sure our children is learning," President Bush has published an elementary school text aimed at helping children learn the alphabet. Why that Movie Sucked.com - Add your Rant or Review about a Movie, Read other peoples Rants! Will You Marry Me.Com - Your online proposal service and engagement & wedding announcement service. Moon Estates - The United Kingdom's only extra-terrestrial land agents. Simpsons - By popular request, I've re-posted the old Simpsons sounds. Just the basics. Ever have a psycho ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend?. I had a second-hand experience. Let's call the ex-girlfriend Brenda (because that was her name). Robb dated her for a short while during college. At the time, Robb and I were hanging out daily. After they broke up, she was in complete denial for half a year. It was the strangest thing I've seen. She behaved like it never happened. Every day she would call Robb, or just show up uninvited at things Robb & I were doing. Robb would have to explain every day, "uhhh ... We ARE NOT dating anymore. Go away. Leave me alone. Etc." When she finally realized it was over, she took a little bit of her anger out on me, but Robb must have been in hell. Anyway, I ran across the web site of someone who must have had a similar experience, but he kept a recording of all her voicemails and posted them. Good stuff. News: Think you're getting away with something when you use Napster, or other services, to download music. Think again. Another article in a series that shows how the internet can threaten your privacy. The Recording Industry's Secret Weapon Exposed - The software, known as "Media Tracker" masquerades as a client on any of the file-sharing networks through which Net users have been exchanging copyrighted music, collecting details from other machines on that network and adding it to an infringement database. It can also passively monitor IRC chatrooms, newsgroups, interrogate search engines and check ftp sites for offending material. Voter apathy is always a big issue in California. I personally don't have a problem with it. If someone doesn't care enough to vote, then I don't want them to be artificially encouraged to help increase my taxes to pay for a plethora of 'feel good' programs. Unfortunately, increasing voter participation is the mantra of any decent politician. What better way to do so than combine voting with sex and alcohol. Apparently that's going too far for some folks. Lawmaker says booze and ballots don't mix - State Sen. Gloria Romero went to her polling place for the March 6 election and found out it was the Mis Compadres bar, where smoke filled the air and nude pictures dressed the walls. Romero on Wednesday asked the district attorney's office and Secretary of State to investigate the use of bars as polling places.

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