an old high school acquaintance. The two would dine together the next evening at a Roy Rogers Family
Restaurant, then venture out for a night of dancing and sloe gin fizzes. Two weeks later, they
were married in an intimate ceremony at a Las Vegas motor chapel. Mrs. Dick Cheney would go on to
sire two daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, the latter of whom would fulfill her Godly obligation to
couple with men and produce grandchildren in a naturally biological fashion.
In the years that have passed, Mrs. Dick Cheney has evolved into a prolific author. Her works include
"Telling the Truth" (Simon & Shuster, 1995), a book exposing the inherently diseased nature of
non-conservatism and socially uppity females, "King of the Hill" (Second Edition, 1996), the unauthorized
biography of the late Massachusetts Catholic and (sex maniac) Speaker of the House Tip O'Neil, and
"Sisters" (Signet, 1981), a Western romance novel celebrated far and wide for its graphic depictions of
brothel activity, sapphic coitus, and myriad tittilating attempted rapes.
In 1986, then-President and future Washington DC airport namesake Ronald Wilson Reagan appointed the imminently
qualified Mrs. Dick Cheney to become Chairman of the National Endowment for the Humanities. During her
seven year tenure at the agency, Mrs. Dick Cheney would make tremendous strides in
making art safe for Pat Buchanan. After the election of the Arkansas hillbilly William Jefferson Clinton
in 1993, Cheney would resign from the NEH, declaring, "I am now eligible for a generous pension."
Today, Mrs. Dick Cheney is a Senior Fellow at the
American Enterprise Institute (AEI), a non-partisan think tank devoted to improving the plight of
average Christian white Americans everywhere. In addition, she serves as director of the Readers Digest
Association, where she has been a forceful advocate for the commerical distribution of "Life in These
United States" hardcover compilations.
Americans can be proud to have a Second Lady like Mrs. Dick Cheney, who will eagerly set aside her
vocally right-wing intellectualism for the duration of her husband's Vice Presidency, lest she invoke the
memory of Hillary Rodham Clinton - the grotesquely learned and opinionated former First Lady and
fugitive criminal. As such, Mrs. Dick Cheney will join forces with Mrs.
George W. Bush. Together, and under the stern management of Mrs. George H.W. Bush, these paragons of conjugal subservience will tackle a host of
important issues, including but not limited to the promotion of juvenile literacy, and the fight to
halt the proliferation of offensively bourgeois china patterns.
Mrs. Dick Cheney's star sign is Leo. She likes movies, Infusium 23 shampoo, postmodernist interpretive
dance, and playing second fiddle.