A Toast to Two Against Nature


(Awhile back, alt.music.steely-dan regular Barry Braksick proposed we the Loyal Fandom avenge the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame's continued snubbing of Steely Dan by founding our own Steely Dan Hall of Fame and Caribbean Timeshare. The Mam'zelle immediately saw an opportunity, and appointed herself Bartendress of this august and exciting new institution. And the legend has only grown since then.)

Hi gang--

It's me again, your friendly neighborhood Self-Appointed Bartendress and Purveyor of Relaxicants to the Steely Dan Hall of Fame/(Caribbean) Timeshare (SDHOF/TS). I wanted to add my own unique contribution to today's general festivities and mayhem attending the long-awaited release of "The New One," soooooo -- in honor of that which we have been so fondly awaiting, I present my Menu of Official SDHOF/TS 2vN Drinks (and other assorted relaxicants):

Gaslighting Abbie: Herbal Flame

Pour Hot Damn 100 into a large glass. Fill the rest of the glass with tea. Stir with a cinnamon stick and leave it in. Does a fine job of hiding the taste of the Deludin.

What a Shame About Me: Crapachino

Combine all ingredients except ice cream; chill. Add ice cream; blend. Great pick-me-up for when you're fresh out of the rehab.

Two Against Nature: Kaboom Punch

Mix all ingredients in a large punch bowl, ice chest, or other suitable container -- a brand-new plastic trash can works great. Stir vigorously. One of the fastest ways you'll ever find to send your guests bang-zoom to the moon.

Janie Runaway: Eos Cabernet Sauvignon Hyperion Vineyard 1996

"A vibrant wine, with bing cherry and tar at the fore. Keep some on hand for an extra weekend wine." Recent featured selection at Dean and Deluca.

Almost Gothic: Sloe Gin Fizz

Shake ingredients with cracked ice; strain into a chilled highball glass; top with chilled soda water. Serve to your favorite sloe-eyed creature.

Jack of Speed: Crystal Meth

Go to the nearest packed dance club. Look for a preternaturally-skinny individual with a facial tic or two. Offer money. Take the little package s/he gives you in return; introduce the slightly-oily crystaline powder it contains to your nasal passages or bloodstream by your favorite method. You will be gone in no time, guaranteed.

Cousin Dupree: Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall

Mix all ingredients in a glass. Take care you don't fall off your couch.

Negative Girl: (Alleged) Original Formula for Coca-Cola

Produces mass quantities of a syrup concentrate meant to be mixed with carbonated water. Good for relieving the burn of a brain-dead dawn.

West of Hollywood: Anitfreeze

Chill with ice cubes in shaker. Pour into rocks glass or split into two shots. Be sure to have a towel handy when your core begins to defrost.

There you go, folks! Party hearty -- the days of 2vN are upon us, and they be totally jammin'.

/Mam'zelle Canard