The Quest to End Game Addiction 

With the holidays just around the corner, many people are relishing the thought of relaxing at home, munching all manner of fatty sweets and spending extra time with their ... computer games.

Instead of slurping hot cocoa with loved ones, the gamers will be off by themselves in darkened rooms, slaying monsters, conquering new worlds and otherwise stroking their heroic alter egos.

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That behavior bothers a lot of people. It's not fun being jilted for a computer game, especially during a season that's supposed to be about human love, harmony and all those other warm and fuzzy notions.

And while hard-core gamers insist their favorite activity is a harmless pastime, their loved ones sometimes suspect that their hobby has turned into something a little more compulsive, which raises the question: Is there such a thing as gaming addiction or is the very concept a crock of excrement?

It depends on whom you ask. At one extreme, there are gamers who threaten to "get medieval" if someone so much as suggests they step away from their computer for a butt break. At the other extreme, there are the neglected spouses, former gamers and a bevy of therapists dedicated to treating game junkies.

Some games are more reviled than others by the loved ones. EverQuest -- or EverCrack as some people call it -– tops the list. Yahoo has two clubs devoted to the sword-and-sorcery game where players slip into the bodies of barbarians and erudites and chase each other around the fantasy world of Norrath: Spouses Against EverQuest and EverQuest Widows.

The latter, which boasts over 1,000 members, has all the markings of a virtual Al-Anon meeting.

"Hi, I'm 19 years old and I have been an EQ widow for a year now. My boyfriend plays at least 5 hours a day ..." reads the typical new member introduction.

The "EQ Wids" commiserate over tales of woe (one husband insisted on playing the game in the delivery room while his wife gave birth) and offer each other encouragement and company.

"It's just a forum for people to help each other vent," said the group moderator, Tony, who didn't want to reveal his last name. "A lot of the members have come to the point where they've gotten on with their lives. They don't sit at home watching the back of their spouse's head anymore."

Members also share tips on how to sabotage EverQuest by deleting characters or blocking access to servers. As a result, the board is regularly raided by angry gamers who warn the widows "not to fuck with EQ."

And then there's the business of EQ marriages. In addition to being snubbed for a piece of software, many EQ widows fear getting snubbed for a virtual lover. EverQuest characters frequently marry online and sometimes the romance carries over into real life.

"It's really destroyed a lot of marriages," said Tony, whose wife had an affair with her make-believe husband. He allowed her to return home for the sake of their three children. "I told her that if it happens again, I'm not going to take her back."

Some former players have gone online to preach the evils of gaming themselves.

Jeffrey Stark, a high-school student from Ontario, Canada, wrote an impassioned essay in a self-help forum in which he charged that EQ had ruined his life.

When his not-too-tech-savvy parents threatened to unplug the machine, he told them that doing so would destroy it (they believed him). He'd go for a week without bathing or eating a proper meal. He finally stopped going to school for a semester because he couldn't tear himself away.

"I dropped out of school for a semester and was feeling really low," he said. "My parents told me that if I continued to play games, I'd become a garbage man. It was totally insulting."

Stark eventually reached the highest EQ levels and sold three characters on eBay for $4,500, he said. Now he advocates that parents regulate their child's game playing at all times.

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