There appears to be an issue with comments, currently.
Whenever a comment is posted, it emails me with the name/IP of the poster, along with the subject and the comment itself. I noticed one person commented, and it sent me the mail - however it didn't get added to the database. Seems like I must be not escaping something properly, but I can't find any errors in my logs. If you get an error posting a comment, please post the complete error text to this thread.
Thanks!
ghett0hax0r: jesus christ, my gf just broke up with me because i know you
Score!
I'm not sure what to do about this situation with Mike. I really have no idea what the "right thing" even is - although I generally don't base my decisions off what I think I should do. I base them off what I want to do. Generally not an intelligent practice, and doubtless part of the reason I've found myself in most of the situations I'm currently in.
Here's the rundown.
Mike and I have been dating since January 12th. The first 3 weeks, he never left my apartment. We hung out together constantly, and we hit it off very well. I lost my job and moved in with my father, at which point I started spending a lot of time over at Mike's house. He didn't really seem to mind, and eventually it got to the point at which he expected me there. If I didn't show up every morning after work to stay there the day, he'd think something was wrong. We've been living with that situation for about 4-5 months now. Ever since I started working at ISS, I pretty much stopped going home. He gave me a drawer in his dresser so I could keep clothes here. He gave me a key to the house. We discussed moving in together several times, and it became a definite "when" instead of an "if" about 3 months ago. We decided to move in together in the beginning of September. We were originally shooting for September, but then it moved to November because of financial reasons, but eventually we both decided September sounded good. It looked like one of Mike's roommates was going to move out, and Mike and Matt (his other roommate) asked me if I wanted to move in if he did. I said sure, sounds great. That way the financial situation of having to find a place together was already taken care of. There wouldn't be a deposit, because he'd already been living here. It turns out that Jason (the other roommate) wasn't going to leave, but that's not so much a concern here. The focus is now on Mike. After pushing the issue a bit, he told me that not moving in together wasn't a financial concern - it was because he wasn't ready. I can respect that, but I can't help but feel like he led me on a bit. He was ready for me to move in with him if Jason moved out, but now that Jason isn't moving out, Mike isn't ready? Something doesn't feel right. This was the problem we've been having for the past week, and the cause of my anxiety that's apparent in past entries. I feel like he doesn't have any trust in our relationship or in me. He says that while he was gone in Boston, I changed. I think he did. He doesn't want me to go to Boston to meet his family anymore, either. "Not yet", he says. Earlier he talked about taking me there for Thanksgiving.
So what do I do? I've been put in a situation in which I must move out from my fathers. I really don't want to get a place on my own, because it would be hella expensive and I would rather focus on paying off debts and getting a new motorcycle & laptop. The only reason I haven't been putting away money for a deposit for my own place was because I was counting on us moving in together. To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. "Crushed" is more like it.
I feel like he's lost faith in us, or that he's scared. I've been getting mixed responses from everyone. Some people say I should lay low for a while, take a break from the relationship. Others say I should ignore the problem. So I ask you, if you were in my position, what would you do?
For as much as I see him, you'd think I get to spend time with him.
I miss having a boyfriend that takes the time to make me feel pretty. It's not that he's not a good boyfriend. He is, and I love him. I just wish he'd see me when he looked at me. All we've been doing is fighting, lately. Anytime I try to bring up a sensitive subject, he gets that tone to his voice and acts offended. I know a lot of this is my fault, because I've been such an emotional flood the past few weeks, but I don't know how to stop that unless I find some way to fix what has been bothering me so much. He's been my rock with all of the problems that have been going on, but that part is gone. Now he's just a part of the problem instead of a relief from it.
I miss the way things used to be.
Hm. This bit of happiness should hopefully fix my admin interface and update it to the new FreeBSDGirl v3.0 standard.
I need to write a Girl RFC.
The RSS feed is now less ugly and more reliable. Before, I was updating it manually. Now it just pulls from the DB, and the title/description makes more sense.
Enjoy!
I love my current provider. I really do. However, I'm trying to find something local where I can colo a box.
My requirements:
- A company that will let me into the datacenter to work on my server should anything go wrong.
- At least 500G of transfer a month - preferably 1TB.
- Decent bandwidth. By decent, I want to be able to download from my server to my workstation at work at 1MB/sec or more. That's MB, not Mb.
- Atlanta based.
- No firewalls.
- Very little 'maintenance' downtime. I like keeping my connection on irc active. I must idle!
- 5-10 IP's
- Non-idiotic ToS/AUP
Any suggestions?
I'm so tired of hearing so much negativity about America. Although most of my readers are from the US, a large portion are not. So tell me, why is anti-americanism so rampant?
Admittedly, I used to be on the anti-american bandwagon as well. I hated our government. I hated our healthcare. I hated that I couldn't go to certain parts of the city and order a Big Mac at McDonalds without knowing Spanish - not that I would, I despise McDonalds. I hated that I can't get my nails done without knowing Chinese. I hated taxes (ok, still do. :P). I hated all the commercialism - even though I shop at the Gap and Banana Republic regularly. I hated the stupidity in our children. I hated the school systems for encouraging that stupidity. I hated the ego, the greed, and the ignorance of our culture. But I'm starting to come around.
Sure, there's a lot of blind sheep that live here. Go down to south Georgia around voting time, for example. All the women are talking about who their husband told them to vote for. People take what is mentioned on CNN as fact - and God help you if you try to argue with them. Show us a map, and I'm pretty sure 99% of the US can't point out where Malaysia is (although we have the entire country blocked in our spam filters). We have child molestors, religious wars fought in the form of stem cell research and pro-life advocacy, and media that thrives on bloodshed.
But what about what's great about America?
For once, just this once, can't we focus on the positive?
I have a car and a truck. I have unmutilated genitals (unless you count the hood piercing as mutilation, which I don't). I can vote. In theory, I mean just as much to this society as someone that makes millions of dollars a year. I can stay out as late as I want. I can fuck whoever I want. I can spend my paycheck on 500 gallons of Jello. My future isn't set in stone. I can come from nothing, and make something of myself. My education may not have been the best, but I taught myself what I needed to know outside of school. My future is open and free. Can people everywhere make that claim?
There are complaints I have about the US, sure. I'm not even going to claim it's perfect. We know the truth. We didn't elect this fucktard that's our current President. He didn't even get half the vote. The rest of the world may not know this, but our eyes are open. We may not agree on everything, and there's still those uneducated masses that just don't get it, but we have a voice.
I don't expect the poliltical situation in the US to change anytime soon. It may not even change in my lifetime. It will change eventually, though. I have theories, although some might disagree with them. There's a good possibility I'm wrong, but as I see it, there's going to be a war. Not this bullshit 9/11 crap that everyone keeps talking about, but a real war - one that involves more than the US bullying one little country. There's been death and violence and torture in this current 'war', but it'll be nothing compared to what is coming. We're looking at another world war. With the current technology, I've got to wonder who is going to survive. Ever read The Stand, by Stephen King? I've got an overactive imagination, but you've got to admit that it's got a ring of truth to it. It may not even be the US's fault. At this rate, I'm more scared of North Korea than anything.
I'm not scared for myself. I'm scared for my children, and for my children's children. What's going to happen when only a random few are left standing?
It's been a long day.
I don't really feel like writing, but it's either write or continue to play Collapse and try to ignore the chaos inside my head. I'm scared that things might be over. Mike said he's going to take a while to figure out where we are going, and I can't help but wonder what his thought process is. This all started when we started talking about moving in. It's quite a long story, but the end result of it is that I now realize he's not as certain of us as I was. I love him with all my heart and soul. I would do anything for him - but what he's been asking me to do has been slowly destroying me. I feel dead inside, all emotion gone. I just want to sleep. I never want to wake up. I have to pick him up in the morning, and I'm dreading it. I know when I see him, all I will want to do is fall into his arms and cry, but I can't let myself do that.
Here's my heart. Take it. I don't want it anymore.