Citizen Sant-R-CLZ-6, while your mirth does meet minimum happiness levels, the ultraviolet trim on your coat and hat leave much to be desired. ZZZAPZAPZAPZZAP!!

Happy Holidaycycle, citizens! Now comes that important time of year when Friend Computer requires you to spend all of your credits on consumer products, in order to do your part fighting Communism where it lives and breathes! To help you in your battle against the red tide, we are generously offering FREE SHIPPING (inside the U.S.) for all items in the Paranoia-Live Shop! A generous restructuring of the shop's prices also insures that you will save more money then ever before! Friend Computer's mandatory price slashing is glorious, is it not? (Say yes! Oh, hurry....)

With Crash Priority arriving at our supply depot any second, there have never been more choices and discounts available to you. Don't forget that you can save even more by signing up for the Ultraviolet Club. You can see a list of benefits and discounts by clicking HERE.

Citizens, we thank you once again for your patronage. Your couragous spending has kept the Commie hordes at bay, and guaranteed the future of this sector.

Look at this place, all these half finished devices lying around... I've never seen such a mess. And 142 copies of the same tiny clone? This guy was twisted, I tell ya. Joe-B, round up all these Merr-Y-ELFs and get them down to IntSec for detox and debriefing. We may have to wipe the template, but I want all their statements first.

Desperate to keep up with those last-minute JParanoia games? Tired of reading those hilarious game logs instead of actually being there? New to Paranoia and fancy observing the latest troubleshooting adventures of loyal Paranoia-Live players?

The incredibly modest JPWatch couldn't be simpler. Once started it sits on your desktop and regularly communicates directly with Friend Computer to find current JParanoia games. On finding a live server, it will pop up a small window with the name of the game server. What could be easier?

JPWatch is the latest, greatest invention for all Computer-loving, commie-hating citizens who just love to serve Alpha Complex by playing online.

Loyal citizens of Paranoia-Live, beware! The base commies have released a brand new PARANOIA XP book, The Traitor’s Manual. Packed full of hints and tips that would make any budding commie scum proud, this book is an affront to Alpha Complex and has really neat artwork by Jim Holloway.

The vile cur responsible for this unthinkable treachery is one Gareth Hanrahan, also known on the forums as Mytholder. If you should encounter this citizen please terminate him immediately with extreme prejudice (you might want to bag an autograph first – we all know how important it is to keep our paperwork up to date).

Should any of you discover commie retailers selling this product you are obliged to report them to The Computer without delay. Under no circumstances should you try to purchase this product yourself, especially not from the Paranoia-Live Shop for only $19.50 (reduced from $21.95).

The Computer is your friend.

Citizen Biggles has written an excellent guide for those new to playing PARANOIA online. The article covers most of the areas that new players find awkard, such as JParanoia etiquitte, why they're dying so often (it's not personal!) and how best to achieve your ultimate aim of stabbing your fellow players in the back.

Essential reading for newbies.

Report here or face summary execution.

The transcript from the Allen Varney webchat has been cleared for all security levels.

Any citizens who missed this special event, should first report here. Then report to Friend Computer with a really, really, really good excuse for not being there in the first place.

As anticipated by The Computer, the first Paranoia-Live PARANOIATHON went exceedingly well.

Over Saturday and Sunday there were numerous safe and fun troubleshooting missions and some very special highlights. On Saturday, Mike-U turned back the clock with Robot Imana-655-C, a 1st Edition adventure. The following day saw Takyn-U’s Jeopardy! XP! with an All-Star line up of the very best GM’s competing together in a vicious display of traitorous competition. The highlight of the weekend was no doubt the webchat with venerable Gamma citizen, Allen Varney. (A transcript of the webchat will be published in the coming days)

CPU analysis of the PARANOIATHON indicates that fun exceeded the projected figures. (The people responsible for this miscalculation have all volunteered to give their service to their local Waste Recycling Recreational Gulag.) Rumours that this could become an regular annual event are treason.

Lastly, the prize draw for a free copy of PXP had not one, but TWO winners! The lucky citizens are Greymist and Scola. Free-of-charge copies of PARANOIA XP are on their way.

The Computer would like to thank all the players and GM’s who took part in the celebration. Cold Fun ice poles vouchers are available to all for a reduced price. (Please fill in forms 3499/DD-D, 3499/DD-E, 3499/DD-FFS, 3499/DD-XXC, 3499/DD-S3S, 3499/DD-82RCFCz and 3499/DDDDDD3-V to receive your complimentary voucher)

See below the current schedule for this weekend. Times may vary and events may be added. Please check back here and on the forum for any updates.

NOTE: All times are displayed as BST (GMT+1)


Saturday 28th August
14:00-18:00 ~ Watch Your Back, Jack (Leon-R-DOE)
18:00-20:00 ~ Game (Gamefreak)
21:00-01:00 ~ Retro Paranoia (Mike-U-LEM)
01:00-05:00 ~ I Love NYC Sector! (Elle-R-KNO)


Sunday 29th August
18:30-20:30 ~ Jeopardy XP (Takyn)
20:30-21:00 ~ Competition live draw (Fargmania)
21:00-23:00 ~ Webchat with PARANOIA author, Allen Varney
Two Too Many Troubleshooters (El-R-KIN & Mike-U-LEM) (POSTPONED TILL NEXT WEEK)

As part of our PARANOIATHON weekend, we're releasing the new version of JParanoia. The latest version is XP-compliant and hosts many new useful features to help make PARANOIA even more fun than it already is, even though that clearly isn't possible.

Grab it here.

Citizens, the time for PARANOIA XP has finally arrived and to celebrate, Paranoia-Live is hosting the world's first online weekend PARANOIATHON!

From the afternoon of Saturday 28th to late evening of Sunday 29th, we will be hosting a variety of online games and special events, all cleared by CPU as passing the Mandatory Fun Test.

As well as the usual games of PARANOIA, we'll also have plenty of special events. Hot foot from Gen Con, our very own High Programmer, Takyn-U, will be hosting an all-star special, titled Jeopardy! XP! that will see audience participation as well as all the usual PARANOIA goodness you know and love. Also, Paranoia-Live co-owner, UV Fargmania, will conducting a live draw to see which of our lucky members will win a free copy of PARANOIA XP.

If that wasn't enough excitment for you, be sure to join us for the highlight of the weekend - a live webchat with PARANOIA XP author and all round good clone, Allen Varney. That will be followed by a special team vs. team Paranoia game, co-hosted by Mike-U and El-R-KIN.

For the latest PARANOIATHON weekend schedule, visit the forum.

Further proof, were it needed, that The Computer is indeed your friend.

(Any citizens who wish for further proof of The Computer's friendship are directed to visit their nearest confession booth at their earliest convienience)

Gen Con 2004 draws to a close, but not before Mongoose sells out of every piece of PARANOIA XP merchandise they brought! My report on the final day and my summary thoughts are here. Thank you for allowing me to be your Paranoia-Live Gen Con Representative!

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