Akroma Barely 18, Waiting To Talk To You

Dominaria -- Akroma, the angelic, shapely, blue-haired Magic: The Gathering character from the card Pacifism, announced on Thursday that she is barely 18 and that she is waiting to talk to Magic players all over the world.

"Hi. Are you lonely tonight?" Akroma said Thursday. "I'm barely 18 and sitting by the phone, waiting to fulfill all your wildest fantasies.

"You won't believe the things I like to talk about when I get together in a private phone conversation with you for only $3.99 a minute, while the charges rapidly escalate as you masturbate and lose track of time," Akroma said.

Akroma, a resident of Morrisville, N.J., was created in September out of the imagination of the insane wizard Ixidor. She said Thursday that she created her new call-in service because she eagerly wanted to hear the wildest fantasies of lonely Magic players everywhere, with no charge for the first minute.

When asked precisely what "barely 18" meant, she said that it means, "You're supposed to pretend I'm not 18."

Akroma promised that if a caller did not want to speak to her, there would be other barely 18-year-old females with which to speak, including an Elvish Ranger, a Serra Angel and "that chick from Earthbind."

"Or call and talk to hot barbarians who are barely 18," Akroma added. "These hot guys are waiting to hear and fulfill all your fantasies."

Discuss this article in the Magic: the Gathering Forums!