FreeBSDGirl.com

It’s been hectic here. My mom called me last night to inquire as to if I was still alive, so I suppose it’s time for a few updates:

Mike and I are getting along “ok” now. It’s still awkward. After the last post, he began to act a bit more sane. We’re working on being friends, but it’s harder than I originally thought it would be.

Google boy got kicked out by his psycho roommate. It turns out she’s that kind of girl that doesn’t really like having other girls around (as they take attention away from her), so she told him to get out if he was going to insist upon dating me. Ok, whatever. I’ve only had like 3 conversations with her, during all of which I was quite nice. I suppose that’s just her perrogative. Since I needed a place to live too, Google boy and I got a loft in the same building he used to live in. The loft is gorgeous. It’s got 12′ ceilings, all concrete and stainless steel, top floor, 1500sq ft. My bedroom is facing the city, and 3/4 of the wall is glass with sliding doors out to the balcony. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see is a fabulous view of the Atlanta skyline. I love living downtown. It is beyond awesome. Having a roommate isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it’d be. We’ve got quite a bit in common, right down to our shared preference of skim milk - a habit I couldn’t ever get anyone else into.

I went to Ikea this weekend because I don’t have much in the way of furniture. I hate Ikea. It’s ghetto cheap, which is kind of nice, but I feel like a dirty hippy college student shopping there. There’s way too many people there. I did get a really neat chaise/couch thingie for my room though. It’s the first piece of furniture I’ve ever really bought all by myself, other than small tables and bookcases and such. It’s an odd feeling.

I finally finished my first project at work. For the past 3 weeks, I’d been putting in well over 110+ hrs a week. It’s almost like I’m making up for the lack of work I’ve always managed to get by with at previous jobs. Being a developer requires such a different mindset from being a sysadmin. I’m used being smart enough to be lazy, but now it’s all work, work, work. I don’t think I mind it that much. I’m finally not bored. I got a break on Thursday/Friday last week, and I realized I didn’t like being bored anymore. Bah.

I’ve been working on rewriting iwi(4) in FreeBSD 5, as WPA is broken. Bunches of other fun odd little problems with that driver too. I’ve never done this level of coding before, so I’m learning quite a bit. It’s also been totally (not) fun working on figuring out how to debug ACPI on the Inspiron 9300. I may be able to find some help with Darius, but he’s never done work like this either. It’s code to keep me from thinking about work code. I am such a nerd.

My warlock finally hit lvl 40. Actually, I’m 42 now. I *love* my felsteed. Not having to walk makes the game much less of a grind.

Nathan was over this past weekend. It was his first look at my new place. We had the windows open, and when we weren’t looking he apparently amused himself by throwing socks and waffles (???) out the window at people. Good going, Nathan. You are so grounded.

I wore my Google shirt and my daemon horns to work today. Too fun. I hope the horns aren’t over the top.

Anastacia rocks. It’s great music to listen to when in a furious rage because of a bad relationship.

I’ve done my best to avoid conflict during this whole thing. I’ve not even really been home in the past 10 days. It was too difficult. When I was there, Mike kept wanting to cuddle and hold me, and that’s not what he should be doing. If I said no, he’d get a hurt look on his face, so it was just easier to avoid the situation entirely. I thought he’d appreciate my effort of trying to make things easier on both of us. Google Boy has been kind enough to let me crash at his place, so I’ve been living on his couch like a bum. It doesn’t help that Mike took my last paycheck from me and didn’t give me a dime of it. So, whatever. What was I supposed to do? Let the rumors run rampant. It doesn’t affect me one way or the other.

He’s been causing more and more shit for me over the past week. He’s been calling my work screaming and threatening, and it’s gotten to the point at which a restraining order is becoming a strong possibility. I don’t understand how he could be like this. He’s even called me telling me stories about how “our friends on IRC” are telling him all sorts of shit, and asking what is going on between Google Boy and myself. He’s actually upset about what people on IRC are saying, and trying to use it against me. What the fuck? Who cares, it’s IRC. Seriously, what’s the big deal? We don’t even have any mutual “friends” on IRC. He’s probably talking about the idiotic fuckheads in #atlrave.

Let’s see, on the top of my list of incompetent morons in #atlrave, there’s good ‘ol dahila, who apparently works in my office complex. I had no idea of this until last night, when Google Boy joined the channel and saw the topic was set to her talking about seeing me. Something about a moody looking chick with an ipod and idiotic red hair. Heh. I’m not moody, I’m happy - unless I’m dealing with Mike. She’s probably just jealous, as she weighs 300+ lbs and I’ve got a 27″ waist. Put down the twinkies, and maybe you’ll lose some weight, ktnx. It really kind of bothers me that she’d be talking shit unprovoked, because I’ve met her once or twice before, and she seemed nice enough. Kind of lacking on the intelligence bit, but nice. I didn’t like her much from what I knew of her on IRC, but I gave her a chance and thought things were going OK. I think it’s a bit rude that she’d be talking shit now (and not even to my face), but if that’s her perrogative, who am I to argue? I’ve never met someone IRL that I knew off IRC and had them dislike me that much, so it’s a first.

(Also, I love my hair. I am a rock star.)

This provoked so much drama, all of which I was trying to avoid. Mike is telling everyone that I just won’t leave him alone. He’s got some sort of fucked up reality. Someone told me it was because he was hurt, since I dumped him and not the other way around. I really don’t care anymore who dumped who. After all of the abuse I suffered, he had to have seen this coming. It just took me seeing Michelle getting beat by her husband that made me realize what was going on in my own life. He can’t play the angel in this forever. I kept fairly quiet about all of what was really going on between us, simply because I didn’t want to deal with the humiliation of others knowing that I sat through it. This is too much, though, and he’s gone too far. The fact of the matter is that he was abusive. Not physically, but verbally - which can be even worse. I would have rather suffered a punch to the face than most of the words he said to me. My friends didn’t even recognize the person I’d become. I was scared. I cried a lot. I didn’t even try standing up for myself anymore. Every night ended with me in the corner curled in a ball, crying while he stood over me throwing words so ugly they’d even make me feel sick if I repeated them. The more he saw me break, the harder he’d push.

When I ended it, I didn’t want anything from him. I wanted my stuff, and that was it. He could keep all of the things we’d accumulated during our relationship. I didn’t want the furniture, I didn’t want any of the kitchen things, I just wanted him gone from my life. I didn’t want to be around him anymore, I just wanted all of the stress to stop. He’s the only person I’ve ever met that had the ability to make me hate myself so much. After all of this, I’m not afraid of him anymore. I’m pissed. I’m really fucking furious.

He’s calling my friends, all of whom refuse to answer the phone when they see it’s him. It’s funny how now everyone keeps telling me they never liked him, but they were afraid to tell me before. Wtf? He always seemed like a good person to me, so I wish they had said something, even though I probably would have ignored them. He’s calling my work, and it’s so bad that there’s now an order out to call the police should anyone see him near the premises without me alerting them he’s going to be there. He’s trying to fuck me over by refusing to pay any of the money he owes on one of our debts. He took my last paycheck from me, and left town without giving me a dime of it. He actually had the nerve to IM me this morning telling me he needed to talk to me this weekend so I could pay my half of the bills. I just about fell out of my chair, I laughed so hard.

So yeah, Mike. I’m taking half the shit. I was going to play nice and walk away. I was going to let you have everything, because you seemed to think it was owed to you. I’m sorry, but too bad. I’m taking half of everything, and that doesn’t even begin to cover what I think you owe me. I’m not giving you a dime of my next paycheck. You don’t owe anything on the debt, because I’ve got other ways of getting that out of you. You should have thought first before you went fucking insane. Oh yeah, and I’m moving out this weekend. Have fun paying next months rent by yourself.

pwned. <3

It’s kind of ironic that you find out the true nature of people only after you’ve broken up with them.

After agreeing to live together for a few more months so both of us are in a more comfortable position just a few days ago, Mike changed his mind today. I haven’t slept that much since Friday. My back has been hurting too much, and Mike told me he’d go out and get something for me to help it. Instead he went and hung out with the guys. We’re broken up and everything, but still, how can you do that to someone? It’s just cruel. I got pretty angry, but it’s not like I have any claim over how he spends his time. If he wants to be an asshole, that’s his own perrogative. I just told him to move his things out of my bedroom, as the friends-with-benefits thing was over.

Today, the first thing he said when I saw him was that he wanted me to find a roommate or find a place to live as soon as possible. Gee. So much for “not being left hanging”, something he promised he he wouldn’t do.

So now I’m being left with no car (before, he promised he’d give me the explorer), no bank account (it’s in his name), no furniture (he’s taking all of it), and a debt to my mother that by all rights, both of us should owe her. The loan we took from her to get the house - which he’ll probably be keeping. He’s pushing all that off on me. Oh, and he’s taking my dogs too.

Some people would be pretty upset. Some people would be totally all hate and rage. I, however, remain optimistic.

I don’t have the energy for a long post.

The previous post was regarding my step-sister. I just found out she was getting beat by her husband. I tried to fly her here. I tried to fly there. I tried to do everything I could. I guarenteed safetly for her and her daughter. She won’t leave him, though, so what can I do? I never thought of her as being one of those females. It crushes me to know that she is. It hurts more than anyone can comprehend to know that our friendship is probably over.

Mike and I are over. It was finished this weekend. I’ve been hiding in my computer. I’m not as upset as I thought I’d be. Everyone saw this coming, including myself.

My jaw is all swollen. I didn’t make it to work today. I didn’t want to have to answer questions. Every time I shut my eyes, I fall asleep. Infection.

James is leaving Atlanta. Great timing.

I miss my friends. On the upside, this is a great time for me to break out all the clothes I’ve missed. It’s a shame the Chamber shut down. I don’t really have anywhere to wear my favorite boots to. At least my new iPod matches everything. What’s on my iPod? Garbage’s Bleed Like Me. Christina Aguilera’s Stripped. Fragma.

I bought an obscenely expensive dress because of World of Warcraft. I was trying to get away from my computer, so I went to Bloomingdales. I saw this dress, this perfect dress. It was silk - green, beaded, and just gorgeous. Ribbons complimented the princess cut, and I thought I would die. The first thing I thought when I saw this dress - “I bet it has at least +12 int and is Bind on Equip”. I tried it on, it turns out it was true, so I bought it. I think I’m going to bring it back though. In the week since I bought it, I lost another 5lbs. The dress is falling off. Strapless dresses have to fit just right.

Boy - “You know.. I’ve loved you for so long.. I feel as though I’ve slipped into a parallel universe.”
Girl - “I don’t understand how you could love me.”
Boy - “I don’t understand how everybody could not.”

It’s a quote from Kelly Clarkston, in case you’re wondering.

Some things are a disaster, yet others are going so well. Talk about being conflicted.

I went and saw a new doctor on Monday. The morning started out horribly enough due to a lack of planning and organization on Michael’s part. Well, I should have known by now, so I guess it’s my fault. I should have had contingency plans. I need to set up a Disaster Recovery plan for my life. I ended up handing the doctor $350, and in turn he handed me Valium. Fair trade. I’m about to start an extensive and exhausting round of testing to find out exactly what is wrong with me. It’s been proven I don’t have Degenerative Disc Disease - now they think it’s Fibromyalgia. I’m tired, and I just want to give up. One can only get so many answers before realizing that there is no answer. I keep trying, though. I don’t hope for a cure. I just want to know what I’m facing. At this rate, I’ll soon be in a wheelchair most of the time.

Valium isn’t what I expected. I wanted something to calm me. I wanted something to numb me, emotionally. I still get upset, but it’s like it’s happening through a thin layer of apathy. I’m angry, but it’s controllable because I just don’t care. I view everything with a detachment that is a bit unsettling. Right now, by all accounts, I should be furious. I should be upset. I should be…something other than this feeling of cold heartlessness. It’s like I’m watching everything unfold in a badly cast movie with a sub-par plot.

I stayed at work very late last night. We were given two days to complete a project that reasonably should have taken 6 weeks, at least. It’s for a huge client. Sure, I’m a contractor that doesn’t get paid overtime, but I don’t mind helping. I finally got home near midnight. I reached in my bag, about to check my voicemail as I didn’t have signal where I was, and it rang before I could bother. Michael was on the phone, angry as he’s ever been. He started yelling at me immediately, because he tried calling twice and I hadn’t answered. It was my first day on Valium, so I didn’t know how to react to what I was feeling. I was just so tired, and I didn’t see the necessity in getting upset. It makes sense to me, even if you’re puzzled by the phrasing. I tried to sit there and let him get it out of his system. He proceeded to blame me for everything, up to and including Katrina. I just wanted to sleep. I told him I couldn’t deal with his shit, and as I prepared to hang up, my phone died. Low battery, figures. I plugged it in, and made sure it stayed turned off, as it usually turns on when it charges. I knew he’d be calling back, and I was so stressed out, tired, and fed up in general that I couldn’t deal with him. He AIM’ed me immediately, cursing at me more. So I blocked him. Then he started a new account, and AIM’ed me from it, telling me to “get my shit together and move out”. So I said “k” and blocked him again. After he started another account, I signed off AIM. I was getting ready to sleep, so it made no difference to me. Three minutes later, I get an email from him. I told him I was marking his address as spam in my blacklist filter, and got into my pajamas. Five minutes later, he sent me another email from a different address. I have to hand it to him, this kid is persistant.

During our conversations, he got fairly abusive, probably due to my lack of proper response - that is, he wanted me to fight back. Some of the finer points of his conversation were:
1) I’m “useless” and “good for nothing” because I can’t do anything around the house due to my disability.
2) I treat him like shit.
3) I obviously must not love him because I don’t call him several times a day.
4) I obviously must not want to be in this relationship since I was doing what he told me to do. ie: move out.

The thing is, he tells me to move out at least once a week, or he threatens to move out. I am tired of the fighting. I stopped getting into the details of our fights on my blog a while ago, mainly because I thought it was unfair to him. This is just my side of the story. I’m being painted as the bad guy to everyone by him, though. It’s time to fight back. I’m sure he’ll try to make himself out to be as pristine as newly fallen snow. Dog piss covered snow, sure.

Michael is a good person at heart, but he fights with cruelty and hatred. Most people fight like this when they are younger, but eventually they grow out of it. Like, you know, once they get out of grade school, with the exception of IRC. When I fight, I choose to make it a battle of reason. I don’t say unnecessarily cruel things, I just try to prove my point. Michael isn’t so good at that. He didn’t use to be like this, but he got tired of losing every argument; at least, that’s my guess. He’s not good at remembering things, be it dates, specific things said in a conversation, etc. He knows this, and he’s even admitted to this on several occassions, but he’ll bullheadedly try to say he knows he’s right even when he’s very, very wrong. I, on the other hand, am good at remembering the most obscure things. This is a trait inherent in most females. It is bred into us to remember every single word that you ever say, for the sole purpose of using it against you in the future. I never try to say things that are hateful. I never say something just to hurt him. I’m not capable of that. I’m not that type of person. It’s just not in me. This isn’t IRC. He says things that he knows are not true, things that he normally would never say, because he knows that at that moment, I will take his words at face value and believe them. In the back of my mind, I’ll know he’s wrong, but I’ll believe him anyways. He says things that you should just never say to someone you love. He’s told me his friends hate me, his family hates me, I ruin the life of anyone I come into contact with, he’s the only person on this planet that would ever put up with my shit, I’m a bad parent, I’m faking my back problems, and that I killed my dog. Later he tried to deny saying these things, or he said he didn’t mean them. The words were said. Once they are out there, they can’t be taken back. I’m a firm believer in the word “sorry” meaning jack shit. If someone truly regrets what they did, they just don’t do it again. It’s that simple. He does this every argument we have, so it’s obvious he doesn’t feel that poorly about it.

Last week, I told him I didn’t trust him. He got so angry. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not my fault I can’t trust him, it’s his fault for lying to me. He lies all the time, about stupid little things, but it’s a lie nonetheless. I hate not trusting him. I want to be able to. He started yelling at me about this, and then he told me he didn’t trust me, either. He doesn’t want me hanging around James at all. I’ve hung out with James twice in the past four months, both times when it should have been Mike with me. The first time was shortly after the surgery that I alluded to in this blog several times, although I never got into specifics. Mike forgot about the date, and he scheduled himself available for a business trip putting him out of town the week just a day after the surgery. I tried not to be upset, and I did a pretty good job of it. I was scared though, because I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle things on my own. James stopped by one night to check on me and see how I was doing. I thought it was sweet. He was the only one of my friends that was able to do that, and I appreciated it more than he could realize. The second time was my birthday - the big fuck up. Mike forgot what day my birthday was, and said he was okay to go on a business trip. We were supposed to go to Phantom of the Opera. That was my birthday present was from him. I didn’t get to go, I had to sell the tickets to my boss. I was heartbroken. The power also got shut off that day, as Mike forgot to pay the bill - or the check got lost in the mail, so he says. I don’t know, I don’t care - all I know is that he was out of town, I was in a house that had no power, and I was all by myself on a day that would depress me regardless. James took me out for dinner to try to cheer me up. He kept me company, on a day that my boyfriend should have been there.

I’m tired of the constant disappointments. I don’t think it’s right that I should have to feel guilty about being in pain. I know Mike isn’t living the life he wants to live, and he probably never will be able to because I am just not capable of it. I can’t let him take it all out on me anymore. I used to think I was always snapping at him because I was in so much pain. Now, I know it’s just because it’s him. I’m tired of being abused. Sometimes words can be more painful than fists.

I know he’s going to try to blame the downfall of this relationship on me. I know he’s going to say it was my choice to move out, that I’m the one that made the decision. Maybe I did, maybe it is all my fault. I’m tired of having to ignore him. I’m tired of “breaking up” on a weekly basis. I’m tired of being told to leave. I’m finally listening to him. I’m fairly certain that this really is what he’s wanted for a while, he’s just been to scared to admit it. I told him repeatedly that I’m not the marriagable type. I’m not even the relationship type. Until I know what is wrong with my spine, I’m defective. I don’t want to put this on anyone else. We had this talk a week ago, and he told me he’d try to be there for me. He was, that night. I cried, because I would rather he had not been. I don’t like to depend on other people or expect anything other than the worse from them, because then I start to depend on it. I was right, too. He held my hand that night, while I laid in bed and spasmed in pain. It hasn’t happened since. If I can’t have constant support, I’d rather not have any at all. It’s too hard.

I’m going to miss his family. I know he’s going to make this as difficult as possible. I gave him one last chance tonight. I called him, and told him I was going through with it. He didn’t fight it. Instead, he chose to attack me again. No one has ever been able to make me hate myself as much as he has. I’m FreeBSDGirl. Obviously, I’m the shit. What the hell was I thinking?

We’ll see what the next few days bring. I should be busy enough with work, so I won’t be able to think about it that much. They offered me a permanent position as a full-time developer. I took it. I wanted to call someone; I wanted to celebrate - but then I realized, there’s no one to call. The one person I’d want to celebrate with isn’t mine anymore.

Then I took another Valium. Good times.

We had it out tonight, again.

I came home from work this evening thinking about the lie I caught him in the other night. It was a stupid lie over something small, but regardless, he deliberately mislead me when he told me he never would. He told me the lie a few months ago, before we started having all these problems. I confronted him about it, and he tried to laugh it off. When that didn’t work, he blamed it on me. I’m the reason he lied? I saw that one coming.

When I got home, I was in a foul mood, not just because of that lie, but because of all the things happening this weekend that he didn’t plan well for. It’s a big weekend for me, I guess not so much for him. He tries to think it is, but that’s not how these things go. I’m not scared. I won’t let myself be. I can’t really be specific in what’s happening. If all goes well, I’ll blog again. If not, send flowers to my funeral.

Despite the pressure of the upcoming events, he has a friend visiting this weekend - a guy I’ve never met before. I’m not really comfortable with strangers in my house, but I figured I’d get over it. I didn’t think it was going to happen this weekend of all weekends. The guy is visiting from out of town and he’s already at the train station, so it’s not like I can tell him no. When he’s a guest in my house, I can’t kick him out. Also, Mike’s going to be going out of town for the first half of next week, and that’s the worst possible timing. I really wished he’d be here. I don’t know if I’ll be able to take care of myself, much less the dogs or the other responsibilities around here. I suppose I’ll have no choice. I don’t feel so much abandoned as simply disappointed in him for not thinking, for being insensitive. I thought I’d gotten used to it, but it still stings.

I prefer just being on my own. I’m more comforted by the silence than I am by knowing he’s near. I don’t know when I let myself stop depending on him for emotional support. The only emotion I even remember feeling for the past few months is anger, and what good is that? I’m only what I think qualifies as happy when I’m at work, and that’s because I’m usually off in my own world coding, disassociated from everything else.

After the fight, I simply couldn’t be angry anymore. Not with the pressure of what’s happening tomorrow. I wouldn’t let myself break down. It infuriated Mike to see me so calm. He ended up bruising his wrist when he punched the wall. I can’t say that I felt that sorry for him. After he calmed down, I told him what I’d been thinking, but was too worried to say out loud - until then.

We’ve been having problems for a while, and it’s only getting worse. The pressure of what is happening tomorrow, along with us moving in together, my back getting worse, me being out of a job for a while - it was all too much. I don’t know if we can recover. I don’t think things are going to get better. I don’t want to end this for the wrong reasons, but I don’t want to stay in it for the wrong reasons, either. I learned my lesson with that once before. I don’t lean on him anymore, and I don’t feel like I need him anymore. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to need him. I just feel so much closer to content when I’m all by myself, and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to be with him, or because I don’t have the capability of dealing with anyone. All his little nuances that I used to find endearing (or at least tolerable) now drive me to irritation to the point of wanting to be violent.

Now isn’t a good time to make this decision, and I don’t want to throw in the towel yet. Maybe after some of these things calm down, we’ll be able to work through our problems. I’m not scared, I just don’t want to make the wrong decision. I’m no more lonely at this moment than I’d be if I were without him, and what does that say about us?

I finally managed to get some real sleep last night instead of the usual 2-3 hours of psuedo sleep I’ve been feeding my body with for the past few weeks. I went upstairs to my bedroom around 10:00 PM, a bit grumpy because of hunger/tiredness. I took a bath, laid down in bed with another crappy Nora Roberts book, and Mike got into bed and started watching TV. About 10 minutes later, I went to go turn the page and realized I couldn’t. The book fell on the floor, and somehow I managed to lean over and turn off the light before passing out. I think I woke up a few hours later because I was cold, but instead of doing the obvious of turning on the heating pad and pulling the blanket around me, I just rolled over into Mike’s arms. It was kind of sweet, I guess. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to sleep like that. Usually I have to be left alone when I sleep, and I sleep best if I’m in the bed by myself. I woke up at 8:30 AM in a good mood, despite being tired. I think it’s going to take a few nights of sleep like that to bring myself out of walking-zombie state.

[Edit: Removed a nice chunk of text from the end of this entry due to a request from Mike.]

I’m beyond infuriated, entering incredulous.

Once again, I got to sleep late last night. Boyfriend had over his stupid stoner friends late, after breaking his promise for the third time. Every time I get pissed off at his lack of consideration, and every time he promises he won’t do it again. This is just so typical. He makes promises like it’s no big thing, and he forgets about them the second it’s even the least little bit inconvenient. I keep hoping he’ll change, but I’m starting to see that he never will. If I call him on it, he even tries to turn the situation around on me, even though I’m not the one that did anything wrong. It’s useless even attempting to talk to him about it. This whole living together thing is so not what it’s cracked up to be.

So tell me, boys, if you lived with your girlfriend after being with her for over 1.5 years, and you were having some pretty tough times adjusting, would you keep bringing over your friends at all hours of the night without even warning her about it first? Mike claims his friends always do it, but I think that as usual, he’s full of shit.

Mike’s in Boston right now, giving his speech at Harvard. Did I not mention it before? It was up in the air until a few days ago, but they decided to send him down. He’s talking about the IPS industry in front of a bunch of Harvard and MIT people. He seemed pretty nervous about it last night. I’m so proud of him, though. How many people can say they’ve been invited to give a speech at an Ivy League college when they were only 23?

We started talking about engagement rings earlier this week. I was poking around on The Diamond Trading Company’s website. They have a neat ring-builder page there, where you can design your ring and find ones that are simliar to it. We aren’t getting engaged yet, probably not for quite some time. We do talk about it quite a bit. Mike even knows my idea of the perfect ring - Princess cut, single stone, platinum band. All of that talking got me thinking though, and I decided to do some research into engagement rings.

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I feel poopy. Friday, Mike and I had a fight. I was worried and stressed out because I had just found out that my dad was in a car accident, and I took it out on Mike. My dad is ok, but it was still pretty scary. He’s lucky that he didn’t come out with worse than a few bumps and bruises. He was in Alabama on a business trip, and 4 high school wrestling team kids were crammed into a little Kia or something. They ran a red light and hit my dad straight on. Dad was going about 25mph and the kids were going 45mph. Everyone came out OK.

Saturday, I was still feeling really tired, and my jaw was hurting. I’m probably going to have to get a root canal on Monday, fun fun. I took Mike’s car and went and picked up some goodies, and then we dropped by Mike’s house to check on the animals. Dumb whore Christine finally left Matt, good riddance. She went to Arizona, apparently. Her dumb whore mother decided to take her back. Oh, this is going to be great fun. I give her 2 months before she’s back whoring to Matt again. After we left the house, we drove to Riverside Park. We had yummy tuna fish & cheese sandwiches and IBC Creme Soda (the kind that comes in a glass bottle). We watched the kids run around, and laid down on a grass hill together to read. He read Maxim, I read Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons, by Lorna Landvik. I was expecting it to be another dumb grocery store girly book, but it’s turning out to be pretty good. In some parts, it reminds me of Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. If the subject matter isn’t necessarily something I’d normally be into, the authors character development and empathy with her own characters more than makes up for it. Totally a worthwhile read. Chad called to let us know he was on his way to drop Nathan off, and after he got lost due to Mike’s directions (honestly, I’m not sure why I told Mike to give Chad directions in the first place. Chad would have been better of just consulting the Magic 8 Ball. Mike isn’t exactly well known for his sense of direction), he finally showed up and dropped off Nathan. We had a great time at the park, and we stayed until it got dark out. By the time we got home, I was in fairly bad pain due to my spine problems and my wretched jaw, so I fell into bed and passed out for a few hours. I woke up in not much better shape, so I stayed up for a few hours and went back to sleep next to Mike. I love sleeping next to him. He’s a big snuggly snoring furry farting teddy bear, and he’s all mine.

I don’t remember waking up this morning. I was in horrible pain all night. I think I slept for about 14 hours, if not more. When I finally woke up, it was almost time for Nathan’s nap time, so when he fell asleep so did I. I’ve been falling in and out of sleep all day today. I just don’t feel myself. Mike isn’t here right now. He had to go home to take care of things. Understandable, really. I still miss him.

RJ-45 got poison ivy. If there’s not one thing going wrong with her, there’s another. She’s finally not oozing pus from her skin problems, and now her neck is swollen and horrible from poison ivy. wtf? I didn’t even know that dogs could get poison ivy.