Nitpicking the nitpickers

Since so many people with no military background seem to believe we in the military care about their thoughts on body armor, hardened vehicles, and military tactics, I'm sure everyone will suffer me providing some commentary on how Bob Woodruff and Doug Vogt could have been better protected by ABC News.

Facts provided by various ABC News articles. I will reference photos, which I am too lazy to find and link to, but they are all over the ABC News website.

1. Bob Woodruff did not have his Kevlar helmet on properly. You can clearly see in photos that the strap was not tight around his chin, nor was it properly in place. Mr. Woodruff had allowed the strap to gather loosely around his neck, providing I am sure a better "reporting voice" but also providing the opportunity for his Kevlar to be blown back in the event of a roadside bomb. Better training could have prevented this.

2. The body armor worn by the ABC News crew was completely insufficient for providing actual protection. In every picture you can see that:

A. The armor is being worn loosely, so that the main front plate is below its proper location center chest. Better training and attention to detail could have prevented this.
B. They wore no attachments. That is, there was no shoulder protection, neck protection, groin protection, or side protection. How ABC News can sleep at night knowing that it hasn't provided its reporters the ABSOLUTE BEST in body armor is beyond me.

3. They rode in an Iraqi vehicle. Common sense could have prevented this.

4. Woodruff stood in a hatch while Vogt sat on the ledge of a hatch. Name tape defilade you morons. First they enter an Iraqi vehicle against the suggestion of the US military, but far be it from us to stop a reporter from acting like an idiot. Then they violate basic principles of vehicle movement, and leave both their bodies completely exposed. ABC News is not providing either sense or training to its reporters in the field.

I'm sorry they got hit by an IED. But that doesn't eliminate the fact that the reporters were being stupid in the name of journalism and put themselves a position that virtually guaranteed that they would be injured should enemy activity occur. Which, unfortunately for them, it did.

Danish power

I'm proud of my Danish roots. Mostly because they can mean whatever I want them to mean. A comprehensive list of things anyone might possibly know about Denmark is usually limited to the following:

1. They hate Germans (that's a gimme)
2. Aren't some of those shortbread cookies made there?
3. Wasn't one of Shakespeare's plays about someone from there?

I've been to Denmark and I don't have much to add. That hasn't stopped my extended blond-haired family from pissing off Muslims worldwide.
999,999 out of a 1,000,000 Indonesians couldn't identify Denmark on the map, but that's not going to stop a mob from breaking things with bamboo sticks. Which, you have to admit, is a nice regional twist on the Middle Eastern rock throwing and flag burning. Big ups, as the kids say, on incorporating local natural elements to give your religious venegance a tropical feel.

+1750%

My blog received a slight (see above) percentage increase in site visits yesterday when this humble establishment was linked as "Milblog of the Week" over at Wizbang. So welcome, and thank you. I'm honored.

February is the shortest month of the year

But the first two days have been pretty freakin' long.

This morning there was a meeting for some CPTs, the Army's version of a time-share sales pitch. Look at all the exciting options for graduate education and the all you can eat shrimp buffet if you just stay in a bit longer. It wasn't the pressure sell though...I'm not sure if the Army is going away from that or if it is just a reflection of the times.

Once again it is raining in northern Iraq. Why people lived in this country for centuries is beyond me. This place is like a Grapes of Wrath Oklahoma dustbowl for half the year and a sea of mud the other half. No natural resources to speak of above the earth, and before last century no one cared about oil, so that couldn't have been the draw. Just a lot of living in filth, as far as I can tell.

Today was a day I wish I could publish pictures to the blog. Alas, I cannot, due to being on one of the more restrictive networks on planet earth, in which literally hundreds of computers can only be accessed by one administrator, who, God forbid takes a day off, at which point no one on the base can install printers or adjust the System Time. Because there were some good pictures.

Like the one of the sign ORDERING people who allow a door to slam to report to a LTC - because she is pissed. Never mind that she could ask someone from her unit to put in a work order to get the door fixed....much better to put up signs. Why fix a problem when you can threaten people? It's the military way!

More mentorship

7. Don't drop your TOC badge on the ground and then not tell anyone for ten hours, at which point it has already been recovered and the unit commander knows you lost it and allowed you to sit there with him for three hours without bringing it up, even if you are relatively sure someone in the unit likely has it, which is a bad estimation in any case because even if it is an E-4 who has your TOC badge they are still going to screw with a new LT and let you sweat it out while they laugh at you.

I like the new LT. But the next time he leaves something it is getting dummycorded to his body.

Officer promotions

From the LA Times:

Struggling to retain enough officers to lead its forces, the Army has begun to dramatically increase the number of soldiers it promotes, raising fears within the service that wartime strains are diluting the quality of the officer corps.

...

The Army has long taken pride in the competitiveness of its promotions, and insists that only officers that meet rigorous standards are elevated through its ranks.

Cough, cough.

"The problem here is that you're not knocking off the bottom 20%," said a high-ranking Army officer at the Pentagon. "Basically, if you haven't been court-martialed, you're going to be promoted to major."

Hehe. Well, I'd say more appropriately that if you weren't relieved of company command you will make Major.

The Army's excuse is that restructuring the force into more brigades is increasing the number of available officer slots. Which may or may not be the case, I have no idea. Either way, the number of officer billets is not decreasing, but attrition rates are slightly higher for junior officers, so the Army has to choose - not promote a Captain to Major and then make that same Captain do a Major's job (because there isn't a Major to fill the position), or just go ahead and promote them?

The more obvious answer, which will most likely never come up, is to decrease staff officer positions. Anyways, after you've had a chuckle from that impossibility...we can continue.

The push to fill the new units means that more officers are being promoted, officials say. In addition, they say the military's deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan have improved the overall quality of the Army's officer corps.

"These are people who have spent a year in combat," Hilferty said. "We think that we are promoting well-trained people."

With this I do not disagree. In the end, I believe the USA gets its money's worth from the whole Iraq enterprise. The training value is immense. The Army is exceeding its goals for active-duty soldier retention, which means that a huge portion of the Army for the next 10 years will have combat experience. More importantly, the length of this war will prove to be instrumental in providing lessons learned in logistics and troop deployments. If you don't think that isn't worth its weight in gold then you know nothing of war. Gulf War I was so brief we never had the chance to conduct massive logistics operations. Well, we've made up for that in spades. And that institutional knowledge isn't jumping ship.

With officers, especially the LTs and CPTs, the attrition rate will be higher for awhile I think. It is natural considering worldwide circumstances, and with the Army if you are going to get out without retirement benefits it makes sense to do it as early in your career as possible. But what will be more interesting is to watch how the current junior officer cohort will advance in the coming years. Because weak officers have to get out at some point, and usually the bad ones are thinned out when they aren't promoted. But if the bad ones are getting out prior to their standard trimming, the promotion rates might be higher with the same ultimate outcome. It is unwise to assume that all good officers are bailing out - common sense dictates it would likely be the opposite. This might be a kinder, gentler Army, but there are still a lot of people who are very good at making stupid people feel insignificant.

Mentorship

I've been in the Army for nearly four years, which means, due to my impeccable attendance record, I have reached the stage of my career at which I am supposed to provide guidance to new Lieutenants.

Well, back that up. Other LTs also provide guidance to new LTs, but that is called peer pressure, not mentoring, and it frequently results in throwing up and blackouts.

My 3.7 years of experience are being called upon to provide direction for a newly commissioned LT assigned to my unit. My advice:

How to not completely fail as an 2LT (or, how to not be in the .5% that fail to be promoted to CPT):

1. If you think it is a good idea and your Platoon Sergeant thinks it is a bad idea, do the common sense check - ask a specialist. If the specialist agrees with the Platoon Sergeant, you were wrong. If the specialist agrees with you, you were definitely wrong and quite possibly were about to do something illegal.

2. Do not use the term hoo-ah to end sentences when looking for approval or affirmation from soldiers. They know you aren't "hoo-ah", nor do they care about how having engineer tape trails will make for a "more efficient range."

3. Make sure your battalion commander can match your face to your name strip. And if he mispronounces your last name every time he is trapped in a hallway with you then consider yourself a success. If he can properly pronounce your last name then you are either a stud or an idiot. You are most likely the latter.

4. Graduation from OBC doesn't mean you understand how things work in reality. The Army isn't like calculus, there are no immutable laws.

5. When going out with your friends and acting like a 22 year old, don't do it at the same locations as your soldiers. The only mystique of a 2LT is that your soldiers assume you are void of personality and will rigidly adhere to any rule or guidance pushed by higher. Once they know of your tendencies to drink excessively and make out with strangers they will no longer fear your supposed anal retentiveness.

6. Action for the sake of action is the hallmark of a moron. The continuous consumption of oxygen will likely result in eventual promotion to CPT, therefore, don't waste your energy and other people's time by trying to make a name for yourself. By showing up, doing what is asked, and making a conscience effort to learn as much as possible from your E-6s you will succeed.

Double cheeseburgers for breakfast

Best Saturday morning ever.

Due in part to various Army supply idiosyncrasies our unit has to send soldiers individually to Kuwait for an equipment issue. A real pain, but it gives the soldiers a break and they do need/want the equipment, so it is a necessary evil.

The major side benefit of the trip to Kuwait is that there is a recently established McDonald's on site. Which means, when you have good NCOs, they will bring you back a bag of double cheeseburgers.

This morning I enjoyed a sweet McDonald double cheeseburger for breakfast, fresh in overnight from Kuwait. Forty-five seconds of reheating in the microwave and I had a delicious treat unparalleled in this nation. And the best part? There are three more in the fridge for later.

The NCOs had picked up five, but had to trade one away to get a ride back to the flightline. Cheeseburgers - the Army's version of prison currency.

Advice on Joint Operations

Don't laugh when an Airman, covered in mud, comes into the headquarters at night with a broken nose, bloody face, and chipped tooth. Is wasn't their fault they were running in the dark without a flashlight, in full battle rattle, carrying a weapon, and were blinded by an oncoming vehicle's headlights, causing him to veer off course and go face first into a piece of concrete.

Advice on quasi-garrison operations at Q-West Base Complex, Iraq: don't run in the dark without a flashlight, and/or don't take offense when I laugh at you.

Shocked and dismayed

Why is everyone pretending that the Hamas victory is a surprise? Palestine was a one party state, Fatah was corrupt, and Palestinians in general seem to be in support of killing Israelis and throwing rocks. Hamas, as the party of killing Israelis and throwing rocks, is the perfect representative for a people committed to destroying Israel.

We act surprised because we think it would be an embarrassment, like going to the polls and waking up on the first Wednesday of November to find Nazis controlling a majority of the United States Congress. Palestinians shouldn't be surprised, they are the ones that voted.

And the world's response?

World leaders, uneasy at the prospect of a Hamas-led Palestinian government, immediately exerted pressure on the Islamic militants Thursday to recognize Israel and renounce violence as a precondition for support.

Violent group kills a lot of Israelis, garners public support, and eventually takes over the government. I don't see them renouncing violence any time soon. Being violent is working for them.

Actually, I take that back. They will renounce violence, get enough foreign aid to last for awhile, allow an "offshoot" organization to handle the day to day activities of terrorism (missile launching, bus bombings, etc), pretend like they have no control over the terrorists, blame Israel for all their problems, throw some rocks, and eventually another Palestinian will receive the Nobel Prize. It is a roadmap to peace.

Thieving thieves

Spent a couple days at a conference, digesting maybe a thousand PowerPoint slides over 2 days. Good times.

Also had the opportunity to file paperwork for my stolen Gator. In the evening after reviewing the paperwork with the property book office I returned to the transient housing area to find that someone had dumped out my bag of all personal items and had stolen the backpack/Camelbak combination.

While I am pleased that the thief valued my sweet backpack with misspelled name strip more than my uniforms and digital camera and other various personal effects, it was still pretty disappointing.

Back at the ranch, my new vehicle is Gator 2. New and improved, with additional locking mechanisms. Not that locks work in the Army, since everyone has bolt cutters, but the common perspective is by making your own equipment more difficult to steal than the next person's you may rest easy knowing that it is their stuff that will get stolen instead. Because we are a values based organization.

Still here

Someone stole our Gator. Paperwork has ensued. I didn't have anything nice to say about the Army for the past week, so why say anything at all?

Will be traveling for the next couple of days. Please, talk amongst yourselves.

I have nothing positive to say

Truly I don't.

But I'm making a comprehensive list of things to say in 2007. And it keeps getting longer.

Overworked and underpaid

Well, maybe not underpaid, considering I just got another 3.1% raise.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

Yeah, underpaid. But technically not overworked either. Perhaps better defined as worked at a level generally higher than I would prefer.

Iraq tip of the day - if you have computers set up on a typical folding table, a twin bed sized fitted sheet can be used as a dust cover to increase cleaniless of the work area. The more you know.

Not that we have a dust problem right now - we are awash in an ocean of mud. From fenceline to wired fenceline - mud. Iraq mud is like Iraq flies, somehow engineered to be the worst possible type in the entire world. Like God was bored one day and decided that the environment of Iraq needed to be just a little bit more awful, and decided to add two months of rain and filthy mud in case there was any confusion about this country's status on his naughty and nice list. I know in two more months it will be fast approaching 100 degrees and we'll all be hot again, but for now, mud sucks.

A lazy Sunday afternoon

Last evening the sky looked like the Midwestern United States in hue, the same pea green/off yellow tone that develops before the tornado warnings go off. No tornados here, but Sunday has been under the weather. Which has freed up some time for movies in the office.

On days when normal operations are slow the default is to do paperwork. But no one likes paperwork, and so the solution is to fine a way to procrastinate and/or distract oneself from the paperwork at hand. Today's distraction - Tom Cruise. A mix in fact, with the post-crazy War of the Worlds followed by the pre-crazy A Few Good Men.

I'd never known Aaron Sorkin was the screenwriter for A Few Good Men, not that it is much of a surprise, as the entire plot arc is full of gaps in logic and everyone in the military is painted as either mindless, without conscience, or power-hungry, with the exception of, and I quote, the pushy broad, the smart Jew, and the Harvard clown.

But it is still entertaining. And full of now-prominent actors when they were still in their youth. Always amusing.

Latrine roulette

We are lucky enough to be on a FOB with latrine trailers. Eight flushing toilets (I think, never actually counted) to a trailer, with sinks, urinals, mirrors, and a daily cleaning regimen from our Turkish/Pakistani/Philippino brothers in arms. It is like heaven on earth.

The game then, is when you enter a trailer, to choose the stall that is not occupied. Maybe one stall, if any, will ever have a person in it. But all doors will be shut, and there is no indicator of a full stall. There should, in a universe that is fair and righteous, be very little chance of walking into a latrine trailer and pulling on a door that is locked. But more often than not it happens on my first try. For reasons that I cannot comprehend this embarrasses me, that the person in the stall will think my main purpose was to interrupt their quiet time.

I just have bad luck.

Last 15 keywords

Because it amuses me, the last 15 keyword search engine entries bringing strangers to this random blog:

1. bunnies and narnia (Google)
2. "jesse hagopian" (Google)
3. fob turkish kbr q west 2004 (Google)
4. "Killing the baby seals" cadence (MSN)
5. BATTALION QTB BRIEFING SLIDES (Yahoo)
6. BUNNIES (AltaVista)
7. jesse hagopian, D.C. (Google)
8. astounding clap (Google)
9. "sergeants time" .50 cal .ppt (Google)
10. air force haircut female (Yahoo)
11. faobc hardest (Google)
12. "army quotes" (MSN)
13. prices of usma uniforms (AOL)
14. bunnies ranking (Google)
15. personality conflicts (Google)

To the person who googled #9:

Even as an officer who believes fully in the concept of "work smarter not harder," I find your query to be on the embarassing side of lazy. First, because you can't come up with the training on your own. Second, because you are looking for PowerPoint training for Sergeants' Time. Never once have I seen STT in which the NCO says "Okay squad, for this block of instruction I want you to focus your attention on the screen while I explain to you what a .50 cal looks like and how to maintain the weapon system." What happened to hands on? PowerPoint is why officers frequently don't understand the physical operation of their own equipment - don't let it happen to NCOs as well.

Which is one of my huge pet peeves (and also a personal challenge, to be honest): officers who have no hands-on aptitude for equipment being used by their soldiers. It should be a goal for every junior officer to at least try operating all the weapons and equipment that they can. Drive trucks and forklifts, go to as many weapon ranges as possible, and screw around with all the equipment you can get your hands on. First, because it is fun. Second, so that you don't embarass yourself by saying and doing things wrong out of ignorance. And third, because everyone looks stupid the first time they try things. So make your first time a training event and not when someone really needs to you fill a gap and execute.

For your reading pleasure

A comprehensive (by my standards) list of publications produced by military units in Iraq.

Lifeliner West is the "unofficial" paper for our local environs.

The above link will be added to the sidebar so that you all can monitor our life in the Q.

Platoon dynamics

From the question below, how many people are in a platoon.

A platoon is anywhere between 15-50 people, depending on the type, mission, and manning. Individuals, unless exceedingly weathly, should probably not take on the task of trying to support an entire platoon.

From the Adopt a Platoon website, there are options for everyone:

Individual Soldier Adoption:
A soldier adoption requires that you pledge to send a card or letter to one individual service member on a weekly basis and a minimum of one care package per month. An individual may “adopt” more than one soldier with a maximum of 3 service members. Families, schools, youth groups, civic organizations, religious institutions, private companies / corporations may adopt an individual service member.

and

Large groups such as civic organizations, schools, youth groups, religious institutions, private companies, corporations, government organizations, clubs etc. can ADOPT AN ENTIRE PLATOON OR MILITARY COMPANY. Most of AAP’s platoons and companies are Army and Marines. Large groups are given contact to a platoon / company via a military point of contact (POC) to the platoon / company. A platoon or company varies in size. Typically, platoons are between 15 to 40 soldiers. A platoon is the smallest designated category of soldiers in the military. Platoons make up companies. A large group as noted above can embrace via an adoption an entire platoon or a smaller number of soldiers within the platoon.

Thoughts and prayers are good soldier support as well. We take what we can get, and appreciate what we receive.

Come and knock on my door

If there was any doubt that military personnel aren't reasonably compensated for their time in Iraq, one of my NCOs bought Season 1 of Three's Company. Today's forecast now calls for six hours of 70's sex puns. Lucky me.