FreeBSDGirl.com

Once upon a time, there was a bank. Let’s call it, oh, Wankovia. When Chad and I split up, I didn’t pay the balance remaining at Wankovia and forgot all about them. Over time, a $30 overdraft grew to $1000. I went to go apply at another bank, and I was turned down because of it. After a call to Wankovia, I discovered they put me on the “fuck you” list that all the banks call - and they refused to take me off, even if I paid the fee. Ok, whatever. Apparently it takes like 7 years for this to get removed. I tried again a few other places over the next few years, but no one would ignore that little blemish. My father couldn’t even get me a bank account, because my name wasn’t allowed to be anywhere on an account, even as a co-signer.

It’s a pain in the ass not having a bank account. After a while, I found other alternatives, like having my paycheck direct deposited onto a pre-paid type credit card, but there’s a lot of drawbacks to not having a Checkings/Savings, especially when apartment or car hunting. Any credit application has that little bank information area to fill out, and you can kiss approval goodbye if you don’t have any numbers to put in those boxes.

I walked to another bank from work a week and a half ago to take care of cashing my paycheck. I hadn’t set up direct deposit yet, and since my company had their checks drawn from this bank, it was the easiest thing for me to do. I was waiting in line, and one of the cashier guys was smiling at me kind of funny. Ok, nod and smile back. When it was my turn to walk up to the counter, he was the only person that was open, so I walked up to his desk. He was kind of flirting, and I guess I flirted back. I have no clue how these things work. I was just being my usual friendly, chatty self. He probably took it as flirting. He asked me why I didn’t have an account, and I gave him a slightly condensed version of the previous story. He said to fill out an account form, and he’d see what he could do.

I filled out the paperwork, put my money in my wallet (he waived the fee, how nice), and walked out of the bank, forgetting all about it - until a week later, when Google Boy handed me my mail. A book of checks, my debit card, and my account paperwork. I’m still kind of in shock. I’m not sure how this guy pulled this off - I’m still on the “fuck you” list. I know I am. So what’s the proper protocol? Do I owe him a date or something? Do I ignore it? Do I go up to the bank this Friday when I deposit my paycheck into my *sigh* bank account so I can thank him? I don’t want him getting in trouble over this. It’s nice to have my own bank account for the first time in well over 2 years, though.

I have my own furniture. I have my own bank account. I’m not really living paycheck to paycheck anymore - although it’s still rough right now, since I had to go buy all my own furniture. I have the perfect job, given my personality type and coworkers. It’s kind of weird how everything is falling into place. Now, if only I could figure out how to factor boys into the equation.

It does kind of bother me to think that a year ago, this wouldn’t have happened. He probably wouldn’t even have noticed me. But I suppose it’s true what they say, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. (Ugh, I hate that phrase. Who the hell makes a gift out of a horse anymore? And why can’t you look at his mouth?)

What’s on my iPod? Muse, Garbage, PJ Harvey, Jenny Labow.

I think I’m coming down with something. No, scratch that - I thought I was coming down with something 2 days ago. Now I’m certain I have. My throat feels like I’ve been drinking gasoline (mmm, tasty), and every muscle in my body is aching. This isn’t exactly the best time to be ill. I committed to attending the Google Christmas party, so Jason will be doing my hair tomorrow after work. Jason <3. The party is on Thursday, so I know I’m cutting it a bit close. A coworker and I went shopping on Friday at Perimeter, and I got the perfect dress from Bloomingdales. The Laundry line by Shelli Segal is so pretty; I always feel like I’m a princess when I wear her dresses. This dress is so tiny and perfect, and 2 sizes smaller than the last one I bought. Woot! I was at home trying it on to show Google Boy when the strap went *pop* and beads went flying everywhere. Well, fuck. I knew that was going to happen. The straps are tiny wires with little purple beads, so I am just going to do a little modification and put in purple sheer ribbons I think. At least the strap-poppage happened at home, and not at the party. Further proof that my chest needs to shrink more. At least the rest of the dress fits well. I look taller and thinner and fabulously pale. No one ever really says “fabulously pale”. Puh-lease. In this industry, the only acceptable tan is off your CRT. Yet another reason to love IT.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been working from home a lot. I usually get a lot more done, but mostly it’s been because of my back. Things have been a bit easier since I can lay down while coding, or if I’m feeling up for it, I can even go for a quick jog down to the internet cafe to get some exercise and a yummy muffin. I’ve been heading up to the office twice a week, but I think I’m going to try to increase my time there slowly, seeing how well my body can take it. It’s so very frustrating.

Mike and I have been getting on surprisingly well. It was easier to be angry, before. I had to hold on to it and think of everything hateful he’s ever done to keep my rage in check when he told me he wanted me back. I tried to tell him…hell, I tried to tell google boy. Dating me is like signing your life away to the devil. I’m a good person at heart. I try not to do mean things. I try to keep anyone from getting hurt. Somehow, in the end, any boy I’m with ends up utterly destroyed. Well, they can’t say I didn’t warn them. I miss Mike, maybe a little. Maybe more than a little. Every time I feel like picking up the phone, I read over my blog entries. I make myself remember all of the bad things. Why is it that after a breakup, we only want to remember the good? It’s scary to say, this is the most normal breakup I’ve ever experienced, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Why can’t he move to Texas, or decide he’s gay, or grow a HUGE mole in the center of his nose? Better yet, a combination of the three.

I love my new loft. Love, love, love. I get the best view of the city from the balcony off my bedroom. Mmm, balcony. I wish it would warm up a bit so I could go outside and enjoy it.

Weird. I think a white Rick James has been prank calling me. (608) 345-0194. Heh.

Torrent (extracted from the patch executable)

Patch

Posting an exe some people might find kinda shady, so the torrent is also linked if you’d like to download it from Blizzard’s official tracker. Oddly, I’m able to download it much faster using a torrent client than I am with the Updater that Blizzard supplies.
Enjoy!

To be clear, that’s a wall. Not a floor.

<sektie> i’m almost always carebear warlock
<HCoyote> “carebear warlock”?
<sektie> alliance pve
<HCoyote> I had this whole image of you in a furry suit throwing tennis balls at someone and screaming ‘LIGHTNINGBOLT!LIGHTNINGBOLT!LIGHTNINGBOLT!’

SNMP sucks. SNMP was obviously designed by the same ‘tard that wrote DNS and syslog.

Yes, I know this was all written by many, many people - and none of them were at all related on all three of those projects. It is however comforting for me to think that it was only one person, as I can focus all of my loathing in one place. Hating lots of people is exhausting. Having one person to focus all my hatred on is oddly comforting when I’m going through packet captures to track down a problem in some agent that doesn’t properly handle the dirty, dirty whore that SNMP truly is.

It’s been hectic here. My mom called me last night to inquire as to if I was still alive, so I suppose it’s time for a few updates:

Mike and I are getting along “ok” now. It’s still awkward. After the last post, he began to act a bit more sane. We’re working on being friends, but it’s harder than I originally thought it would be.

Google boy got kicked out by his psycho roommate. It turns out she’s that kind of girl that doesn’t really like having other girls around (as they take attention away from her), so she told him to get out if he was going to insist upon dating me. Ok, whatever. I’ve only had like 3 conversations with her, during all of which I was quite nice. I suppose that’s just her perrogative. Since I needed a place to live too, Google boy and I got a loft in the same building he used to live in. The loft is gorgeous. It’s got 12′ ceilings, all concrete and stainless steel, top floor, 1500sq ft. My bedroom is facing the city, and 3/4 of the wall is glass with sliding doors out to the balcony. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see is a fabulous view of the Atlanta skyline. I love living downtown. It is beyond awesome. Having a roommate isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it’d be. We’ve got quite a bit in common, right down to our shared preference of skim milk - a habit I couldn’t ever get anyone else into.

I went to Ikea this weekend because I don’t have much in the way of furniture. I hate Ikea. It’s ghetto cheap, which is kind of nice, but I feel like a dirty hippy college student shopping there. There’s way too many people there. I did get a really neat chaise/couch thingie for my room though. It’s the first piece of furniture I’ve ever really bought all by myself, other than small tables and bookcases and such. It’s an odd feeling.

I finally finished my first project at work. For the past 3 weeks, I’d been putting in well over 110+ hrs a week. It’s almost like I’m making up for the lack of work I’ve always managed to get by with at previous jobs. Being a developer requires such a different mindset from being a sysadmin. I’m used being smart enough to be lazy, but now it’s all work, work, work. I don’t think I mind it that much. I’m finally not bored. I got a break on Thursday/Friday last week, and I realized I didn’t like being bored anymore. Bah.

I’ve been working on rewriting iwi(4) in FreeBSD 5, as WPA is broken. Bunches of other fun odd little problems with that driver too. I’ve never done this level of coding before, so I’m learning quite a bit. It’s also been totally (not) fun working on figuring out how to debug ACPI on the Inspiron 9300. I may be able to find some help with Darius, but he’s never done work like this either. It’s code to keep me from thinking about work code. I am such a nerd.

My warlock finally hit lvl 40. Actually, I’m 42 now. I *love* my felsteed. Not having to walk makes the game much less of a grind.

Nathan was over this past weekend. It was his first look at my new place. We had the windows open, and when we weren’t looking he apparently amused himself by throwing socks and waffles (???) out the window at people. Good going, Nathan. You are so grounded.

I wore my Google shirt and my daemon horns to work today. Too fun. I hope the horns aren’t over the top.

Anastacia rocks. It’s great music to listen to when in a furious rage because of a bad relationship.

I’ve done my best to avoid conflict during this whole thing. I’ve not even really been home in the past 10 days. It was too difficult. When I was there, Mike kept wanting to cuddle and hold me, and that’s not what he should be doing. If I said no, he’d get a hurt look on his face, so it was just easier to avoid the situation entirely. I thought he’d appreciate my effort of trying to make things easier on both of us. Google Boy has been kind enough to let me crash at his place, so I’ve been living on his couch like a bum. It doesn’t help that Mike took my last paycheck from me and didn’t give me a dime of it. So, whatever. What was I supposed to do? Let the rumors run rampant. It doesn’t affect me one way or the other.

He’s been causing more and more shit for me over the past week. He’s been calling my work screaming and threatening, and it’s gotten to the point at which a restraining order is becoming a strong possibility. I don’t understand how he could be like this. He’s even called me telling me stories about how “our friends on IRC” are telling him all sorts of shit, and asking what is going on between Google Boy and myself. He’s actually upset about what people on IRC are saying, and trying to use it against me. What the fuck? Who cares, it’s IRC. Seriously, what’s the big deal? We don’t even have any mutual “friends” on IRC. He’s probably talking about the idiotic fuckheads in #atlrave.

Let’s see, on the top of my list of incompetent morons in #atlrave, there’s good ‘ol dahila, who apparently works in my office complex. I had no idea of this until last night, when Google Boy joined the channel and saw the topic was set to her talking about seeing me. Something about a moody looking chick with an ipod and idiotic red hair. Heh. I’m not moody, I’m happy - unless I’m dealing with Mike. She’s probably just jealous, as she weighs 300+ lbs and I’ve got a 27″ waist. Put down the twinkies, and maybe you’ll lose some weight, ktnx. It really kind of bothers me that she’d be talking shit unprovoked, because I’ve met her once or twice before, and she seemed nice enough. Kind of lacking on the intelligence bit, but nice. I didn’t like her much from what I knew of her on IRC, but I gave her a chance and thought things were going OK. I think it’s a bit rude that she’d be talking shit now (and not even to my face), but if that’s her perrogative, who am I to argue? I’ve never met someone IRL that I knew off IRC and had them dislike me that much, so it’s a first.

(Also, I love my hair. I am a rock star.)

This provoked so much drama, all of which I was trying to avoid. Mike is telling everyone that I just won’t leave him alone. He’s got some sort of fucked up reality. Someone told me it was because he was hurt, since I dumped him and not the other way around. I really don’t care anymore who dumped who. After all of the abuse I suffered, he had to have seen this coming. It just took me seeing Michelle getting beat by her husband that made me realize what was going on in my own life. He can’t play the angel in this forever. I kept fairly quiet about all of what was really going on between us, simply because I didn’t want to deal with the humiliation of others knowing that I sat through it. This is too much, though, and he’s gone too far. The fact of the matter is that he was abusive. Not physically, but verbally - which can be even worse. I would have rather suffered a punch to the face than most of the words he said to me. My friends didn’t even recognize the person I’d become. I was scared. I cried a lot. I didn’t even try standing up for myself anymore. Every night ended with me in the corner curled in a ball, crying while he stood over me throwing words so ugly they’d even make me feel sick if I repeated them. The more he saw me break, the harder he’d push.

When I ended it, I didn’t want anything from him. I wanted my stuff, and that was it. He could keep all of the things we’d accumulated during our relationship. I didn’t want the furniture, I didn’t want any of the kitchen things, I just wanted him gone from my life. I didn’t want to be around him anymore, I just wanted all of the stress to stop. He’s the only person I’ve ever met that had the ability to make me hate myself so much. After all of this, I’m not afraid of him anymore. I’m pissed. I’m really fucking furious.

He’s calling my friends, all of whom refuse to answer the phone when they see it’s him. It’s funny how now everyone keeps telling me they never liked him, but they were afraid to tell me before. Wtf? He always seemed like a good person to me, so I wish they had said something, even though I probably would have ignored them. He’s calling my work, and it’s so bad that there’s now an order out to call the police should anyone see him near the premises without me alerting them he’s going to be there. He’s trying to fuck me over by refusing to pay any of the money he owes on one of our debts. He took my last paycheck from me, and left town without giving me a dime of it. He actually had the nerve to IM me this morning telling me he needed to talk to me this weekend so I could pay my half of the bills. I just about fell out of my chair, I laughed so hard.

So yeah, Mike. I’m taking half the shit. I was going to play nice and walk away. I was going to let you have everything, because you seemed to think it was owed to you. I’m sorry, but too bad. I’m taking half of everything, and that doesn’t even begin to cover what I think you owe me. I’m not giving you a dime of my next paycheck. You don’t owe anything on the debt, because I’ve got other ways of getting that out of you. You should have thought first before you went fucking insane. Oh yeah, and I’m moving out this weekend. Have fun paying next months rent by yourself.

pwned. <3

<root> i want an account
<root> you nuked it i think
<sektie> was simply cleanup. and i didn’t want so many people i didn’t really trust on my box.
<sektie> i only let people on my box if i’d trust them to see me naked.
<sektie> because its’ about the same thing
<root> naked eh?
<root> … [ghetto] [ghetto@freebsdgirl.com] has joined #atlrave
>>> sektie shrugs
<sektie> i trust him
<sektie> doesn’t mean he’s seen me naked.
<root> he’d rape you, all you’d have to do is take off my glasses
<sektie> hahaha
<sektie> he’s a big guy. he can throw me up in the air. either that, or i just got tiny. i’m not sure which.
<root> nods
<sektie> so yeah, he is doubtless stronger than me and thus could rape me. but i have vaginateeth.
<root> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<root> vagina teeth
<root> jesus christ
<root> give me a shell plz and that will be my ircname variable

I have to run Windows. It’s on my work laptop, it’s only for World of Warcraft, because there’s no way to run it in FreeBSD and get the same performance I can get when I’m running it in Windows directly. I’m a FPS junkie - if I’m getting below 30fps in Ironforge, I can’t deal.

I installed cygwin yesterday, despite my reservations. I remember using it when it first came out and thinking “god, this thing is a beast”…but yesterday, I realized, so’s my laptop. I installed it, started playing with it. The lack of a real package management system (besides the setup.exe) was kind of annoying, so I started looking around and found out that I could use portage on win32 (download). Heh. I feel horrid enough that I run windows. Running something linux-based on top of it can’t make me feel much worse. Then Google Boy started talking about alpha-blended transparency, and I figured it’d be totally ‘leet’ if I could get that working under the xorg port that cygwin uses. I stumbled across Glass2k, which is totally neat. Check it out if you use windows. Also, I found the command ‘netsh’, which I think is installed by default on Windows - should be in windows/system32/. Very cool, and much less annoying/limiting than ipconfig.