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Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch

Eric Cartman Thanks to my adorable boyfriend (come on, despite his jewry, you KNOW he’s adorable), my interest in Comedy Central’s hit TV show South Park has begun to pick up (again). If you’re at all familiar with South Park, then you know that Eric Cartman is such a funny character (I try my very best to emulate him). Anyway, this whole situation got me thinking about a song he once sang called “Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch.” It was one of Cartman’s greater moments. It’s right up there with his antics in the Scott Tenorman Must Die Episode. When I get home this evening, I’ll post the video of the song in my videos section (it’s definitely video section worthy). But until then, please enjoy the lyrics and a synopsis of the Scott Tenorman episode…

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    Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch Lyrics:

*Please note that all the parts by Cartman are sung to a delightfully whimsical tune*

Cartman: Kyle’s mom is the one that started that damn club all because she’s a big fat stupid bitch!

Kyle: Don’t say it Cartman!

Cartman: WEEEEELLLLL

Kyle: Don’t do it Cartman!

Cartman: WEEELLLLLL

Kyle: I’m warning you!

Cartman: Ok ok

Kyle: I’m getting pretty sick of him calling my mom a bitch!

Cartman: WEEELL … Kyle mom’s a bitch, she’s a big fat bitch, she’s the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she’s a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch, she’s a bitch to all the boys and girls

Kyle: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CARTMAN!

Cartman: On Monday she’s a bitch, on Tuesday she’s a bitch, on Wensday though Saturday she’s a bitch, then on Sunday just to be different she’s a super king kamaya-maya biotch!

Cartman: Have you ever met my friend Kyle’s mom? She’s the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She’s a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair. She’s a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, she’s a stupid bitch! Kyle’s mom’s a bitch and she’s just a dirty bitch!

Cartman: Talk to kids around the world and it might go a little bit somethin’ like this

(chinese kids sing the song)
(french kids sing the song)
(dutch kids sing the song)
(african kids sing the song)

Cartman: Have you ever met my friend Kyle’s mom? She’s the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She’s a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she’s a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

(crowd:gasp)

Cartman: bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch she’s stupid bitch

Stan: Uhh Cartman

Cartman:
Kyle’s mom’s a bitch and she’s just a dirty bitch!
I really mean it
Kyle’s mom
She’s a big fat fucking bitch!
Big old fat fucking bitch!
Kyle’s mom, yeah! chaaa!

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Also, here’s a synopsis taken from Wikipedia of the Scott Tenorman episode that I referenced above, honestly, even the synopsis is hilarious:

Also in Scott Tenorman Must Die, an episode that captures the full essence of Cartman’s evil character, he formed a plan to get revenge on Scott Tenorman for tricking him into believing he could enter puberty by getting “pubes” (pubic hair), which he than sold to Cartman. Cartman is humiliated when he learns the truth and when Tenorman dismissively refuses to refund his money, Cartman launches an elaborate plan to get revenge. Cartman has Scott’s parents killed, and then cuts up their bodies and feeds them to Scott in a chilli, a la Titus Andronicus. Then, while Scott Tenorman is in shock (after realizing that his parents are dead and that he has been eating them), after a some further over-the-top humiliation results in his being overcome by grief, Cartman dances with delight and licks the tears off of Scott’s face, saying “Mmm. Your tears are so yummy and sweet!” At this point Kyle turns to Stan and says “Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.”

Clearly, the most humorous part of that episode is when Cartman licks the tears and says, “Mmm. Your tears are so yummy and sweet!” — It’s absolute gold!

2 Responses to “Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch”

  1. The Jane Eyre of the Law Firm Says:

    Your boy has good taste.

    My favorite newer episode is the one about Paris Hilton. It’s wicked awesome.

  2. Angelo Says:

    I seriously need to Tivo all of the newer episodes. I’ve missed far too many.

    And of course, Bratt has good taste — he’s dating me

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