Send As SMS

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Colbert Rips the President a New One

Ladies and Gentlemen, the voting is closed, pencils down, the fat lady she has sung -- pick your metaphor, but the contest for Biggest Cajones in the US has officially gone to Stephen Colbert. Via Americablog from the White House correspondents dinner:

Colbert, who spoke in the guise of his talk show character, who ostensibly supports the president strongly, urged the Bush to ignore his low approval ratings, saying they were based on reality, “and reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

Noting those low ratings, Colbert advised, "The glass isn't half empty - it's 68% empty. There's still some fluid in there, but I wouldn't drink it."

He attacked those in the press who claim that the shake-up at the White House was merely re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “They are re-arranging the deck chairs--on the Hindenburg.”

Colbert told Bush he could end the problem of protests by retired generals by refusing to let them retire. He compared Bush to Rocky Balboa in the “Rocky” movies, always getting punched in the face—“and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world.”

He noted former Ambassador Joseph Wilson in the crowd, as well as " Valerie Plame." Then, pretending to be worried that he had named her, he corrected himself, as Bush aides might do, "Uh, I mean... Joseph Wilson's wife." He asserted that it might be okay, as prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald was probably not there.

Colbert also made biting cracks about missing WMDs, “photo ops” on aircraft carriers and at hurriance disasters, and Vice President Cheney shooting people in the face.
Observing that Bush sticks to his principles, he said, "When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday."

Apparently, the President was not amused. As noted --

As he walked from the podium the president and First Lady gave Colbert quick nods, unsmiling, and left. E&P;'s Joe Strupp, in the crowd, observed that quite a few felt the material was, perhaps, uncomfortably biting.

Wasn't it last year at the White House Correspondent's dinner where the President did a HI-LARIOUS bit with some fake home movies showing him looking for those darned elusive WMD's? And they weren't there! It was a laff riot! I was laughing all the way to the 2300 odd military funerals!! Giggling as I donted money to help pay for over 10,000 wounded Americans!! Stop me before I piss myself with glee. But Colbert's bit, that was OUT OF LINE, mister!!

"Uncomfortably biting"? Awwww. Awwwwwwwwwwwww. That's supposed to be YOUR job, "real journalists", making the government -- any government, Republican or Democrat -- feel uncomfortable. Afflict the comfotable and comfort the afflicted. But no, God help a fake journalist actually use satire to point out a bunch of inconvenient truths you don't bother with because either you're too afraid of losing your invites to little prawn&wine parties with the swells, or it might just be too much real work, or, well ... pick your excuse for a non-functioning cowardly domestic media.

Enjoy the stay at Gitmo, Stephen. I'll raise money for your legal defense fund. Assuming they even let you have a trial. Which, although I joke, is entirely legal under the current rules of this Administration.

The President was upset? Good. I hope the President was sleepless with rage. At least then he'd know how most of us have been spending every night for the last three years.


MrVisible said...

Colbert has moved up a few notches in my 'personal heroes' tournament, that's for sure.

Let's just hope the administration doesn't prosecute him as a spy. For his own good, of course.

9:59 PM  
Stefan Jones said...

The WMD home movies bit was actually two or three years back. Before the election, I'm pretty sure, because there were some "How the hell can this zero get relected?" spin based on it.

As for Colbert's appearance . . . how the hell did they let that happen? I'm reminded of the bit on "V for Vendetta" where Stephen Fry's character makes some fatal digs at the fascist leader.

10:57 PM  
Ben Jones said...

Someone please tell me C-Span had one camera trained on Bush's face for the entire speech, and that I can obtain a copy somewhere. I don't care about the price.

11:13 PM  
Stranger21 said...

Thank you for the heads up to your foreign readers.
Watching it now.;=CS

3:19 AM  
Alex Epstein said...

They asked Stephen Colbert to give the speech? What were they thinking he was going to say?

5:49 AM  
Mary said...

Crooks and Liars has the video, too.

6:01 AM  
David Press said...

that has made my day. Absolutely priceless.

7:52 AM  
r0x0r said...

I love the Daily Show, but I've thought Colbert Report was never as funny (with the exception of the Word).

Colbert has stepped up a notch in my book =)

8:44 AM  
RadioSilence said...

Thank you Stephen for doing the jos that the journalists out there should be doing.

9:09 AM  
Stephen Benson said...

something i have always found distasteful about the current administration bunch is that they love dishing it out, but they can't take a lick. while working in vegas i got to see the masters of insult and heckler control with the gloves off. the black belt, zen master level guys like rickles and belzer would shrug off nuclear, laser, and other shots that would devastate normal people. then with wit, and focus, scorch the earth. for admission to the circle of honor, you had to first demonstrate your ability to take it. belzer always let the hecklers take their shots, then, he'd cock his head a little, and almost sotto voce, destroy them, usually riffing on the heckler's own themes. ridicule and humor are cruel. mr. colbert, cruelty is called for. rogers, sic 'em.

9:17 AM  
justin said...

Hat's off to Colbert of course for doing what needed to be done. But I want to give him extra kudos for staying straight and in character. I imagine I wouldn't have made it long before 1) breaking down laughing at the whole scene, saying "I can't believe you would invite me, I think you people are scum, c'mon!" or 2) just getting angry as little lord bushleroy started pouting, called him a "pigfucker", slammed down the mic and announced that I was leaving.

12:49 PM  
Eric said...

Any bets on whether Colbert gets audited:-)

His schtick really works best when he interviews Conservatives, hi take down of Kristol last wekk was brilliant.

1:28 PM  
kel said...


3:09 PM  
Highlander said...

We haven't been spending our nights sleepless with rage. That's the problem. Endless sleepless nights would be uncomfortable. If we were uncomfortable, we might do something. But we're not. We sleep fine. In centrally heated/air conditioned houses. We get up the next morning, polish our teeth, depilate, deodorize, take a last lick at some scruff on our shoes, and head on out to our gigantic SUVs, talking on our cell phones the whole time. We bitch about the high cost of gas as we drink $4 lattes and alternate our head movements between the real human we're talking to and whatever it is we're Blackberrying simultaneously.

Occasionally, we feel guilty about this, so we read all the leftie poli-blogs, hit the occasional Pay Pal button to donate some excess latte-money to someone else's legal defense fund, then cut and paste something from Kevin Drum or Josh Marshall to our own blog, where we use it to launch our own snide remarks, which we then get our friends to submit to other weblogs, in hopes of having a meaningless award to strut about.

We're not spending any sleepless nights. Not right now. Not in 2004. Not in 2002. Not in 2000. We're all still very comfortable, and we're all still sitting here with out thumbs fully corked in our asses, waiting for the Justice League to show up and save us all... and please, Superman, when you DO save us, make sure you manage it in some way that lets us keep our SUVs, our cell phones, our lattes, our Blackberries, our DSL, our flat screen TVs, and if you could lower our taxes, and consumer prices across the board, while making sure we all get a 30% raise, that would be fabu.

Oh, and could you do it before the next football season starts? Because I'd hate to have to go out on the Internet and blog about sleepless nights full of rage that I've never actually experienced (much less, you know, every night for the last six years) while I'm trying to enjoy the next Bucs season. I really think if Chris, Cadillac, and Mike Clayton can all stay healthy, we've got a shot! Woo HOO!

2:06 AM  
Laurean said...

I have to agree with the sentiment, 'You KNOW how Colbert is....and you STILL invited him to speak?!'

Or Maybe Bush honestly didn't know...being the clueless person he is...maybe he caught a small segment of an episode and never realized Colbert was being sarcastic...

Frankly, I thought it was hilarious, in good taste, and standard Colbert, so everyone getting into a tizzy really needs to calm down.

But seriously, PROPS to Colbert for saying (even indirectly) what we've all been thinking.

People need to be less angry at the jokes, and more CONCERNED with the issues behind the jokes. If people really want to 'silence' Colbert, this adminisitration needs to stop giving him mountians and mountains of material to work with.

6:19 AM  
metricpenny said...


I am happy to hear you're able to sleep at night.

My slumber finally came to an end this winter when it became a choice between food or paying for natural gas to heat my home and gasoline for my vehicle. The natural gas cost doubled and the gasoline cost tripled. And guess what? My earnings did neither.

It's difficult to sleep in a freezer. It's even more difficult knowing that it wouldn't be necessary if it wasn't for President Bush assisting in filling the financial coffers of his family and friends. Greedy, thieving, selfish bastages!

8:29 AM  
Coltrane said...

That was the greatest thing I've ever seen. Colbert just took a giant shit in the master's house!

10:22 AM  
Rogers said...

Actually, I'm sort of with Highlander on this one, in a Kunstler Clusterfuck Nation sort of way.

Let's just say Uncle John has some contingency plans, because he knoews the Justice League ain't coming.

2:45 PM  
Highlander said...

I'm not sure what being with me in a Kunstler Clusterfuck Nation sort of way means, but, like Ronnie Cox in ROBOCOP, I say good business is where you find it. Thanks.

6:27 AM  
Aluvius said...

Behold the glory of Kunstler Clusterfuck Nationhood! I'm with you Rogers, Kunstler has put the zap on me.

2:11 PM  
Lecrapface said...

Colbert was spot on. I can't believe they call it fake news. The 'fake news' has more truth to it then any of the sensationalized news you see that's supposedly real. And you know Highlander, just because you feel ok about what's going on and can wake up without thinking about how wrong things are, a lot of us can't. A lot of people are taking action. I would love to talk to each and every person that voted for Bush and say look, you see what you did? Yes Kerry would have been no better most likely, but why, why did you vote for Bush? We should have stood together as a country and asked for different candidates. Talk about being forced into a bad decision

2:24 PM  
Anonymous said...

You know, Highlander and Uncle John, you're probably right that far too many Americans are too complacent to rise up against the party of kleptocrats running the federal, state, and local governments. My mood is further soured by glances at Kevin Phillips' book "American Theocracy," which makes me feel America is so badly screwed at this point that it's only a question of when it takes the final tumble from greatness.

Yet out of some incredibly stubborn bit of idiocy, politically laying down and dying just doesn't sit well with me. Once the clips of Colbert's performance hit Salon's Video Dog, links to it got e-mailed to my friends and acquaintances wherever they were. The Gang Of Plunderers and their ass-kissing scribes may succeed in pushing America down the tubes, but they won't get a free ride from this citizen to do so.

11:28 AM  

I loved the fact it was so light on comedy. It wasn't actually that funny in my view it was just aggressive and scored lots of hard honest points..

1:35 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home