FreeBSDGirl.com

Going to all the effort of fixing this crap makes me think of mall grannies. I know you must have witnessed this phenomenon. They dress in bright blue nylon windsuits year round, almost as if they’re trying to damage their health so they have even more things about which to complain. If nothing else, you can’t miss the swoosh swoosh swoosh of their nylon clad thighs as they hurry past all the disgruntled shoppers.

What are they hurrying for, anyway? Maybe they feel compelled to walk 8 laps before Matlock so they don’t feel so bad about sitting around watching TV as their bodies degenerate even further. Maybe they just can’t get enough of the excitement and bustle of so many people, or maybe they walk to catch another glimpse of the brightly lit window displays, in the same way that a goldfish keeps getting excited about the little scuba guy in the bottom of his tank. At least if you lack the ability to remember anything past a few seconds, you’ll never be bored.

They aren’t all that old, though. The age group is usually between 50-75, although sometimes you’ll see a lone harried looking soccer mom getting an early start… or maybe she’s just trying to get to her car before her kids find out she’s left them at the KB Kids Toy Store.

God, I’m tired.

Well, the moral of this story is that fixing bad perl is just like speedwalking in the mall; there’s little to no point in it, and I’d rather be shopping.

Anastacia rocks. It’s great music to listen to when in a furious rage because of a bad relationship.

I’ve done my best to avoid conflict during this whole thing. I’ve not even really been home in the past 10 days. It was too difficult. When I was there, Mike kept wanting to cuddle and hold me, and that’s not what he should be doing. If I said no, he’d get a hurt look on his face, so it was just easier to avoid the situation entirely. I thought he’d appreciate my effort of trying to make things easier on both of us. Google Boy has been kind enough to let me crash at his place, so I’ve been living on his couch like a bum. It doesn’t help that Mike took my last paycheck from me and didn’t give me a dime of it. So, whatever. What was I supposed to do? Let the rumors run rampant. It doesn’t affect me one way or the other.

He’s been causing more and more shit for me over the past week. He’s been calling my work screaming and threatening, and it’s gotten to the point at which a restraining order is becoming a strong possibility. I don’t understand how he could be like this. He’s even called me telling me stories about how “our friends on IRC” are telling him all sorts of shit, and asking what is going on between Google Boy and myself. He’s actually upset about what people on IRC are saying, and trying to use it against me. What the fuck? Who cares, it’s IRC. Seriously, what’s the big deal? We don’t even have any mutual “friends” on IRC. He’s probably talking about the idiotic fuckheads in #atlrave.

Let’s see, on the top of my list of incompetent morons in #atlrave, there’s good ‘ol dahila, who apparently works in my office complex. I had no idea of this until last night, when Google Boy joined the channel and saw the topic was set to her talking about seeing me. Something about a moody looking chick with an ipod and idiotic red hair. Heh. I’m not moody, I’m happy - unless I’m dealing with Mike. She’s probably just jealous, as she weighs 300+ lbs and I’ve got a 27″ waist. Put down the twinkies, and maybe you’ll lose some weight, ktnx. It really kind of bothers me that she’d be talking shit unprovoked, because I’ve met her once or twice before, and she seemed nice enough. Kind of lacking on the intelligence bit, but nice. I didn’t like her much from what I knew of her on IRC, but I gave her a chance and thought things were going OK. I think it’s a bit rude that she’d be talking shit now (and not even to my face), but if that’s her perrogative, who am I to argue? I’ve never met someone IRL that I knew off IRC and had them dislike me that much, so it’s a first.

(Also, I love my hair. I am a rock star.)

This provoked so much drama, all of which I was trying to avoid. Mike is telling everyone that I just won’t leave him alone. He’s got some sort of fucked up reality. Someone told me it was because he was hurt, since I dumped him and not the other way around. I really don’t care anymore who dumped who. After all of the abuse I suffered, he had to have seen this coming. It just took me seeing Michelle getting beat by her husband that made me realize what was going on in my own life. He can’t play the angel in this forever. I kept fairly quiet about all of what was really going on between us, simply because I didn’t want to deal with the humiliation of others knowing that I sat through it. This is too much, though, and he’s gone too far. The fact of the matter is that he was abusive. Not physically, but verbally - which can be even worse. I would have rather suffered a punch to the face than most of the words he said to me. My friends didn’t even recognize the person I’d become. I was scared. I cried a lot. I didn’t even try standing up for myself anymore. Every night ended with me in the corner curled in a ball, crying while he stood over me throwing words so ugly they’d even make me feel sick if I repeated them. The more he saw me break, the harder he’d push.

When I ended it, I didn’t want anything from him. I wanted my stuff, and that was it. He could keep all of the things we’d accumulated during our relationship. I didn’t want the furniture, I didn’t want any of the kitchen things, I just wanted him gone from my life. I didn’t want to be around him anymore, I just wanted all of the stress to stop. He’s the only person I’ve ever met that had the ability to make me hate myself so much. After all of this, I’m not afraid of him anymore. I’m pissed. I’m really fucking furious.

He’s calling my friends, all of whom refuse to answer the phone when they see it’s him. It’s funny how now everyone keeps telling me they never liked him, but they were afraid to tell me before. Wtf? He always seemed like a good person to me, so I wish they had said something, even though I probably would have ignored them. He’s calling my work, and it’s so bad that there’s now an order out to call the police should anyone see him near the premises without me alerting them he’s going to be there. He’s trying to fuck me over by refusing to pay any of the money he owes on one of our debts. He took my last paycheck from me, and left town without giving me a dime of it. He actually had the nerve to IM me this morning telling me he needed to talk to me this weekend so I could pay my half of the bills. I just about fell out of my chair, I laughed so hard.

So yeah, Mike. I’m taking half the shit. I was going to play nice and walk away. I was going to let you have everything, because you seemed to think it was owed to you. I’m sorry, but too bad. I’m taking half of everything, and that doesn’t even begin to cover what I think you owe me. I’m not giving you a dime of my next paycheck. You don’t owe anything on the debt, because I’ve got other ways of getting that out of you. You should have thought first before you went fucking insane. Oh yeah, and I’m moving out this weekend. Have fun paying next months rent by yourself.

pwned. <3

The past few days have been better. Mike and I don’t like fighting, that much is obvious. Both of us still care quite a bit for each other, but it’s difficult to be around each other. I guess it’s supposed to be. Lately I’ve been hanging out a lot with a person to hereby be referred to as “Google Boy”, as he works for Google. He’s someone I met before but never really had a chance to talk to much. I had to get out of the house, and we ended up going out for a drink and totally geeking out. He’s a gamer nerd of a different type, but he still understands the underlying principles behind WoW and what makes it The Best MMORPG Evar, so that’s got to count for something. We talked for hours about everything from WardenClient theory and implimentation to physics. It’s so rare to find someone that manages to keep up. He even told me a few things I hadn’t heard of before. We watched South Park and had random “me too” moments as I worked on finishing up the perl module I’d been working on for the past few weeks for my employer. He gave me 10 geek points for falling asleep curled around my laptop. I felt horrid, as I consider it rude to fall asleep during an attempt at socializing, but I was just so tired. I wonder how many geek points I have altogether. We need a system for such things.

I’m happy, I’m better than anyone ever expected me to be. Everyone at work has commented on how I look and act totally different. They didn’t know why, as not everyone there knows who I am, and I kept quiet about things. I don’t want condolences, or the typical “oh, that sucks, guys are assholes” commentary. I’m the type of person that hates talking to their significant other on the phone when coworkers are standing around. Despite the pieces of my life that are made public here, I don’t feel comfortable discussing it elsewhere. Weird, eh?

I noticed hits are going back up after a drop from when I stopped posting so often. It’s doubtless due to the trainwreck that everyone is assuming they are going to see when they read. Hm. I guess it isn’t boring. It’s a shame I can’t post everything, but I some things would potentially be damaging to the other parties involved, so I keep quiet. I’ve got some good stories, though.

People are talking about me. Again. I went through new links to me for this month. So far, I’ve been linked to in a number of forums, including Fucked Company and Dark Forums. Both kind of surprised me. I thought I’d pretty much fallen off the radar of the idiots, and I’d rather it stay that way, but I suppose with the growth in viewers, I should have expected it. Dark Forums amazed me, especially. Hm. No technical creativity, eh? Well, it’s a shame I’ve signed an NDA for every company I’ve worked for, and I actually honor it, unlike him-who-shalt-not-be-named. Oh well. Usually, I pay no attention to such trolls. It’s not worth it to respond. It just surprised me so much. They have a point, but not for the reasons they’d think. I guess I don’t talk about the things I’m working on here, anymore. It’s more a vent for my personal life, a way to purge. It’s a reality check of sorts. I did post a few How-To’s from a while back, some of which were original material, others were information I’d found various places, sources always credited somewhere or the other. I just gave up on talking about anything geek with anyone, and I didn’t think about discussing it on the blog. Perhaps I should. I lost much motivation, especially after I didn’t have anyone I could use to bounce ideas around. I love geeking out. It’s my favorite thing in the world. Coming to this company helped - Robert knows a fuckload. He’s one of the only people I’ve ever worked with that I could learn something from. He stuck me with some easy stuff to do when I first got here, but now he’s started talking to me about the whackass problems he’s having. He’s the one that involved me in the failover project. The one I spent nearly 36 hours straight at work for, slowly going insane at the level of shit I had to wade through in the horrible linux-ha documentation. Seriously, someone needs to clean that up. Half of it applies to heartbeat1.x, the other half is heartbeat 2.x - and you’re lucky if whatever page on the wiki you’re looking at mentions what version of heartbeat it applies to. There are important functions that are undocumented, except for in the mailing list. Important configuration details that, if not included, can break a good deal of thing provided your failover uses UDP. It’s a great software package, but seriously guys, what the fuck? I don’t care if you can code like you’ve got the Golden Hands of CodeMonkey (+8 int, BoP), documentation is key to making a good product. The wiki sucks. But yeah, anyways, this is why I stay away from other peoples code and politics. I get angry when I deal with incompetence. Such is life. At least Fucked Company mentioned I was fat. I know how to deal with rude comments about my appearance - I’ve just not had to deal with them when it comes to my technical background. Weird.

Speaking of which, here’s something annoying. OpenBSD’s new(ish) pkg tools were reworked from the ground up, ditching FreeBSD’s code and using perl. This was done a while back, to the best of my knowledge. So I had to modify and add a package, not a huge deal. As opposed to using the tools, it’s generally faster for me to just create the +CONTENTS file and tgz the package by hand. I’ve done this a million times before on older versions of OpenBSD, so I spent a good 10 fucking minutes trying to figure out why OpenBSD was being gay. Before, it was considered acceptable to tar up a structure with tar -cf yourpkg.tar *. Now, it flips out if it sees a directory in the tar table. Only files are included. Example:

theosucks# tar -zvtf p5-File-Tail-0.98.tgz
-rw-r–r– 1 root wheel 970 Mar 9 2005 +CONTENTS
-rw-r–r– 1 root wheel 52 Mar 9 2005 +COMMENT
-rw-r–r– 1 root wheel 533 Mar 9 2005 +DESC
-r–r–r– 1 root wheel 22885 Mar 9 2005 libdata/perl5/site_perl/File/Tail.pm
-r–r–r– 1 root wheel 88 Mar 9 2005 libdata/perl5/site_perl/auto/File/Tail/autosplit.ix
-r–r–r– 1 root wheel 13320 Mar 9 2005 man/man3p/File::Tail.3p

It’s prettier, I guess. I have to wonder why they would write their pkg tools to break if this isn’t followed, though. I guess they want everyone to use the pkg tools to create packages. Blah, takes too long. My days are plagued with little annoyances such as this. I’d rather bitch about boys and money. The rest is just upsetting to the point of being boring and obvious.

I did get to show my boss the project I’d been working on for the past few weeks, today. It’s coming along quite nicely. Getting out of the sysadmin mindset is going to take a while. I totally blame 90% of the bad work ethics so prevalent in the IT industry on the Systems Administrator Mentality. Sit around, play WoW, work on your own projects - until shit breaks. Then all hell breaks loose, and you spend the next 48 hours straight at work surviving off Cherry Coke and skittles. I hate Coke products, so it barely evens out. Now, I’m busy most of the time. Until 12:48 PM exactly, I really can’t do much but sit and stare like a zombie at my LCD. Mornings do not work with me. I end up getting the majority of my work done after 6 PM, as that’s when the adrenaline kicks in. I’m lucky my boss is so understanding. I’m really working to get to whatever I think a developers mindset is supposed to be - and that’s still up in the air. It’s just more different than I expected, although I’m not complaining necessarily. Career changes make work interesting. This is the first job that has given me reason to look forward to going to work in the morning. I’m not the only female here, as well. There’s another, and I thought she was a developer, but it turns out she’s sort of between development and QA. Cool chick, older, has kids. Very…sane up here…compared to the department I was working in before. I miss them. Threating to nail penises to boards and debating if ‘peener’ was indeed a real word added fun to the day. Everyone up here is so quiet and subdued.

Suddenly it appears everyone seems to think I’m a mirror of the WoW patch, as I got about 30 IM’s from random people on patch day. I didn’t have the patch yet, sorry ya’ll. I’m proud to say I haven’t played WoW in 2 days, except when I logged on for 5 minutes to make sure the 1.8 patch hadn’t done any obvious breaking of the UI mods I’d been working on. I blame that on Google Boy. More doctors appointments coming up. X-rays, blood work, more fun. Tired. I am just the funding for the boob job they are buying their wife. Or mistress, depending on how long I’ve been visiting said doctor. This one is new. Maybe he’s different. Maybe he’ll figure it out. I’m glad I went permanent and got health insurance, as this is all about to get very, very expensive.

Also, as seen in comments, my phone is off. To find me, catch me on AIM, although it may be a bit before I answer. My sidekick2 had some kind of weird electrical problem, so I’ve been waiting for 2 weeks for T-Mobile to send me a new one. Yay, equipment protection plan. During this time, I had popped my SIM into my old Motorola v600. I can’t believe I did this. This is so totally not something I’d do, and it shows how truly distracted I am. I dropped my cell phone in a glass of ice water. I just looked over, and it dropped it. Directly. In. Water. I don’t know why. It really wasn’t intentional. I was just trying to put it down on the ground. Mike said my new Sidekick2 should be here on Thursday, so use alternative forms of contact until then. I’ve been busy regardless, so don’t feel too insulted if you sent a VM or IM and I didn’t get back to you. I’m not avoiding you; I’m avoiding everyone, at least for a few more days. I hate answering questions, and everyone is full of them. RTFB.

I got into an altercation this morning. It’s a Friday, it’s about 10 AM, and my entire road has been blocked off by a large truck belonging to some landscaping company.

First off, it’s raining out - has been all night. Who in their right mind does landscaping in the rain?

Secondly, if you’re going to live in this country, LEARN THE FUCKING LANGUAGE. If I moved to Mexico, I’d learn Spanish - or at least more than I could remember this morning.

You see, not a single person present spoke English. Not even broken English. How many different ways can a person gesture that a large green monstrosity of a truck is blocking off my entire neighborhood? In my frustration, I said the only two things in Spanish I could remember at that moment. Then I said them louder. And louder. And louder yet, until I think one of them moved the truck so the crazy girl would leave them alone.

What are the two things I could remember?

Me gusta empanadas.

Tengo un gato enojado en mis pantalones.

I’m beyond infuriated, entering incredulous.

Once again, I got to sleep late last night. Boyfriend had over his stupid stoner friends late, after breaking his promise for the third time. Every time I get pissed off at his lack of consideration, and every time he promises he won’t do it again. This is just so typical. He makes promises like it’s no big thing, and he forgets about them the second it’s even the least little bit inconvenient. I keep hoping he’ll change, but I’m starting to see that he never will. If I call him on it, he even tries to turn the situation around on me, even though I’m not the one that did anything wrong. It’s useless even attempting to talk to him about it. This whole living together thing is so not what it’s cracked up to be.

So tell me, boys, if you lived with your girlfriend after being with her for over 1.5 years, and you were having some pretty tough times adjusting, would you keep bringing over your friends at all hours of the night without even warning her about it first? Mike claims his friends always do it, but I think that as usual, he’s full of shit.

Just kidding.

Seriously, I have the worst luck with Apple batteries. My ipod battery is going out, my powerbook battery only lasts until it hits 94% - then it immediately drops to 0. Before you even suggest it, no, I’m not covered by the recall. I just have shitty luck.

Also…

Dear Sarah Jessica Parker,

Please stop sucking. You’re a scrawny medicore looking chick that somehow managed to make it, probably by wrapping your anorexic legs around whatever director you could find that didn’t immediately think you were an Ally Mcbeal body double. You made one halfway funny movie back in the 80’s, which was really only funny because of how ironic it was - you played a catholic goody two shoes schoolgirl that just wanted to DANCE DANCE DANCE. Sex and the City was the only other thing that didn’t completely suck ass. I find Paris Hilton more attractive and mentally engaging than you. Get over yourself. You are only worth the oxygen you consume when you play a immature, sexually confused, fiscally irresponsible New Yorker (wow, did I just describe every female in New York?) that is in deep denial of her lesbian desires regarding her 3 best friends.

In short, please start making more Sex and the City episodes. Charlotte was hot.

Love,

FreeBSDGirl

Blogs are the old meme. Let’s face it: just about everyone has had a blog at some point. Even hunchback, grumbling, retired toll booth officers feel the need to project the way they feel on the world. They’ve got something to say. Don’t we all?

It’s hard filtering out the crap blogs from the ones worth reading. What really makes a blog worth reading, anyways? I’ve heard lots of people say that blogs are boring. Who wants to hear about someone elses daily life? I suppose if you go boring places, have boring friends, and are a boring conversationalist, this is true. So how is it that there are so many popular blogs online? What sets them apart?

A lot of the more popular blogs aren’t really what I consider blogs, at all. By definition, Gizmodo is a blog - they even won a bloggie, an award given out to noteworthy blogs - but I view it more of a news site. I think of blogs as being more personal than that. They deal with a persons every day life.

In my mind, the phenomenon of blog opposes one of the basic truths I’ve always held about human behaviour. Next time you’re in a conversation with someone you’re reasonably close with, someone you can talk with quite a bit about personal things, count how many times you say the words “I” and “me”. Pay attention to how much you talk about yourself. When your conversational partner says something about himself or a situation someone else is in, you try to compare it to some part of yourself or your experiences, and you comment based on that. The average person is listening, but they aren’t just listening to the words being said, they are listening for a pause in the conversation. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak. The average conversation is a casual dual of monologues. It’s not that either person is more self centered than average, it’s not even that they don’t care what the other person is saying; it’s just human nature to be more interested in yourself than someone else.

So what’s up with the interest in blogs? The act of writing a blog, that I can understand. It soothes our inner ego. Despite how many people may or may not be reading, we feel like we’ve said something, and it’s out there. It’s our personal space. We can say what we want, and no one can do anything about it. It’s a place to vent without repercussion (not true, but that’s how many view it). It feeds our “look at me! look at me!” urges. It can give a misguided feeling of power. In a conversation, someone can interrupt you. On a blog, you just get it all out. You tell your friends, your family, even complete strangers your URL with a feeling of pride. The average Joe Blow blog has very few readers, usually just the author and maybe a few friends and family, but the number of readers doesn’t matter to the author. What matters is the feeling of being heard, whether it be by 3 or 300 readers. You’ve got their attention, you’re holding a conversation, but it’s all one sided so you don’t have to give them that pause so they can insert their two cents. Commenting functionality started appearing on blogs, because although authors liked having that moment of venting their internal monologues without the momentary respites, they still had the egotistical need of knowing that people took time to consider their words, even if the readers comment might be negative.

That explains the motivation of the author, but what of the readers? If it’s a natural compulsion to speak rather than listen, why does one person read another person’s thoughts? Newspapers, magazines - those are easily explained. It’s a different class of writing. When you pick up a newspaper, you expect to learn something, be it of world events or what that crazy Marmaduke does next. Why read about what books Chloe is reading, or how difficult Jacob’s mid-terms are? What makes a blog worth sacrificing your side of the conversation?

The question I’ve posed about blogs reminds me of a DVD I bought on the clearance rack at Target, Being John Malcovich. If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend picking it up. It was never very popular in theatres, despite the fact that it’s got a few big names in it. If you hate it, you’ve only wasted $9.99. It poses an interesting outlook on human behaviour, though. The person that is satisfied with who they are is very rare indeed. People will always want to know what it’s like on the other side of the fence. What would it be like if I were <insert name here>? Is there life better than mine? What would it be like to switch lives with that person for a day? It doesn’t even just apply to celebrities. Have you ever felt that way about the popular kid at school, or how about your next door neighboor? There’s also the Jerry Springer complex. We all hate the show, but we’ve all watched it at some point. Maybe we even watched it more than once. We pointed and laughed at all of the freaks on the show, smug in our beliefs that it could never be us, we’re so much better than them with our SUV’s, 2.5 children, golden retriever, and our white picket fence. Sure, we have problems, but at least our children aren’t pre-op transvestite prostitutes with stuffed animal fetishes. Maybe we need the constant reassurance that someone else has more problems than we do - or maybe we just want to know that someone else faces the same challenges we do.

Sure, there’s the rare blog that can talk about something as mundane as baby vomit, but say it all in a way that makes even the most jaded of us laugh. That kind of writing talent from a personal blog is rare, indeed. There’s also the occassional blog that we read not only for humor, but because we feel like we might actually have something to learn from this person.

I’m not naive enough to think that people read my blog because I’m a good writer. I try, but I know I have a long way to go. There’s a few reasons my blog is as popular as it is. It doubtless has little to do with the fact that I’m a female in the technical industry. Fellas, it’s not as rare as you think. Most fat girls are smart. How else are we going to land husbands? Just kidding. But seriously, breasts with a brain (however abused) are definitely part of the appeal. I know a lot of it also has to do with the controversy that seems to follow me wherever I go. I used to invite it; drama was fun. It kept me from getting bored. If I didn’t have something to stress about, life just didn’t feel right. Now I’ve calmed down a lot, no doubt having something to do with Mike, but the talk continues, so I keep racking up hits. I’m not complaining. Being trolled gives me something to laugh about, and it keeps me on my toes. I also seem to be bringing in a lot of weird hits from search engines. “gloryhole movies”? None of that here, ya’ll, move along. I wonder though - do any of the people searching for such strange and obscene things see that this site isn’t quite what they were looking for, but continue reading? Who knows.

Regardless of hits, I’ll always blog. The way I look at it, $100/month for a server is cheaper than $100/hour therapy. Most people have at least one person they dump their shit on, be it a good friend or a therapist. I have a lot of friends now, but I’m not comfortable doing that kind of thing. I don’t even do that with people that I’m extremely close to, like Mike and Michelle. I vent a little occassionally, but for the most part, I keep personal things to myself - until I get a chance to put it in my blog. It’s good therapy. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

And if I happen to get a small fan club along the way, well, that’s not my fault, now is it?

All I do on my weekends is sleep. Last weekend, I know I slept 30 hours in bed. This Friday night, I slept over 14 hours. Saturday night, I slept 12. I always wake up feeling as tired as I was when I first climbed in bed. I hate going to sleep, and I put it off for as long as I can until I just can’t fight it anymore. I feel sick almost all the time now. It’s like being slightly hungover, an affliction that even my daily guzzling of Pepto Bismol won’t solve. I’ve been having random hot and cold flashes - more hot than cold, but they come on so sudden and so strong.

I don’t want to go back to the doctor. They can’t tell me anything I haven’t already heard. Doctors are only there to give you pills, and pills don’t fix anything. Pills are just that last dernier ressort, when it gets so bad I think I’m about to go insane, they offer that brief moment of ataraxia, perfect peace. It’s easy to feel like you could go insane when you’re always in pain. It’s even easier when you hate closing your eyes because you know you’re going to fall asleep, and then the dreams will come that you can’t make yourself remember, and you’re not sure if you want to, anyways.

Oh, but tell them how I really feel, eh?

I am not pleased, not one bit. I was hoping for something revolutionary, but instead we’re stuck with another sexist homophobe. I’m looking at possibly converting to catholism, so this irritates me more than it normally would. It’s not like I desire to be a female priest, or that I’m gay and want to be accepted by the church. I just think it’s wrong. The catholic church needs to catch up with the modern times which within we live. Do you think this pope is going to condone the use of birth control? Hah! As if. Down with women, up with apathy of sexuality!

Fuck the pope.

- Edit -

After writing this, there was some talk in #freebsddrama/EFNet:

[12:32] <sektie> lets see how much hate mail i get for that one.
[12:33] <sei> who cares what catholics think
[12:34] <seinfeld> what’s that?
[12:43] <sektie> well, i’m going to be a catholic.
[12:43] <sektie> i want to get married as a catholic to mike. his family is catholic.
[12:43] <sektie> god is god, i guess. religion is just the shady guy that comes to your house at 3 am to drop off the 8ball.

I signed up for OKCupid, mainly out of boredom. Normally, I’d consider that the typical excuse everyone uses, but it was so bad I was contemplating the weave in the carpet at work. I joined so I could “network with my friends”, but then I realized only two of my friends suck enough to go on okcupid. That’s ok. maybe I can make more. That’s the point of the site, right? *smirk*

So I worked on creating a profile that was both filled with hate, somewhat bitter, and just the right mix to discourage idiots.

FreeBSDGirl 23/f, bisexual. 5′ 6″ (1.67m). Seeing Someone. Last login: Today

We have a very good understanding of freebsdgirl.
Compared to females her age:
She’s less organized
She’s less old-fashioned
She’s more scientific
She’s less moral
She’s less methodical

My self-summary:
I like drugs more than I should, but I end up spending all of my money on gadgets I’ll only use once (wifi detector, teensy mp3 player, bluetooth headset, etc) or shoes or something, so drugs haven’t really ever been that much of a problem. I hate non-geeks. I don’t hate them because they aren’t technical, I hate them because the only ones I’ve met are stupid “hey hey wanna cyber?? omg lolz” type idiots. I hate idiots. If you ever say “u” or “r” or “plz” in anything other than a direct poke at romanian grammatical skills, do not talk to me. If you do not know what at least 2 out of { gizmodo , IRC , freebsd } are, do not talk to me. If your intent is to ask me for pictures of my breasts, do not talk to me. If you want to send me pictures of your penis, that’s ok. It’ll go up on my webpage with all the other penis pictures I have collected thus far. If you want me to put a link on my website to your blog, do not talk to me. My blog is infinitely better than your blog. I shall not sully it. If you are Angelina Jolie, you can talk to me.

What I’m doing with my life:
Drugs, coding, scheming, trolling.

I’m really good at:
FreeBSD, making idiot females cry, making idiot males cry. It’s my personal mission to eliminate the world of as many idiots as possible before some suicide bomber decides to do the world a favor and take me out.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:
My breasts. They are huge, I despise them. I’m going to get them reduced. Shortly after noticing my breasts, they may begin to realize they are bleeding from several internal injuries. I don’t like it when people stare. If I meet someone on the internet, they first notice my bitter attitude, shortly followed by my blatant self-promotion.

My favorite books, movies, music, and foods are:
books: sleeping beauty series by anne rice. orson scott card, which is expected from any card carrying nerd. History books. movies: tank girl, demolition man music: 7 year bitch, l7, hole (pre-celebrity skin), gabriel & dresden

The SIX things I could never do without:
cock. laptop. internet. irc. freebsd. cadburry eggs.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
cock. laptop. internet. irc. freebsd. cadburry eggs.

On a typical Friday night I am:
cock. laptop. internet. irc. freebsd. cadburry eggs (but only when it’s easter. the bastards here don’t order them year round.)

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here is:
wtf? it’s the internet. Private? Have you SEEN my site?

This is great. I just got this IM:

illiterate schmuck: finially someone that seems as if she doesnt take shit and stands her ground..very attractive and interesting at the same time..get back to me if you would like to talk sometime..ps i hate ignorance…so try not to conversate with meaningless bable.
me: conversate isn’t a word. you meant converse.

Heres some snippets of some winning profiles that decided they were turned on by my profile and wanted some FreeBSDGirl love.

My favorite books, movies, music, and foods are:

books-not a clue, movies-seen too many, music-listen to a variety, foods-probably ice cream

Here’s a clue. Show some interests in your profile. Only idiot girls want to talk to someone that isn’t well read, spends all their time in front of a tv, only sticks in generalities when describing something, and eats unhealthy food.

My self-summary:

Im a single(cant change bit where it says in relationship) 22year old male as u can see. Got my LPC. Working as a Legal Clerk for a council. I never know what to write in these things. AAAAAAAAAArgh I love women, all ages especially ones above 40 and love sex.

The SIX things I could never do without:

Mobile Phone, Coca cola, food, my neice and nephew, sex and women and EASTENDERS(soap)

You should message me if:

Ur funny, u can take a joke, not easily offended, willing to talk dirty , love sex, loving and caring. Also, im expecting to be a dad of triplets soon, but not ready, so if you want to buy a baby or 3 at a reasonable price let me know. If not i may just sell my unborn kids on Ebay.

This kid is 22. Why is he sending me email if he knows I’m 23? I also clearly state that I’m in a committed relationship, although I do use the word ‘cock’ multiple times, so maybe he got excited and missed that not single bit. Also, he really needs to work on his math skills. That’s 8 things. He’s a coca-cola lover too, which means it never would have worked out. I’m a pepsi girl. I really don’t even know what to say about that last question.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here is:

i have a thing for girls in glasses, and if you leave your panties at my house, i will smell them quite a bit before washing them for your next visit.

This profile I actually found fairly interesting. It’s a bi 34/f involved in a pagan FFM (female-female-male) triad. I don’t really know about that underwear thing though.

I want one of these.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me:

“Damn, he must be missing that little guy in the back of his brain that prods him with a stick before he opens his mouth. ‘

Best ever.