Bobby:

I dun my part and mailed the following to one of them ignerint skool bored memers:

Dear Mr. Bacon:

I am riting to you becuz your name indicates your family was originally some type of edible food descended from a pig. This is important, becuz your folks know what its like to be et. And if Flying Spagetti Monsterism isn't taught in Kansas schools as the real science it is, there is a gud chance all you skool bored members will be et by the Flying Spagetti Monster. Remember, four warnt is four armed!

Yrs. truly in Spagetti-dom,

D. Key

P.S. My brother forgot to mention the East Carolina Pirates. Plus there's still a whole bunch of real high-seas-type pirates floating around the waters of Indonesia, and I hear tell there's even some real ones left in the Caribbean!

I have tears streaming down my cheeks man.

Thank you

Mikey

Bobby,

As founder and pastor of the long established United Divided Church of Dog, I'm thrilled to latch onto your powerful coat tails in proclaiming to the world the fundamental goodness of alternative faith. Is there room in your Pantheon of Saints for my now deceased canine companion? She believed in science, too. Bless me, father, for I have singed...

The Rev Jim

Beware the false teachings of the antipasto!!!!!

Tony

Great site and I loved the letter.....but alas me hardy, according The Gematriculator (in which experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God's watermark of authenticity)....your site is exactly 50% Evil....

May the Almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster have mercy on your soul.....

YOU’RE CRAZY!!! Where do all you crackpots come from!! Every sane person knows the world was created by The Great Dancing Avocado of Threebeania and that His Wandering Seed is His earthly messenger, tap-dancing his glorious gospel to all those who prepare the appropriate salad dressing. I think you will find that faith in His Tastiness is commonplace, not like your crazy cult beliefs. Lettuce pray.

Plunger

Surely HIS touch could never be inappropriate, or does power corrupt
even HIM?

The power of pasta could be quite overwhelming and scary, even for pasta
itself, and that's not even considering peripherals such as meatballs,
Bolognese sauce or garlic bread.

P.

Bobby -

I have pirate regalia. I will come to Kansas if necessary. Arrr.

ARRRR!!!

J.T.
Fairfax, VA

I love your website! I would love to help spread the word about the
Greatness that is the Flying Spaghetti Monster and was wondering if it would
be okay to create an icon for my livejournal blog?

Thanks :-)

- Alex

Are you really going to take legal action if they wont teach about the
flying spaghetti monster in schools? Because, you really should. I want to
see if you would win. :3

This is the best response to IT I have read so far. I laughed, until I remembered that some folks (in positions of great power) actually believe some of this stuff.

Best,

Phil

Bobby

I can attest to the fact that the Great Spagetti Monster sent what I assert to be his only offspring, the Great Fusili Calamari to earth, where it performed what I allege to be great miracles. These miracles mainly involved Feeding the Hungry, and Passing Through the Digestive System of the Unworthy.

In my small way, I have been touched by His Noodly Appendage, and my life has been changed.

Regards

Gerard

Dear High Priest of Pasta,

All praise to the Spaghetti Monster, and blessed be his Sauce!

We MUST send the Holy Open Letter to the President at once!

From recent reports (which were obtained at the loss of many pirates, blessed be their Eyepatches), the President himself is falling under the sway of the evil "Intelligent" Design! We must, under any circumstances, bring him to the side of Spaghetti Monsterism, before he starts uttering "Stay the course, STAY THE COURSE!", at which time, as you know, all hope is lost.

So again, I beg you, Most High Pontiff of Pirates, please send Our Holy Writ to the President at once, before it's too late!!

By my hand, guided by His Noodly Appendage.

Jason "Arrgh!"

Of course as a child of the 70's my beliefs went to the Cosmic Muffin theory from National Lampoon's Deteriorata:

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP!

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

I'm convinced! Where is your nearest church so I can sign up!

Yours faithfully,

Dorothy

I must say that one of the things I truly appreciate
during the work day is when one of my friends forwards
me something so intriguing that it brightens my whole,
miserable day. Thank FSM for your site. Not only does
it address preaching...i mean teaching...creationism in
school and the ridiculous Kansas School Board in a
lighthearted and incredibly intelligent way, but it
creates a neverending list of emails from people who
are pissed off at you. These emails tend to be
extremely high on the Unintentional Comedy Scale (thank
you Bill Simmons) and I laughed thoroughly at every one
of them.

Keep up the good work, and don't worry, vegas is
awesome.

Pat

Snapple Real Fact #155:

In 1926, the first outdoor mini-golf courses were
built on rooftops in NYC.

Mr. Henderson,

Thank you for your important letter to the Kansas Board of Education.
I grew up in Kansas, and like many others, am ashamed of this fact.
Perhaps if the Board of Education approves the teaching of Flying
Spaghetti Monsterism, I can proudly proclaim my heritage, stating for
all the world to hear that I am from Kansas, the pioneering state that
first saw the light and mandated the teaching of the Great Truth of
the Flying Spaghetti Monster in our science classes!

Sincerely,
Carol

Your website is great! Thank you.

Why settle for Vegas? Did you consider jobs here in CT at the Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun casinos? The added bonus is the CT is a blue state.

Liz

Elizabeth

Can I just say Noodly appendage is my new favorite phrase. That is just so funny.

Your analysis of global warming and pirate activity was astounding. Did you know there's also a relationship between ice cream sales and murder rates? We need more pirates to rid the world of ice cream, or we'll all DIE!

All hail his noodly appendage.

Laura

Dear Bobby,

I have recently purchased one of your coffee mugs, but it is giving me
no end of grief. Every time I put coffee, hot chocolate, or hot tea in
the mug, it instantly transubstantiates into what I assume is the blood
of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It sort of looks like marinara sauce,
but I'm afraid to taste it. Curiously, when I put wine into the mug,
it just turns into a nice, full-bodied chianti -- beer does the same
thing. Is there any act of sacrifice or ritual that I can perform to
stop these miracles from occurring? While I bask in His greatness and
I am truly awed by His power, I'm also kind of thirsty. Any advice
would be welcome.

May you be eternally blessed with His beefy goodness.

Your customer and fellow believer,

Sebastian

Dear Sir
Following my rebirth in the eyes of Our Most Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster,
a matter of the most grave importance has been brought to my attention. This
concerns all of us.
While fasting in the mountains, I was presented with a holy vision. I beheld
the End of Thymes: all pasta destroyed, His appointed pirate guardians
helpless to prevent the dominion of Bologneselbub. I saw all earthly
civilisation destroyed, lands submerged beneath the cup-a-sea by His rage. I
knew at once what this sacred vision meant. Yes: the time has come for the
faithful to prophesy the coming of the Antipasti.
These are dark times, and those ahead of us darker yet. Yet the faith must
prevail. Take up the tagliatelli of valour and the penne of purity: arm
yourself with the pluma of Saint Neopolitano. Preach the Apocalalasagne in
the dark places of the world. Spread the word - nay, spread the sauce of the
coming of the Antipasti.
Yours
Devout of Crouch End, London, UK

Dear Bobby Henderson,

Thanks for the laugh, even though laughing in this heat makes one even hotter.

What will happen to the flying Spaghetti Monster monster when we run out of tomato sauce? I have heard that global warming will make it impossible to grow tomatoes in many parts of the world. Will the Spaghetti Monster then choose a different topping?

We absolutely have to keep laughing and mocking. It keeps one sane. Thanks for your part in our sanity. Catherine in Cleveland

hello,
I am currently working for a non-profit organization called the sierra youth coalition. My task at hand is to create a day planner which we will sell to fund one of our projects. In this day planner each month will have a theme and one of those themes will be climate change, this is where you come in. I would like to use your graph of global average temperature vs the number of pirates. Of course, if you agree to let us use it we will mention your web site in our day planner which could be great publicity for your fight to get the Flying Spaghetti Monster in classrooms. Also, I personaly hope that if this graph is exposed to more people, more people will become pirates and we can finaly solve this global warming thing. Please write back soon to let me know if we can use your graph.

thanks,
Josue

Dear Bobby:

I have read, and I am not sure. However, I am disappointed that things are still so black and white for you. I mean, 95% think your theory is correct, while 5% think you are going to hell.

Therefore, just to make your Earth more variable, I would like to assert that you are going to Purgatory. This will change the percentages, and hopefully be like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti.

Signed,

Philip

You need to send your theory to Jon Stewart! By the
way, I will be teaching 5th grade math & science this
year. I believe your theories cazn be nicely
incorporated into my curriculum.

Bobby

Last night I was touched by His Noodly Appendage and had a dream that
the land of Kansas was to become the a Land that will be Holy to all his
followers and that all who truly believe in the Flying Spagetti Monster
should join together and take over the land and force out all
un-believers. He told me that about 20 Million followers would be about
enough as other religions have been known to do the same trick with
fewer people, though it helps if you have nuclear weapons.

John

I have a noodly appendage. Is this a good thing, or should I see a doctor about it?

Dear Bobby;

I regret to inform you that I have been told that the emblem for the United Church of the FSM is all wrong (and you know who told me). I know your were probably having a spiritual revelation or possibly a rapture (could have been rupture too) when the vision was bestowed but do check your vision since the real emblem has crossed Pirate Sabers with the fork at the crux (kind of like a peace symbol or one of those old Nordic thingies) a large meatball is in the background with noodles radiating from it and the wording is kind of drippy (like it was made with a finger dipped in tomato sauce) at the circumference. Can you see it now?

Also you have failed to point out that true believers will indeed be saved (much like an Amway salesman) and will receive fabulous wealth including but not necessarily limited to; a large Tuscan Villa, twelve Mercedes Benzes, sixteen motor yachts, thirty two Harley Davidson’s, sixty four tons of emeralds, one hundred and thirty two Tommy Hilfiger suits (or dresses or combination if so desired), two hundred and eighty two pairs of Mephisto Sandals (He does have a sense of humor) and an eternity of freedom from stomach cramps. As you will observe the total number of salvation sums to 539 which divided by the holy number of 7 equals the double holy number of 77 (pure science!).

Hopefully this has strengthened your faith and with the added marketability of true salvation given you a purpose and meaning to life (I unfortunately have sinned and can only look forward to an old Airstream, two mopeds, some consignment Donna Karen tee shirts with matching flip flops and no relief from stomach cramps).

The one and only true Scooterman

Sir

Just a note to express my admiration for your undoubted genius. I never thought I could get religion but you have convinced me! I think I'm going to start a UK branch of the one true faith. Keep on sticking it to the ID dummies.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

With awed admiration


John

I have been in the Asia, and they are like eating noodles all the time
and didn't think twice about it! True believers.

I have few questions

- Is spaghetti eating holy sacrament?

- Is the Guns 'n roses spagetti incident a relevation?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spaghetti_Incident

Teemu

After reading your page, I realized that my last name
is Pasta with an I in it... "Piasta". Surely I am one
of His chosen prophets?

Noodley yours,
Jacquie

Have you talked with the aclu, or possibly discovery.com, or hell, even comedy central (penn and teller come to mind) about starting legal action against Kansas to teach the FSM-ID?

I’d be interested in being involved.

Malcolm

Dear fellow tomato-sauce encrusted brother,

Yeah, the graph showing an inverse linear relationship between pirate
population and mean global temperature is interesting, but what do you
think about making a stronger claim, ie, performing a linear
regression on the data and producing a nice equation. I'm sure (from
eyeballing the data) that the residual would be nice and low, and
besides, lots of stats would confuse most school boards. ;^)

I also think you need to propose an alternative hypothesis to back up
your claims. Perhaps something like, umm, the numbe of live African
elephants living in a small bedsit in the centre of Cardiff city (my
home town). There were none when I was a child, and there are none now
so there is no relationship between elephants living in a nice bedsit
etc and global warming. Which, by a process of deduction means that
the FSM (may he bless us with his noodly appendage) MUST BE TRUE AND A
PROVEN THEORY!!! (even if there is no such thing as a "proven"
scientific theory...!)

Alan

Brother Henderson,
You are enlightened and enlightening! It all makes so much sense: my love
of spaghetti, my guilt when consuming it; my weird relationship with pirate
shirts (as well as Jerry Seinfeld's)... the implications are clear.
Should you need supporters in Kansas, or any other Truth-Resistant state, I
stand ready.
G. Kurt

Great webpage, I like what you're doing an so on.
Let me give you some more firepower.
You mention in response to "religious nuts" in your FAQ that you can't
repeat evolution. Well thats not true, its been done thousands of
times. Have you ever heard of Artificial Life? It is a movement in
computer science centered about using the tenants of evolution to
generate working code. There have been many implemintations, one of the
most famous is Tierra. The article on wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tierra_%28computer_simulation%29 isn't too
in depth but it gives a good understanding of what it is.
Bellow is someone's photoessay on evolution occuring in the same
simulator http://www.his.atr.jp/~ray/pubs/images/index.html .

In addition the tenants of evolution have been proven over and over
again in Genetic Algorithms and other forms of Evolutionary Computation
which are now used by Airplanes, Cars, your Tivo, and a great deal of
software on your computer.

In other words I have always felt that the appropriate response for
someone asking for an evolution demonstration is to boot up Tierra (or
one of its many sibling programs) and let those "nuts" see organisms
evolve for themselves. It's hard to deny something you see unfolding
before your eyes, even if it would take millions of years and terrabytes
of memory to get anything as complicated as humans.
George Mauer

PS If the concept of Artificial Life strikes you as interesting as it
did me, there is a great (if somewhat dated) book by Stephen Levy titled
"Artificial Life" which explains the subject in very understandable terms.

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