There was an article in the British magazine "New Scientist" the other day reporting about a march by thousands of people in SUPPORT of animal testing. The argument made by the marchers was that it saves lives. It was interesting to see because fascist organizations like PeTA have had all the publicity of late. And the reputation of those hardworking, dedicated, and caring people in the pharmaceuticals industry has been in the toilet for years because some people think germs have more of a right to live than the people they infect.

That rant brings me to Tim Allen's latest evil film, a remake of Disney's "The Shaggy Dog." Here Allen plays Dave Douglas an assistant DA in an affluent California city, where he's in the midst of prosecuting his daughter Carly's (Zena Grey) social studies teacher for arson. You see, the teacher has allegedly torched a lab run by an evil conglomerate because they were testing on fluffy bunnies.

They can't have this!!!! Instead of featuring genuinely dedicated scientists who want to cure disease and improve life, "Dog" casts as its villains moronic Dr. Frankensteins who have stolen an ancient sheepdog from Tibet to find out why it's a three hundred-year-old lama. I said "lama" not to be confused with "llamas," which are a kind of camel, this is a monk. But, alas, "Dog" is a kiddie flick, after all, but there is a political message here stuffed down the little one's throats. The message is that science is bad and we must protect cute widdle bunnies at all costs!

Okay, these evil scientists, lead by dying boss Lance Strictland (Philip Baker Hall), get blood samples from the canine Buddha and, to their dismay, discover that they can't transfer the immortality gene. But this Buddha dog becomes contagious, and anyone who gets bitten turns into, well, it's sort of like Wolfman-lite. And before you know it, Allen's character falls prey to the infection. The subplot involves Allen playing a work-obsessed dad, who doesn't know his son (Spencer Breslin) really hates football, or that his daughter wants a tattoo because he's persecuting bunny savers. Yadda yadda yadda.

Of course, "Dog" isn't all bad. Allen's performance during the transformations is fantastic. And Robert Downey, Jr., takes a turn as a doctor with delightfully creepy results. But the film begins to really feel flat during shots of the dog (supposedly Allen's Dave Douglas) with a bad voiceover interior monologue. Other than Allen's good work during transformations, most of the film is just preaching with sugar coating. My advice is to rent the 1959 Fred MacMurry classic instead.

Eric Lurio

Related links:
IMDB: Shaggy Dog, The (2006)