Viceland - GROSS JAR






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THIS ISSUE:
WHAT HAPPENED?
ASSBLASTER
iHUSTLE
SWEET HOME ALABAMA
ANARCHY IN THE UK
DESIGN 101
DEATH TO ROACHES
LONG GONE JOHN
PILE OF SHIT
THE VICE A TO Z OF DESIGN
PILLS OF SWEDEN
FREE PIMP C!
SOUND DESIGN
MANDELA'S HELLHOLE
VICELAND EXCLUSIVE: SURFACE TO AIR'S HELLO KITTY CROP CIRCLE

REGULARS:
DEAR DIARY
DOs & DON'Ts
FASHION
GROSS JAR
I'M DYING OVER HERE
LITERARY
PICTURES
POCKETS DUMB FAT
SKINEMA
TIDBITS
VICE MAIL

BACK ISSUES






Due to overwhelming amounts of reader mail requesting its return, we are pleased to bring you Gross Jar 2.0.

This is how it works: we take a jar and put a bunch of really foul shit in it. Then we set it outside the back door of the office and check what's happening in there every so often. It's very scientific. Someone usually gets really physically sick from it.

For this new Gross Jar, we started with a huge tub of kosher pickles. Those got dumped in the trash. They aren't gross enough. Here's what is gross enough:

1 small whole raw chicken, ripped into pieces
1 pint skim milk
5 facial scabs from the editor's mysterious cheek lacerations from when he blacked out last week
1 good mouthful of flu spit from the office manager
1 cup chicken blood
1 really long piss from aforementioned editor
3 eggs, two cracked and one left whole in the bottom

As we all know, chicken and milk, when sealed in a jar together, make a bomb. If you don't believe us, fill a jar with pollo and leche, screw the lid on tight, put it under your bed, and wait. You will be thrilled with the results.

Upon initial mixing, our gross jar resembled nothing much more than a jar of milk. The chicken and egg bits settled in the center of the jar. The piss blended right in. The scabs floated to the top, becoming difficult to see without removing the lid, which is against the rules.

One week later, and it is a drastically different story in there. Something (we suspect the urine) has made a thin layer of mucus at the upper rim of the jar. The chicken pieces are expanding hazily upwards, like something from the landscapes on the cover of Yes albums. We made an intern put his nose up to one of the holes in the lid and inhale, and he dry-heaved for a few minutes. He didn't even puke.

For next month, we're going to open it up and add some new ingredients. This shit is nowhere near extreme enough.

Please send your suggestions to vice@viceland.com. We also encourage all of you to start your own Gross Jars and send us photos.

VICE STAFF


Gross Jar: One month later.

The liquid has turned a sickly pink, and the chicken is disintegrated.

But the weirdest thing that we’ve learned so far is that spit doesn’t play well with others. We got our office manager to hock a loogie in there, and it is still sitting in a perfect glob on top of the whole thing.

The stink coming from the air holes in the lid is astounding as it is, but wait until next month — we are about to take a shit in the jar.






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Comments:

Subject: disgusting shit
Date: Oct 12 2006 11:59:38 AM
Author: cream elephant blue

get a dead bird, like, a freashly shot one. raise it slightly off th ground, on a plant-pot lid, then put a large plant-pot on top of that with a small gap under the bottom, about one inch all the way round. leave this somewere where there are a lot of flys and shit. leave it for a week or two.
now, scoop out a large hunk of decomposing flesh, compleate with maggots, and chuck that in,this is fucking minging, AND you could take bets on how long the maggots would last...



Subject: Baby mark 2
Date: Apr 21 2006 04:10:15 PM
Author: Michael Heroin

No! don't throw a baby in! It'll mutate into a chicken-winged beast sporting oozing legions and spreading the flu wherere it goes! It'll eat the eggs to gain strength then break free and seek its vengance!

Also, you may need a bigger jar.



Subject: pfffft! mayo.
Date: Nov 03 2005 01:48:44 PM
Author: bitch

i just got out of the shower, where i empty my keeper (little cup for inserting in the vagina to catch blood and whatever else comes out of us, instead of using a tampon).
the thing about keepers is that it's not dangerous to keep it in for days. not dangerous, but it is gross. just find some girl who uses a keeper, i'm sure someone there does. have her keep it in there for the last like, 2 days of her period, then empty it into the gross jar. i'm telling you, it's not just blood. and it doesn't smell good.



Subject: Cuitlacoche
Date: Oct 10 2005 05:26:12 PM
Author: Navi

This stuff is infected corn that apparently Mexicans love to eat. I know this because I know someone who lived in Mexico and got convinced to eat it. I also saw it on another url, specifically
http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_
it.php />
its the 7th one down, although almost anything on that site would be worth throwing into the gross jar.



Subject: smells like
Date: Jun 27 2005 05:13:59 AM
Author: bet it

my ass


-a poem by eldridge beaver



Subject: jar roach
Date: May 23 2005 02:22:43 AM
Author: fukr

YOU SHOULD PUT AN ALIVE ROACH!!! and a dead rat hahaha gross... what is this gross jar 4 ne ways? sick , post more about it okay bye



Subject: iowa
Date: May 22 2005 04:41:42 PM
Author: your mother

you should put mayo in there. m ayo makes everything disgusting



Subject: Splash Back
Date: Mar 17 2005 05:57:43 PM
Author: Turd World Leader

I think that someone needs to point out the dangers of spalsh back. Being a man, I take great joy in sitting on the shitter, reading a copy of vice, and curling one out into a fresh virgin bowl. The trouble I find is when it comes to crimping it off, and stopping the show. SPLASH BACK. Out of nowhere, all of a sudden your ass is sodden with the toilet water. It doesn't matter how fresh the bowl was originally, once you pissed, and shat in it, any drip of recoil is too much. So obviously upon reading that you wanna have a shit in the jar, I feel it is my duty as a seasoned safety officer of the shitting world, beware of splash back. Maybe add the human shit, with a spade, but do not shit directly into it. The splash back would be deadly!



Subject: gross jar 2.0
Date: Mar 11 2005 08:53:50 PM
Author: jonnydishes

Im not saying someone shouldnt take a crap in gross jar or blow a load for that matter but could you be a little more original. Maybe someone could chew up a suasage and spit it in the jar. Or wait, puke!! someone needs to puke a little in there, just a little stomach acid puke, that would be rad!



Subject: MMM MMM GOOD!
Date: Mar 11 2005 10:18:55 AM
Author: YEAH BABY!

you know what I think you should put in there?? A couple of used tampons....really that shit can reaaaakkk!!!! guaranteed to add some splendor!



Subject: smiling at you
Date: Mar 04 2005 02:22:41 AM
Author: Loby

maybe a limb. a human limb would be best, but a dead monkey (poor monkeys!) hand or foot would be good too. or a horseface. a big one. so it takes up a lot of the jar, staring out at you.



Subject: pig uterus
Date: Feb 24 2005 05:31:20 AM
Author: gabriela

put a pig utrus in there!



Subject: COCKROACH
Date: Feb 19 2005 12:12:48 PM
Author: Rubbermonkey

yea, that would rock!!
and a picture of Spice Girls



Subject: add-in
Date: Feb 18 2005 07:31:40 AM
Author: Diamond class

COCKROACK IN THE JAR!!! COCKROACH IN THE JAR!!!



Subject: all hail the jar
Date: Feb 18 2005 07:08:16 AM
Author: d-low

what about dumping a live cockroach in the jar
those bastards are said to survive the nuclear war so the jar should be easy...



Subject: jar
Date: Feb 09 2005 10:50:21 AM
Author: kevin ranks

someone should beat off some spaff into that thing



Subject: jar
Date: Feb 08 2005 08:58:00 AM
Author: on3time

apart from rockhead liquid turds it looks like you're about there. fine tuning could be good though- discharge from a syphylitic cock? pus from a staff infection? sort of similar to a chef adding clever amounts of spices to his secret recipe



Subject: appetite what?
Date: Feb 07 2005 10:58:54 AM
Author: annorexic

thanks for helping me lose weight... i don't think i've eaten since i read some of these posts 3 days ago... you guys are all sick... i'm very proud of you



Subject: the jar
Date: Feb 03 2005 07:28:24 AM
Author: orange tips

so loving the baby idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bt it wud b better to watch a retarded baby be fed the contents of the jar! make a video. n wot eva it throws up can be added to the next jar!! (",)



Subject: comments
Date: Feb 03 2005 07:28:24 AM
Author: orange tips

i totaly love the baby idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!so amazinly great. bt watching a retarded baby be force fead wats in the jar would be so much greater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every last bit, make a video. (",)



Subject: bombs
Date: Feb 02 2005 09:20:45 PM
Author: goo goo face

I first read about the chicken bomb in one of those anarchist publications. I've always wanted to drop it on someone. for instance these Iranian printers that fucked up my order and tried to blame it on me, fucking me for $300. I would love to somehow get a bigass jar full of eggs and chicken and milk into their shop and hiding it behind a plant or something and 2 weeks later, BOOM. but they know me and it's too much trouble to get a friend to do it. damn.



Subject: Daily Moisturizing Treatments
Date: Feb 02 2005 03:43:47 PM
Author: willerd metimbers

remember way back when you guys tested to see if semen was actually good for your complexion...see if this crap gives you the same results. eric lavoie should be the guinea pig.



Subject: jar
Date: Feb 02 2005 12:30:13 PM
Author: now thats genius right there

how come in the whole of my deprived childhood i have never thought of doing that!!



Subject: Gross Jar.....very effective!
Date: Jan 31 2005 02:02:30 PM
Author: Kate McBride

I had the pleasure of seeing the gross jar and reading about the fascinating ingredients...truly nauseating. I felt ill just reading the contents. Job well done! Would like to see more about the gross jar...thanks




Subject: Other jars on the web
Date: Jan 27 2005 07:19:14 AM
Author: Anonymous

This one contains a rat, and, (initially) alive fishes. Nice webcam colours.

http://www.markallencam.com/thejarmain.html

By the way: What about putting gross jars in public places... like using a bottle instead and putting it among the others in a bar and wait?



Subject: Combo
Date: Jan 26 2005 10:14:27 PM
Author: manchi ld

Why not combine two of America's favorite pastimes - Gross Jar/Drunk Jenga? If you were to pour this on a slumbering chum's crotch, Satan himself would flit on up from Hell, fall to his knees and give you the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs. And that's a lot of blow-jobs!

Love always,
Manchi



Subject: KKK
Date: Jan 26 2005 08:17:21 PM
Author: shuckle

A goldfish! A motherfucking goldfish



Subject: heh
Date: Jan 26 2005 04:25:47 PM
Author: CindowsXP

I think that if someone throws up you should definately make sure they do so in the jar. Fresh blood, small dead animal (mouse, mole, rat, etc), pigs feet or ear, 1 week old chicken fried rice in alot of sauce (like stofers or something that has a sauce to it) I puked while cleaning that shit outta my pan at home.



Subject: jar of goodness
Date: Jan 25 2005 05:01:47 PM
Author: Libaz

"put together some bs contest
send this to the winner"

And make sure it breaks enroute.



Subject: that would
Date: Jan 24 2005 10:00:22 PM
Author: be awesome

seriously, put a live fish in there. and post the video. do it soon before that shit gets too solid



Subject: yeah
Date: Jan 23 2005 08:34:55 PM
Author: richelle

i'll give somebody five bucks to eat that thing



Subject: Shit.
Date: Jan 21 2005 11:14:18 PM
Author: nate

Could someone erase that last one for me?



Subject: Thanks
Date: Jan 21 2005 11:13:03 PM
Author: nate

Now I just have to think about gross jar and I won't have that premature ejaculation problem.



Subject: dappa
Date: Jan 21 2005 05:56:18 PM
Author: sweet gherkin

haha-could you imagine shipping this bastard?

postal employee: is there anything liquid, fragile, dangerous, or perishable in this box?

you: ummm...no?



Subject: a new contest
Date: Jan 21 2005 02:01:09 PM
Author: dappa

put together some bs contest
send this to the winner



Subject: Beer
Date: Jan 20 2005 02:39:55 AM
Author: Hmm

I think some real yeasty beer...like Chimay or something with yeast floating at the bottom. But I guess the shit might just kill the yeast...but if it doesn't than maybe it gets all gassy, some toxic death wind shit. Come to think of it you might as well just add live yeast.

This kind of reminds me of some demented Mr. Wizard episode.



Subject: GrossJar
Date: Jan 19 2005 01:47:49 AM
Author: MikeSnake

I just moved into a unabomber cabin and I found a bunch of food from 1994 (shtewed tomaters, chick peas, pigs brains, marshmallow fluff, cream of asparagus, etc...) and I think that you should put it in a gross jar. Or maybe I should start my own gross jar. With dead babies in it. And tsunami victims...



Subject: Gross
Date: Jan 18 2005 07:44:06 PM
Author: I KNOW

A used tampon.....too obvious really!! Maybe some paint stripper, or battery acid, or any sort of corrosive substance. Can't forget organs such as liver, kidney's, intestine, uterus (I know you can get it in Vietnam), neck bones, gizzards, tongue, pigs ears, soul food of all sorts. Gross Jars are fun beyond belief....I've known this since grade school.

Oh yeah....bugs too. Get gnarly hairy spider. Shit gives me the willy's thinking about it.



Subject: solution!
Date: Jan 17 2005 09:25:02 PM
Author: Sublime

Dudes...perhaps your gross jar will become the roach killer you've been looking for. After appropriate fermentation time you can fill a spray bottle and douse your roach infested apartments. It'll be like the new febreeze. Yo if you market that shit I want a cut.



Subject: Science project
Date: Jan 16 2005 05:29:43 PM
Author: carlos d

you know how if you fill a cup full of cola and drop a tooth in there, the cola will dissolve the tooth. Fill a bathtub with that little cocktail of yours and go around gathering winos and bums, get them wasted off a night train and toss them in there. Then wait till the magic happens.



Subject: Manchild's story.
Date: Jan 16 2005 12:45:49 PM
Author: L.

That was a funny story, Manchild.



Subject: I like science.
Date: Jan 15 2005 05:49:37 PM
Author: manchild

We had one of these in highschool although not of this caliber; mostly just cafateria food and spit. We did hide it in the radiator though which sped things up a bit. Anyway, some moron caught us checking it and she tried to throw it away but it cracked and glugged out on her shoes. She started heaving and puked on her own chest. The worst part was that it wasn't like regular barf but just a half dixie cup worth of this vile black stuff. I have very mixed feelings about this image but I will carry it with me until I die.
-Oh yeah, if you can find out what that black stuff is, put it in the jar, ok?



Subject: bullshit
Date: Jan 14 2005 12:10:37 PM
Author: robley

you know how slim jims come in that weird fucking mystery tube? squeeze out whatever the fuck is inside there, crush up a zinc tablet, hydrogen peroxide, go-gurt, and lemonade mix.



Subject: God's own medicine
Date: Jan 13 2005 05:45:28 PM
Author: Andrew

red wine, an eye dropper of Coke, fresh turd, three gummy worms, the beef filling from Taco Bell, some blue cheese crumbles, wet dog food (the cheap stuff), asparagus, and some dried wild rice. Voila, a grad students Sunday Brunch.



Subject: shit
Date: Jan 13 2005 04:15:14 AM
Author: shithead

shit is soOOoo cliche.

drop some fresh jizz from a boy and girl in there...maybe you'll get a l'il fetus soon. or even a bad knock-off of the incredible hulk.

anyone in the office have a gross, dripping std? drip some of that in there.

my ass is bleeding too...



Subject: Fuck ya the gross jar!!!!!! :----
Date: Jan 13 2005 12:23:32 AM
Author: drip chip dip

crusty thong (or equivalent 3 day+ camping underwear), clam chowder, the smelliest fish you can think of, mothballs, brewers yeast, drain hair (the long slimy ones ), greens +, cabbage, potato, hotdogs, spam, ding dongs, ecstacy, used band-aids, pitbull shit.



Subject: toxic waste
Date: Jan 12 2005 09:51:54 PM
Author: ted

thick stew*



Subject: toxic stew
Date: Jan 12 2005 09:15:59 PM
Author: ted

make some really think stwe and let it sit for a few days then throw it in there , i find that really makes for a sickening experiance with gross jars



Subject: learn to spell
Date: Jan 12 2005 07:44:03 PM
Author: king mob

Its blancmange, idiot.



Subject: lunch
Date: Jan 11 2005 07:43:39 AM
Author: dave

that shit looks like blamange



Subject: PUBES
Date: Jan 10 2005 01:26:05 AM
Author: The Phoenix

Just put a bunch of pubes on top, make sure they come off a sweaty scrote though, preferably with some sort of pimples or VD. Even if they don't stink too bad, they'll still add a nice garnish.



Subject: fear
Date: Jan 10 2005 01:04:55 AM
Author: Sell that shit to fear factor

doods at vice. sell your jar to that beeatch from fear factor. peeps who eat lamb eyes and coaglated blood will tremble in fear before the vice jar. mark my fuckin words.
lates



Subject: Gross Jar
Date: Jan 09 2005 07:52:28 PM
Author: Abe Froman

What the hell is that white shit floating on the top!?!



Subject: good ideas
Date: Jan 09 2005 06:05:11 PM
Author: nestcepa?

personally,I would've went with baby blood...
but I guess we'll have to settle for poutine sauce or bleach



Subject: Snails
Date: Jan 08 2005 10:22:20 PM
Author: Deemonie

A bunch of snails!!!



Subject: plus they sound cool
Date: Jan 08 2005 08:22:36 PM
Author: Hanae

morning eye crusties would make a cute little sprinkling on top. you could probably get away with calling it a desert, with that kinda topping.



Subject: hey
Date: Jan 08 2005 03:11:37 PM
Author: luizinho.deviantart.com

someone is gonna have to drink that shit...



Subject: a
Date: Jan 07 2005 04:01:03 PM
Author: i dont shower

put a G.I. joe in there!!



Subject: gross jar
Date: Jan 07 2005 03:45:03 PM
Author: Scavotage

Fermenting shit would do it. I was cleaning my house for a party and had to get out the toilet brush. I removed it from its little holster and noticed this brown gooey liquid inside. Somebody probably scrubbed the bowl with it and put it back into the holster. I poured it down the toilet and the smell was so bad I thought I'd need counselling. I puked for days thinking about it



Subject: live fish
Date: Jan 06 2005 04:10:21 PM
Author: live fish

live fish
see what happens



Subject: One slice'll do ya
Date: Jan 06 2005 12:00:54 AM
Author: Gisella

A single slice of cheap bologna with the red ring still on it.



Subject: kitten poop
Date: Jan 05 2005 11:39:19 PM
Author: Guinastasia

Add some kitten poop. My kitten Maggie could clear out an entire stadium.



Subject: Do 'dis:
Date: Jan 05 2005 01:43:56 PM
Author: N.O.R.E.

Put in:
- Chunks of fatback
- Jism
- Blueberry yogurt
- Zippo fluid
- Booze
- Dead pigeon
- A crushed up Eagles CD/Casette



Subject: Mold/yeast
Date: Jan 05 2005 12:42:24 PM
Author: Shazbot

You should put mold or yeast in there and grow your very own nifty gross friend in a jar



Subject: gum
Date: Jan 05 2005 07:33:55 AM
Author: ben stiller

Gummy-bears would be hilarious, they expand and get all cloudy.



Subject: drink some then...
Date: Jan 04 2005 05:17:53 PM
Author: bubba jones

barf it all back into the jar, after an all you can eat at some shady place.do it.



Subject: put in...
Date: Jan 02 2005 09:23:04 PM
Author: Poo poo

tampon, diaper or barf



Subject: jar
Date: Jan 01 2005 10:59:12 PM
Author: your mom

you guys have to get somebody to bow a huge load in there...that shit turns rank! and maybe poor some menstrual fluids in there too.



Subject: poor intern
Date: Jan 01 2005 07:36:30 PM
Author: ellen

you HAVE to put asparagus. if left lng enough, it bloats up to like 6 times its original size. and the vivid green would set off the lovely pink hues in that jar of science wonderment. oh, i am so sick now.



Subject: 50cent
Date: Jan 01 2005 12:50:30 PM
Author: Miikka

Would 50 cent fit there? Maybe Ja Rule?



Subject: milk/chicken bomb
Date: Dec 31 2004 08:22:54 PM
Author: Old Breadbutt

awesome



Subject: ...
Date: Dec 31 2004 12:46:05 PM
Author: lipitor

glad to see that it made it's return

but you should of used buttermilk instead of skim more fat = more colours

but you should add more exotic foods like branston or sumting



Subject: Rodent Skullz
Date: Dec 31 2004 02:32:21 AM
Author: Dahmer

I used to put dead hamsters in glass bottles of bleach and store them in my mom's fridge. I don't know why she didn't have a problem with this. I would have beat my ass.



Subject: ingredients
Date: Dec 31 2004 12:47:27 AM
Author: derek

an aborted fetus would be cool, but since this is reality, I suggest going to the hospital and stealing a placenta from the biohazard bin.

Also...DON'T shit in the jar. Or atleast not a healthy solid human shit. Get a crackhead from the street to take a liquidy bile-like shit that results from years of malnutrition and drinking rain water.



Subject: que rico(L)
Date: Dec 30 2004 08:44:12 PM
Author: isadora

la guea tillili rega
dan ganas de comer XD



Subject: cool concept
Date: Dec 30 2004 05:57:40 PM
Author: 3507321C is a jerk

granmas teeth including the water they sit in by her bed. no, drink that water and something else gnarly then spew it into the jar.



Subject: a chicken is a dead animal
Date: Dec 29 2004 07:02:23 PM
Author: mmm...

Didn't you take science class? one small whole raw chicken ripped to pieces constitutes a dead animal. Have someone take a deep whiff and puke into the mix or put something fishy in like clams, oysters or a can of tuna.



Subject: Spiddle
Date: Dec 29 2004 04:10:23 PM
Author: Much

I just puked in my mouth and swallowed it,
Thanks Vice!



Subject: Poopy
Date: Dec 29 2004 03:39:31 PM
Author: The Dell Kid

A gross jar without any type of feces in it is just simply NOT a gross jar. I'll send you some if you want.



Subject: Old News
Date: Dec 29 2004 10:17:00 AM
Author: Homeless Cop

My friends and I did much worse, and ours had over 100 ingredients. We poured it under the seat of an enemy who was enjoying a hot Summer day at the park.
He left his windows down.....
....and he had to sell it to a junk yard eventually.



Subject: PPPPFFFFF
Date: Dec 29 2004 05:27:03 AM
Author: 3507321C

DEAD ANIMALS ARE ALWAYS REQUIRED IN ANY EXPERIMENT........DIDN'T YOU FUCKS TAKE SCIENCE ?...........................................................
............................................................
...........................................C'MON



Subject: Eminem
Date: Dec 28 2004 02:30:51 PM
Author: Zach

While you're at it why don't you put in a copy of Encore. Gross.



Subject: sick bottle
Date: Dec 27 2004 04:16:56 PM
Author: ed hideous

i once did this, but when i had the flu. it was a water bottle filled a quarter of the way with really green mucus and shit. i started figuring out that i had a bottle of biological warfare in my hands.



Subject: whoever takes a shit in there
Date: Dec 27 2004 02:44:31 PM
Author: EURRGH

better watch out for splash back. that would be the worse splashback of all time.

even worse than that time a sticky shit chunk got dislodged by my biffy and then my roomate went in there to puke and used the biffy in one fluid motion as a waterpik. kabam - jimbo mouth



Subject: throw a kitten in there
Date: Dec 27 2004 02:42:13 PM
Author: kitten

a baby wouldn't fit



Subject: weeew
Date: Dec 27 2004 12:22:37 PM
Author: ooh

how about some dead mice, an artichoke, a pigs foot and a wisk from the 99 cents store.



Subject: baby
Date: Dec 27 2004 08:45:08 AM
Author: baby

throw a baby in there and see how long it lasts...



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