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  Dear Yanks, All the weapons you see here were invented by people we know who'd just come out of Young Offenders Institutes (a.k.a. Borstal, like in the movie Scum), where the only thing you do all day is fill out aptitude tests, get bullied, feel scared, wish you were back home, and—out of sheer fucking boredom and enforced insanity—think of ways to make deadly implements out of traffic cones and marker pens. MODIFIED AIR GUN Known for its ultra-powerful tandem air-cartridge system, the Brocock ME38 is the ultimate replica gun on the street, accounting for half of all converted firearms seized by police in the UK. Available legally at hunting, hobby and specialist sports shops across the country for around £300, this solid steel, black beauty can be easily converted into a real gun that will really kill people. The original barrel (which is designed to hold pellets or blanks) needs to be unblocked to hold bullets. A sloppy job causes the bullets to stick in the chamber and combust, taking the shooter's hand with them. The police honestly believe that there are "organized gangs controlling this epidemic" working shifts and flooding the streets. The reality is, it's a bunch of toothless metalworks engineers who fix cars for a day job. BTW, this isn't a Brocock, it's some sort of gypsy fake 9mm. We bought it in a "sports shop" in East London and it took a week to convert. TOOTHBRUSH KNIFE This was made by a 24-year-old girl who just got released from prison for shoplifting. It is a variation on "shank" classics like the bar of soap with a razor blade or, more recently, two phone cards with a razor blade inserted in the middle. The main thing here is razors. They're pretty hard to come by if you're (UK child murderer and public enemy No. 1) Ian Huntley, but in women's prisons they're easier to get, especially if you're in for something like chronic shoplifting or possession with intent. The best toothbrushes to use are those aerodynamic ones with the angles, because you've got more plastic to play with. SPIKED BAT As used by the teenage gang who murdered a kid outside the Somerfields grocery store on Old Street, East London, this will maim anybody if you corner them in a dark alley. The downside is, you can't really carry this around in the street unless you're going straight to your victim. No other errands on the way. This was made by a guy in Hackney who says he's too old for weapons like this these days. FIREWORKS CANNON You can get these Roman Candles at £4 for six at the fireworks shops that turn up around Nov. 5 in the UK. They open for a week, make a fortune selling these things to minors (legal age is 18) then close down. These fire eight separate shots in three-second intervals. Only a crazy person or a 14-year-old would fire them by holding them in their hands, so the best way to do it is to get the top of a traffic cone and a piece of plastic piping you can find at any building site, and make this fuck'n massive cannon out of the fucker. Recently, these have been used in gang fights all over East London. How cool is that? MARKER LANDMINE This'll break an ankle or cause severe muscle damage if you get elastic bands strong enough. Regular stationery elastic bands will cause surface wounds, but if you really want to fuck somebody up, you need to get some industrial-strength rubber bands from a DIY store. You can't usually see the nails hanging out of the end, but we included them here to make it look less like a crazy person's quill. These aren't exactly causing a major problem. It was just one little nutjob we found who makes them. VICE UK STAFF
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Comments:
Subject: FUCK AMERICA Date: May 17 2006 04:13:11 PM Author: CHOPPER IN TIMES OF WAR AMERICA HAS BEEN TOTALLY FUCK EVEN IN THE IRAQ WAR OF TODAY BRITAIN HAS ALWAYS SAVED THE DAY SO FUCK OFF U THICK DOSEY LITTLE CUNTS AND ALL THEM SUICIDE BOMBERS AND BIN LARDEN ARE GOING TO ERASE AMERICA FROM EXSISTANCE HAVE A NICE LIFE U FUCKING LITTLE WANK SPLATS AND YOUR PRESIDENT BUSH DOESENT KNOW HIS ARSE FROM HIS FACE Subject: americans are full of shit Date: May 17 2006 04:09:54 PM Author: uk newcastle i like the idear of the cannon thing but who th fuck do them little yanky wankers think they are america full of cunts who think they are hard with guns come to newcastle airport and walk to gateshead or london an see how long u last u fuckin nonses gun or no gun u american scum wont last 2 secons on the streets of england so fuck off with your "hoods" and action movie bullshit give ya fuckin heads a wobble u fucking little freaks BRITISH NATIONAL PARTY Subject: re: EUROPEANS DO NOT KNOW AMERICANS Date: May 10 2006 10:33:11 PM Author: Michael Bourne Europeans tend to underestimate Americans for reasons I unknown to me. With the exception of a few, most Americans are strong, humble, hardworking people. In one of these posts someone stated that an American young is comparable to a girl in Europe. HAHAHA, generalizations are for the ignorant. Yeah, maybe some of the city fokes in the country are a little on the feminine side, but the midwesterners and southerners, which actually make up the majority of the country are tough brutes if I may so myself. We're what you Europeans may call the descendants of the "cowboys." Get one of your malnurished scots, or irish, to fight one of my town's farmboys(some pumped in steroids), we'll see who's walking and who's crying. Yeah, I'll admit it, we're not the smartest fokes in the country, but work horse of the nation's agricultural and industrial economy, while also representing a good percentage of the military. City fokes, well, they got their guns, but so do we.(we use em more for hunting and sporting purposes) Eitherway, arguing who's tougher through the internet has to be the most pathetic thing to do. So all of you city fokes(european and American), shut the hell up and stop wasting your time, cause you are all making yourselves look like a bunch of insecure, weakly endowed(small penises for you dumbshits), sexually confused morons. Have a goodlife yall. Sincerely, FUCK YOU Subject: ??? Date: May 01 2006 07:01:50 AM Author: NCF Why would you make a knife from a toothbrush and a razor instead of just buying/stealing a real knife? Subject: mmkay Date: Apr 14 2006 08:57:39 AM Author: literate pressing that these particular items are only used in london is bullshit. children that do not have easy access to weapons everywhere use crap like that. sometimes it works, other times it doesnt. I wouldnt want to be clubbed with a spiked bat anymore than i would shot by a pistol. But blaming western media and movies on this is a total crock. Subject: Its only a bit of fun Date: Feb 17 2006 05:16:41 PM Author: East london slag Hey Take no notice of those barstards trying to look ard. Your 100% right, they wouldn't stand a chance in a fight with a fucking gat shoved up there fucking nostril...... I myself prefer to use the bat with nails to discipline my young 4yr Tommy and the Mac 10 to humiliate my 14yr Debbie with. She's a cocky little cunt, and needs to get the fuck out my house befor I shoot the whore. Tina (Poplar) Subject: Crazy shit Date: Jan 16 2006 01:15:12 PM Author: Fo'Tryll i'm from the states and for real...i'm not gonna hate. this is kind of impressive and i highly doubt that any of these other dudes would really be talkin' shit if a spiked bat was to their head. Personally i'm a fist type of guy...i think that shows who's really tougher as your using your raw strength and endurance. Subject: continued............... Date: Jul 28 2005 05:38:55 PM Author: Boston OG listen you tea swiggin lil bitches if you came to my "hood" you would be shot before you got a chance to run at me with one of those little kid toys Plus why waste all the time making those things when you could get the same effect if you tape a large knife to the end of a long stick or baseball bat same damage half the time all you people must be stupid bitches your queen is an old ass whore that swallows seamean Subject: bob eats ass wit a spoon Date: Jul 27 2005 10:29:34 PM Author: Boston aight ima clear dis shit up right now.... i really hate u crooked teeth fagetts thinkin ur hard wit ur lil toys the same shit u mothafuckas are puttin on ur lil website is the same shit lil kids run around playin wit there buddies wit truthfully i think every one from london is a crooked tooth dick lickin ass munchin fagget and if i ever catch one of u around here ur gettin stomped... P.S. i hate u stupid frogs even more Subject: twat Date: Jul 22 2005 11:29:45 AM Author: bob Yeah, we lost that war because all the americans led us one direction, then they hid and the french sneeked up on us and shot us in the back...Read a proper history book you yankee retard. Subject: ill weopons but..... Date: Jul 06 2005 11:11:33 PM Author: Boston yo i like that firework cannon is wild as a mothafucka But u tea and crumpit eatin mothafuckas wouldnt last 10 minutes in Boston tryin to draw that shit on me i ant got no crazy anarchy shit but but i got a luisvill slugga and show u why u lost the revolutionary war bitches. Nothern Ireland keep up the fight!!!!!! Subject: Continued.... Date: Jun 30 2005 11:34:56 AM Author: Oliver Reed the decades... P.S. I'm going to Amsterdam next month, i'm usually pretty nice to the americans that i share my hostel with but some of the comments on here have made me more patriotic than usual... And if you know anything about football(soccer to lamers) Patriotism is celebrated in a very special way to us... I'll just go find my union jack shorts and my bulldog t-shirt... see you there. Subject: I don't care... Date: Jun 30 2005 11:34:32 AM Author: Oliver Reed Bollocks to you all, I don't give a shit if these weapons work... An effective weapon is only the best weapon available at the time, if it be a toothbrush or an SMG. Shit, you could kill someone quicker with a pen in the eye than with a gun in most situations. As for this anti-brit atmosphere that i'm sensing around here, i would like to say i am british and live in Leigh, which is in the wigan area, and i have to agree that most brits of at least my generation and younger(under 30) are a bunch of retarded violent inbred cocksuckers that deserve to die a horrible anus related death, but for an american to call them pussies insults me... I had to go to school with these real scumbuckets and i got beat half to death... I can look out for myself but some of these rugby retards have unbelieveable strength and no sense of pain after being beaten and molested by there ogreous fathers daily. An american schoolkid even from the toughest area of the states wouldn't last five minuits against a girl in a northern school. Really, You don't know shit about natural toughness.. Ask the scots or the irish, or ask an italian about tough, although i believe all those cultures have already taken over half your country, and the jews and the mexicans are doing pretty well too... I'd watch your backs, when your economy crumbles and no one will buy your guns for you, theres going to be a lot of people looking for an obnoxious yank to take some revenge on after you purged and killed so many over th Subject: SE Date: Jun 30 2005 09:07:12 AM Author: 16 Do me a favour! Cheers vice for makin us London lot look like a bunch of cunts. This whole articles a load of fucking bollocks goin on like these little toys is all we got. And as for that post bout hardened criminals flicking bottle caps at people...go home son! Subject: spit balls Date: May 15 2005 01:55:21 PM Author: THE WOOSH aaaaah the trusty spitball! the scourge of any Mac Donalds... Subject: Potatos Date: May 03 2005 06:10:50 PM Author: Killah Potatos with razors attached to it. Now that's a melee weapon. Subject: These weopons suck Date: Apr 04 2005 02:50:10 AM Author: Hahahahaha My all time favorite is the easy to make yet freakiest melee weopon ever. Gotta love the claw gloves. Subject: hobbiton Date: Feb 13 2005 02:29:38 PM Author: electropunk "I'd hate to be a dustbin in Shaftsbury tonight!" bill hicks /.hooligans.\ Subject: Firweork Cannon Date: Feb 10 2005 01:55:48 PM Author: CambodiaHoliday Noob.... remember, these are BRITISH roman candles and as everyone knows, any type of firework produced outside of the united states can double as military grade ordinace with a few minor modifications. Geezus, why do you think so many people flock to chinatown during the holidays? To get the bad ass, maima-rific explosive goodies Subject: lance-roquette Date: Feb 09 2005 06:26:28 AM Author: nosferatu vous ètes sérieux? Subject: HAHAH!!!! Date: Feb 07 2005 04:28:19 PM Author: NOOB HHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! U-U really think ROMAN CANDLES are the danger weapons u say they are???!!!!! U PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT U MEAN ONLY CRAZIES AND 14 YEAR OLDS HOLD ROMAN CANDLES?! ITS A FUCKING ROMAN CANDLE, IT WAS INVENTED FOR THE LAME WHO COULDNT HANDLE LARGER NOISIER FIREWORKS..IT GOES "PFF" EVERY THREE SECONDS, its like saying "OMG, that guy is crazy, his holding a pair of SCISSORS, what a bad ass!!"-dude u gotta come down here to south africa, u'll have a right good time with weapons... Subject: stress Date: Feb 04 2005 07:48:45 PM Author: jill pillz is this the best stuff you crabs can come up with? Subject: Roman Candle Date: Feb 03 2005 02:00:11 PM Author: Luke "Razor Toothbrush" Johnson The hardened criminals in England also use razor-sharp bottlecaps. To make one, take a beer bottlecap and rake it on the pavement until the edges are razor sharp. Then, flick it at your target. If you aimed correctly, and your target has absolutely no reflexes, you may cause deadly cuts on their exposed skin. Maybe. Watch your back in England!* *This only applies if you have very sensative skin and typically walk around with no shirt on. Subject: Roman Candle Fight Date: Feb 03 2005 01:16:52 PM Author: Luke "Razor Toothbrush" Johnson Why can't i post a comment? Subject: i whale real hard Date: Feb 02 2005 01:10:42 PM Author: i wail yea, this one time in fourth grade i almost got kicked out of school because i caught some dude stealing shit out of my desk, so i stabbed him in the ass with a pencil. my parents were all shittin there pants and stuff because they thought i was fucking crazy! but yea, i was only a little innocent catholic school girl and i understood the concept that i make anything into a weapon. isnt that shit great?!?!? who needs guns anyways use your imagination. Subject: Last picture Date: Feb 01 2005 06:24:41 AM Author: 39 I feel I could take that guy in the bottom right picture. Even if he had that ghetto weapon in his hand, I bet I could kick his ass, easy. Subject: Get it right..... Date: Jan 29 2005 01:10:51 PM Author: Happy Otter To make a Brocock function as a firearm you only need half a dozen re-chambering devices(make them at school in the metalwork shop,kids.Head for the lathe)to make .22 shell fit where the T.A.C cartridges went..The barrel does NOT need to be "Unblocked to hold bullets"..The reason it works is because the barrel is strong enough to let a good twenty rounds go before it"peels" and possibly cripples youThe bullets reside in the chambers,like any revolver you dolt. Anyway,we all know that as far as England is concerned,the world knows that a straight tear-up is what we do best.Canada??????Better just shut your fucking mouth. Subject: Look at that fucking face! Date: Jan 28 2005 11:24:53 AM Author: Manchi Bottom left hand picture. Look at it. Best. fucking. expression. EVER!! It's a mixture of pure concentration, stupidity and delight all wrapped up in a fuzzy little package. I showed this to my cat and she pissed herself laughing. Whoever took this photo picked the wrong focal plain. Subject: Welsh law Date: Jan 27 2005 04:33:09 AM Author: American Idiot Guns don't kill people, rappers do. Subject: Pratical Brits Date: Jan 27 2005 04:01:25 AM Author: American Idiot Don't forget the snooker/pool ball in a sock. What a weapon. "And the murder rates? In the UK it's 1 per 100,000, while the USA is 6 per 100,000." It's because they haven't got the tools. Subject: ye Date: Jan 26 2005 10:22:56 PM Author: duchamp I prefer self destruction Subject: hmm Date: Jan 25 2005 10:32:18 PM Author: Pour La Liberte Des Mille Universes I must be boring, I only have actual knives and real guns. Subject: Design re. post-structuralism Date: Jan 24 2005 11:04:14 AM Author: Soporific Barry That's interesting. I myself have a lighter in the shape of a pistol. Subject: Mmmm. Date: Jan 24 2005 08:31:01 AM Author: Aaron Yardies in and around London are now making working pistols concealed as fountain pens. Subject: You said it Date: Jan 21 2005 12:18:58 PM Author: Me too Bring back conscription. Subject: mmm Date: Jan 20 2005 05:38:15 AM Author: mmm Little toe rags... what happened to good clean mayhem like pushing bins over and not eating your veg... Subject: Bad Brit Teeth Date: Jan 17 2005 01:51:40 AM Author: Guy Smiley That's why the British have such bad teeth. Look @ the fukin tooth brushes they use. Subject: dudes Date: Jan 16 2005 12:38:40 PM Author: whoa a board with nails thru it is the essence of good design it's simple and effective - those are the central tenents of design right? Subject: damn.... Date: Jan 14 2005 04:38:11 PM Author: Lady B dude with the fireworks cannon is fuckin hot! Subject: mine? Date: Jan 12 2005 09:10:17 PM Author: hmm how the fuck does the marker landmine work? Subject: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! Date: Jan 12 2005 10:13:39 AM Author: Carly That is some seriously fucked up shit. I would much rather be shot in the face then beat to shit with any of those homemade thingies. hmmmmm. good old canada....everyone just smoke a joint and calm down. Subject: Roman Candle Cannons Rock! Date: Jan 11 2005 05:16:48 PM Author: Your God A friend of mine did a similar thing, except he had a broken leg and used his crutches as a double rocket launcher. Fucking East London pussies. Subject: heh Date: Jan 10 2005 11:41:35 AM Author: Ben Good article. Us faggy brits ain't nothing if not creative. And lets be honest, its way less homoerotic than actual guns. Subject: dicksuckers.org Date: Jan 09 2005 06:18:13 PM Author: fortunato looks like the big bad america is thinking its all funny in the streets of east london. they havent met up wiv da hard gryme crew just yet Subject: Cool shit Date: Jan 09 2005 05:32:42 AM Author: Luis B. Like Grand Theft Auto, except thses weapons are more roughly made and shit; GTA only has guns, if GTA had shit like this, it would be pretty fucking rad! Subject: raaaaar Date: Jan 08 2005 06:25:23 PM Author: stark haha, i love it i love it all hahaha, warfare on the streets with shit weapons haha Subject: Blue Peter is Fine By Me Date: Jan 07 2005 11:24:07 AM Author: John Claude Van Dam We all hate the brits We all hate the brits We all hate the brits Ha ha ha Yanks are gay too So are the Frogs Spics and Wops Wogs begin at Liverpool Canadians and New Zealanders Are more boring than a funeral It's just me and my todger From here on in. Subject: plastic penutz Date: Jan 07 2005 10:34:01 AM Author: *span sucker mc ... fuk u i wont do what you tell me ........ Subject: alabama slamma Date: Jan 06 2005 03:13:15 PM Author: jeep thats a pretty poor job of trying to make brits look like faggggs Subject: roman candles Date: Jan 06 2005 10:34:45 AM Author: 426532654 ive never seen a roman candle that you couldnt hold in your hand and fire. i mean........................................................ ..c'mon Subject: still need the fight skills Date: Jan 06 2005 09:41:24 AM Author: HELLISH Hey,You still need to know how to fight...caus I can fuckin take those shit gay gadgets out of ya hands in two seconds ... Subject: ahhhhhh Date: Jan 06 2005 04:57:50 AM Author: The fiddler crab wow, thugs using melee weapons, that takes me back. Does anyone else feel nostalgic? Subject: weapon of choice Date: Jan 06 2005 04:44:43 AM Author: The ghost of DeForrest Kelly These crims are very clever and resourceful. If only they spent their energies inventing something to help the community rather then the cheek slashing thing. Subject: iraq Date: Jan 06 2005 03:50:54 AM Author: bush is pussy maybe they should use these things in iraq???? no just an Idea!! Subject: Kill you... Date: Jan 05 2005 02:39:29 PM Author: Johnny Thunders Kill you with a potato launcher made out of a PVC pipe and various fittings with a grill igniter to ignite hairspray that makes the potato shoot out of it. I killed a dog with one. Subject: what? Date: Jan 04 2005 05:51:46 PM Author: scott More stupid people doing stupid fukin' things and of course its the perfect pom!!!! Subject: stupid poms Date: Jan 04 2005 05:53:09 PM Author: stompa Just like everything else these days that the poms do!!!! Fucking second hand stupidity Subject: not a weapon. Date: Jan 04 2005 03:03:43 PM Author: jmb. the fireworks cannon has to be a joke, i was making those things back when i was 14. i can't imagine gangsters using it as a "weapon" it is however a fun and safe way to shoot roman candles. Subject: Mr. Peck, Date: Jan 01 2005 10:02:00 PM Author: hEY wOW Dear Mr. Peck, We are on the same page. Thank you. Osama Subject: Prison Weapon Date: Jan 01 2005 06:32:09 PM Author: Gregory Peck That toothbrush is very similar to the weapon used by Reese Witherspoon in "Freeway". She melts the tip of a toothbrush into a plastic blade. Then slices a correction officer across the stomach. Subject: Fireworks Cannon Date: Jan 01 2005 11:25:57 AM Author: Blitz The Fireworks Cannon is just really cool. Total badass weapon. Subject: yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh Date: Jan 01 2005 12:26:35 AM Author: hamster wheel Yeah, I need me a spiked bat. When I'm on the Chicago EL, I'll just sit there with the fuckin thing next to me like, "hell no you can't sit here bitch!" Subject: proper pissed mate Date: Dec 31 2004 10:42:09 AM Author: R.Atkinson blimey that's a right cheeky blaster mate! Subject: huh Date: Dec 30 2004 08:05:23 PM Author: what? stupid limey brit bastards Subject: Kill'em all Date: Dec 30 2004 03:38:34 PM Author: Straight killin bitches Why is it that a golf club iron head has not been used. I would destroy any pussy with a toothbrush knife if I was toting a goddamn 2 iron Subject: This shit is lame Date: Dec 30 2004 07:13:24 AM Author: Crazy Eyes Killah Why punch someone when you can give em a hug, why stab someone when you can give them a full body massage, why kill someone when you can bake em a pie. The logic behind j00s is crazy Subject: C'MON! Date: Dec 29 2004 06:20:12 PM Author: 3507321C SERIOUSLY, LIKE, C'MON ! Subject: ... Date: Dec 29 2004 02:43:37 PM Author: knife mcdagger whatever happened to the good ol' fistfighters? i'll tell you what happened: they were killed or injured by the crazy fucks carrying these beautiful toys. Subject: Sticks and Stones Date: Dec 29 2004 08:58:06 AM Author: Homeless Cop Someday we'll build an even bigger board with an even bigger nail in it! Subject: G Date: Dec 29 2004 08:57:34 AM Author: K Roman Candle Wars are fun. I don't think I've ever been killed in one. Subject: UMM.......YEAH Date: Dec 29 2004 03:27:23 AM Author: 3507321C SCARY........REALLY, NO SERIOUSLY, SCARY. IF YOUR IN THE JOINT N U CANT MAKE A FUCKIN ZIP-GUN N ALL U GOT IS A FUCKIN RAZORBLADE TOOTHBRUSH......YOUR DEAD. ONCE AGAIN IDIOTS WILL NOT SEE THE HUMOR IN THIS N TAKE IT SERIOULY......THEY'RE FUCKIN JOKING YOU GOYIM........ROMAN CANDLE "CANNON".......................................... ....................................C'MON Subject: eeeeeeeeeeek. Date: Dec 28 2004 10:23:40 PM Author: macaulay culkin How irresponsible! One can only hope that someone jolly well tells mummy on these naughty chaps, and that they are spanked accordingly, then sent to bed with no supper. That'll bloody teach them! Failing that, cut their tinkerbells off and make them nosh 'em up without any salt and pepper, or HP Sauce. Subject: Geezers need to work fings ot' Date: Dec 28 2004 08:32:30 PM Author: NYCA Leave a arse cheek hanging like a tent? Roman candle "cannons"? WTF? On the naily plank...I think the Pitbull behind him is a better defense. Purple Pants: Not Scary... Well trained attack Pit: Your proper fu*ked. Subject: Silly Weapons Date: Dec 28 2004 03:01:58 PM Author: Joe America I prefer guns. Subject: fugedoutbaby Date: Dec 28 2004 02:26:06 PM Author: ggggggggggggggggunit yo son, deez niggaz is crazzy up in a mother fucker, word iz bornnd. if theze niggaz was up in the zoo they will be some lion azz eatin motherz!! Subject: must be a g thang Date: Dec 27 2004 03:45:45 PM Author: fuckin limeys FIREWORKS CANNON???????...are you fucking serious? this is what we did for fun growing up in tennessee. bb/pellet gun , roman candle, bottle rockets, horse shit, pvc pipe wars Subject: hey Date: Dec 27 2004 02:57:19 PM Author: ummm it isnt a sharpened toothbrush, it's a toothbrush with a razor blade melted into the plastic. did you read the article? that would leave a person's cheek hanging off like the front of a tent. jesus. Subject: "He's got a sharpened toothbrush!" Date: Dec 27 2004 10:23:31 AM Author: jabba Don't forget about the oft-used 'Spitball Straw', which fires up to three irritating spitballs at your victim, up to a three-foot radius. I heard that these are often used by street gangs in East London to take unsuspecting young children's lunch money. |
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