Past Chickenhead Updates

December 11, 2006

Dear Santa Letter Generator

Dear Santa Letter Generator Kids! Too busy to sit down and write an old-fashioned letter to Santa? Have no fear! Chickenhead's handy-dandy interweb doo-dad can do the heavy lifting for you!
USE IT!

November 27, 2006

The Devolution Will Be Televised

LoserTube: Exhibitionism. Cretinous Prattle.
NEW! LoserTube.com: Your source for the most awesomest videos imaginable! FEAST THINE EYES!

October 30, 2006

BLACK MAGICK SPELLS & CURSES!

Raven St. Crowley
Abandon all hope, ye who enter my wicked evil website! I am Raven, bound concubine of the Dark Prince, and these are my bitchin' spells. Only true practitioners of the black arts (like me or my Satanic apprentice Tommy – who I am NOT dating) should wield these terrible powers. If you try, you risk spending eternity totally being raped with tridents by hell-spawn!

October 19, 2006

Lactose Infatuated

Got Milk? REJECTS
Experience the tasteful, appealing cow juice advertisements dismissed
as "TOO HOT" by KILLJOY DORKOTRONICS at the U.S. Dairy Association:



Starring Nathaniel as the Milk Man
Directed by Catherine Burns
Edited by Rich Mello

October 8, 2006

Super Spy-O-Matic!

Super Spy-O-Matic Domestic Surveillance Portal!
NEW! Simply enter the name of anyone you find suspicious, and Super Spy-O-Matic instantly cross-references NSA domestic phone, e-mail, travel and banking databases to expose shockingly seditious behavior and attitudes! TRY IT!

July 16, 2006

DCCC Ad Fallout: Immaculately Groomed Middle-Aged Virgins HATE Chickenhead

Thomas J. Euteneuer

In an utterly non-queeny hissyfit of a press release, hunky career eunuch Thomas J. Euteneuer, a rising star of the mild-mannered punditry set, has denounced Chickenhead as "profane" and "the notoriously anti-Christian website."

Joining Father Euteneuer in a breathless orgy of conspicuous outrage, über-conservative tabloid Human Events calls Chickenhead "questionable", Red State opines, "this is outrageous!", and an esteemed blogga-wogga-ding-dong called Let Freedom Ring achieves indignant climax with:

"I just visited the Chickenhead website and had to quickly leave because I found it so disgusting... Shame on Chickenhead for such a vulgar website!"

July 11, 2006

Unauthorized, Unpaid & Unaffiliated

Tom DeLay Mugshot In September of 2005, fully one month prior to the indictment of porcine ethics posterchild Tom DeLay, Chickenhead produced the original artwork at left to appear on a new line of WHITEHOUSE.ORG merchandise.

Recently, we were astonished to see this artwork featured prominently in a TV advertisement produced by the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. This usage is unauthorized. Chickenhead was not compensated for its use, nor does Chickenhead endorse the contents of said advertisement.

June 15, 2006

Jerry Falwell: Confirmed Vagitarian

Jerry Falwell is not a homosexual!
The rumors and so-called "proof" are LIES!
Jerry Falwell IS NO MANHOLE-DRILLING FAIRY!

April 6, 2006

Feeling the Love


Peruse the latest bountiful harvest of ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.


March 22, 2006

Divine Canine

Doggies of Hanoi
Chickenhead went all the way to Vietnam to make you a mini-movie about the love of sweet little doggies. Watch It.

March 1, 2006

Wallpaper Frenzy!

Desktop Bonanza
By persistent and whiny demand: two all-new Chickenhead desktops may now be procured via DESKTOP BONANZA.

February 23, 2006

A Creepy Kind of Love

Kim Nerbak's Love Letter

Kimberly Nerbak, Chickenhead's resident Blondes' Rights Activist, has attracted a charming and emotionally stable suitor. Read His Amorous Correspondence!

February 15, 2006

Deadeye Dick Cheney's Gun Club

Deadeye Dick's Gun Club

Y'all come on down and visit Chickenhead's latest, hear?
http://www.dickcheneygunclub.com

February 13, 2006

He Wuvs You Vewy, Vewy Much


"Vawentine's Day is a vewy speciawl day fow me - Iwon Mike Tyson! Each yeaw, I wike to take severawl moments and white weawwy nice wetters to awh the fowks in my wife who awe impowtant to me..."


February 9, 2006

Cavity-Sweet Nothings


Our Bottom 50 CANDY HEART INSCRIPTIONS!


January 17, 2006

Uproarious Mirth Alert!

Amusing First Person Essay (With Humor!)

"I RESPECT YOUR OPINION" – The first installment of an all-new, über-literate Chickenhead series...


November 22, 2005

Feeling the Love


Peruse months and months of freshly gathered, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.


November 6, 2005

BabyReview.com – Now Online!

Baby Review: The Infant Assessment Journal
Chickenhead is inordinately proud to announce the birth of Baby Review – your source for informed, insightful evaluations of recently disgorged humanity. PERUSE IT!


October 31, 2005

David Addington: Careerist Superstar

David S. Addington

Chickenhead would like to formally congratulate its bestest-ever pal, David Addington, on his recent promotion to the role of Vice Presidential Chief of Staff.

His boss is to be commended for selecting the candidate who has demonstrated a tremendous aptitude for the tireless pursuit of mega-important stuff.

October 25, 2005

INSTANT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!

CHEAPIE CREEPY: Instant Costume Generator
Lifelike and terrifying INSTANT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES – straight from your computer's printer! CREATE ONE NOW!

October 7, 2005

CRONYJOBS.COM – Now Online!

CRONYJOBS.COM: Choice Government Careers - No Experience Necessary
Presented for your careerist approval: lucrative Federal vocations – no experience necessary! GET YOURS NOW!


September 26, 2005

Toppings for Thy Desk

Desktop Bonanza
Be Advised: Two new PC desktops may be obtained HERE.

September 20, 2005

New Sponsor: ARMY

September 7, 2005

Today's Public Service Announcement:

August 31, 2005

New Sponsor: Hysterectomy

August 26, 2005

Wallpaper Frenzy!

Desktop Bonanza
Effective immediately, you may commence the bedecking of computers with whiskey drinkers and succulent molten cheez platters – only from DESKTOP BONANZA.

August 16, 2005

The Grey Lady Weighs In


The New York Times declares "Dear Dubya" to be a "cheap... condescending... MINOR TRIUMPH!"

Read All About ItPurchase Tickets


August 8, 2005

Dear Dubya - Extended Through August

Dear Dubya: Patriotic Love Letters to WHITEHOUSE.ORG
So popular was Chickenhead's "Dear Dubya" show back in June, it's been extended for six additional performances. So hauleth thy sumptuous derrière to Brooklyn, cracky!

August 1, 2005

Feeling the Love Again


Peruse all-new, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.


July 17, 2005

Today's Public Service Announcement...

July 8, 2005

Pimpeth Thy Computee's Viewscreen

Desktop Bonanza
In response to incessant nerdly e-mail pestering, six more of Chickenhead's moldy old wallpapers have been restored to DESKTOP BONANZA. Greater love haveth no website.

July 3, 2005

Revenge of the Blondes


Kimberly Nerbak is well nigh fed up with the shamelessly hairist bigotry passing for amusingness: "Im soooo sick of getting told all these jokes about us blond's. Burnet's is the stopit ones! So heres some really awesome JOKES ABOUT STUPID BURNET BITCH'S!!!!"


June 6, 2005

"Dear Dubya" - a Chickenhead Thingy

Dear Dubya: Patriotic Love Letters to WHITEHOUSE.ORG
People of Earth: Please consider joining Chickenhead for its firstest-ever theater-flavored extravaganza. » More Info «

May 18, 2005

New Sponsor: Erectical

Erectical: Living La Vida Priapic

April 14, 2005

"Tupperware Orgy" – Now Playing

Globally despised co-Chickenhead John DeVore, not content to merely scribble a play entitled "Tupperware Orgy," has also coerced humans of actual worth to memorize and perform it in public. Appropriately, today's New York Times denounces "Tupperware Orgy" as "Gore-Splattered!" and "Absurd!"

Masochistic persons may witness this atrocity for a mere $10, through April 30th, at the Brick Theatre — conveniently located in the hipster cesspool that is Willamsburg, Brooklyn.

April 8, 2005

Sweet Doggies 4 U


Attention Lovers of Canines! Please commence printing hundreds of copies of this attractive sign — painstakingly optimized for smothering every last utility pole in your community with news of a unique opportunity to join the esteemed community of kibble purchasers!

Download your preferred version: Adobe PDF | MS Word


April 4, 2005

New Sponsor: Condoms

Please be aware that today's cutting-edge prophylactic technologies can effectively minimize unpleasant side effects from certain types of groinal conjoinings.


Condoms

March 31, 2005

Feeling the Love


Peruse all-new, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.


March 27, 2005

Easter Sponsor: Blood Light

On this solemn day, Chickenhead advises all readers to partake only of appropriately holy libations:


Blood Light

March 18, 2005

New Sponsor: Swine & Dine

Please help ensure Chickenhead's long-term fiscal health by patronizing our newest sponsor:


Rent Pigs!

March 11, 2005

Hallucinate on the Cheap


Yes, Chickenhead's ultra-amazing, limited edition Psychedelic Republicans trading cards are now a pupil-dilating 60% cheaper! Procure large quantities of them today – before it's too late!


February 26, 2005

"I'd Like to Firebomb the Academy..."

Use Chickenhead's mega-fantabulous generator gizmo to write your very own Oscar speech!

February 19, 2005

Feeling the Love


Peruse all-new, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.


February 14, 2005

"Iron Hymen" & "Sex is for FAGS!"

So fervently does Chickenhead believe in abstinence-only education, we are proud to launch two thrilling new programs devoted to helping wholesome puberteens everywhere enjoy a chaste and undefiled Valentines Day:

February 8, 2005

New Sponsor: SATAN'S SHIH-TZU

Coming soon to a mall megaplex near you, it's Chickenhead's debut foray into super-slasher cinema:


Satan's Shih-Tzu

February 2, 2005

Blogga-Wogga-Ding-Dong


Behold! The Absolute Bottom 50 BLOGS!


January 28, 2005

New Sponsor: Pocket Wombat

Having demanded copious product samples prior to consummating this sponsorship, Chickenhead is proud to attest to this product's quality.


Pocket Wombat

January 20, 2005

New Sponsor: MAO-MART

Chickenhead is pleased to welcome an all-new sponsor wholly unrelated to any other non-sponsors perhaps or perhaps not mentioned in the post immediately preceeding this one.


Mao-Mart: Great Made in China Prices: Thanks, Communist Slave Labor!

January 12, 2005

The Absolute Bottom 50


In This Installment: Horrid CHILDREN'S BOOKS

January 10, 2005

Love, American Style

Peruse newly unearthed LOVE LETTERS sent to Chickenhead by gushingly satisfied readers from all across Earth's most wonderful country.

January 4, 2005

A Splendid New Chickenhead Sponsor: Suckle

January 2, 2005

Chickenhead Resurrection

Hello. Chickenhead now looks different.

Having spent the past many months wholly fixated on its various and sundry Presidential projects, Chickenhead allowed its own hygiene to suffer. No more. Look for semi-regular updates on this page pointing to assorted newness all across Chickenhead's sprawling kingdom of interweb worthlessness.

In the meantime, you may wish to peruse Chickenhead's retooled archive and Official Schwag Boutique.