www.jimsroom.com
Love in Jim Morrison's Room

A new play by Shayne Nelson

COMEDY - A slice of Paris life today - and a while ago.

The Lonely Planet describes it as "a kind of dilapidated Latin Quarter hotel for penniless travellers" and yet the Hotel de Medicis in Paris was once home to Jim Morrison himself, at a time when Jim was anything but penniless.

Find out why in this almost-impossible success story a la Rocky, as the white-haired hero takes one last shot at 'the cushy job' at the end of the resume rainbow and a nostalgic look at his grands amours.

Jim's Room

Jim's view

Dan

Contact the author Stefano

Daniel

Love in Jim Morrison's Room

Scene One

(c) B. Shayne Nelson 2004

The Players:

Stefano, an American in his forties with a New Jersey accent
Shayne, an American in his sixties with a mid-Atlantic accent
Daniel, a short, broad Frenchman of 79
Dan, a big thin American in his thirties with a New England accent
Denis: a very tall, lanky Frenchman of 45
Jean-Claude: A short stocky Swiss of about 60.
Marie: A beautiful French blonde of about 35
Barbara: a beatiful American brunette of about 30.
Diane: a beautiful American blonde of about 30.
Barry, Diane's husband: a fat American of about 35.
Ulysses: an epileptic 120-pound Male Dalmation

ACT ONE

Scene One

[The curtain goes up on the tiny office of a small Parisian hotel. STEFANO is behind the desk, talking to SHAYNE, who is reclining on the sofa, along the left wall of the office. There's a stopped grandfather clock behind the desk. A winding stairway is visible through the door of the office, on the right wall, and audience has a cut-out view of the stairway so they can see who is going up and down the stairs at all times.

The walls of the hotel show photos of the Eiffel tower at various stages of construction, a photo of the Statue of Liberty (when in France) and pictures of cats, plus a sign in English informing guests that check-out time is 10 but they can leave their bags in the office while they visit Paris.

A big bouquet of fresh flowers takes up about a fourth of the small front desk.

There's a TV on the right wall, and an open kitchen door, revealing a sink, stove, and cabinet near the door.

During the play the director can send various people up and down the stairs, to help lagging parts of the dialogue. People who can be seen in the stairway during the play, (or not, according to the production) are 3 or 4 groups of 2 or 3 girls or women in jeans, with and without backpacks, one artistic-looking man in a beret, one woman of fifty, very thin, with shocking red hair, one athletic Japanese man, briefly clad, one long-haired man, tiny and decrepit, a single woman of forty, a tall man of about thirty w ho is always smiling and who pulls his cap over his face whenever he passes the office, and a man of sixty, dressed in a ratty suit and old coat.]

STEFANO

[Speaking loudly. STEFANO speaks very loudly throughout the entire play.]

Every job I ever got I got by lying.

SHAYNE

Really? How interesting.

STEFANO

Well, I mean, everyone does it. Who tells the truth in their resume?

[a pause as TV plays silently, and three females walk up the stairs to upper floors]

SHAYNE

More Charlie's Angels.

STEFANO
Here we go again!

SHAYNE

Twenty years ago, Stef, this hotel was full of couples made up of one man and one woman. The old days. Remember? And at night you could hear a fair number of orgasms. Some nights this place was a symphony of sighs and shouts, moans and groans. That was a hotel! Lots of people in love --- making love. That was the way God intended the world to be. What's happened to the world?

STEFANO

You're right. Angels have replaced real women.

SHAYNE

Look at 'em. Actually, you have to blame Goodbar. Goodbar started it all.

STEFANO

Looking for Mr. Goodbar. Wasn't that a seventies film? Hey, who was in that?

SHAYNE

It's not WHO, it's WHAT. A murder. An awful drawn-out murder. Ten endless sickening minutes in hell. After my girlfriend witnessed that murder, she was never the same. Towards men, I mean. Towards me! That film put American women off men, forever.

STEFANO

But a lot of women didn't see it.

SHAYNE

Enough saw it for it to invade the collective psyche of the American female. It terrified them. 'Take a man home and he'll probably murder you.' That was the subconscious message. It ended good relations between the sexes forever. Who wrote that thing? Judith what's her name! She should be crucified.

STEFANO

So women were left with no-one to love. Except other women.

SHAYNE

Precisely. Charlie's angels hits the screen the year after Goodbar. The solution. If you can't love men, love girls. It's a thinly-disguised call to Lesbianism.

STEFANO

Oh, for Chrissakes! That show was watched by ten-year-olds.

SHAYNE

Precisely. Who now are twenty-five and thirty and crowding the rooms of this hotel. In twos and threes they come. Rude, nomadic, sophmoric, semi-lesbian American booze-mooching Angel imitators. Now, for every woman who comes here with a man, there are ten who come with a woman.

STEFANO

Is that a double-entendre?

SHAYNE

Precisely. About the only time you hear a scream of passion in the halls of this ancient establishment is when one Lesbian is doing God knows what to another on one of the floors.

STEFANO

Careful. Now you're sounding homophobic.

SHAYNE

Nonsense. Real gays are alright. I just can't deal with these new creatures from the twilight zone, semi-heteros who get the boys to pay for the drinks, and then go giggling off to bed with the girls. Listen to those ones who just went up. They sound just like the sound track of the show.

STEFANO

And there's no way to turn down the sound or switch channels. .

SHAYNE

What's the world coming to?

STEFANO

It's not coming to, it's there.

[A very thin man with very long dirty hair walks up stairs.]

There goes the Degeuellasse again.

SHAYNE

Stef, how would you say degeuellasse in English?

STEFANO

That's easy. Mr. Makes-you-want-to-barf.

SHAYNE

Stef. That's not a nice thing to call someone. He's from a very good family.

STEFANO

Fuckin' whacko! I mean, he destroyed room 24.

SHAYNE

It needed it.

STEFANO

With paint, for God's sake!

SHAYNE

He's a painter.

STEFANO

When he's humming in the halls, it's bad enough, with that weird smug self-satisfied stupid smile of his. And on the street, it echos off the buildings. I don't understand why they don't throw him out.

SHAYNE

Daniel has a vocation. Housing the madmen of Paris.

STEFANO

I'm not crazy. You're not, well, not exactly. Now Mitsumi, he's mad.

SHAYNE

Agreed.

DANIEL

[popping up in kitchen door, beaming madly]

Room twenty-eight. Doctor in mathematics, visiting professor at the University of Lille, giving a lecture to four hundred mathematicians this December, back in Tokyo. Is that mad?

[ DANIEL disappears.]

STEFANO

Chanting Buddhist horseshit out on the street in front of the door. On his knees. In his shorts! People crossing the street to avoid him.

SHAYNE

You sit on the stairs in your shorts, Stef. Those skimpy black rayon boxer shorts? With some things visible that should not be visible. Who are you to talk?

STEFANO

I remember now why no-one in this hotel can stand you sometimes. You remember things that never happened.

SHAYNE

Mitsumi's Buddhist ablutions. Gawd!. At five thirty a.m. it sounds like he's barfing up there in the shower.

[ SHAYNE imitates barfing sounds for a while.]

I had to move to the first floor.

STEFANO

Tell the Cretin.

SHAYNE

That's not a nice thing to call him, Stef.

STEFANO

Any guy of forty-five who watches cartoons half the day is a cretin. You're obviously losin' your sense of humor.

SHAYNE

It's this job-hunt. You shouldn't have brought up the subject of resumes. I need a job.

STEFANO

What? You, work? I've never seen you do a lick! In all the years...

SHAYNE

Now and then, I have to work like everyone else. But now, there's nothin'.

STEFANO

No programming jobs?

SHAYNE

Just SAP jobs.

STEFANO

What's that?

SHAYNE

You tell me.

STEFANO

Lie. Be sure to say you're an expert. Shayne, SAP expert.

SHAYNE

Funny you should say that. I did that once, with another language I didnt' know,, and suddenly it was Easy Street. I mean Big bucks. Hmmm.

[ DANIEL pops up in kitchen door ]

DANIEL

A generalized genius is an expert at everything.

[ DANIEL disappears]

[pause]

SHAYNE

[pointing at TV]

There. Look! There's the Angels.

[ SHAYNE checks his watch.]

Right on time, all the ten-year-olds in France just got home from school and have now switched on the tube. Look... grown women and they're holdin' hands! And look, walking with their arms around each other.

STEFANO

Now that you mention it, you never see them touching men, except to handcuff them or pistol-whip them.

SHAYNE

Or terminate them. Charlie's Angels shoot a lot of men every month, or hadn't you noticed? And look there, they're drinking martinis while having a meeting with the boss. At 2 pm! That's why these Charlie's Angels are always trying to get you to buy t hem drinks. It's in the script. Two of them took that guy in room 8 for eighty Euros the other night. I tried to warn him.

STEFANO

They never put out.

SHAYNE

'Cuz it's not in the script. The guy didn't even get a handshake. All Charlie's Angels ever kiss is each other.

[pause]

Check out the wardrobe. See, there's always one of the three dressed as a woman, while the other two wear men's clothes. They take turns as the woman. The ones dressed as men walk funny, too. Like rodeo hands ramblin' along.

STEFANO

Hey, look at those two walking like drunken sailors.

SHAYNE

Like John Wayne.

STEFANO

That is weird. Hey, you might be on to something big here!

SHAYNE

This show is Lesbianism 101.

DANIEL

[pops up]

My vocation is not sheltering madmen, it is befriending geniuses. Mad or brilliant? That is not a question we ask here. Under this humble roof lives and has lived more genius than in all the rest of the quarter combined.

end, scene one



Talent Hunt / Edrama Competition

Record and Enter a scene from Love in Jim Morrison's Room

We're looking for a theater or film group to put Love in Jim Morrison's Room on audio (radio version) and video, for sale and download from this site.

To find the best group, we're holding a competition in each category.

It's simple to compete.

Audio: Do a multi-voice radio recording of any scene in the play, and email it to competition@jimsroom.com before Sept. 30, 2004. Send in MP3 format, please.

Video: Do any single scene from the play. Please submit in MPEG3 or MPEG4 format, if possible.

Email clips or audio segments to: competition@jimsroom.com.

If you intend to compete, please move fast. Remember, September 15th is the deadline! We think a lot of people will be waiting to see and hear the winning efforts, and then, of course, the winners' productions of the complete play.