April 14, 1987
This play is coming out much as I expected after reading your earlier letter in which you said you could go either into the money or into more than money can buy. It seemed to suggest that we should come to support your more than money side; it seemed to me that you wanted to touch off a feeling of ecological duty in me so I would hurry to help you rather than letting you take the plunge or losing you to the other side.
You are like your generation. You want the bread but not to knead it. You'll settle for less than fresh because it's a lot easier and it's what you're accustomed to.
Don't feel too bad. If the letter Emmons had was true, Manson put Emmons where Emmons belongs, in league with the police, for that was Emmons' solution to stopping you, not Manson's; and he put you and Boyd to facing our place, which is what you believed yourselves to be doing when you said you wanted to help us. He knew you weren't willing to come into prison to get him out and you showed an unwillingness to step inside a jail cell. Nothing new. He knew that you had your own purposes and that he was to be used by you for those goals to retain or gain your realities, to substantiate your beliefs and reasons. And, no matter how helpful and appealing your offer appeared, no matter how foolish it may seem to have turned it down, he's done it countless times because he knows when and where balance is needed. He knows that you want the balance and peace of completeness but cannot get through the struggles to learn it and know it. The ways to it are ludicrous to your intellect, and your secure position makes a change more risky. Not all ego is useless but to know the facets of ego as changes of costume and to be used by a master scriptwriter for and toward life requires an actor who neither seeks nor cares about billing. I don't say that Manson is that writer. He knows of the play and with an uneducated brain and natural awareness, he plays his part. He is as humble to natural life as the tenderest of earth creatures and was as vulnerable to hurt as any saint who ever saw a system sanctioning sins against that nature.
You have experienced the kind of consternation most people know when they try to play up to life and death to know their secrets without ever touching earth or lying down to die. You are fucking with you clothes on and daydreaming without facing your nightmares. You're using much of what you believe the others, the street slang users of Manson's name, are doing but you're doing it from a building, in the hallways, in the office. You can see the scam and sham and you intended to expose it and capitalize on it while being benevolent enough to recognize a man behind that name, and you are trying to "help" while seeking help, but not to know beyond what you wish to believe. This is common.