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Me And Jesse Jane Down by the Playground
Digital Playground is like Kentucky Fried Chicken.
(I'd like to just leave it hanging like that, go out and have some flautas at the lunch truck or something, come back and water the plant, go to the bathroom because the coffee isn’t too good here, and then fall asleep at my desk like my assistant, but I won't.)
Digital Playground is like Kentucky Fried Chicken because Digital Playground does The Tera Show right, even if Tera Patrick is nowhere to be seen.
Unlike last month's non-Tera Show, where the eponymous host's name was uttered almost defiantly, this time there was no "Business as Usual" e-mail and we the guests knew what to expect: a standard-issue great time.
Having watched it on the internet and seen it live, now, twice, I can echo D.P.'s Joone in his assessment that there is something about that black leather couch, the single camera, the printed e-mails wafting in from off-screen, and the frequent laughter from an audience close enough to see the handprints on Bridgette Kerkove's ass that makes Digital Playground's monthly webcast special and that gets its guests talking.
Tonight's co-hosts were Devon and Jessica Drake. The two compact blondes started off with the evening's trivia question: How many chopsticks did Bridgette Kerkove famously fit in her ass? As D.P. publicist Adella fielded e-mail responses to the girls, they bantered amiably about their upcoming first film together, No Limits, to begin production this Saturday, as well as Devon's interactive DVD, Virtual Sex with Devon.
"(You can) flip me over, have the popshot wherever you want, in my mouth, on my chest …" Devon explained.
"That's so awesome," replied Jessica.
If I had left at that time, I would have written a different article, because these two actually had a great repartee, talking about who makes the best dance costumes (Jackie), and the simple pleasures of designing one's own website, as Jessica recently did with "a big fat notebook."
It only got better when Bridgette Kerkove joined them.
Jessica's pickup line was "It's hot in here", at which point the women on the couch felt obligated to take off their clothes. Soon we had three transplanted California uber-blondes sliding around on that couch together, making delightful noises my corduroys never did on the first day of school.
Was it just a tease? I don't know. Bridgette certainly looked interested and cooed appreciatively when Jessica spat on and then blew on her nipple ("must. try." I jotted) and when Drake went down on and then fingered Devon for a little more than :4 as requested by some guy in Montreal, Bridgette instinctively grabbed and sucked on Drake's finger. In addition to damn sexy, well, it was sanitary. Porn women groom each other!
Aside from the (eventually) four hot babes sticking to the leather, viewers are always educated at this show. For example: Ass-licking – what if, say, one is unable to find the motivation to lick an ass because it smells like somebody's ass? Jessica Drake has the answer:
"Get your favorite flavor of lip balm, rub it on your starfish, and it tastes great."
Biggest dick in the business? Drake again:
"Julian's. It's like a soup can."
A SOUP CAN?? I am hereby appropriating that as my own. "Hi. I'm Gram and I've got a soup can full of New England Man Chowder for you."
But Bridgette Kerkove is also no slouch in the witty banter department. Not only is she a mom, an anal queen, and probably the hardest working woman in the adult business, but she also deploys zingers like a cross between The Terminator, The Golden Girls, and someone who fucks on film for a living.
Question: If I only have anal sex, am I still a virgin? Kerkove: Honey, No. Keep drinking.
Question: Spit or swallow? Kerkove: We're a swallowing crowd up here.
Question: Is it wrong to just think about sex? Kerkove: We're the wrong crowd to be asking.
Devon did fine work with her hosting, even suggesting, in what would have been a tender and awkward moment anywhere else, that Skeeter Kerkove talk to her fiancée about "starting slowly" with the anal intrusions.
A grateful America could have done just fine with Devon, Kerkove and Drake, but the miracle of cross-pollination walked in from audience right soon after. Jesse Jane, the 20-year-old Arlington, TX-bred brand-new D.P. contract star, was this evening's Virgin Vixen.
If it was possible to be blonder than Bridgette Kerkove or smaller than Devon, Jesse Jane proved it could be done. Even Jessica Drake said she wanted to fold Jane up and put her in her pocket. If there were ever a porn version of The Shining, Jesse Jane and Carmen Luvana could play Delbert Grady's daughters. Imagine riding your bigwheel into that.
Jesse was funny and kept a trace of a Roger Clemens drawl as she recounted how she told her parents about her new life. "Surprise!" she said, "I'm moving to L.A.! I'm gonna be a porn star!"
Digital Playground provides a forum for all sorts of porn luminaries to get exposure and show how fun they can be as people, and for this reason the vaguely scripted feeling of some of the show can be forgiven. There were many references in the e-mails about how Devon should have her own show (Sure, I’d watch it) and Devon and Jessica's comments to Jesse sounded like they were straight out of a press release. I could be wrong. This is Jesse's second or third big outing, too, and she is being kept from taking anything off until she joins company-mates Drake and Devon on her first porn shoot Saturday.
A savvy move, to be sure, but I just found out that Jesse Jane isn’t really a virgin. That's right. She actually lost it at 17. "It sucked." Sometimes this business is so deceitful.
After the show, I and several porn luminaries convened in the kitchen to eat doughnuts. The statuesque DoLorian was there, showing off her new boobs. The ever-puckish Luke Ford kept trying to photograph her with a Krispy Kreme in her mouth but she refused.
"You'd be photographed with any number of other things in your mouth," quoth Ford impishly, "but not a doughnut?"
We all have our limits. Bridgette Kerkove's chopstick limit was 103. Digital Playground's No Limits is set for release in April.
-Gram Ponante
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