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Random Notes from a Red Notebook: Sex and the Studio
The meeting place for the shoot/party is behind a bank on Ventura Boulevard, and it was pretty tough to get that information. They are keeping a low profile on this, with the check-in area behind the building... The guests gather, the press on one side in the shade, the civilians lined up against a wall in the sun. The press feels no need to get in line: we know we're getting in... Harry Weiss, gladhanding, making sure everybody has the details: party hosted by Money B., Humpty Hump, and Ron Jeremy. When somebody misstates the name of the rap group "Digital Underground," Harry snaps in mock indignation "Just say Metro."... A blonde teen traipses up to the front of the line, in a patterned lace-up top and very tight pants, smiling warmly as if doing this is some sort of accomplishment... "Who is she?" somebody in the press group asks. Nobody knows, but somebody says "She's a porn-abee." and the name sticks... The shuttle van tools up Laurel Canyon, over the hill, down into Hollywood, turns up Lookout... Up a hill, down a hill, around a corner... A gigantic house has a planetarium dome on top. This high up, he probably only needs a telescope the size of a beer can... A guy working on the '60s Batmobile sticking out of his garage. George Barris?... We finally get to the house, a narrow modernistic place with white walls and high ceilings. Skylights. Poured concrete floors, very smooth. Modernistic art on the walls, with little glass descriptions bolted next to them... Astounding views, with (right to left) the triangle towers of Century City, the Pacific Design Center, Park LaBrea, and the Downtown Skyline all visible through the haze/smog/muck... The entry patio is filled with round tables, and one has hors d'oeuvres. We sit outside a stainless-steel door with a hand-printed sign that says KEEP DOOR CLOSED... April comes out, wearing an inside-out tank top... A group of talent-types sits around a table. Somebody askes them who they are, and the women say they're Alizé, Ashley Fox, and Obsession. The guy in the baseball cap says he's "Tyrone Baker." He's Mr. Marcus... The house finally opens, and people start to explore... A girl in a net top stands by a tall bar table being chatted up by three guys... The pornabee is getting chatted up by a guy in a green jersey... I walk outside to get something to eat, and am joined by Ron Jeremy, who looks at a platter of cheese cubes and says "I haven't seen this much cheese since I did a threesome with an uncircumcised guy." He gets his laugh and continues. "You know, Gonad Gouda. Choad Cheddar. Penile Parmesan. Menstrual Muenster." He sees me taking notes. "You get all those, Tod?" No. "Gonad Gouda?" Got it. Choad Cheddar?" Yeah. "Penile Parmesan, Menstrual Muenster." Thank you.... Quasarman enters, having just shot the scene before the house opened... He sees Ron, asks me "Have you ever seen Ron on a set?" then goes into a letter-perfect imitation of Ron's voice and a burlesque of his actions, cracking up everybody in earshot, including Ron.... When Ron asks Quasarman "How do I prep for a scene?" Quasarman points at the food in his hand and says "You're doing it now!" Ron sees me writing that down, theatrically yells "NO!" and pushes the notebook away from me.... A moment later, he smiles at me and says "That's okay. Print it."... I walk over to the open bar, ask for a vodka gimlet. The guy takes a tumbler, throws in a scoop of ice, fills it half full of vodka and drizzles a little lime juice in it. That is a gimlet. My kind of party... A guy wearing a jersey that says SUPERKILLA on it... There's a camera on a jib that swings over the spa, and adjacent pool, and swings toward the raised performance area across from the spa... The guy: girl ratio is about 10:1... Fresh off the shuttle, a guy in a grey NEW YORK hat struts in like he owns the place... There's a picture of the house on one wall... Dr. X walks up to me. "Do you know anybody here?" Shrug. "Me neither."... Soon after that, I see Phyllisha Anne. "I just started working again," she tells me... There's a scene shooting upstairs, I hear, but there's a large security guy guarding the staircase... I finally get up there and there's Mr. Marcus cavorting with two girls in the large tub with the window overlooking downtown and a large cartoony rubber duck in a corner... One girls is Mia Smiles. Nobody — not the stills guy, not Quasarman, not anybody — knows who the other girl is, but they all tell me she's Jade Marcella's sister... I head back downstairs, see Greg Alves. He tells me they're shooting parts of Sex and the Studio I, 2 and 3 here today. The first part will probably be out in mid-October... Some girls get in the spa at 5:45... A guy, intently looking up at Mr. Marcus, Mia Smiles and The Mystery Girl in the tub, misses his step and dunks his foot in the pool. He recovers, then throws his hands in the air in a gesture of triumph as onlookers applaud his recovery... Back upstairs, Quasarman walks out of the bathroom, sets his camera down, then walks over to the bed and collapses on it with an anguished "AAAAUGH!"... The girl's name is Naomi Armand... Nikita Denise comes in off the shuttle.... The "Sex Olympics" start as the sunlight is waning, first a masturbation, then a blowjob... The girls really get into it, including one who gets out of the spa and starts dancing on the stage, after running around the pool dressed only in her bikini top... One muscled blowjob recipient has a dick to match the rest of his bulk... Another blowjob competition is scuttled when the guys can't get wood and they go to the backups.... I see all this from the upstairs bedroom, because I don't want to get in the way of the fans... I can see just fine from up here... So can the head of security, who uses the high vantage point to spot people with their own cameras and confiscate the film. Or in the case of disposable cameras, the whole camera.... People walk around, drinking from Moët & Chandon Champagne bottles like they're beer bottles... Harry asks Quasarman how it's going. Quasarman: "Two words: Night. Mare."... The owner of the house looks down to see people pouring Moët in his spa. "The chlorine'll take care of that, right?" I reassure him, as if I have the slightest idea. I never should have asked him if Eero Saarinen designed his bedroom chairs... The joke's on me, those chairs were designed by Mies van der Rohe... I talk with a girl in the upstairs aerie. She says her name is Lucretia. She spells it for me: L-A-capital-K-R-E-S-H-I-A... After a while — eight hours, to be precise — I decide to hit the road... There is a line a mile long at the shuttle stop... I find Harry at the bar. He looks up, shakes hands, offers me his bottle of Moët. I take a drink... I ask him if I can jump the line. He's happy to oblige... During the trip down the hill, the mostly-twentysomething group in the van discusses the relative merits of Hollywood bars. I keep quiet. Not much to add...
Harry called me Monday morning, reporting that there were roughly 700 people at the party, as many as 450 at one time in the house. "We got tons of good footage. How could you not in a situation like that?"
How indeed.
-Tod Hunter
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