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I'm A Stranger Here Myself: Playing It Straight At The GayVN Awards
UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif. — The GayVNs were Friday night, and I had a great time. At the GayVNs I'm an honored guest, and it's my party, but I don't know anybody, and nobody knows me.
The pressure's off, y'know?
The evening gets off to a rocky start as the lovely Mrs. Hunter and I got in line behind a group of people who didn't have tickets. Bad move... There were tons of hot hors d'oeuvres outside the ballroom, with the crab cakes and the spanakopita (spinach dumplings in filo dough) the big winners in the Tod taste derby.... Passing the time with a small cluster of AVN staffers by the stairs to the downstairs bathrooms... Chatting with Scott Tucker of Topco sales, who points out that his company put a sex toy at every seat. "The gift that keeps on coming," I quip, three hours later... Walking in to size up the table. Nice location, and every place has a big 500g bottle of ID lube as a party favor... The lovely Mrs. Hunter, sizing up the models in the Colt calendar in the goodie bag: "What a waste, what a waste, what a waste, what a waste...."... Pre-show chat with a director from D.K. Brown Productions and performer Deacon Frost. Nice guy. He points out that he thinks a particular straight star — not present here tonight — is "really hot."... A guy walking by who looks like Eric Roberts, but probably isn't... The dress here runs the gamut from white-tie-and-cutaway to black tie to business suit to casual to thong-and-net. A lot of T-shirts. A lot of tight T-shirts. A lot of very tight T-shirts.... Ron Jeremy walking by, carrying a plate of food... The bar in the lobby doesn't take credit cards, and me with about $15 cash on me... Just as well, the gimlet was more like limeade.... Jason Sechrest, flamboyant as ever, in goth whiteface and dark lipstick and feathers, gives me a big hug and introduces me to Sky Donovan, who has a new video he wants me to see.... Sharon Kane sits at the Catalina table, in front of us, as the show starts... When the show starts, Taylor Negron comes dancing out, boogies to the music for a moment, then gives a full-arm smashing cutoff cue to the band, which they ignore and keep playing for another few bars... Seeing AVN.com writer Wayne Hentai, asking him "How are you doing?" and getting a clipped "I'm butch!" in response... Running into Frost again and having him swishily ask "Are you cruising me?" Broadly denying it... Seeing Alexis Fire and Rubee Tuesday at the AIM silent auction... A lot of good stuff at the auction, but I have all the gay porn I need right now, thank you... A guy walking by who looks like Robert Altman, but probably isn't... Negron saying one way to tell if a man is gay is to ask him, "Do you have any Shirley Temple memorabilia?"... A guy walks in in a tight black T-shirt, tight jeans and leather chaps. I figure he's 5-10 years older than me. I should look so good now... Keri Windsor, walking by, all smiles, in a low-cut dress that brought a smile to my face too... Sharon Kane winning an award and the table in front of us erupts in cheers.... Noting that the trophy boys are slowly stripping as the evening continues... Something very clever in my notes here, wish I could read it: Somebody said "I feel like [illegible] but I haven't won anything yet."... Negron: "I'm trying to figure out the William Desmond Taylor murder." Note to Jeremy: Send Negron a copy of A Cast of Killers as a thank-you present. Director King Vidor already did most of the work for him... I step outside for a moment at 9:40. I notice that there is not one bottle of ID lube visible on any of the tables I walk past. They've all been claimed and concealed... Tina Tyler, red hair and orange pantsuit, triumphant for Goosed for 3... A thirtyish woman in cat's-eye glasses and a diaphanous top paying rapt attention to the stage unaware — or indifferent — that her open jacket has left her breasts exposed... A guy walking by who looks like late-night horror film host Zacherley, but can't be. Zacherley is dead... Sharon Kane wins an award for music and her table erupts again... Heidi and I have a friendly bet about the Best Sex Comedy outcome. She is betting the video she thinks is best, I am betting the one I think will win. The envelope is opened. We're both wrong... Chatting with Tricia Devereaux. "I'm enjoying this. It's different, but it's nice. It'd take an hour to go 10 feet at the AVN Awards." I nod in agreement... When the Best Oral Scene winner is announced, the band breaks into Maneater. How do they come up with these clever ideas?... Chi Chi LaRue introducting "some of the best scenes of the year" and they're all close-ups of Chi Chi!. Best gag of the night. Probably turn up on the Oscars® next year... Taking my leave at about 10:30 to beat the rush... Seeing Metro publicity director Harry Weiss in the outdoor smoking lounge and talking with him and Houston until the show ends. So much for leaving early... Walking to the parking elevators, seeing Blake Harper, and honest-to-God blanking on his name and not saying anything because I got it wrong when I met him a few months ago after confidently announcing I knew who he was.
Can't wait till next year. See you there.
— Tod Hunter
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