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A n A g e L i k e T h i s
If you're not angry, you're not reality-based.
What do we have to be thankful for? Well, for being not quite as goofy as some of our fellow humans:
An early Thanksgiving celebration in Eugene, Oregon, caused a big fire at a house that had just been built. A cement worker marking the holiday set up a propane fryer inside the new house's garage. Workers took turns watching the kettle. But the fryer's thermometer was broken. Workers said oil inside the kettle overheated, spilled onto the burner and caught fire. The flames spread from the garage up the front of the house to the second floor. Fire officials estimated damage at about $75,000 dollars. The house hadn't been sold and was insured. Undaunted, the workers bought a second turkey and cooked it in the backyard of a house across the street.I can't quite imagine deep fryed turkey. It's kind of a symbol of disgusting overconsumption. Speaking of which:
A day before millions of Americans sit down to eat traditional Thanksgiving dinners, a Virginia woman grabbed the world turkey-eating title on Wednesday by gobbling down a whole roast bird in 12 minutes. Sonya Thomas, 37, who weighs just 105 pounds (47.5 kg), beat seven men in the annual Thanksgiving Invitational: a race to eat a 10-pound (4.5-kg) turkey. The smallest in the field, Thomas put her victory down to "swallowing fast." "It was very dry and the skin was very dry," said Thomas, holding her trophy, a roasting pan, over her head. "I just tried to eat fast." Venerated in competitive eating circles as "The Black Widow", the Alexandria, Virginia woman said she trained for the event, held at a delicatessen in New York, by chewing gum to get her jaw in top form.Only in America can someone be "venerated" for being a pig. Speaking of pigs:
In the family/romantic comedy "Yours, Mine and Ours," Dennis Quaid looked forward to playing opposite screen wife Rene Russo, but found that an intimate moment with a pig was also part of the deal. The remake of the 1968 film stars Quaid as Frank Beardsley, a widower with eight kids who marries widow Helen North (Russo), who has 10 kids. Blending the two families also means combining a menagerie of household pets including dogs, cats, a hamster and one amorous pig named Fiona. "They smeared stuff on my lips just so the pig would find it appetizing. It was like out of a garbage can," says Quaid. "Not only that, but she had gas. After about three takes, you'd have this big pig fart. It was a low, a nadir point in my career."Oink!
Bush Should Try This
Thailand's Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra says he won't answer questions from reporters until next year because the alignment of the planets is not in his favor. "Right now Mercury ... is in a corner perfectly aligned with my star. Mercury is no good, so if it's not good, I am going to request not to speak," Thaksin told reporters Sunday. Mercury moves slowly and will not steer clear of his star until next year, he said.Go for it, Dubya!
Like the Blues Brothers, I hate Illinois Nazis. And it turns out that the real ones are just as dumb and repulsive as the cinematic ones:
The second of two self-avowed Nazis was sentenced Wednesday in Lake County Circuit Court to prison for a hate crime committed against two lesbians at Illinois Beach State Park. Judge Fred Foreman sentenced Patrick L. Langballe, 29, of Lake Villa, to two-and-a-half years in prison. The recommended sentence had been negotiated by prosecutor Erik Kalata and defense attorney Jennifer Snyder. Hate crime is a Class Three felony and a conviction carries a maximum sentence of five years in prison, but is also probationable. Aaron C. Rush, 20, of Green Bay, Wis., had previously been sentenced to three years in prison. Rush also owes the State of Wisconsin 18 months in prison for a separate hate crime conviction. The two men and women had met at a Milwaukee bus station June 16 and decided to go camping at the park with some other people. When Rush made a sexual advance toward one of the women, she told him that they were in a lesbian relationship and did not like men in a romantic way, according to sheriff's reports. Langballe and Rush told the women they were skinheads of the Nazi Nation and did not like homosexuals, authorities said. The men then took the women's clothing from a car and burned it while the women fled. When the women came back later to return some items of Langballe and Rush, an altercation ensued. One woman sustained minor injuries to her face, arms and legs, according to reports, and Rush pulled out a knife and threatened to kill them. As the women fled again, the men ripped a backpack away from one of the women. The two men were arrested in the Gurnee area and "white supremacy" paraphernalia was found in their belongings.Duh!
Nice Try, Kurt
Yes, Kurt Busch is a dumb punk.
The reigning NASCAR Nextel Cup champion was pulled over for driving 60 mph in a 45 mph zone, swerving to avoid a car and running a stop sign last Friday night on his way back to Phoenix International Raceway. He said he was returning from dinner with his fiancee. The police report said the deputy smelled alcohol on Busch, and the driver became belligerent. "You're only doing this because you're a Jeff Gordon fan," Busch was quoted as saying to the officer in the police report, released earlier Thursday in Phoenix.Considering he was in Maricopa county, he's lucky he didn't end up sitting in a tent with a bunch of crackheads eating a peanut butter sandwich.
The Unbearable Lightness
of Being George Bush
The Senate passed a $60 billion bill early Friday that would extend expiring tax cuts and prevent roughly 14 million families from paying higher taxes through the alternative minimum tax. It drew a presidential veto threat for raising taxes on oil companies.How is it we continue to be governed by these cretins?