Face to Face
Charlie and Kristina
The main problem with the 21st century (aside from war, famine and the continued existence of George Galloway) is our society’s need to categorise everything and everyone, dumping us all into ill-fi tting pigeonholes and stripping away our last vestiges of individuality. Barely a day goes by without a form needing to be fi lled in where one is forced to identify themselves by nationality, class background, sexual orientation and preference for Original Alpen or No Added Sugar.
It’s little surprise that many beleaguered citizens get frustrated and end up describing themselves as wheelchair-bound, asylumseeking lesbians with only a torso to their name (which usually lands them a job at the BBC). A microcosm of this thorny problem can be seen on facebook. One of the many aspects of your personality you can choose fl agrantly to display to the world on your profi le is ‘political viewpoint’.
The designers of the website clearly thought they had the full spectrum covered when they set the possible options as anything between ‘Very Liberal’ and ‘Very Conservative’. They hadn’t reckoned on Charlie and Kristina; their outlook on current affairs was suffi ciently beyond the pale of mainstream thinking to warrant them both ominously describing their political views as ‘Other’. There was something about this that unnerved me.
Anyone who sits to the left of ‘Very Liberal’ has worrying sympathies for totalitarian communism; anyone to the right of ‘Very Conservative’ doesn’t bear thinking about. Admittedly, some apects of Charlie’s profi le appeared to hint at paid-up BNP membership and, seen from certain angles, there did seem to be a distinct suggestion of religious fundamentalism in Kristina’s eyes in her facebook photo.
But after careful consideration of the facts I decided the probability of either of the pair proving to be dangerous extremists was pretty minimal and arranged for both of them to meet at Kazbar on the Cowley Road. Charlie’s choice of outfi t did little to soothe my fears: the last time I saw such an alarming combination of white dress suit and red cravat I resolved never to take hallucinogenic drugs again.
However he proved to be a delightful chap, perusing the restaurant’s impressive tapas menu without the slightest indication of hate-fi lled political fanaticism. Kristina turned out to be equally benign; I’m normally sceptical of anyone who uses over forty exclamation marks to describe themselves but she appeared to be a charming datee. I left them chatting away and awaited their verdicts on each other (which in Charlie’s case turned out to be a tad more spiritual than I was expecting...).
What Kristina thought of the date: “Obviously I was nervous before the date, which unfortunately did lead to me making several bad jokes within the fi rst ten minutes of the conversation. I didn’t make any instant judgments on meeting Charlie; it’s not nice to categorise people - especially when you fi rst meet them - so I just decided to stay impressionless.
The date was absolutely fi ne; Charlie and I jumped straight into nonstop conversation which only ceased for brief moments when impatient waiters came by to get our orders. We soon established that we have some friends in common and that gave us a chance to bitch about something. As the time and alcohol fl owed by we found out we had a great deal of common interests, such as our shared admiration for Cameron Diaz and our love for categorising different types of dust.
We didn’t exchange contact details; we decided that whoever wants to can always hunt the other person down using the miraculous stalking site that got us together in the fi rst place and enforce their lovely and pleasurable company upon the other.
If neither one of us manages to lose our vision within the near future then we’ll probably see each other again soon, as it turns out that we share a circle of friends (so it’s either that or making new friends and I can’t be bothered with that...).”
What Charlie thought of the date: “I was a little bit nervous having not dated for 19 months, but the place was great and the atmosphere was seething with ambience.
My fi rst impression of Kristina was of a ray, a beam not pure but rich on life, full of suspense, surprise and promise. As she came in the restaurant something moved, a phantom, a thing, a feeling, someone on the other side of the world. The date was fantastic; it was a fantasia of machines and movement, questions and feelings, ideas and passionate conversing. She was very interesting indeed and told me about her, about her feelings, family, and about life.
The tapas was really oneoff and stoked the passion, the link everywhere in the galaxy of dreams, in the whirl of modern life. We exchanged details and love, the fi rst thing of all. We will see each other, we will in time, the healer.
26th Jan 2006