Latest Chris & Trilby comic: #86: And So They
Set Off
7/9/05:
Game Old Story
New article by
me at Adventure Gamers. Come back when you're
finished reading, I ain't through with you yet.
Recently I was
finally in a position to buy a PS2. I've been
meaning to do so for a while because of there
being about half a million PS2 games I want to
play, and because not being able to play DVDs in
this day and age means that you are to video
rental shops what black people were to early 20th
century America, if you see what I mean. For want
of an update, then, I figured I'd write short
capsule reviews of all the games I've
rented/bought/borrowed from mates over the last
couple of weeks. Stick with me, it'll be more fun
than it sounds.
YAHTZEE'S
ATTEMPT TO BECOME RELEVANT TO MODERN GAMING
- Red
Faction
I'd heard good
things about this one, mostly regarding the
really amazing way the walls blow up. And it is
fun to use your rocket launcher to dig tunnels in
rock with the consistency of suet pudding, for
about five minutes, then the game seems to lose
all interest in the tunnelling thing and says
"No more digging. You be dancing to MY tune
now, sucka." And then it's a bog-standard
linear first-person shooter with story and
characters right out of something I would have
written when I was 12. Also, the stealth missions
can suck my rebellious dick.
THOUGHTS:
Here's a tip for story writers. If your story
involves a big evil corporation that does evil
things for no apparent reason when less evil
things would be a lot more economical,
reconsider, because you appear to be writing
about a Captain Planet villain.
-
Project Zero (aka Fatal Frame if you're fat)
Japanese horror
can pretty much be summed up with two words:
"Scary children". Project Zero takes
that and runs with it. This is probably the
scariest game I've ever played, no hyperbole. I
played Eternal Darkness a while back, and I
thought that was pretty scary, but Project Zero
makes it look like a twelve year old running up
and shouting 'bum' because he's heard it's quite
shocking. At least in Eternal Darkness you get a
gun. All you have in Project Zero is a camera and
an absurdly short skirt.
THOUGHTS:
The people who made this game are masters at
picking the moments when you least expect ghosts
to jump out, then have ghosts jumping out. You
might want to consider wearing brown trousers
while you play. But after all that, the American
voice dubbing is absolutely terrible. Everyone in
Japan apparently grew up in California.
"Like, I have to, y'know, stay in front of
this gate, and like, stop the evil from getting
out, like, forever."
- Silent
Hill 2
Now, this is the
kind of survival horror I really get into.
Psychological horror, a mysterious deserted town,
combat that isn't too horrible, and some
stumbling guy with a big triangular head who
wants to slit you up. Silent Hill has always been
more into 'creepy' than 'scary'. In Project Zero,
you open a cupboard and a ghost jumps out going
'boo'. In Silent Hill, you open a cupboard and
there's a guy in a dress with no face stroking a
dead cat. The plot follows James Sunderland, a
dead spit of Denis Leary, as he searches the town
for the reason why he came to the town. It's kind
of complicated.
THOUGHTS:
So big Jimbo Sunderland comes to Silent Hill with
no idea of what he's looking for, gets attacked
by monsters, and consistently fails to find
whatever his goal is. Nothing seems to be
stopping him from leaving the town whenever he
wants, but he refuses to leave. I'm not saying he
deserves to get kniferaped by a big pyramid man,
but someone should at least give him a slap.
- Final
Fantasy X
I didn't play
this. Sarah played this and I occasionally
glanced at it. From what I saw it's about a bunch
of people who wake up in the morning, get
half-way through getting dressed, forget what
they were supposed to be doing, then go out to
fight monsters.
THOUGHTS:
Until this game, I was never sure how you
pronounce the word 'chocobo', and now I know, so
thanks for that I guess.
- Prince
of Persia: Sands of Time
Good to see
modern updates keep the spirit of the original
Prince of Persia - ridiculous traps, unlikely
feats of athletics, and shitty combat. And I hear
the next game in the series focuses more on the
combat. Fuck, that's like making a prequel to
Freddy Vs. Jason that focuses on the life story
of the drunk guy who gets killed in the first
act. For the record, I really like this game,
though, and not just because it's the only game
I've ever played with something approximating to
a sex scene.
THOUGHTS:
The entire game is narrated by the Prince as if
he's telling the story after the fact. So every
time you die, he says "Whoops, sorry, that's
not what really happened" and the game
backtracks. If you're not a very skilful player,
you begin to wonder what the Prince's audience
would be thinking. "And then I wall-jumped
at the wrong time and fell down a chasm and died.
Oh, sorry, I'm thinking of something else. What
really happened was... I wall-jumped at the wrong
time... and fell down... no, wait, hang on. In
actuality I wall-jumped at the right time, then
accidentally pressed circle instead of X and fell
to my death - I'm not boring you, am I?"
-
Resident Evil 4
Admittedly this
wasn't on the PS2 but I did play it recently so
I'm sticking it in here anyway. Resident Evil 4
is a top game, if you only look at the graphics
and gameplay. If, like me, you're one of those
'games as art' fags, you will quickly find that
the story and dialogue are a load of old wank.
Get this: you're an American government agent who
has to rescue the president's daughter from an
evil cult who want to take over the world. I
think Super Mario Bros had a better plot than
that. Fuck, you could sneeze onto a piece of
paper and it'd still be a stronger piece of
writing. I also can't classify this game as
survival horror when it's more of an
action-adventure, and isn't scary at all. To put
it in terms of films starring Sam Neill, Resident
Evil 4 is the Jurassic Park to Silent Hill's In
The Mouth Of Madness.
THOUGHTS:
Shotgunning off a zombie's head at
point-blank range is fun. Sniping their kneecaps
from a hundred yards is also fun. What isn't fun,
though, are the moments during cutscenes when the
game gives you a split second warning to start
mashing buttons, and if you fail, you die, and
it's back to the start of the cutscene with you.
I was so annoyed with these moments I decided to
dramatise them.
(a cutscene
begins)
YOU:
Hello, Bill!
BILL: Hello, you! I was just on
my way to [draws knife] I STAB YOU DEAD!
GAME: MASH BUTTONS NOW NOW NOW
NOW NOW! Too late.
BILL: [stab]
GAME: You're DEAD! You FAILED!
You LOSER! You'll never achieve ANYTHING you
STUPID FOOL. We don't LIKE people who don't have
superhuman reflexes around HERE. Try again? Y/N
(start
cutscene again)
YOU:
Hello, Bill!
BILL: Hello, you! I was just on
my way to [draws knife] I STAB YOU DEAD!
GAME: MASH BUTTONS NOW NOW NOW
NOW NOW!
YOU: [mashes buttons] [grabs
knife] What the hell was that for, Bill?
BILL: Oh, sorry, it's these new
pills I'm taking [produces another knife]
I STAB YOU DEAD!
GAME: MASH BUTTONS MASH BUTTONS!
NOT THOSE BUTTONS THE OTHER BUTTONS! Oh, for
fuck's SAKE, you failed AGAIN! You FAILURE! Why
are you even playing this game?! I hope you DIE.
In a DITCH. Flapping your hands like a retard
going [falsetto voice] 'oh mummy mummy mummy I'm
in a ditch and dead and scared and I'm a big
pussy as well'.
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
29/8/05:
Why Men Are Jerks
I added Achewood to my webcomics list. A lot of people tried
to sell me on it but first impressions didn't
impress. Then I forced myself to go through the
archives and I must admit I was sold.
Anyway.
FullyRamblomatic
has a mention in this Wikipedia entry, I just noticed today.
Apparently I am an 'internet phenomenon'. Now I
just need to know how to get the special internet
phenomenon discount at Target and the 'my other
car's an internet phenomenon' bumper stickers.
Anyway, here's
the proper update.
Ugh. I don't
know how they got this impression from the kind
of websites I've been visiting lately, but
apparently the spam people have decided that I am
either a chauvinist the size of New Mexico or an
abused housewife for whom the feminist movement
was just something that happened to other people.
Get a load of this circular that someone decided
I'd find relevant to my daily life. I'll break up
the action every now and again with my trademark
devastating wit, DVD commentary-style.
"Every
man has a similar list of women's mistakes. If
you show it to your men he will agree with some
of the points and probably add some more."
Yes, this is
quite true. I, like most men, maintain a list of
areas in which I feel my significant other's
performance could be improved, and every evening
I sit down with her and discuss ways in which she
can please me better. Then I kick her down some
stairs.
"You
may notice that some of the points seem to have
no relation to sex at all. However, this is what
puts the men off and makes you less attractive.
That is why these points are as important as
sexual complaints."
I will give ten
pounds from my own pocket to anyone who can
decipher this shit.*
*Disclaimer - no
I won't
"1.Men
hate when women act as though they do not like
sex."
Yeah, keep this
in mind next time you're being raped. Men hate it
when women struggle or cry for help. Try smiling
encouragingly, or offering to prepare a selection
of drinks and snacks.
"2.Men
do not like women who never show initiative in
sex."
Initiative? You
stick one rude bit in another rude bit and jiggle
them around for ten minutes, there's not a lot to
work with creativity-wise. I suppose you could
add a little spice by showing up to bed in a full
Chewbacca costume, but frankly, girls, I'd be
more concerned if he got into that.
"3.Men
do not like women that do not know men's
body."
Yes indeed. So
make sure you know men's body so that men's body
will like you good.
"4.Men
do not like when women make them responsible for
their orgasm."
"Darling,
I've just found some curious white salty
substance all over my thighs."
"Oh, and so
naturally you assume I had something to do with
it."
In all
seriousness, I guess what he's trying to say is
that he likes a woman to be a sexual controller
in bed.
"5.Men
do not like when women become sexual controllers
in bed."
Whoops, my
mistake. I guess you're supposed to just lie
there like a corpse for half an hour, then.
"6.Sexual
corpse. Men hate women that are insensitive in
bed."
Whoops, my
mistake. So, to recap, the author of this
sensitive piece likes his lady friend to be a
sensitive lover but to not take too much part in
proceedings, and to be riding an invisible winged
spirit of Christmas because HE'S OBVIOUSLY LIVING
IN A FUCKING FANTASY WORLD
"7.Sexual
chatterer. Men hate women who talk too much in
bed."
Yeah, I guess he
added this one when too many women were asking
him where he expected them to find an invisible
winged spirit of Christmas.
"8.Men
are irritated when a woman does not like her own
body and depreciates herself."
Don't let your
poor self-esteem and psychological issues take
over your lives, ladies. How do you expect to get
a man like that?
"9.Men
hate women who are too obsessed with their
looks."
Is it me, or is
the author deliberately grouping together the
comments that contradict each other? Perhaps this
is a cry for help. "I like women who are
pretty but don't fuss about being pretty and
don't self-deprecate and OH GOD SO LONELY HOLD
ME"
"10.Men
hate women who do not like oral sex."
I'm going to
give the author of this piece a name so I can
address him personally. I'm going to call him
Horace. Horace, if you ever think you've found a
woman who does like oral sex, run a quick check.
If she is wearing nothing but high heels and
appears to be trapped inside a small glowing box
in the corner of the room, there's a good chance
that she is actually an actress in the porn video
you are watching in your lonely, lonely flat.
"12.Men
do not like women who are too serious."
"13.Men
cannot stand stupid perfunctory women."
Jesus Christ,
Horace. You should become a superhero called
Captain Middleground, whose powers involve
constantly taking a stance directly half-way
between two extremes. Then he goes home to kick
his wife down some stairs.
"14.Men
hate women who are worried only about men's
financial status."
Digressing for a
moment, I find it objectionable that he seems to
think his misogynist dickhead ramblings apply to
all men, but then I remember that, in his first
paragraph, Horace seemed to think that the word
'men', plural, was interchangeable with 'man',
singular. Re-reading the whole list with that in
mind, it suddenly becomes a lot funnier.
"Raar! Man hate gold diggers! MAN
SMASH!"
"15.Men
hate when women tell them about their
ex-lovers."
I guess this is
another thing Horace has particular problems
with, because something tells me that the
ex-lover would have to have been a rampaging
grizzly bear before Horace could start comparing
himself favourably with them.
"16.Men
cannot stand women with disgusting
underwear."
Okay, I'll give
you that one. Next?
Oh, there is no
next. Apparently the underwear thing was the big
one this whole thing has been leading up to.
Well, at least he ended on a high note. So, I
hope this has been informative to all you
girlfriends out there. Give Horace a call if you
meet every one of his criteria, just as soon as
you WILL YOURSELF INTO EXISTENCE
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
24/8/05:
Christ What Happened Last Night
So, guess what I
was doing at about midnight on Friday the twelfth
of this month? Go on, guess. You'll probably have
a better idea than me because I can't remember
much of that evening.
Let's see where
it cuts off. I remember going to the bar. Me and
a few of the Gridwerx lads went out to Friday's bar on
Edward Street for one of the rare occasions when
we get together and drink instead of design a
game. I remember scabbing off everyone else
because I didn't have much money on me. I
remember that there were an awful lot of pitchers
being bought. I remember that Lyndon, our
technical director, kept refilling my glass while
we conversed endlessly about stuff that would
make absolutely no sense to either of us come
morning. And I remember putting it away like
nobody's business.
I remember the
words "I think I'm a bit pissed"
passing my lips more than once.
I remember
looking at my watch at 10:30 and thinking now
would be a good time to leave.
This is where it
starts to fade. I don't actually remember saying
goodbye to everyone, although I suppose I must
have done. I don't remember leaving the bar. I
think I must have attempted to walk home through
the city, because I have one or two blurry
visions of city streets. I remember steadying
myself on a bollard. At some point I felt myself
stagger and slam heavily against a wall, which in
retrospect may have been the ground.
What happened
next I remember only as sound and sensation, so I
guess my eyes were shut. I was lying on something
hard, like pavement. I could hear traffic. I was
freezing cold and rain was sprinkling on my face.
At least, I hope it was rain. There was a bloke
asking me if I had taken drugs, and I remember
slurring "JJUUUUUST BEEEEERR". Then the
same bloke was talking to someone else, and I
think that may have been the ambulance man, but
that's the last I remember of that evening.
When next I
awoke, I was wearing a backless surgical gown and
was lying in the emergency ward of South Brisbane
hospital with a saline drip stuck in my arm,
busting for a piss and in a vomity sort of mood
that culminated in me throwing up all over the
nice hospital floor. They had me call Sarah to
bring some fresh, non-vomit-spattered clothing,
then kicked me out. She wasn't pissed off, or
anything, but then she wasn't exactly
sympathetic, either. Most of the time she just
called me a twat. Anyway, I was as sick as a dog
for the rest of the weekend, then this big
horrible fever came out of nowhere, so I was sick
as a dog in subtly different ways for the last
week and a bit. It was only recently that I
summoned the courage to dig my clothes out of
hospital laundry bags and give them a clean.
I suppose it
could have gone a lot worse. Someone could have
nicked my wallet. I could have been hit by a car.
I could have lost my fedora. So I was lucky this
time. But what exactly did I do during those lost
few hours? The hospital was only prepared to tell
me that I was found passed out in a gutter,
omitting to say which gutter. I only have two
pieces of hard evidence for my antics while
blacked out:
1. My
trenchcoat, which was almost dyed greenish-yellow
with puke, so much so that I must have somehow
found a way to rotate my head 360 degrees and
vomit like a garden sprinkler, and
2. A coupon I
found in the trenchcoat pocket, good for 10
dollars off at some strip club in the city
centre.
The latter gives
me cause to wonder. I'm certain I didn't leave
the house with it. I definitely didn't pick it up
in the bar. So I apparently picked it up during
the adventure I have no memory of which ended in
me passing out in a ditch. From a comedic point
of view I like the idea that a
leaflet-giver-outer slipped it into my coat
pocket while I was unconscious.
Obviously now
that I've drunk myself into a gutter I'm too cool
to hang around you losers anymore. So rest
assured my updates will continue to be sporadic,
and laced with even more implied contempt for the
reader.
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
18/8/05:
Witty Title
No update.
Too sick.
Go away.
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
10/8/05:
Spring Cleaning
You know, gentle
reader, it's amazing what you can find from a
little spring cleaning of the basement, and when
I say 'basement' I of course mean 'website
server'. I, for example, was trying to pick some
of the ten jillion files in my Images folder to
get rid of and help our bandwidth problems, when
I came across some interesting old projects that
I thought I would share with you. And by 'you' I
mean 'site donators'.
Before Galaxy of Fantabulous
Wonderment was a game, you see, it was an
idea I had for a comic after reading too much Platinum Grit. I have some talent for
sketching and cartooning so I figured I'd start a
webcomic actually drawn by hand rather than MS
Painted for once. I completed 21 pages and the
entire first issue before I realised how boring
the process was and kicked the idea into the
archive basement.
The point is,
I've got this 21-page origin comic for the crew
of the Elaborate Gesture, an entirely
self-contained story, and it's probably of good
enough quality to show people, so I've decided to
give it away to anyone who donates at least 5 bucks to the
site with the request 'GFW comic' in the comments
field. I tied up all the pages into a .CBR file
so you'll need CDisplay Sequential Image
Reader
to view them. Fortunately CDisplay is freeware.
Unlike the comic. You see how this works?
Here's a sample page, in case your hand isn't
snaking towards your wallet yet.
But
wait! Don't worry if you're some scabby
cheapskate who thinks he's entitled to something
for nothing! I found something else in my archive
folder that I'm giving away all free like! This
one is an abortive attempt of mine to make a
platform game with the Game Maker game maker, starring
that loveable psychopath Chris Quinn. I was very
surprised to find it, having thought it lost to
the ages, so I figured I'd let my cheapskate
readers have a look.
By the looks of
it I only got around to finishing the first
level, but it's still an amusing romp for all
that. A-check it out!
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
7/8/05:
Confess-a-thon
Yeah, sorry
about the whole no-updates-for-two-weeks thing,
but I kind of assumed everyone had better things
to do. Anyway, I wrote a new feature called True Confessions. Click
the funny blue words to read it.
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
25/7/05:
Adventures... IN SPACE
UPDATE
28/7/05: Beta test over, the current
version of GFW seems to be largely bug free and
definitive. Feel free to tell all your friends
about it now.
Okay, so I've
decided to release my new game. Figured I've put
it off for long enough. The main problem with it
right now, though, is that no-one except me has
played it all the way through to the end, so a
lot of it may be untested. Seems to function
alright, as far as I can see, so I thought I'd
hold a bit of an open beta test. So, if you find
any bugs or gameplay issues, don't mail them to
me because then I will hate you. There'll be a
thread on the FullyRamblomatic Forums to post in.
So, what is this
new game? Well, it's called Adventures in
the Galaxy of Fantabulous Wonderment,
would you believe.
Basically, it's
an adventure game with other bits. It
incorporates a space sim with all the trading and
pirating that sort of thing involves, and the
player is invited to faff about as much as they
want between main plot elements. There are a few
sidequests to complete and subgames to play, and
some good old-fashioned adventure puzzle solving.
The way I see it, this could either go down
really really well or really really poorly, but
then that's what experimentation is for.
So, if you want
to try it out, go to the page I set up
for it
and download it post haste. There's also a
walkthrough on there in case you get stuck.
Still here?
Okay, I guess I'll give you a little history on
the game.
Like most of my
most acclaimed products, GFW came to me from
various sources of inspiration. Just as 5 Days A Stranger came to me from The Dig,
Clock Tower, Nocturnal Illusions and some other
shit, and 7 Days A Skeptic owes its existence to
System Shock 2, Jason X, Event Horizon and some
other shit, so too does GFW have multiple
parents. This time it came from me playing too
many console games, namely Metroid Prime and
Zelda: Wind Waker, the latter of which giving me
the idea of letting players mess around in the
game world while the storyline remains in the
background.
As for the
theme, well, that goes back a bit further. From
reading Platinum Grit a while back and
becoming steadily more proficient in sketching, I
wanted to make my own proper drawn comic, and
completed twenty-one pages before realising I
hated the process and stopped. Those twenty-one
pages made up an entire storyline, though.
Possibly something to hang onto for a donator
gift somewhere down the line.
Anyway, the
comic focussed on the adventures of three quirky
characters on a ship in a comedic, Hitch Hiker's
Guide-esque universe. While I didn't like the
process of making a comic, I did like the
characters, so I thought I'd bring them back for
this little enterprise. Those three characters
make up the crew of the cargo ship Elaborate
Gesture at the beginning of the game, to which
our hero Daniel Gordon is brought. As for the
story for this game, I was driven to create it
mainly from watching the End of Evangelion. While
opinion is divided as to the quality of that
story, it made me want to create something epic,
and similarly big in scope.
This was also an
opportunity for me to tie up some of the loose
ends in my fictional universe, namely the
question of what happened to Rob and Paul in
between Rob Blanc III and the beginning of YTOTW. Yeah, I guess that
doesn't mean much to anyone other than me, but I
like tying stuff up, whether it be the details of
a fictional universe or a piano wire noose around
the throat of a small cat. The question does get
answered in GFW, somewhat covertly. Rob is
mentioned but never seen, although there are some
characters who may seem familiar to players of
the RB series.
In case you
missed it first time with your stupid eyes, here's the page for the game.
And go easy on the bandwidth, Nate has to pay for
that.
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
18/7/05:
Great Balls Of Ire
If there's one
thing the world has a shortage of these days,
it's balls. It wasn't too long ago that we were
overflowing with balls, balls visible in every
direction, some people with great huge, powerful
balls that dangled from between their legs like
sacks of watermelon and caused them to walk in a
foolish, waddling manner. Nowadays, though, the
balls are all but died out, to be replaced by
people who run crying to lawyers every time
someone calls them a fuckwit.
I will say this,
though. There are still people who have balls.
It's just that they all work in the film
industry.
It was while
sitting in the cinema waiting for Batman Begins
to start that I found myself ruminating on how
filmmakers and cinema managers have been steadily
cultivating their balls ever since images were
first printed on celluloid. Back in the olden
days, when audiences were still flinching at
films of trains, filmmakers' balls were of
convenient, manageable size, no more noteworthy
than the balls of all those around them. But as
time wore on and the average size of balls began
to decline, it was only the filmmakers whose
balls grew.
These days, of
course, we are used to cinema concession stands
having the balls to charge five bucks for a
watered-down small coke, and having to sit
through so many previews that the film's reported
length doubles, but I wonder how slowly these
practises came into being that none of us noticed
before it was too late.
Back when
Casablanca was coming out, I honestly doubt that
film showings were preceded by advertisements,
because that would probably have caused monocles
to go flying and a thousand handlebar moustaches
to bristle in fury. But look at what we've got
these days - ten thousand adverts before each
film, the cinema managers slipping one or two
more in every year or so as their balls expand by
another inch.
I think it came
from gradually allowing adverts of increasingly
narrow scope. Check it out next time you watch a
film - as you go through the ads, the intended
audience becomes gradually wider. Right before a
film come the previews, for films being released
internationally. Before then there're the usual
adverts like you see on TV, for national
products. Before then come adverts for local
businesses, starting with ones usually in or near
the cinema complex, but first of all are usually
still ads (so that those crafty twats who turn up
twenty minutes early have something to look at)
advising that coke and popcorn be bought from the
very cinema in which you reside. Thankfully it
seems that adverts can become no narrower in
scope, unless they want to start advertising the
businesses and services of people sitting next to
you.
And the less we
complain about the sheer unrelenting ballsiness
of the people who bring us films, their balls
will only get bigger and they will only try to
take more and more of the enjoyment from
cinemagoing. If no-one protests some new element
of fuckery, that's it - it's here to stay. So, if
fifty years from now going to the cinema involves
having your eyes pinned open and adverts for
every sinister evil mega-global corporation with
deep enough pockets flashing subliminally
throughout the adverts of other sinister evil
mega-global corporations, we've only got
ourselves to blame.
A brief aside to
this ranting:
"I
think we should have, like, hologram cinemas.
That would be great."
-
some guy who was sitting next to me
Of course, if
the balls of filmmakers are allowed to continue
expanding for another fifty years, there's a good
chance mother nature will find a way to stop them
from going past a certain point. Perhaps, when
filmmakers' balls grow too large, they will
become too cumbersome to move, and the filmmaker
will just have to sit there and suffer the
bitterest irony of being unable to reach the big
bowl of gravy that his ill-gotten gains has
bought him. Or perhaps some new species of
seagull will appear that feeds exclusively on
swollen executive bollock.
Have you ever
wondered why, in the olden days, they played the
National Anthem after a film and everyone had to
stand? They don't do that anymore, and do you
know why? Because our balls have become so small
and wimpy that we no longer inadvertently sit on
them, and as such no longer require a period of
standing to rest our aching gonads.
// END OF MAIN UPDATE
// BONUS UPDATE:
I've nearly
finished a new game I hope to release soon. It's
in no way related to the Twelve Days A Slaphead
games. It's a space game. In keeping with my
obsession with finding ways to make games other
than adventure games with AGS, it marries
adventure gameplay with other genres. And it
isn't Poseidon 12. It's being tested right now
but it should be ready for release pretty soon.
That's all you're getting.
- Yahtzee
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