More Bruce Willis news

According to certain media/horse shit outlets, Bruce Willis has put up a $1 million bounty for the capture or killing of Osama bin Laden. This is real easy to do since everybody knows that fucker died years ago. The only evidence he is still alive is that every once in a while, when things are lookin bad for the Bush administration, he coincidentally comes out with a new video. Big fuckin deal. Biggie and Tupac come out with a new video every fuckin week and they've been dead since long before any of us ever even heard of Osama. Seriously, Tupac has come out with more albums after his death than he had before. I think this year he even claimed he was gonna retire.

Anyway, more importantly, the stories of my man Bruce getting into the bounty posting business are a bit exaggerated. I heard the clip of whichever MSNBC show or whatever he was on and he was completely hounded into it. They asked him if he would give a million dollars for somebody to catch that fucker and what's he supposed to say, no? I don't think he even meant "yes" literally, and he'd already claimed to have talked to soldiers who insisted they could not accept a reward for doing their job. Unless post traumatic stress disorder counts as a reward, which in my opinion it does not.

So at best it's an informal offer, not a bounty. And personally I think there should be some rules on this offer. For example if Geraldo ends up finding Osama and bronzing his head, as he once promised to do on air, I don't think he should get to keep Bruce's million dollars. It's either the bronzed head or the million dollars, you don't get both. And if you're smart you're gonna pick the severed head, 'cause I guarantee you you can sell that head to some rapper for more than a million dollars. Who's gonna be impressed by a diamond watch or any of that other Liberace bullshit after Ghostface Killa comes out wearing Osama bin Laden's bronzed head around his neck? Yes he could spruce it up with platinum, maybe have his name in diamonds running across the beard. But even with just bronze that would be the end of the jewelry wars.

But my point is this. I would like to offer a ONE MILLION DOLLAR BOUNTY for anyone who can bring me Die Hard 4. Only catch is it has to be really good, and also the million dollars is only a metaphor. Die Hard 4, you better be watching over your fuckin shoulder because you got all of america lookin for you now. You better shave the beard and wear a monocle or something.

Also, buy my book.

thanks,

Vern

Vern
in outlawvern's Blog
Posted at 11:49:42 UTC