I
began the story of my journey to Islam with a quote from a
famous Czechoslovakian actor, comedian, and philosopher. I did
not pick this quote at random. There were a few reasons for my
choice — starting with my admiration for this man inculcated
in me by my parents — and ending with the similarity of my
own life to the message of this quote. I always strived to be
someone else, until I found myself through my discovery and
acceptance of the faith in One God.
But
let me start my story at the beginning and share it with you
as it unfolded. I was born 26 years ago in a town in central
Slovakia. I lived there during my early childhood according to
the spirit of the times. I did not become interested in
religion and the belief in God until I was about 10 years old.
This is when I first visited a church and read the Bible.
I
gradually became more interested in the historical events that
had been mentioned in the Bible and began to make unpleasant,
yet interesting discoveries. I was particularly fascinated by
the contradictions between the New Testament and the
historical facts. My doubts about the authenticity of the
Gospels began here. It was only later when I started to
realize the contradictions within Christianity itself. The
truths and realities as stated in the Scripture were all too
different from the visible realities in everyday life. Yet, I
resisted exploring this any further because I didn't want to
"be."
During
my childhood, I was a carefree child who later became a youth
without any interest in religion or God. My main interest was
how to make it to the next day, month or a year, and where and
how to have some fun. Of course, I was still interested in
history and education and it was thanks to this (but first and
foremost thanks to God) that I gradually returned to the path
of discovery and learning.
In
hindsight, the key turning point was when I came across a
certain book. In those days, it was very difficult to find
books about religion and even more so about Islam. The book
that opened for me the door to the study of the teachings of
Islam and the Divine Message that God had left for humanity
through the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)
was the historic work of Ibn Khaldun, Al-Muqaddima.
Through this book, I gradually became familiar with the words Allah,
Prophet Muhammad, Qur'an, Sunnah, and so
on. I started to discover the teachings of Islam and I
gradually started to "be."
I
came across Al-Muqaddima when I was in high school. I
was a young person who, in addition to seeking fun, something
that the young people typically do, began to discover myself,
the meaning of human existence, and my relationship with the
Creator. I longed to know more, to know God, the Qur'an, and
myself.
Shortly
before finishing high school, I started to think about what I
should do next. My parents — especially my mother — wanted
me to go on to the university to become a lawyer, an
economist, or a doctor. Fortunately — or rather thanks to
God — they did not insist. At that time I had made my
decision. I wanted to study Islam. I wanted to leave home for
a country where Islam was alive and present in its daily form.
My
aim was to go to Egypt and study at the famous and respected
Al-Azhar University. But the events took a different turn so I
could write this story today. Perhaps out of fear or perhaps
out of a sense of responsibility and dedicated love for my
parents, I put conditions on my departure. I decided to send
in my university application to the department of political
science and law, intending to leave as planned should I not
get admitted.
I
didn't spend much time preparing for the entrance exam, hoping
I would not get in. But today I'm convinced that it was God's
will for it to happen otherwise. I ended up studying political
science. Paradoxically, I received the highest score in the
entrance exam and instead of going to Egypt, I went off to
study in the "Rome of Slovakia" (the town of Trnava).
In
my first year I continued to learn about Islam. In addition to
Ibn Khaldun's book, I learned about the Qur'an and in one of
my term papers I even wrote on the topic of the Shari`ah and
human rights. I started to feel that I was finally what I was
— a man serving his God. But I was not a Muslim.
In
addition to studying at the university, I also gradually
learned the "benefits" of the university lifestyle.
I stopped reading and searching for God and started to
dedicate more of my time to partying, staying up late at
night, and to drinking alcohol. All this was closer to me than
"Egypt" which was becoming more distant by day.
Yet,
I was doing well in my studies, and so I assumed, with
satisfaction, that I was on the right track. From time to
time, I did not feel like myself; I was unfriendly and
aggressive towards my friends, and when I became alone I felt
completely empty. But I was not paying too much attention to
this initially. Bad days would follow good ones, but I thought
this was the way it is supposed to be. Four years had passed
and I had to choose my dissertation topic. I had quite a few
ideas, but in the end I chose to write about Islam in Europe.
I
began to work on it. I returned to the study of Islam. I was
rediscovering things that I had frivolously thrown behind me a
few years before. When writing my dissertation, I wanted to
meet some real Muslims in an effort to get to know Islam at a
more intimate level, not just from books. I had managed to
contact an Islamic organization based in Slovakia.
I
met a few times with Muhammad — the man to whom I am
grateful for helping me with my dissertation and for
reawakening my interest in reverting to Islam. But my story
does not end here. Despite my resolve to become a Muslim, I
was still too scared to make the final step. Most probably I
wasn't yet meant to "be."
My
dissertation turned out well and I successfully completed my
studies. I was a university graduate who did not know what he
wanted to be. What next? I again thought about Egypt, about
Islam, and about life. Soon enough after finishing school I
had managed to find a job — I became a teacher. Working with
students — many of whom were my age — felt almost like the
student life all over again.
Work,
fun, and nothing else. After maybe a year, I realized that I
was going down the very same familiar path, in the direction
in which I had already once treaded. In May 2004, I decided to
end this life. I longed to be finally what I wanted to be and
what I was — a Muslim.
In
the fall of the same year I decided to try fasting during the
month of Ramadan. My friends made fun of me, my colleagues at
work were perplexed, but I managed to complete this test with
success. I had learned the Shahadah (testimony of faith in
Islam) and I often repeated it to myself — either out loud
or in my thoughts. But I was scared to move any further.
Finally,
after a long period of hesitation, I decided to call my friend
Muhammad, whom I had not seen for two years. I met with him
shortly before Christmas 2004 with an intention to convert. I
spent the following month reading stories of converts and
pondering over how such a step would change my relationship
with others, especially with my family.
After
returning from the Christmas break, in front of the packed
prayer hall in Bratislava, I finally recited my Shahadah on
the day of Eid al-Adha celebration in 2005 CE (AH 1425).
Looking into the eyes of dozens of Muslims, brothers from
different parts of the world, I finally felt that I am
"what I am supposed to be and not what I am not, as it
often tends to be the case." I was extremely happy and
remain so until today. I have realized that since I already
am created by God, I want to be a Muslim.
*
This story first appeared
on http://www.islamweb.sk. It is republished with kind
permission.