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While the Humans who wrote this felt like they were getting close; in the end, all they were able to accomplish was to verify that black-colored squirrels exist.

The Squirrels In Black (S.I.B.)

We have finally managed to obtain pictures of the mysterious Squirrels In Black. Who are they? What part do they play in all of this? And why are they black? We at P&M's Late Night Links have many questions and no answers, however we believe...

The Truth Isn't Out There. It's Here.

(Subject appears to be communicating to other S.I.B. through an unknown means)

Reports Map Theories

The First Report

5/30/97

my question is..... what role do coal-black squirrels play in this horror? these squirrels live exclusively in a housing development called "Stuyvesant Town" in New York City. are they ringleaders or mere victims?

anxiously yours, wendy

Our Initial Theories

The Next Report

7/25/97

FIELD REPORT ------------

Squirrels in Black have been sighted regularly in Madison Square Park in Manhattan, and this infiltration is believed to be part of a larger crackdown on out of in the park. The resident squirrels have extended their hazing rituals to include chasing humans through the park, approaching humans and tugging their shoelaces, and, in isolated but nevertheless alarming instances, launching themselves at humans from park benches.

Clearly this is a case of hazing veering out of control, a case which the Squirrels in Black have been called in to contain. Their tactics, though, may be cause for alarm: their brutal attempts to corral this behavior cause near-hysteria among the gray squirrels. I suggest dispatching an observation team to 23rd Street and Broadway as soon as possible. -- Molly K.

A Gift Or An Invasion

8/13/97

You can find a growing number of black squirrels in Ohio, where they have spread from their original Ohio site of Kent State University. They were a gift to the college from a foreign country, or so the story goes, and have been able to mate and show dominant traits with other varieties of squirrels. At this time, you can find them in many Ohio communities with colleges, some of which include Wooster, Kent, and Rootstown.

Shaeffer

Squirrels In Rehab

8/17/97

A friend of mine was put into a drug rehabilitation center for a couple of months. While there, she told me that there were several black squirrels that capered outside the window. Neither of us had even seen a black squirrel before that. This bears looking into by your staff...

<g> Great site. I enjoyed finding this.

Sincerely, Nadia

Black Squirrels and Light

9/9/97

Black squirrels, in every case I have observed them in Foxboro, MA , have run away very quickly and hidden. I think sunlight hurts them.

-- samer nino

Regional Hazing Rituals and the S.I.B

9/10/97

Hello, for now I will call myself LemDog and I would like to add to your S.I.B. information. I work at a golf course in Branch Wisconsin where many squirrels perform even stranger hazing rituals such as 'The Range Ball Dodge' this extremely dangerous ritual has cost the life of at least one unlucky squirrel. But after witnessing many unsuccessful rituals I have noticed that the black squirrels seem to perform a type of religious ritual including chanting and complex dance steps. Could this shed new light on these S.I.B.'s more priests than ritual initiators.

-- LemDog

S.I.B. On Patrol

9/14/97

LOCATION: Madison, VA

DATE OF SIGHTING: 9/13/95

TIME OF SIGHTING: 9:30 am

Recently I and some others took a trip to the nearby Appalachian mountains. A mile from my house, a gray squirrel ran in front of the car. We were able to slow it to allow escape for the poor little mammal, yet it stayed directly in front of one of the car's tires, running in the same direction as the vehicle. After approximately ten seconds it jumped to the side of the road, and we continued our trip. I believe that this was no ordinary crossing, but a deadly hazing ritual, especially if one looks at the prolonged road-crossing trip of the hazee.

The trip home hosted our second sighting. This time, an elusive Squirrel in Black ran across the road, barely avoiding a horrid, bloody accident. This squirrel was no pressured hazing participant, but a rodent on a mission. The hard, steady look in her/his face revealed an important individual with work to do, possibly an officer working on a hazing crackdown.

This area seems to be shielding from the hazing culture currently, but I predict increasedly dangerous activities taking place in the near future.

--zooidal

The S.I.B. were MIA in DFW that fateful day

10/4/97

I have some interesting information that you might like to know.

I wasn't sure what to do when I first learned of this possible SIB activity, but after seeing your site I am convinced that it is true and very grateful that there are others out there like myself. It must have been three years ago... I was called up after my American History class one day because my teacher and I had been having a rousing discussion concerning the JFK assassination. He pulled me aside and made me promise that I would tell no one about what he was about to say... My teacher told me that he believed squirrels were behind the JFK assassination - or at least an integral part of it. Incredulous, I asked him what had brought him to this outrageous conclusion - turns out he had a bit of evidence.

1) The telltale absence of squirrels that day in Dallas - virtually no hazing was taking place anywhere near the parade. Suspicious..

2) Gun-grease paw prints found leading away from the rifle in the Depository.

3) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: Nutshells scattered over the President's body and vehicle. After viewing your site I am convinced! And hopefully this will help make other believers out of the rest of you...

--kristin

The Tail-less One of Princeton

10/11/97

We here at Princeton also have a Squirrel in Black problem of our own. He is called the Tail-less One because as the result of a freak accident, his tail has mysteriously disappeared. He hangs out near the religion and philosophy departments, regularly smoking up with the rather odd philosophy grad students. He has lived there all four years that I have been here and I'm sure that his surveillance will be necessary sometime in the future.

The Lizard

PS This site cracked me up as the squirrels here are an endless source of amusement as they have absolutely no fear of us humans.

***Note From The P&M's Late Night Links Webmaster***

Squirrels who participate in the Snow Sitting ritual occasionally lose their tails in order to impress the Squirrel Hazing judge. Also, there have been rumors of another potentially dangerous ritual: the Lawnmower Luge, by which squirrels try to jump on moving lawnmowers in order to get a thrill ride (and impress the judge.) Perhaps The Tail-less One is one of the pioneers of this as-yet-to-be-witnessed event.

Squirrels of a Different Color

10/16/97

Your squirrels in black feature reminded me of a local phenomenon. There are several white squirrels in my mother-in-laws neighborhood. I used to think they were albino, but your website has caused me to think of other explanations. Most, if not all, of the other neighborhood squirrels participate in hazing in a fervent manner. I've never seen the white squirrels join in. They usually stay on the periphery and observe. If a human stares at them long enough, they will make eye contact, and there is plenty of attitude in their gaze. We are on the shore of Lake Erie, so that might explain some genetic muddling. I dunno. Have you had any other white squirrel (SIW) sightings?

***Note From The P&M's Late Night Links Webmaster***

While we at P&M's Late Night Links have never personally witness the existence of White Squirrels, we have heard of them from many reputable sources. We think they may be US counter-intelligence checking into the progress of the SIB invasion left over from the cold war.

Wise Guy S.I.B.s?

10/17/97

The SIB have been active on the Albion College (Albion, Michigan) campus for many years now. For a long time, they were seen only near the quadrangle, but now they have spread towards the outreaches of the town. I never realized quite what was going on with them until I saw your page. Now I realize that it's some type of Mafia-style organization.

Taking notes as I observed the squirrels after reading your page, I was able to quickly identify the "judge" squirrel. He seems to have the most seniority, and may haps be the local leader of the squirrels. He is all black, except for a white tuft of fur at the tip of his tail. I have never seen him partake in the hazing, although he can frequently be seen observing the activities.

Thank you for providing up-to-date reports on this new menace.

-Matt Huber

It's Always When You Least Expect It

10/26/97

Returning home today I was surprised to find cheeky SIB sitting in my parking space. I had never seen a black squirrel before and was delighted - via your site - to find that I am not alone. I live in Evanston, Illinois - an addition to your quickly growing list of sightings. These critters appear to be overwhelming the country. I will be keeping a watchful eye from now on.

--Chris.

Princeton Mascots

11/9/97

It is a well known fact, that black squirrels are a genetic experiment that started in Princeton University, in Princeton, NJ. The school colors being black and orange, and the campus being over run with the little creatures, caused a group of students back in the early 70's to genetically program squirrels to procreate a new color- black so that the campus could have black and orange (red) squirrels.

-abs

New Insight

12/25/97

I can shed but the barest of light on the Squirrels In Black....there are......considerations that I must take into account....I.....fear to say too much..... First a bit of history : The first accounting that I am aware of, the first MENTION of the SIB is in fact a portion of The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien. This reference to the SIB is in the section wherein Bilbo and company enter The Mirkwood Forest. It is interesting to note that the SIB is bitter in taste and therefore uneatable....ensuring their survival. I can provide no facts as such, however.... The Squirrel Government....a good place to start as any.... The Hazing Rituals....neither Lifeguards, nor Judges, but....(I can say no more....keep at this line of inquiry....) Traffic Testers ? No.....(sigh) Religious figures....I have so much to tell, but..... Undead ? No...... The Cold War....yes....they played a part....but were not employed by any Communist entity.... JFK....VERY GOOD!! This may be your best (and most difficult to track) line of inquiry..... DO NOT CONTACT ME !!! I will monitor your progress and assist where I may...if I can...... -- "...With a little help from my friends..." The Beatles

(S.I.B.) Tracking Map

(Map not drawn to actual size)

(Locations by order of report)

Stuyvesant Town, NYC, NY Syracuse, NY Council Bluffs, IA Marysville, KS Hobbs, NM

Madison Square Park, Manhattan, NY Kent State University, OH Wooster, OH Kent, OH Rootstown, OH

Foxboro, MA Branch, WI Madison, VA Dallas, TX (1963) Princeton, NJ Albion, Michigan

Evanston, Illinois

The Initial Theories

Subsequent Theories

No squirrels were harmed by us.

Unless they were of a lower rank and tried to steal our nest, stash, and/or babies.

 

 

 

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