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After reading Dan Barry’s New York Times front-page article yesterday entitled “A Boy the Bullies Love To Beat Up, Repeatedly,” I am struck by the realization that the problem of bullying still persists in our schools and with little improvement. Metal detectors and security cameras have indeed attempted to reduce the presence of weapons and crimes in many high schools across the nation, yet the problem of bullying remains viable and insidious nonetheless.
In fact, a study conducted several years ago by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that ten thousand children stay home from school at least one day every month because they fear bullies, and fifty percent of the children surveyed said they were bullied once per week. In addition, sociological research reveals that bullying is the foremost problem in the minds of teenagers, while it is often regarded by many adults and students alike as a way of school life or rite of passage. Psychotherapists and parents of the bullied child, however, continue to bear witness to the damage that bullying has on its victims and on their relationships and emotional well-being in later life.
In his Times article, Barry takes us through a typical day in the life of Billy Wolfe, a 16-year-old high school sophomore who has been the target of repeated bullying and violent assaults since the age of 12. Mr. Barry cites school officials who think that Billy “contributes” to the problems that surround him while his parents scoff at the notion that their son causes or deserves “the beatings he receives.”
Regardless of the bullied child’s “contribution,” here are the psychological facts: Bullying on the playground, in the classroom, in the hallways, anywhere, has deleterious effects on the developing psyche of the victim. Children’s’ reactions to emotional or physical violence, in the form of harassment, intimidation, embarrassment, and fear can be seen through a spectrum of Post Traumatic Stress reactions and behaviors, including a hyper-vigilance to the recurrence of danger, inability to attach with intimacy, irritability, poor concentration, sleep disturbances, alterations in eating, academic difficulties, feelings of shame and hopelessness, fear of connection, malaise and depression.
Victims of school bullying may find themselves embroiled in lengthy and negative legal battles with school personnel, and they may become the focus of neighborhood gossip, both of which may unwittingly stimulate an already hostile and threatening school environment. In addition, the child’s sense of self becomes defined more deeply by his status as “victim,” a self-image that stays with him sometimes through the remainder of life.
The tragic events that occurred at Columbine High School, Virginia Tech University, and a growing number of other schools, have altered everyone’s sense of security. Dealing with emotional violence is thus, for many parents and all school personnel today, a foremost priority. As James Garbarino and Ellen deLara state in their groundbreaking book And Words Can Hurt Forever, parents of the bullied child need to form alliances with other parents to take on the school system; they need to participate in positive activities that help build alliances and create safe places for their children; and they must help more students to develop moral leadership by reaching out to children who are “different” and emotionally vulnerable.
Only once we see ourselves and our children as potential victims of bullying can we begin the next part of the healing process—education, empathy, and action.
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For video discussions by me on assorted related topics, click here.
March 25th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
For an eye-opening look at the effects of bullying and how adults contribute to the problem, all you have to do is read 1999’s “Voices from the Hellmouth”. This collection of anecdotes from bullied kids is archived on slashdot.org. Don’t know if the link will come through on this comment, but here it is: http://slashdot.org/article.pl?no_d2=1&sid=99/04/25/1438249
March 25th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Bullying is an enormous problem at the school my kids went to last year, a Catholic school no less. Though the priest, administration, and teachers knew boys were getting beaten in the bathroom, they refused to monitor the situation, check up on the facilities, or to appoint someone to keep guard on the bathroom between classes and during lunchtime, when most of the assaults were taking place.
Why?
As they candidly explained, they had no insurance to cover possible sexual harassment charges that might result from having a male teacher (let alone a priest) in the boy’s bathroom, so better to let the beatings go on till they could figure out something better!
We had our own solution — we left the school.
March 25th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Kids have to be taught to help each other more. Even strangers and not let others get pushed down like that.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
The “innocent” bystanders have more power than they think. The bystanders could tell the bullies to cut the abusive crap and that might help a little. I wonder what sort of families the bullies come from. They must be some really messed up people themselves. If the bullies need to prove their “manhood” by beating up some harmless non violent kid, why don’t they go to Detroit or Los Angeles and pick on gang members? That will prove they are not the idiot cowards that we perceive them to be.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I always amazed at the excuses that parents and teachers come up with for not dealing forcefully with this problem.
If you can’t say to your child/student “leave that kid alone or their will be some really unpleasant consequences for you” and back that up with action, do you really think your child/student is going to listen when you talk about drug abuse, teen pregnancy, not beating up the teacher, etc?
March 27th, 2008 at 8:25 am
Andi Beth: I agree. Most of the time the problem of the bully starts in the home. Thanks for your comments.
March 28th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
That’s the matter we should fight against!! It happens everywhere, even if we don’t realize…
March 28th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I always amazed at the excuses that parents and teachers come up with for not dealing forcefully with this problem.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:57 am
I’m agree with Andi, the voilence of bullies comes from their family, then they transmit to their classmates, e.g Tbag
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:19 am
As a member of a North shore public high school, I am fully aware of the effects of bullying. Only a few years before I entered my high school, there was a hazing incident that received nation-wide recognition. Yet even after all the buzz about the hazing was put to rest, bullying still continues in the school. I, myself, have not been a direct target of a bullying situation, however I know people who are. One boy I know has been tormented many years of his schooling, and doesn’t have many friends. I have made it a point to be kind and befriend this boy so he feels welcome at school. The bullying he receives isn’t physical, its verbal abuse. Having your peers tell you that you’re annoying, or dumb, or not good at sports, is degrading and can lower self-esteem.
This is the only severe case of bullying that I am aware of, yet I know that many others exist in my school. I feel that the people who bully others are doing it to be cool and not as much that they are insecure about themselves. It only takes one cool person to manipulate others into thinking bullying is the right thing to do.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:51 am
I full heartedly agree that bullying can have devastating effects on a child’s self image and self esteem. However, unlike drugs and alcohol, in-school bullying can be prevented. I am a student at a public high school in the north shore of Chicago (the suburbs) and a couple years ago, my school was involved in a world famous hazing scandal. The hazing had an extremely negative effect on the morale of the school, however the community was able to bounce back. For years following the incident, educators spent hours planning anti-bullying in-school workshops, which stressed tolerance, acceptance and love for thy neighbor. Also, these workshops were held about two times a year and taught us what to do if we were in fact bullied. As I walk through the halls in my school today, I look around and see that the repetition of the workshops was able to lower the amount of bullying to a bare minimum or non-existent at all. Sure I understand that instances of bullying will always happen such as a Varsity team making the Freshman team pick up the tennis balls after practice, but everything is done with good intentions. In conclusion, if the correct preventative measures are taken, bullying can be virtually eliminated from schools.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 am
Being a teenager in high school myself, I do recognize that bullying is a huge problem in school. Kids are constantly picked on and pushed around for simply being different. The difference nowadays is that bullying is now in discreet forms. You can’t recognize a bully right away as one of those big, tough guys shoving puny kids around and demanding lunch money. Bullies today are now disguised as the most popular girl, inviting everyone to her giant sweet sixteen except that one “loser” girl. Although many bullies are formed and brewed through problems at home, society is really what fuels bullying. According to the unwritten rules of society, the most popular girl in school does not and should not associate herself with the “lower orders”. We should begin teaching kids at an early age that everyone is equal and that helping other people essentially helps you help yourself. There isn’t one drastic fix that will cure bullying right away, but by gradually changing society and teaching kids more selfless values at a younger age, the bullying problem will eventually reach an end.
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
F. Willy and Avital
I thank you both for your candid responses to my blog. I am sorry to hear that, after a hazing such as the famous one you describe, your school still has problems with bullies, but human nature is varied and quite complicated. Making a point “to be friendly” to the kids who are being bullied is indeed a wonderful start thelp everyone to heal. Keep up the necessary and good work.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Fighting The “Gang Mentality”
By Anonymous (Male)
I bet the bullies that actually fight with Billy are being manipulated by their friends. This is how it works: the ring leader decides to demonstrate his power by manipulating his or her minions to harass a seemingly vulnerable student. The ring leader says “so-and so is x, y and Z”. If you minions want to be in my click you must punish so an so. Off the minions go to execute their masters bidding. Of course, the master (alpha male or female) does not use such direct language - his or her instructions are subtle, but well understood. Often the ring leader avoids punishment because they are smart enough to avoid direct involvement. Instead they sit back and enjoy the show - manipulating their simple minded minions and indirectly bulling those that they cannot affectively control.
Please do not encourage the victim to fight. The result can easily be devastating. Encourage the victim to use the law. Fights can go bad wrong. Lost teeth, death from traumatic head injury, choking deaths, eye damage. The victim may not be willing to lose they may choke stab shoot hit with object ect…. the aggressor may be really mean - and or stupid he could do any of the above. Often the aggressor is just some stupid person that the real bully is using as a proxy
My fights didn’t end to bad - A good undercut cracked my molar - and the magnetic CB antena base plate I was holding severely injured and attacker - he came close to death. He was a good person manipulated by rotten idiots - what if I killed him?? I like my teeth and would have liked to skip the gold crown. My hands are still scared from the teeth and bone of the attackers I have been forced to fight. And yes, I have run from many fights also. I am proud to say I have never fought some who did not first attack me. I have learned through the years and I am now better able to stay away from dangerous people. Being out of school helps because it is hard to stay away from them when you are in the same school.
Martial arts are great, but you don’t have to study them long to figure out how to kill someone - man its strange but 8 out of 10 fights I have been in were with some dummy that didn’t even realize he was fighting for someone else. Do you really want to kill someone like this. I don’t want to spend 20 years in jail. You don’t want your son or daughter going to reform school - I hear the fighting there is worse. And, theywill be taught how to smoke crack.