Today's Featured Question:
 
I met a gorgeous woman who is everything I want -- smart, funny, talented and sexy. There is one problem, aside from my being married: She's gay. How do I reconcile myself to never having the kind of relationship I want with her? (I don't merely want to fuck her; I want to love her.) I am sure that telling her how I feel would end our friendship. She is not the first woman I have fallen for during the 20 years I've been married, just the first who is a lesbian. I suspect most, if not all, married men have these crushes. If the marriage is strong, the crush never goes beyond flirting. Am I attracted to this woman because I'm dissatisfied with my wife, or am I dissatisfied with my wife because I'm attracted to this woman? I suspect it's a little of both.
-- J.B., Miami, Florida

Answer:
 
As you note, spouses are occasionally smitten with these bittersweet feelings for an outsider -- that's what makes marriage such a challenge. The ass is always greener because no long-term relationship can compete with the chemical rush of new romance. Couple that with the longing created by this unattainable woman and you're toast. The fact is, you don't need her as a friend --that's your reptilian brain talking, not wanting to abandon any chance, no matter how remote, of spreading your seed. If you feel your marriage is broken and can't be fixed, leave first and then start dating, not the other way around.

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Photograph by Stewart Smith