GUEST BLOGGER SUNDAY!

Hi everyone, the name is John. I’m the infamous little brother Hallie never had and I am here today because Hallie asked me to guest blog. I struggled for hours trying to figure out just what I have to say to the millions and millions of W.O.W. readers. I didn’t want to bore you with too much text, but I sure as heck wasn’t going to “spill the beans” about this or that or share with you my favorite kind of underwear. You see someday I plan to run for political office and I cannot have a crazy blog entry ruining my chances. The scary thing about the Internet is that is pretty permanent.

Since we are on the topic of politics and underwear, I’m a boxer brief guy. I know its an important question people running for president get asked so I thought I’d just get it out of the way now. My girlfriend Melissa does not like them, but I see them as an excellent symbol for my political beliefs. Not too snug (conservative), not too loose (liberal); just left of the middle. Enough about me, my politics, and my underwear, let’s get down to business. Today I’m here to bring to you:

Eight facts from the past week

1. The summer Olympics. By now you must have heard that 08/08/08 was the start of the summer Olympics in Beijing, China. From what I have heard and read 8 is a lucky number in China. Time will tell how lucky these Olympics will be for China.

2. China’s skeletons begin to surface. As if they were ever in the closet to begin with. During this time of focused international attention, the Chinese government has done its best to quell the dissidents in an attempt to put its best face forward. However, several skeletons refuse to go away thanks to some brave souls.

3. One world, one dream*. *Unless of course you count Darfur or Tibet or you disagree with the Chinese government. In which case, China does not really care. Shut up and get in line. The alternative is jail. Just ask He Depu, who coincidentally was sentenced to 8 years in prison – there’s that number 8 again – for “inciting subversion of state power."

4. The best story of the Olympic games. Lopez Lomong, a U.S. Olympic athlete was picked by his peers to lead the U.S. and carry the flag during the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games. Lopez Lomong is a Sudanese refugee who was taken from his family at age 6. Lomong is a member of Team Darfur a group of athletes bringing attention to the crisis there. He has overcome great adversity and represents much of what is good about the United States of America.

5. Censorship. I’m not sure if the Wonderful World of Wieners was blocked by the Chinese government before today, but you can bet you’re a$$ it is now. W.O.W. might be OK though because the Internet address has a typo in it (shhhhh!!!). Speaking of blocked websites did you know that the BBC’s website translated in Chinese is not available in China? Can you say SUSPECT!?!? Other websites you cannot view in China: Amnesty International; Human Rights Watch; and [GASP] The Huffington Post.

Now for something completely different

6. I remember when. This week I discovered several members of my “extended clan” (i.e., Hallie, David, and Shellie) are now on facebook. This was a tough pill to swallow because I remember when back in 2004 I signed up for facebook. I was still in college, or was I starting grad school. Back then only college students typically between the ages of 18 -23 could use it, now everybody and their sister ;) is using it. Boy how the times they are a changing.

7. My money is on T. Boone Pickens. Truth be told, this is more than a week old, but it’s worth talking about anyway. An oilman is putting his money where his mouth is, supporting a plan to build wind turbines in a “wind power corridor” in North Texas and beyond. I don’t know about you all, but my money is on the oilman! I cannot understand why it’s taking us so long to invest in renewable energies like solar and wind power. Reminds me of a great story Who moved My Cheese? Needless to say The U.S. of A is sitting on an ever dwindling pile of melting cheese (i.e., oil) waiting on the world to change, instead of searching out a new pile of cheese (i.e., renewable energy techonology). Coincidentally this new pile of cheese is smacking us right in the face!!!

8. Got Boredom? A story in the New York Times this week highlighted recent research published in The Cambridge Journal of Education by Teresa Belton and Esther Priyadharshini of East Anglia University, England that discusses the benefits of a little boredom now and then. “When the external and internal conditions are right, boredom offers a person the opportunity for a constructive response.”

To CJ & John come home safe.

Until my next guest blog, Peace and Love,
JH

SATURDAY BLOG #2

The GREAT TWOMEY ROAD TRIP of 2008 is underway

(DAY 2) and the text messages keep coming with a vengeance!

Had to share a few of today's gems!

"We're in VA! This is a Pepsi state!

"They have cool fog in VA!"

"There's a town in VA called Atkins and they have a diner!"

"At mile marker 166 on I 81N"

"Long ride to go!"

"The MD welcome center is in 146 miles. Do you think they could welcome us with some CRABCAKES?"

"We just drove past a sign for JELLYSTONE camp grounds."

"Just drove past a 'sleeping' deer on the side of the road."

"Mom...how come the deer was sleeping so close to the road? He was just laying there... :( Dad said he was just tired...Is that true?" (I think they were both losing their minds at this point!)

"Just saw a very cruel sign on the highway for a school for the deaf and blind! How r they going to see it and they can't hear someone else tell them it's there! The people in VA are very mean!" (ok, this is where they have TRULY lost their minds)

"I wanted to go to Shenandoah caverns but CJ said no! :("

"Start singing the John Denver song COUNTRY ROADS!"

"He says something about the Shenandoah River in that song!"

"Mommy, a possum was sleeping on the center white line. Dad said he spilled ketchup while he was napping and that's why he is red." (mind is gone!)

AND TODAY'S PIC

"GO TO THE LIGHT CAROL ANN! Nice fog!"

ROAD TRIP

The GREAT TWOMEY ROAD TRIP of 2008 - DAY 1

(as told through text messages and pics sent by John and Shmoops)

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TEXT MESSAGES FROM DAY ONE

"93.5 Tennessee's Mexican polka station"

"It's a red neck tour of the South!"

"YEEHAA!"

"This is just like the Griswold's!"

"If we are in Alabama r we in the same time zone yet?"

"Only 1426 miles to go!"

"We are on the Hank Williams Memorial Highway, the "LOST HIGHWAY" just a tidbit of info for you!"

"Speed limit in Alabama is 70!"

"Never seen so many PAYDAY ADVANCE companies."

"We are in hillbilly country. I can hear banjos."

"Cracker Barrel is like the McDonald's of the South."

"I saw a real working water wheel."

"I KNEW IT! (said in my best Kimmy voice)"

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PICTURES FROM DAY ONE

(Don't ask me why they sent some of these - I'm clueless myself)

The word according to John: "BECAUSE WHEN YOU TRAVEL IN ALABAMA YOU NEED COUPONS"

The pic John sent after telling me he has NO idea where Connor would have sat if Connor and I had gone instead of John. (this is the backseat of CJ's car)

In John's words..."BIG BUSINESS"

CJ's brand spankin' new Tom Tom GPS system.

This was a gift from Dayna, Brian, Charlie, Kate & Thomas.

How wonderful are they?

"The whole center of the Interstate"

CJ sent this pic to Connor so he too could see the Firework Supermarket

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DAY ONE started in Ft Walton Beach, FL

DAY ONE ended in Kingsport, TN

DAY ONE distance traveled = 650(ish) miles

Distance left to travel = 965(ish)

Time spent together = PRICELESS

(Ok, I TOTALLY added that last part for dramatic effect!)

Didn't See Me There, Did You?

As John heads out to retrieve our oldest and as our youngest slumbers peacefully with his wieners, I can't help but think that as parents, we really CAN make a difference...

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WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

A message every adult should read.

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When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

~~~
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

~~~
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

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When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in Him.

~~~
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

~~~

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

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When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

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When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

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When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

~~~
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

~~~
When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

~~~
When you thought I wasn't looking,

I looked at you and wanted to say,

"Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."

One More Day....

Tomorrow is "D-DAY" - CJ is officially discharged from the United States Air Force. Tomorrow is the day Mr. Hallisicle jets off to Florida to escort Shmoops home. Tomorrow is the day THE GREAT TWOMEY ROAD TRIP of 2008 gets underway.

Needless to say, I am a nervous Nelly. Not specifically cuz I have to drive my man to the airport and put him on a plane. Not specifically cuz my man and my first born are about to embark on a crazy ass, long lasting, extremely exhausting road trip. Not specifically cuz Shmoops is ending what should have been a six year run. And not specifically cuz Shmoops does not yet know what he will do next.

But SPECIFICALLY because IT'S ALL HAPPENING AT ONCE AND IT'S ALL HAPPENING NOW AND IT'S SCARY AND OVERWHELMING AND SOOOOOOOOOO OUT OF MY CONTROL.

And don't bother lecturing me...cuz I know it will ALL work out. And I know EVERYONE will be just fine. And I even know that it won't be long til we all look back at this period and think DAMN, that happened so long ago!

But for now, I'm nervous and I plan to be that way until my two men arrive safely back home. And then until my Shmoops figures out what comes next. And then maybe even a little longer.

I'm a Mom....that's just what I do.

Because I'm a wreck, I decided NOT to write a huge blog but instead share a few pics. These are NOT the greatest pics (as I've said before, I am NOT a photographer. If a pic is MOSTLY in focus and captures the moment/object/person I was intending to capture, I'm a happy Hallisicle!)

I came across these recent pics (all Connor related) as I was cleaning out my camera disk.

This is Diablo. Some of you have seen him before. Some of you haven't. He is a nice snakey. And by that I mean, he has never tried to bite us, he has never pooped or peed on us (snake poop is not pretty) and he's not loud (unlike a certain two barky wieners who shall remain nameless)

Diablo is an Okatee Corn Snake. Connor bought him from a breeder in Texas and paid to have him flown here and delivered via Fedex. He was as thin as a cooked spaghetti noodle when we got him and about as long as a pencil. HE. HAS. GROWN.

Diablo does not necessarily pose for pictures readily. He is constantly moving around. It took me 5 shots to get his head facing the camera. Right after I took this pic, he wiggled himself around in such a way that his tail ended up in Connor's armpit. And it tickled. :)

Connor is trying to stretch Diablo out fully to give you a true sense of his length. He was not cooperating. He is over 3 1/2 feet long - he might be closer to 4 feet but he just won't stay still for us to measure. (and no matter how much we threaten to ground him or to take away his frozen mice, he just doesn't seem to give a snake's ass!)

This is Connor trying to skim board down our street during a torrential downpour. Connor is fearless. And crazy. And sometimes acts before he thinks. But, he comes by that naturally. After all, this particularly NUTSO idea was his Dad's suggestion!

What neither of them failed to realize was that although it was pouring, there was not really enough standing water on the street to act as a cushion between the concrete and the wood board. Connor spent most of the time flying ass or tea kettle OFF the board cuz as soon as he jumped on it, the damn thing would stop dead in it's tracks! Without Connor's added weight, the board would sail down the street. With Connor's weight....NADA! (well, maybe not nada...maybe he went an inch or two) Notice how Connor did NOT bother to change out of the clothes he was wearing or the sneakers he had on his feet? You can't imagine how wet this kiddo was at the end of his little experiment!

This is Chauncey acting as a clothing rack in Connor's room. In an effort to see what I still needed to buy Connor for school clothes, we did the annual WHAT FITS, WHAT DOESN'T, WHAT GOES TO GOODWILL and WHAT NEEDS TO BE THROWN OUT ritual. Chauncey somehow ended up AS PART OF the Goodwill pile. And he never moved. No matter how many items Connor piled on him.

He would rather be covered in Connor's rejected and tossed off clothes than be banished from the room. He TRULY is a people dog.

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Please keep John and CJ in your thoughts and prayers this weekend as they make their way North. And toss Connor into your prayers while you're at it. He's going to need all the prayers you can muster to put up with his nervous Nelly mom this weekend!!

Because I Needed a Laugh...

A bunch of cartoons for your enjoyment.

Yes, they are slightly "off."

Yes, they are decidedly NOT "PC."

And yes, they are extremely twisted.

But if you don't already know my sense of humor falls under the "slightly odd duckish" category, then you haven't been reading the WWoW for long!

Enjoy!!

(If needed - "DAD"- click on each cartoon to make them bigger)

Hee, hee...he said urethal!

Totally inappropriate but damn funny!

I love you, you love me....NOT!

HIS Facebook is better than MY Facebook!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

I NEVER put my phone in my back pocket.... (wink wink)

Chicken, licken' good!

SO.VERY.WRONG.YET.LAUGHING.MY.ASS.OFF

John Wilkes Booth.... I love it!

Admit it...your mind went THERE.

I laughed at poop humor...ME!

IF I farted, I'm SURE John would feel the same way!

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And the best/worst for last!

Simply Wonderful...

Remember this blog entry? Remember when I wrote it? Seems like just yesterday but it was almost 2 months ago. And to be honest, I hadn't given it much thought since that day.

Well, I did for the first few days after writing it cuz the response was overwhelming. I heard from many people, both those I know in real life and those I only "know" through my blog. And I was touched by the reaction I received.

But no one's reaction meant more to me than my Dad's. And boy was he touched. (which was like icing on the cake) And even though I wrote that letter for me, to say the things I had always wanted to say, his opinion mattered. I knew my Dad would read it, yet it wasn't really for him. It really was meant (if only in spirit) for the donor family.

I NEEDED them to know how I felt.
I NEEDED them to hear my thanks.
I NEEDED them to know we'll never forget.

And yesterday, I got a wonderful gift. I found out through ways that yet again remind me how very, very small the world truly is, that the donor family GOT THE LETTER. That the donor family READ THE LETTER. That the donor family TRULY APPRECIATED THE LETTER.

I get chills just thinking about it.

Shortly after writing that entry, my Dad asked if I would send it to him via email. (he's not quite savvy enough to steal it from the blog!) :)

He loved it so much that he wanted (and hoped) that the donor family could see it. He decided to send it to his Transplant Coordinator at Brigham and Women's, hoping that she could get it to the family.

Well, she couldn't but she did send it on to the organization that coordinates and arranges the procurement of organs. And from there, I'm not sure what happened. Don't know if they simply shipped off the letter to the family or if they called the family and asked permission to forward it. I don't know but I suspect it might be the latter.

However it happened, IT DID HAPPEN.

And I'm floored.

And my Dad is thrilled.

And I'm not sure I've ever felt so whole.

Because now they KNOW.

MORBID MONDAY - Guess My Blister Isn't That Bad After All!

While out dancing Friday night, I got a little blister on my toe...from wearing my cute Nine West shoes...and I thought it might be infected...until I found these pics.

~~~~~

I call this montage: "PICS THAT MAKE ME REALIZE MY TINY LITTLE BLISTER IS REALLY NOT INFECTED BUT IS IN FACT SIMPLY FILLED WITH FLUID WHICH IS GOOD CUZ IF IT LOOKED LIKE ANY OF THESE I'D BE IN BIG TROUBLE"

My blister does NOT look like this.

(Who knew a pus filled neck wound could look a little bit like melted cherry cheesecake?)

My blister does NOT look like this either.

(Not sure what shoe this person was wearing but I don't think it fit)

Nope, my blister does NOT look like this in the slightest bit.

(But this one looks WAY TOO MUCH like Chicken Cordon Bleu)

NOT identical to my blister.

(But damn, if the back of my ear or the back of my well, back, EVER looks like this, I will be a very unhappy Hallisicle)

NOT my blister.

(Hope this person wasn't planning on wearing cute sandals anytime soon)

Nope, this is NOT what my blister looks like.

(This person better never point that thing at me. What if that lump of pus flies off and hits me?)

My blister does NOT look quite this bad.

(Although I'm sure if I had danced a bit longer, it would be almost the same)

And finally, my blister is NOT yet this far gone.

(But it's good to know, that if it gets this bad, maggots will save the day!)

BTW, I have NO idea what body part that is. I THINK that's a toe but who the hell knows?

Tag...You're It!

SUE over at As Cape Cod Turns (yes, the same Sue I spoke of yesterday) tagged me for this meme. I wasn't planning on blogging today but since she DID just sent me a kick ass prize pack, I thought I'd better! (Rules state I have to tag 7 more people but I think that rule sucks. And why 7? What the hell's wrong with just 6? And why do I have to tag anyone at all? Can't people just do it if they want or ignore it completely? Who the hell made up the TAG SEVEN FRIGGIN' PEOPLE FOR EVERY GOD DAMN MEME ANYWAY? What? No one wants to take credit for that? No surprise there cuz we'd ALL come and kick your butt!)

7 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME: (How original, huh? NO ONE has seen this meme before!) :)

1) I was NEVER afraid to fly and did it often. Went all over the good ol' US of A on family trips. Went to Hawaii. Went to Europe. Flew like an old pro and never gave even one second to my safety. Then something changed. Not sure when or why but it did. My best guess? Add several HORRENDOUSLY TURBULENT FLIGHTS + 1 HORRENDOUS LANDING (wing hit before the wheels) + the HORRENDOUS IMAGES OF 9/11 + SUDDENLY REALIZING THAT I'M NOT IMMORTAL and what do you get? Fear of flying!!

But to be honest, it's not flying that scares me, it's crashing. And to be more honest, it's not actually crashing that scares me, but the thought that I might KNOW from Point A (33,000 feet in the air) to Point B (really hard ground) that the plane is going to crash. I've TRIED to rationalize my fear with statistics and yeah, yeah I know, I'm more likely to get killed driving my car then flying in a plane. But at least I won't FALL 33,000 feet in a car accident! (is it weird that I ALWAYS have myself falling from 33,000 feet? Like I somehow believe planes only fall out of the sky from that height?)
And yes, before you ask, I DO still fly...just as long as my good friend Valium has a ticket too!

2) I really, really, really, REALLY like people. I am a HUGE people person and think I always have been. I want people around me as much as possible. I LOVE to socialize and gain SO MUCH strength from those around me. I pretty much require minimal alone time. But don't get me wrong...I really like myself. I just like all y'all a hell of a lot too. Plus, I have so much to talk about and want so much to hear what all y'all have to say that I just crave people! (yet I married a man who would be happy to see other people ONLY once a year. Well, most people...some he adores and is fine seeing often. And yes BK's, I'm talking about you two!)

3) I STRONGLY believe that my body should be in better shape cuz I THINK about exercising a whole lot.

4) People that eat really rare meat, freak me out like no tomorrow. Meat that basically still has a pulse should be banned. Or the people who eat it should be made to eat in separate, segregated restaurants. If you are sitting next to meet and your steak is practically bleeding, don't get pissed if I hurl all over it. And you.

5) Sometimes, when I can't sleep (and John can), I lie in bed next to him intensely sending him telepathic messages to WAKE UP. And I believe that someday, this will work.

6) I think Walmart should have a roped off section for stadium seating, so that those of us that want to, can sit and watch the freaks interesting customers go by. I wouldn't even be mad if Walmart charged a small fee to enter this area. The show would be more than worth it.

7) I despise drinking water. And if I MUST, (which is rare cuz my beloved Diet Coke is available most everywhere) it better be NUMBINGLY cold. So cold that it almost hurts your teeth. If it's not, I'd rather be thirsty.

Good News and Bad News

The bad news first.

THE IGUANA is dead.

Yep, hard as it is for me to admit, the bar where BK and I shook our moneymaker danced like classy ladies, has closed it's doors for good. We discovered this travesty injustice last night when we went looking to get down with our bad selves have a quiet and reserved evening in the Old Port.

Our days of dancing on the bar top sitting quietly on the sidelines watching the ladies embarrass themselves are over.

A moment of silence please....

MY BELOVED IQUANA, I will miss you deeply and forever hold you near and dear to my heart. :(

BUT, BUT, BUT, my night VASTLY improved when we got home (at 1AM) to find a box waiting for me. And what a box it was! That sucker was filled with the most amazing "straight from Cape Cod" gifts I have EVER seen!

I won a contest last weekish over at SUE'S blog. AS CAPE COD TURNS is one cool blog. I mentioned Sue (and her blog) a few blogs ago. I found her out of the blue and then quickly discovered that I grew up summering only a few beach houses away from her. My bro even dated her sis!!

I fell in love with Sue (and her blog) right away cuz how often to do randomly "find" and "meet" someone in bloggyland that you SORT OF/KIND OF already know!

I entered Sue's contest and (I think) won second prize. I can NOT imagine what first prize was cuz my second prize rocks!!

My prize included a cool set of Adirondack chair coasters, a lobster notepad with a bracelet around it, an Ocean's edge scented sachet (heavenly!), an awesome ceramic dish shaped like a lobster, 2 (not 1 but 2) GORGEOUS matted photos that Sue took and cocktail napkins. But not just any cocktail napkins! Cocktail napkins that have a pic of a wiener dog standing by the water's edge with the saying, "Once that wiener hits the pool it's gonna shrink up to nothin'."

Sue included a note that said when she saw the napkins, she HAD to get them for me!! How awesome is that? And how awesome is Sue?

I haven't stop smiling since I opened the box, Sue!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!

Now if The Iguana would just re-open......

It's Official

Shmoops will be discharged from the United States Air Force on 8/8. We got the news yesterday...thankfully. This waiting has been RATHER DIFFICULT. Can't say we're happy cuz obviously this is NOT how it was supposed to go down but we are relieved that we now know. And I think CJ is too. I can't imagine how hard it's been for him to know that the end is near but not know when it's coming.

John, the world's greatest dad, will fly to Florida that day so that CJ will have a driving buddy as he winds his way home. CJ bought a car while stationed in Florida and now needs to get it to Maine. So two-thirds of the Twomey men are heading north on their very first major road trip. John is really looking forward to it - not the long drive but the chance to spend time with his oldest son. CJ has grown so much in the last year, so much so that we both truly enjoy hanging out with him. Although I wish I could click my heels together and make their 26 hour drive fly by in a heartbeat, I do think they will both walk away from this experience having gained a lot. Well, that or determined to NEVER DRIVE A CAR FOR 26 HOURS EVER AGAIN!! :)

My brain is all over the road trying to deal with what is and with what will be. I feel scatterbrained and discombobulated (is that the freakin' greatest word or what?) and anxious. I'm sure my brain will slow to a dull roar once both my weary travelers are back home safe and sound. And when Shmoops figures out what path he'll take next.

Until then, I'm just trying to coast along and breathe occasionally. And attach myself like Super Glue to interesting stories, facts and nuggets of info (gross or otherwise) to share with y'all. And to keep my mind busy and free of worry.

And that's how I've come to share this stuff with y'all:

YET ANOTHER REASON WHY I WANT TO BE CREMATED

I KNOW I SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR HIM BUT...

HOLY SHIT BATMAN! ON A BUS?

Remember sweet little 16 year old Molly Ringwold from 16 Candles?

Who the hell gave her permission to grow old(er)? Seriously, where's the girl we all wanted to be? The girl who kissed MY BOYFRIEND/MAN I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED (sorry John)/BOY WHO STOLE MY HEART AND NEVER GAVE IT BACK/HOTTEST PREP IN A NON-EXISTENT HIGH SCHOOL THAT I KNEW WASN'T REAL BUT COULDN'T STOP OBSESSING OVER CUZ I MIGHT GET TO MEET HIM? The girl who STOLE MY JAKE RYAN?

MY MAN.

MY LOVE.

SIGH.....

LE SIGH AGAIN.....

And speaking of women who have grown older (and maybe wider?)

What the hell happened to Donna Summer?

Actually, it's not her size that kept me coming back to this pic. It's the PURPLE DINOSAUR THAT EXPLODED ALL OVER HER dress that is friggin' awful!

Damn!!! Ms. Summer ought to shoot her stylist!

(BTW, in the interest of fair and accurate blogging, I TRIED to find a recent pic of my beloved Jake Ryan. Ok, his name is really Michael Schoeffling but he'll always be Jake Ryan to me. He apparently runs his own furniture making business in Pennsylvania and has managed to avoid cameras. BECAUSE I could NOT locate a current pic, he will forever remain in my mind as he looked in 1984. Which is A-OK with me! But if someone can find him and snap a pic for me, I'd dedicate an ENTIRE blog to you!)

***Happy Birthday Mom! Hope your day is everything you want it to be! Love you!(And might I add, you look smokin' for a gal of your advanced age!) :)

Alright Already!

Jeez Louise people!! All y'all are tough! No, yesterday's blog was not ANOTHER MORBID MONDAY BLOG SECRETLY SLIPPED INTO A WEDNESDAY BLOG. It was simply an informative and educational entry filled with interesting nuggets...nuggets I felt y'all needed to know. And yes, some were grosser than others but MORBID? I think not!!

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I was merely trying to educate my masses (I LOVE typing that...it makes it seem like I have ONE MILLION READERS! Cue Austin Powers.) And educate I must. I feel that it's my job to send you away having learned at least one new piece of info. Granted, some days that new piece of info is only what's new with the Twomey family but it's still learning!

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Speaking of the Twomey family....

How are we, you ask? (ok, you didn't ask but I'm telling you anyway)

John started physical therapy yesterday to TRY, TRY, TRY to strengthen his abdominal muscles. Due to a few minor (or three) surgeries in the last 18 months, Mr. Hallisicle's body is not doing so hot in the strength field. He already has 8 screws and 4 rods fused together in his lower back which have started to bother him cuz his "abbies" (abdominal muscles for those scratching your head) aren't pulling their equal load. Basically, the poor guy hurts coming or going. The PT will HOPEFULLY give him relief in at least ONE area of his body.

CJ? Still no word on when he gets to come home. Basically, it's just hurry up and wait. And still no set plan for WHAT COMES NEXT for our first born. He has several options and is weighing them as I type.

(At least he better be! Love you Shmoops.)

Connor is enjoying summer like nobody's business. Man, I wish I had his life. Sleeps until mid morning surrounded by 2 warm wieners (not those kind), eats something (maybe - he eats very little overall), plays video games, skateboards, bike rides, hangs with his friends and then sleeps some more. Seriously, he is a kid that really enjoys his down time. Can't wait to remind him that school starts in only 29 days!

(August 28th is coming!)

Fennybell is totally better. My wiener is healed. My wiener is happy. My wiener is cone free. And my other wiener? Sir Chomps-A-Lot? His days mirror Connor's, minus the video games (insert testicle licking - although he doesn't have balls anymore so it's more like "area formerly known as testicles"). He and Fen bark at everything in and around their yard and beg for treats as much as they can. Tough doggy life, huh?

Ahhhhh...to be a Connor or a Fenway or a Chauncey!
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Atkins is still rearing it's ugly head in our house....4 weeks and counting. I have plateaued at 8 pounds while John continues to lose at 11. (Must NOT get discouraged - I WILL lose more!) We've really only cheated once and I blame that completely on Blender Kimmy. SHE made me eat pizza (but it was on whole wheat crust and she didn't actually force me - we brought it!) and SHE had the nerve to have FLIPZ in her refrigerator (if she hadn't had them, I couldn't have eaten them) So, I blame her ENTIRELY. (But I did kick her ass at Trivial Pursuit that night so all is good! Ok, Mr. BK MAY have done most of the ass kicking but I was on his team which means I won! Ok, WE won...but same difference!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What else....what else....

Oh, I got a cool award from a blogger that I just discovered recently. AND IT'S A HIM! A REAL LIFE, HONEST TO GOODNESS MALE BLOGGER (they're an elusive creature) He's really cool and has a crap load of kick ass life advice to share (he's a life coach) His info is always informative which is why I'm drawn to his blog. (see people, I TOO like to learn. Of course, HIS informative stuff is not nearly as interesting as MY informative stuff!) Just kidding....(his just isn't gross and is way low on the shock value meter!)

Head on over and say howdy to BRUNO. But y'all better damn well NOT get too sucked into his cool blog and not come back to learn interesting stuff here at the WWoW! You've been warned!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two last things....

(Aren't I a Chatty Cathy today!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am new to FACEBOOK and totally unsure yet as to why people use it. Since I am a newbie and unversed as to the ins and outs of this service, I tried valiantly to bumble my way around. I actually managed to get linked (or connected or whatever the hell it's called) to a few friends. (even my brother and his wife...I'm soooo cool!) But I also managed to have a lengthy conversation with a guy that I THOUGHT was my little brother (ok, I don't really have a little brother but JH has been in my life since I was knee high to a PRADA bag so he FEELS like my bro) Turns out, it was NOT my little bro but his biological father. And the kicker? I basically reamed my "little brother" a new one for listing his status as SINGLE when I know (and really like) his better half!! How effed up is that? Lesson learned! (I, of course, blamed JH anyway - after all, he and his bio dad have the same freakin' name)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And becasue you NEED to know...

Christmas is only 146 shopping days away. Figured y'all might want to get started and beat the rush!! (Plus, y'all might find an EARLY, EARLY, EARLY BIRD SALE on PRADA for a certain favorite blogger)

I'm just sayin'....

THE EDUCATION NEVER STOPS! :)

Ever have a craving for a peanut butter sandwich? One pound of peanut butter can typically contain up to 150 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs.

(SO THAT EXPLAINS WHY IT'S CRUNCHY!)

It's summer time, and that means the pools are open! If you swim one hour in a public pool you will intake 1/12 liters of urine.

(DRINK UP! AND YOU WONDER WHY I AVOID SWIMMING?)

Think you've got it bad when you vomit? The longest recorded projectile

vomiting is 27 feet.

(CLEAN UP!...AISLE 8...AND 9....AND 10!)

We all like a man who gives a nice firm hand shake. However, you might want to think twice before returning the firm grip. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently "serviced themselves" and did not wash their hands.

(THIS MIGHT JUST BE THE NASTIEST THING I'VE EVER POSTED. AND YOU KNOW I'VE POSTED SOME NASTY CRAP!)

Through contact with door knobs, counter tops and other daily objects your hand will come in contact with 15 penises a day.

(AND TO THINK...I BARELY EVEN KNOW THEM!)

Having work done to your house? Research has shown that in a lifetime, you will have had 22 workmen examine the dirty contents of your linen basket.

(I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF THEY LOOK IN THE BASKET JUST AS LONG AS THEY TOSS A LOAD INTO THE MACHINE!)

Next time you lean in for a kiss, remember that the nose drips into the back of the mouth. You just might get mucus mixed with saliva when swapping that spit! (MMMM, MMMM GOOD!)

An elephant can poop a 7-gallon pile.

(AND I CAN BARELY POOP. GO FIGURE)

Termites have the smelliest farts. These creatures farts are believed to be a major contributor towards global warming.

(SAYS WHO? AND HOW MUCH OF OUR TAX DOLLARS WENT TO RESEARCH THIS EARTH SHATTERING TIDBIT?)

Almost all humans have pin worms in their colons. (thrilled, aren't you?) Wanna know how you can tell if you're blessed with a high number of these adorable parasites? Just have someone gently touch around your anal area with Scotch Tape while you sleep! Cuz nighttime is the right time for these wild worms! The worms will stick to the tape and you should be able to see them.

(AND NO, I WILL NOT ASSIST YOU IN THIS ENDEAVOR. I AM MERELY HERE TO EDUCATE. AND BTW...IF YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE TO "MAN THE SCOTCH TAPE, HE/SHE IS DEFINITELY A KEEPER!)

Who's Your Daddy?

Some of you may have already seen this...
Some of you may already know this info....
Some of you may not care....

But when your Dad sends you an email with the words

"HALLIE, WHO ELSE WOULD I THINK OF WHEN I READ THIS? LOVE DAD" ...

wouldn't you blog about it too?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe this is why we like to drink wine...........

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine . . . and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli)...the bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. (that's over 2 pounds).

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop
Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit .

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service .

Is my Dad the best or what? :)

***I'd like to think he thought of me because I'm a wine drinker. But I'm not, so that can't be why. I suspect it's really because I'm both fecal particle phobic AND intent on constantly educating the masses. He just KNEW I'd be bustin' at the seams to share this with y'all!

MORBID MONDAY....Want a Bite?

To haggis or not to haggis, that is the question. (NOT!)

And just WHY doesn't McDonald's sell an

Egg Mc-Blood-Sausage?

Screw the pork rinds, I'm gettin' me some fried legs!

I like lizard soup as much as the next person but these guys sure look like they'd make better Frisbees than soup!

This is certainly NOT the grossest food item I have listed today but I just couldn't leave it out. It tastes like bread, carrots and milk? Are they freakin' serious?

Nestle's newest creation?

Filipinos actually eat duck fetus as an aphrodisiac. Yep, nothing makes a gal hornier than watching her guy suck a duck out of the shell RAW(and yes, they even eat the partially formed bill!)

Water chestnuts....water bugs....probably all tastes the same stir fried with soy sauce.

It's not a holiday at the Twomey house until someone breaks out the fried fungus!

It's not shiskebab, it's shiske-BUG!

Just imagine these babies sliding down your throat. (but kudos to the person who skewered these suckers - that's talent!)

Cream of beetle soup...and we New Englanders think our chowda' is good!

As if eating fried bat isn't bad enough....do they need to grin menacingly at us?

Do I Have a One Track Mind?

A cat with REALLY good taste.

Even the bottle's sexy...

We really DO have a beautiful relationship.

Drinking Diet Coke is as close to space travel as I ever want to be.

Don't know what this is but I NEED ONE!

I MUST FIND THIS POSTER.


John, go ahead and book that trip to Dubai....they have Diet Coke!


My wildest dream come true.

I can't PROVE this was me as a baby, but I suspect it was.
Diet Coke and Bacon is one thing but DC and shrimp?

The greatest billboard I've ever seen.

I've asked work to install one of these on my office wall.

Why would someone feel the need to state the obvious?

And it's even GOOD for me!

Ok, so maybe it's not!

Hallelujah and Amen.

Karma's A Bitch...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and 20 suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of spring-water.

When she finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of each curtain rod in the house.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days. In the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

NOTHING WORKED!!! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

Stupid Me...

THOUGHT I could get away WITHOUT posting today (since I posted TWICE yesterday) but Kim-D informed me otherwise.

~~~

This little bastard (rat bastard if you will) haunts my dreams. If I even see TWO seconds of his ugly mug on TV, I will have nightmares for weeks. Seriously, I have been traumatized since my early teens when watching CHUCKY movies were all the rage.

This evil guy is what haunts Connor's dreams. Well maybe not haunts but he definitely don't like Old Mr. Clowny Face! When I asked him to tell me one specific character from a movie or TV show that freaks him out the most, he IMMEDIATELY said the "IT" clown. And I couldn't agree with him more! Stephen King sure knows how to suck the fun out of Bozo!

And then we have what makes John shake in his shoes. And no, I'm not shittin' you. He TOTALLY does not like the Snuggle Bear. He TOTALLY does not want to see the Snuggle Bear. He's TOTALLY afraid this thing will come to life and attack him in his sleep. I know, I don't get it either.

So, to recap:

SCARES THE BEJESUS OUT OF HALLIE

SCARES THE BEJESUS OUT OF CONNOR

SCARES THE BEJESUS OUT OF JOHN

Can you say WTF? :)

For the Couple That's Hard to Buy For

(EXTRA ENTRY FOR TODAY. TOO EXCITED TO WAIT TIL TOMORROW!)

~~~

Decided to get a jump start on my Christmas shopping for

Blender Kimmy and Mr. Blender Kimmy.

~~~

Figured I'd get them something "beachy" since they like to travel so much!

~~~

Managed to whittle the selection down to four but couldn't decide.

~~~

What do you think?

~~~

Which one for BK?

#1

#2

#3

#4

Which one for Mr. BK?

#1

#2

#3

#4

I'm leaning toward #1 for her (body type MOST resembles Kimmy's although she could SOOOO pull off #3) and #4 for him (Mr. BK has a smokin' tush and he could SOOOO pull off the Spider Man look!)

No need to thank me Kimmy....that's why I'm your BFF!

Atkins Has Me Thinking....

Since I've been drinking a shit load of this

And eating a crap load of that

Wouldn't it be easier if I just combined the two?

Hallisicle's Not Happy Folks....

When I started this blog, I swore I would NEVER respond directly to an irate commenter. I actually made a decision early on to leave ANY/ALL comments left for me as is UNLESS the comment directly attacked someone that I care for. My feeling was and still is that I open myself up to all y’all on a daily basis therefore all y’all have the right to say what you want.

I’ve never felt the need to respond to ANY of the 100’s of comments that have been left for me…until now. Hell, I haven’t even been tempted to delete a single comment (except when y’all hit enter twice and post the same comment more than once!)

But today I need to talk about a comment that was recently left for me from a person that does not have a blog. Nor has she emailed me directly so I can’t respond in that way. Nor do I want to respond ONLY below the comments she has left for me as her original comment has already caused other commenter's to defend there responses.

So publicly speaking to her is the only way to address the issue.

The initial comment came the day after I announced that CJ was being prematurely discharged from the Air Force. Ironically, the comment came from a mom that found my blog through the support group I belong to for Air Force Mom’s and Dad’s. Even more ironically, the beginning of the comment praises me for how much this Mom has gained from reading my blog.

AFmom121 said...
I've been reading your blog, because I found it comforting to know that another Air Force Mom was going through some of the familiar feelings I have. my son is in the Air Force. I spent a very lonely night reading your blog while missing him. I know you didn't post all the details as to what has happened, as maybe you feel they are too personal. But I wish you would, so that other Air Force Mom's. like me, could understand. Now I fear for my son even more. And some of the people who have written on your blog are saying hurtful things about the Air Force, and some of our sons are serving proudly. To hear people being called Rat Bastards when lives are on the live is disheartening.....

When I first read this comment, I had intended to write a quick comment explaining that I am 100% certain that people were in NO WAY insulting the Air Force directly when leaving comments for my family that day. I believed then, as I do today, that their frustrated comments and use of labels like “rat bastards” were only meant to express how disheartened they were to hear that CJ’s plans had been so abruptly shattered. I also STRONGLY believe that their comments were meant to show CJ (and my entire family) that all of these wonderful people have come to love my son through my blog and truly feel that the Air Force was making a big mistake in letting him go.

At no time did I EVER feel that the comments were IN ANY WAY diminishing the level of respect each of my commenter's continue to feel for ANY person serving in the military. I’ve come to know MANY of these bloggers and know that no one would ever belittle a person who is serving our country proudly. As a matter of fact, through my blog, I have discovered 100’s of people who have expressed their undying gratitude to my son and ALL service personnel for the amazing job they do.

One of my most favorite bloggers even touched on this in a comment that she left below AFmom121’s comment.

Debra W said...
AFMom121,I understand how your feelings could have been hurt by the "rat bastard" comment, but I don't think it was meant in the spirit that you took it in. God bless your son for serving our country, and thank you for the sacrifice which your family has made! Your son deserves nothing but praise and admiration.

Again, I never really planned to talk about this but another comment was left from AFmom121 .

She left this comment on another entry that I wrote - she obviously assumed I had deleted her first comment (which I didn’t - it’s still there on the 7/17 blog) - she in fact, left this second comment on an entry dated PRIOR to her first comment (which is why, I assume, she could not find her original comment) This second comment was left on the 7/16 blog entry.

AFmom121 said...
I noticed you deleted my post. I understand. But I think its unfair to only give partial truths. More unfair that people are getting half a story and they are basing there opinions on what you are telling them. Our sons are serving in the military FOR US! Not to be called rat bastards.

After finding this second comment and having no way to contact this person directly, I decided I needed to say something publicly.

AFmom121, I am very HAPPY that you gained some strength from my blog originally. I have had MANY military mom’s express that same sentiment. Although I never intended this blog to help anyone BUT ME, I am tickled that it has brought comfort to other parents and families going through what we went through. I am however, saddened, that you feel that your child (and in effect all other Air Force men and women) have been misaligned either through my comments or the comments of my readers.

I have shared ALL of the pertinent details regarding CJ’s unfortunate ending with the Air Force. I have not hidden anything nor am I only partially telling the story. CJ’s outcome is the direct result of a shitty set of circumstances which I NEVER suggested would or could happen to other Airmen. I merely stated what happened to my son as that’s the only information I have. I have since found that CJ’s situation is not unique - the Air Force IS engaging in Force Shaping and are letting Airmen go that would NOT have been discharged in years past. I’ve even heard directly from several AF families about their own negative experiences with the AF. And yes, some of these people commented about their own situations and yes, wrote how crappy the AF has been to their family member.

But even still, these negative comments were left for a reason - to show CJ that he is NOT alone and that others have survived the same type of unexpected change...not to bash the Air Force or anyone serving within it's fold.

Even now, as we wait with heavy hearts to find out when CJ will officially be discharged, my opinion of EACH AND EVERY PERSON CURRENTLY SERVING IN THE MILITARY has not changed. I am awed by their service, wowed by their intensity and humbled by their courage. I even still respect the United States Air Force and believe in their mission to support and defend our great country.

I just happen to think they ROYALLY F-ED UP in letting go of my son.

Things I Hope I NEVER Have...

Rotted teeth.

(makes having a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth seem pretty damn minor)

Bulging eyeballs.

(if this ever happens to me, I give y'all permission to put a bag over my head)

Head lice.

(I KNOW getting lice does NOT mean you're dirty but I'd still freak the ^&*% out!)

A carbuncle/boil.

(It not only looks painful but it also reminds me TOO much of Chicken Cordon Pus)

Gangrene of the foot.

(I'm pretty sure NO AMOUNT of cute nail polish will make this look ANY better)

Facial hair.

(although I think facial hair may be THE LEAST of this ladies issues)

A pacman tattoo on my ass.

(Sure, this game looks fun to play NOW, but just think how hard it's gonna be for Pacman to find his way when this person turns 89 and has seriously saggy ass cheeks!)

Saturday Salutations

Very quick Saturday update...

Had an absolute fantastic time last night hanging with Blender Kimmy, Mr. Blender Kimmy, Bk's sister Leah and her studly husband. It was exactly what I needed after the week from hell. Got home at midnight and slept til 11:00 this morning!! (we needed all that sleep just to recover!)

(Sorry Kim-D for bugging you all night with text messaging and pics - we just wished you were there!! Bet you have some good blackmail pics now!!)

Am co-hosting my friend's 40th bday party today (actually it's a Happy 90th party as our other friend is turning 50 so we combined the two!) at 3 which is something else I've been looking forward to. Although the weather doesn't look like it's cooperating, we should still have a great time.

HAD TO, HAD TO, HAD TO share these pics of my niece Sarah experiencing the beach for the first time.

Doesn't appear that she LOVED the water!!

Maxing and relaxing with her Daddy. (my brother Dave)

Fenway is doing great. She gets her stitches out and the cone OFF on Tuesday. :)

Still Atkins-ing with a vengeance. Day 13 - I've lost 9 pounds, John has lost 10 pounds. Still craving ANYTHING bready or sweet but not craving them quite as often!

And since pigs are OBVIOUSLY flying, Shmoops updated his blog. CHECK IT OUT!

Biopsy Blues

****UPDATE****
My wiener girl is fine!!!! :)

Over a month ago, I read a story that I can NOT get out of my head. I've tried repeatedly to forget it ever existed but it keeps creeping back into my brain matter when I least expect it.

It haunts me. It depresses me. And it breaks my heart.

I had planned to talk about it when I first read it, but I think I subconsciously felt that by ignoring it, I could pretend it didn't happen. But that didn't work. So I'm sharing it with all y'all today.

I do so today, of all days, cuz today, we find out the results of Fenway's biopsy. Which is why I have dogs on the brain and why I can't stop thinking about this story.

The Vet left a message on our answer machine yesterday asking us to call her so we can "discuss" the results. At NO POINT did she say something like "Hi John and Hallie, got Fenway's results back and everything looks fine. Give me a call tomorrow so I can answer any questions you have." At NO POINT did she sound like the results are "no big deal."

And it's not just me that thought the message was ominous. John, the ever calm Rock of Gibraltar, also thought the message wasn't all that great. Which makes me shake in my shoes.

So now I'm worried cuz at NO POINT did I think her biopsy would come back with bad results. AND I AM NOT FRIGGIN PREPARED TO HANDLE BAD NEWS ABOUT MY FENNYBELL. NOT NOW. PROBABLY NOT EVER. BUT DEFINITELY NOT AFTER THIS WEEK AND ALL THAT WE'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH.

So, take a minute and read this story and send a little thought up to doggy heaven in memory of this poor pup. And while you're at it, feel free to float up a quick doggy prayer for my little wiener girl.

SAD STORY

(Chauncey acting all gangsta so you can't tell he's worried about his big sis)

First Comes Denial, Then Comes Anger...

Still sad but more mad. Guess that means I am officially in the second stage of grief. Not mad that he's coming home. Not mad that he will have to find something new. Not even mad that life threw him a curve ball.

Nope, I'm not mad about any of that. Today I'm MOM MAD. MOM MAD means I'm ticked off that my kiddo ACED his training in Washington (training that included some real sweet torture) yet the Air Force is sending him home. MOM MAD means I'm pissed that he worked his ass off for 1 year, yet the Air Force is sending him home. MOM MAD means I'm disgusted that they invested TONS of money on his training, yet they are sending him home.

MOM MAD simply means I'm mad. And that I'm not yet able to completely buy into "this happened for a reason" or "door closes, window opens" theories. I'm sure I'll get there someday but for certain, IT AIN'T GONNA BE TODAY!

Your comments to CJ have been amazing and I simply can't thank all y'all enough. It's awesome to read your words of encouragement and praise and to know that they are heartfelt. I'm absolutely positive that your thoughts are helping him through this chaotic time.

Don't have any new info re: the actual process of coming home. I suspect with each passing day we will learn more. For now, he's just doing his job and waiting for what comes next.

(waiting sucks big time, btw)

Found this online...might just order it up and pop it in my belly button. It certainly fits my mood. (And yes, before you ask, I DO have my button pierced!)

Wednesday Entry #2 - CJ Update

CJ will be coming home for good in approx. 3 weeks. At that point, he will no longer be a member of the United States Air Force.

Although I haven't spoken much about it, the last 2 months have been a period of huge change for CJ. The assignment he initially went to Florida to pursue did not work out leaving him "in limbo" for the last few weeks. He applied for, but did not receive, a new assignment. The reason? Money. The Air Force's current budget does not allow for retraining opportunities as readily as it has in the past.

As I'm sure you can imagine, we are all a bit shell shocked and are very unsure what comes next for CJ. But we do know one thing....we are damn proud of our son and his accomplishments and believe that he gained tremendously from this experience.

What should have been a 6 year journey has abruptly ended after only 1. It will take time for Shmoops to regroup and find his feet but we know he will.

My heart is intensely heavy for my son today as I know he has many decisions ahead of him, some more difficult than others.

I'm sure he'll be ok, but for now we grieve for what won't be. As a very wise friend reminded me last night, "This may not have been CJ's plan but it might have been God's plan for CJ." I really hope she's right.

Please keep CJ in your thoughts and prayers as he embarks on a new (and very uncertain) journey.

Silly Stuff To Start the Day....More To Come Later...

We did get news about CJ yesterday but still need a few details before I give a full update. Will post a second entry later today so come back if you're interested.

In the meantime, enjoy the following tidbits of info that I found extraordinarily interesting. ( I assume you will too! Plus you'll get educated which is part of my mission statement here at WWoW!)

*A ducks' quack doesn't echo. NO WONDER I CAN'T FIND REUBEN!!

*On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. CHOKE. TO. DEATH. On a pen. What a freakin' embarrassing way to go.

*On average, people fear spiders more than they do death. WELL, DUH!!!

*Thirty five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. Well, sure I can meet you for coffee on Thursday. Let me just check with my wife...

*Elephants can not jump. But can apparently play a mean ass game of b-ball!

*You can lead a cow UP stairs, but not DOWN stairs. Handy if you want to eat cereal in bed and don't have a mini fridge in your bedroom!

*A snail can sleep for 3 years. And I can't find time to take a friggin' 5 minute nap!

*A crocodile can not stick it's tongue out. It's a bad thing that the poor croc can't give us a spit filled raspberry?

Things I Think You Need to Know....

If you're ever in Portland, Maine, take the time to walk the 3 1/2 mile trail around Back Cove. It's beautiful and relaxing and refreshing and smells just the right amount of oceany to make you smile. Of course, if you spontaneously decide to walk this 3 1/2 mile trail in flip flops (as Mr. Hallisicle and I did) DON'T be surprised when your piggy toes hurt a WEE BIT the next day.

Oh, and don't be at all embarrassed when the elderly walkers on the trail blow by you. After all they were wearing sneakers which OBVIOUSLY gave them an unfair advantage!

Got this adorable pic from Cindy in an email yesterday and couldn't stop laughing. She said she saw it and thought of my beloved (and currently cone headed) wiener dog!

Cindy also wrote me a quick little note thanking me for letting all y'all glimpse my life through this blog. What a nice thing to say! But honestly, Cindy, it's me that should be thanking you guys for coming back each day and reading my itty bitty wiener blog. (even on the days I post ass roid' pics - although I still contend that that pic was necessary for educational purposes!)

Still no news from Shmoops as to what happens next (and again, I promise to explain it all as soon as we know what IS actually happening) but I will say that today he sounded happy for the first time in a few weeks. He even sent his dad a text saying that he actually felt relaxed. That's a big thing considering how much stress he's been under recently. Please continue to bombard him with good thoughts (and if you haven't done so yet, what the hell are you waiting for?) :)

(UPDATE: CJ was told that today MAY be THE day he gets the news he's been waiting to hear. I'm on pins and needles and praying my butt off)

***Btw, Ness's whole family could use a few good thoughts and well wishes. No one is dying (well, besides a poor fish that Roger may or may not have had something to do with) but they are dealing with an ass load of drama right now. Hop on over and leave her a quick comment if you get a chance. I'm sure she'd appreciate it! And don't forget to tell her I sent you so I get extra Brownie points toward my I'M A GOOD FRIEND badge!)

I DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' DOCTOR!!!!!

Nope, I don't. I have decided since my phantom pain is NOT going away (and I've had tons of tests INCLUDING surgery with no results) to diagnosis myself. And I think I have.

Well, I've whittled the possibilities down to three. Three things that could be causing me this "phantom yet excruciating" pain. Not exactly sure which one it is but I'm ready to bet money on any of them.

OPTION #1

A badass parasite with MEGA HUGE teeth.

Scary, isn't he? (one has to assume this parasite is male) Can you just imagine this sucker gnawing away on my innards? I bet the reason I hurt so much yesterday is cuz he's SOME PISSED that I cut out carbs. Cuz this son of a bitch probably loves himself some carbs!! This could DEFINITELY be what ails me.

Apparently, these nasty buggers are quite stealthy. And are masters of the art of hide and seek. He probably hid right when the surgeon looked left. And then hid left when the surgeon looked right. He's probably still wrapped around my innards, occasionally snacking on my left ovary like he's Adam and my ovary is one juicy apple!

OPTION #2

Surgical gauze left inside me from my hysterectomy many moons ago.

This seems like a very viable possibility. The news is FULL of stories where patients hurt for eons only to find out later that their dumb ass surgeon left some gauze or a pair of scissors or a single latex glove or a Junior Mint (sorry, Seinfeld moment!!) inside of them.

Apparently, your body goes into an eternal state of battle against any foreign object. Your body decides that it must DESTROY said object and forms a GINORMOUS growth around it. Then you start to suffer debilitating pain not only from the original crap left behind but also from the freakishly large growth invading your limited inner space.

Let me tell you....I am going to hunt down my OB/GYN (who was also a surgeon) and kick his curly headed ass if, after I die, during my autopsy, someone discovers a wad of nasty old gauze!! Seriously, I will. Ok, I'll be dead but I promise I'll haunt the SOB and his casual method of counting gauze pads forever....from beyond!

OPTION #3

A giant "as yet undetectable" tumor filled with the hair and teeth of my twin.

That I absorbed in utero. Cuz I'm selfish and didn't want to compete for attention.

Apparently, these tumors filled with what would have been your sibling are found COMMONLY inside growths causing unexplained pain. Really....Google it, I'm not joking. Teeth and hair. Inside your body. Where teeth and hair don't belong. Just hanging out and festering for 20-30+ years. No wonder I hurt!! Do you have a shit load of sympathy for me?

"Hi, my name is Hallie and I have either a worm chewing away my innards, gauze rotting inside me from over 10 years ago or my very own twin trying to regrow in and around my ovary cuz it thinks it's time IT got some attention!"

"Hi, Hallie!"

(Wonder what kind of support group I can find to help me with this?)

Short but sweet.....(aka too tired to type)

Quick update today cuz it literally seems like too much work to type. Atkins has sapped me of ANY energy I have. My plan is to type this, drink the tea that my husband is downstairs making me right now and then go sunbathe in the backyard with my cone headed sun worshipping wiener.

Just wanted to let you know that we still don't know what's happening with Shmoops (he promised to call when he hears so I'm trying hard no to bug him), Fenway is doing pretty good (the liquid pain meds seem to REALLY help) and we had a fantastic time last night with BK and Mr. BK (when don't we?). Seriously, it was the best night I've had in awhile. We laughed and ate and laughed and drank and danced and laughed and sang and laughed and played Rock Band on Wii and laughed and just basically acted like goof balls.

BK and Mr. BK are amazing. We love them and their kiddos and ALWAYS have an amazing time. We act very much like 4 brothers and sisters....annoying the crap out of each other and not afraid to wrestle over the DAMN TV REMOTE while at the same time bringing out the absolute best in each other's personalities. It's a good thing that Mr. BK and I get along so incredibly well cuz Kimmy and Mr. Hallisicle are like twins separated at birth. They are literally like the same person, just a male and female version. They both like the exact same things. Seriously...if she likes it, you can almost ASSUME he will! :) Our awesome relationship with each other and the fact that we can just be ourselves, makes for such fun!

Hope all y'all have a Blender Kimmy and Mr. Blender Kimmy in your life!

One last thing before I go. This video simply amazes me. I can't stop watching it.



Don't forget to turn off my song list and for goodness sake, WATCH THE WHOLE DAMN VIDEO!!

I double dog dare you NOT to smile!!

Random Is, As Random Does.....

Fenway is home. And is stoned out of her ever lovin' wiener mind.

This is a wiener. This is a wiener on drugs. Not a pretty sight.

And she's going to look like this for the next 10-14 days. She actually has to wear that medieval torture collar for the ENTIRE 2 week period. Cuz she has stitches. In her eyelid. Several of them.

And she's miserable. For all of the following reasons: Cuz she keeps bumping into walls. And her brother keeps trying to lick her eyeball. (Chauncey not Connor) And she can't get comfortable. And when she hops off our back porch, the collar hits the grass before she does. And she can't reach the water bowl. And she can NOT manage to get that bulbous plastic shield inside her cozy cave.

I am actually staying home from work tomorrow to keep an eye on her. And her stitches. (which are purple and very ladylike if you ask me) And to dope her up with pain meds. And to offer her water (through a straw maybe?) to prevent her from dehydrating.

I think it's going to be a LONG 2 weeks. :(

(btw...how come all y'all that told me your pup had this done failed to mention that it would cost $500.00?) UGH
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Atkins is still kicking my butt. In a big way. But since I lost 5 pounds in 4 days (John has lost 7!) my misery is worth it. I'm still hungry ALL THE TIME but knowing it's working, gives me hope. And for those that asked, yes, we have done Atkins once before and know ALL about the side effects. The bad breath was never an issue for us but shear and utter exhaustion was. (and is) I feel like I am 100% drained of any energy. Makes walking up a flight of stairs seem like scaling Mt. Everest. And yes I know that most gain the weight back, but it took us almost 2 1/2 years to do that last time, so I consider it a success.

If someone would just develop a way to make a Snickers bar contain ZERO carbs, I'd really appreciate it!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heading to Blender Kimmy's and Mr. Blender Kimmy's house tonight for a little fun and frivolity. BK truly rocks as a BFF. She not only asked us over and offered to cook dinner, but she bought only stuff we can eat!! T-bone steaks ( I told her to skip the fork and knife - John and I will just use our hands!!), Havarti cheese (my all time freakin cheese!), lettuce and cukes (with 1 carb salad dressing) and Diet Coke & rum (a lo-carb dieter's wet dream!) Does she rock or what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BK may rock but her sister Leah is on my shit list. Wanna know why? Little Miss Leah, a woman I previously adored, felt it necessary to send me the following pic.

Yep, that's right, Leah sent me a pic of MEATLOAF CORDON PUS!!! Can you friggin' believe it? Not only am I terrified of CHICKEN CORDON PUS, but now she has ruined meatloaf for me! She is in a dog house SO BIG that only a kick ass PRADA bag will help her get out.
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Lastly but certainly not leastly (not a word but screw it)....

I received not 1 but 2 blog awards! And I am tickled pink!!

Working Mom gave me this award:

And the best part? She's only been blogging for a very short time yet decided she loves me! She really, really loves me!! Ok, those are my words but these are hers:

Wiener Woman "loves to write about her little doggies, her son in the USAF, and her hatred for "chicken cordon pus." I love Hallie - her posts never cease to make me LOL!"

I love it! I love it!! I love it!!

I have to regift this award (who knew regifting would be a GOOD thing!) to 7 people but I need a day or two to work up my list. Bribes can and will be accepted by y'all! Send me a PRADA bag and I'll nominate you ALL 7 TIMES!! (hee hee, I'm devious, huh?)
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I also got this award from Apple.

This award is to be given to a blogger based on creativity, design, interesting material, or contributions to the blogging community, no matter what language. Again, yeah for me!!

"She just always makes me laugh outloud. I never know what will come out of her head and onto her blog. :)"

What a cool thing to say about me!! I ASSUME she considers my blog to fall under the interesting material section cuz I'm about the most uncreative blogger out there. And my blog doesn't even really have a design to it (hell, if I can post a pic AND type something AND it shows up, I'm elated!). And as far as contributions to the blogging world? I'd like to assume it was for this reason but I don't think everyone considers ass roid pics a GOOD contribution. (Why, I don't know!)

I am also to regift this award but only to 5 bloggers. I'll work on that when I work on the other 7! (Again, bribes are encouraged!)

Thanks to both of you for bestowing such amazing awards on my humble little wiener blog!

My wieners thank you!!

Am I the ONLY One?

Does anyone ever feel compelled to do something over and over until they get it right? And I'm not talking in an obsessive/compulsive "must touch this door frame fifty times before I exit the room" or "must wash this doorknob repeatedly for no reason" way. I'm talking about doing something that SHOULD have a positive outcome but doesn't no matter how hard you try so you keep trying again cuz you just KNOW the next time will be the one! (probably why gazillions of people dump a shit load of money into slot machines)

I could NOT stop playing Spider Solitaire yesterday on the computer. Cuz I couldn't win. And I usually do. So I knew I could. If only I kept playing. Just one more time. (ironic isn't it, that I'm playing a game with a pic of an ugly ass spider on it - considering I f-ing despise spiders - and speaking of spiders, one practically attacked me the other day as I so valiantly tried to kill the
f%^&er cuz John wasn't home - but I digress).

As I continued to play OVER AND OVER, I actually had empathy for those out there that suffer from true OCD. It must suck to KNOW you don't have to do something but can't NOT keep doing it.

Just to prove I'm not an OCD sufferer, I repeatedly walked away from my computer. But I kept wandering back cuz damn, if that little spider laden card game didn't keep mocking me. (Of course, now y'all are thinking that not only do I have OCD but I'm hearing voices! Rubber Room, party of one!)

I suspect my NEED to conquer the damn game had little to do with the actual game and more to do with my needing to have control over SOMETHING. Since I can't control Shmoops or John or even Fenny's surgery today (keep your fingers crossed my wiener is just fine) I subconsciously felt compelled to control one little thing.

Well that, and the fact that my carb starved brain is not thinking clearly. And my carb starved stomach was yelling "FEED ME SEYMOUR!" most of the day. And my carb starved legs were barely able to lift my "not yet as skinny as I want to be " body out of the chair and away from the computer.

Either that or I'm simply clinically insane.

You be the judge.

I'm too weak to try to change your mind.

Are You There God? It's Me, Hallie....

You know the one....the person who has HAD IT. The person that is SOOOOO tired of drama. The person that would KILL for one stretch of chaos free/stress free time.

You, however, obviously have other plans for me. And I totally respect that. And yes, before you or one of my fellow bloggers reminds me, I KNOW you wouldn't give me more than I can handle.

But sometimes, it just seems crazy. Just seems like more than I can deal with. Just seems like enough is enough. And yes, before you or one of my fellow bloggers ALSO reminds me, my shit could be worse. Life could be a whole lot more difficult. I could have REAL problems that make my current problems seem tiny.

Yes, I get it. But I don't have to like it. And I definitely don't.

This stuff with Shmoops is a lot to take in. The unknown and the waiting and my supreme lack of being able to help him is painful. It's really taking its toll on my mom heart. Sure he's 19 years old and yes, he's in the military. But watching him deal with life altering bumps in the road is just not easy. Plain and simple, it's hard.

And then there's John. Yes, he's healing and yes, he's doing ok. But I worry about what may be going on inside of him. What may be building as I type. What may cause him more surgery and more pain.

Again, it's the unknown that sucks. Is he really ok? Should he do this? Should he do that? Will this, that or the other thing hurt him? Will this, that or the other cause more damage? Can I just stick him in a bubble and call it a day?

And now my poor Fenway has to have surgery. My little Fennybell has to be put under this week to have a rapidly growing "thing" removed from her right lower eyelid. And yes, the vet said she will probably be ok. That the "thing" is PROBABLY NOT cancerous. But no guarantees until it's sent away for biopsy. (I've already lost one pup totally too early...I can NOT deal with another)

And I'm sad. Sad that she has to go through this and sad that I have to worry about one more thing in my life that means the world to me. She's the only daughter I'll ever have. (stop shaking your heads - yes, I'm one of THOSE dog people)

If something happens to her, I am going to be one permanently sad Hallisicle.

"Hi, my name is Hallie and I'm having a pity party for one. Care to join me?"

PS....I'd add in being pretty unhappy cuz of Atkins but that's a self imposed misery so I won't include it. Plus, I've lost several pounds in just 2 days so the misery is KIND OF worth it.

PSS....Today is my Dad's birthday. He turns the advanced age of 65 on this day. Yep, my dad's freakin' old. But I love him tremendously and wouldn't want ANY OTHER old man to be my father. Who loves you Dad?

Do You Want to Have a MEAT-ing?

John and I started the Atkins diet yesterday. Big time. No holds barred. Serious as serious can be.

Which means we ate meat, with a side of meat and an extra helping of meat. Some cheese and eggs made it into our mouths as well but basically it was all meat.

Day 1 and I think I already smell like I spritzed myself with meat scented perfume, rubbed my pits with meat scented deodorant and bathed my not yet as skinny as I want to be body with a bar of Irish Meat soap.

Day 1 was not fun which means I don't hold out much hope for Day 2.

Oh, but don't think Day 1 was a complete bust. Don't think I didn't have any fun. Don't think the whole day made me completely miserable.

After all, I did get to have a great 7pm snack....

A glass of ice cubes....

Jealous, aren't you?

Weekend Wrap-up

Shmoops is gone. Back to Florida to face the unknown. Some stuff happened and some stuff is about to happen. All of which will potentially change his AF experience.

Maybe for good, maybe for not so good. But change, it will.

I promise to talk about it all as soon as I possibly can. And yes, I generally HATE when bloggers write crap like that. IF YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT SOMETHING, THEN DON'T FREAKIN' MENTION IT!!

But I truly need all y'all to keep Airman Shmoops in your thoughts. And your prayers if you are so inclined. Simply think positive thoughts that what's meant to be for him, is.

Simple but needed. And thanks.

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Our July 4th weekend was great. Spent a whole bunch of time with our amazing neighbors and as much time as we could by the pool.

Even Fenway braved the pool but only under the VERY WATCHFUL EYES (and trustworthy hands) of her Dad.

While at the pool, we saw a Parakeet. In a tree. Outside. In Maine. We ASSUME it escaped from its home as it didn't seem to know what to do or where to go. Mr. Hallisicle (a bird lover) spent about 15 minutes with his finger outstretched, trying to call the birdie. But to no avail. Not sure whatever happened to Mr. Parakeet but I'd like to think it found it's way home. (if not, that little dude is going to have one hell of a surprise come winter!)

Connor and Shmoops spent part of Friday and Saturday bouncing like mad men on our neighbor's trampoline. This is NOT the best pic I took of the dynamic jumping duo, but I HAD to include it! Shmoops is smiling and Connor is in mid flight! I LOVE it!!

Wonderfully kind and generous Steph, sent Airman Shmoops a HUGE delivery of homemade cookies for his birthday! Does she rock or what? He was thrilled and even managed to share a few with his parents. (of course, Steph included a note that said he HAD TO share with me!) Steph, the cookies were amazing and the card was awesome. Thanks! :)

Had to share this pic with all y'all. We encountered this idiot/asshole on the turnpike as we drove home from Boston. He did this THREE separate times. While driving 70 mph. Down the highway. On one wheel. I had visions of his splattered and torn body strewn across the highway. Bet his mom is REAL proud of him.

Thanks jackass for giving my already saddened by Shmoops departure mom heart yet ANOTHER reason to skip a few beats!

Water Lovin' Wiener, Part 2

Whoever told us dachshunds do NOT like water, lied. We thought Chauncey's love of all things liquid started and ended with the hose. We had NO idea that this snausage dude was an Olympic caliber swimmer at heart...an aquatic wiener if you will.

But after yesterday's day at the pool, we now know that Chauncey's love of the hose is merely the TIP of his water loving iceberg!


We could NOT keep him off the floats.

Seriously, he refused to get off until he was ready to get off.

And when he finally did get off, that little dude swam like his life depended on it.

But then it was back to the float so he could rest up.

To get ready to swim like the rare hotdog fish that he is. He swam around and around, faster than you'd ever imagine a wiener dog could swim.

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Don't bother asking about Fenway.

Fenway does NOT like the water.

Fenway does NOT swim.

Fenway sinks.

End of story.

(she still won't look at us for putting her through "that" experience)

A Wiener By Any Other Name Is Still A Wiener

CHAUNCEY

or

CHOMPERS

or

CHAUNCEY MONSTER

or

SIR CHOMPS-A-LOT

or

BAD DOG! BAD DOG!

or

CHAUNC MONS

or

DON'T YOU GROWL AT ME!

or

DOG THAT REALLY, REALLY LIKES THE HOSE

(If you turn off the music on my play list and turn your speaker volume to high, you can actually hear his gnashing teeth!! Go ahead and do it...you KNOW you want to!)

And after you watch the video, feel free to leave Airman Shmoops a Happy 19th Birthday message!

How the heck is my firstborn 19 years old when I'm still so young and vibrant? ;)

(yeah, yeah Dad, I know, it's cuz I "STARTED" a bit young!)

Some Days Just Suck...

Yesterday was a crappy day. A really crappy day. And I'm glad it's over.

~~~~~

The low lights:

~~~~~

*My stupid, can't be medically diagnosed, apparently all in my head, extremely painful, I know it's my freakin' ovary but the tests showed otherwise, hurts so much I want to perform home based surgery on myself using a steak knife, a bendy straw and some duct tape, lower left abdominal pain was back with a vengeance. Again. And I hate it.

~~~~~

*We signed our 2008-2009 oil contract for the year and are single handedly financing our local oil company owner's timeshare in Vail. For those of you that live in warmer climates where heating with oil is NOT a concern, go out and kiss the nearest cactus, palm tree or tumbleweed. And then kiss your air conditioner. Cuz no matter how much electricity increases this year, it's NOTHING compared to the freakin' outrageous price of oil. (And when you're done kissing your local flora, feel free to send us any extra blankets you have laying around your house. We're going to need all the added warmth we can get!)

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*Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances, Shmoops will be returning to Florida much earlier than planned. He will leave this Sunday which is NOT what we had hoped for. There are lots of things going on for our Airman right now, most of which I can't yet talk about. I'll share when I can but ask that until then, you send him some extra strong positive mojo....he really needs it right about now.

~~~~~

There was a bunch of other little crappy things that happened but I'm too tired and too frustrated and too discouraged to blog about them. So I won't.

~~~~~

I will instead label yesterday a

CRAPTASTIC BUTT HOLE OF A DAY

and leave you with the following:

~~~~~

I call it my SUPER CRAPTASTIC BUTT HOLE SALUTE!

~~~~~

Butt Hole #1

~~~~~

Butt Hole #2
~~~~~

Butt Hole #3

~~~~~

Butt Hole #4
~~~~~
Who knew a bunch of butt hole belly button tattoos could so adequately sum up my shitty day? (Butt Hole #2 does it the best!)

10 Things That Make Hallisicle Happy (and I do mean HAPPY!)

Since yesterdays ass roids' and goiters weren't for everyone, I decided to post about a few "nicer" things today.

(they aren't puppies and kittens like so many of you asked for, but they aren't shark bites and eye tattoos either!)

Chocolate croissants make me happy. (And fat - but better happy and fat than sad and fat!)

Dancing on the bar makes me happy. (And I dance even better than usual from up there! So does Blender Kimmy!)

California rolls make me happy. (I would happily sell my soul for a truck load of these)
Clinique Happy makes me happy. (When I wear this, I'm EXTRA happy!)

Foot massages make me happy. (I'll do just about anything for a foot rub)


The Muppets make me happy. (Especially a certain King Prawn)

This Prada bag makes me happy. (Buy it for me John and find out just HOW happy!)

Sun, sand and a tropical breeze make me happy. (Add in a pina colada and I'm in heaven)

Baby wombats make me happy. (But not adult wombats cuz they are nasty-ass mean!)

Barry Manilow makes me happy. (Didn't he write the songs for me? I'm his #1 FANILOW!)

There...Are you happy now?

Nothing gross at all!

(but don't get used to it!) ;)

10 Things That Terrify Hallisicle (and I do mean TERRIFY!)

Hairy armpits. On a woman. Cuz if you're a man, hair under your arm is A-OK.

Shark bites. And sharks. Cuz without a shark, you can't have a shark bite.

Plane crashes. And flying. Cuz if I'm not flying, I can't crash in a plane.

Goiters. On your neck. Cuz it has to be on your neck to be a goiter.

Eyeball tattoos. On your eye. Cuz if you touch my eye, I will freak the f-out.

Spider webs. Anywhere. Cuz where there's a web, there's a web maker.

Port-a-potties. At a crowded event. Cuz lots of people using a non-flushing toilet in a box, means tons of poop I do NOT want to see.

Pus. Any amount from anywhere. Cuz any pus, is bad pus.

(That's not really pus. That's chicken cordon bleu. But you get the point)

Celine Dion. The singer. Cuz she's just that annoying.

Hemorrhoids. On your ass. Cuz quite simply, I'd rather die.

Party Hardy!!

The party was great and fun was had by all. The weather was crappy (as usual) but we didn't let it bother us. Shmoops appeared to have a good day surrounded by friends and family, his honey, lots of food and awesome gifts. Plus, he got a phone call from his most favorite pen pal, Charlie.
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What more could an Airman ask for?


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................... :)

CJ told me to take this pic cuz Tristen and Fenway looked so cute together. I think he just wanted to show off his muscles.

Shmoops and Tristen rockin' out to Guitar Hero. (Don't quit your day jobs)

Our neighbor Ryan. Too bad he's so shy. I think he was just taking a break from the chocolate fountain. It was a VERY popular item.

CJ and BK's firstborn playing Wii. Don't ask who kicked whose butt!

Are they a cute couple or what?

CJ and his friend Jim TRYING to look intense. (Scared, aren't you?)

CJ and Jim boxing it out. (Not looking so scary now!)

Mr. Hallisicle and a shy "plate face" little girl!

Blender Kimmy's youngest (aka "plate face"). Even stuffing her face, she's cute!

Blender Kimmy's firstborn. He's quite the clown!

Love this kid's smile.....

Connor and his friend Charles looking OH SO HAPPY that I took their pic.

They can run, but they can't hide!

CJ REALLY likes the Wii. Apparently my Dad doesn't. (He was asleep in this pic)

CJ hangin' with the masses.... (Oh hey Dad, nice of you to wake up!)

Is that a cake or what? And yes, that IS a chocolate birthday greeting on top of the light vanilla cake layered with fresh, ripe sliced strawberries and fresh-whipped cream. We have leftovers.....want some?

Shmoops turned the camera on me. The pic came out all funked up. I decided to include it anyway.

I'm all about keepin' it real!

My Shmoopy Made it Home!!

Not much time to write a lengthy blog cuz I need to go stare at my Airman some more! Wanted to post a few quick pics from Shmoops arrival last night. He got to our house around 10:30 pm to find us anxiously awaiting for him in the driveway.

Can't tell you how wonderful it felt to hug my son.

I'll post more pics of my firstborn and his party on tomorrows blog.

But for now, he's home and we're a very happy Twomey family. :)

First hug always goes to his brother. Connor REALLY missed him.

The serious hug moment lasted only but a minute.....then they turned back into goofballs.

Sir Chomps-A-Lot had to greet his brother and make sure he still passes muster.

Then Shmoops had to check out the junk food cabinet to see if IT still passes muster.

CJ brought this air mask for Connor. It was the actual mask off CJ's flight helmet.

Zoomed out.....

Or zoomed in...

Either way, I was just so happy to be with my two guys. I may look exhausted but I was simply ecstatic.

My heart is full...

Q & A with Mr. Hallisicle (Q & A, not T & A!)

Ok. Here's the deal. I asked him the questions. YOUR questions. The questions that you so graciously submitted.

And he answered. In his own John-like way. Which means mostly seriously with only a TINY bit of humor.

But that's John - take him or leave him. So I added a TEENY bit in red. (Just to help clarify a bit!)

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When you lie in your bed, next to your lovely wife (your welcome, Hallie), what do you talk about? What needs to be done in the house, moving to Florida and the events of the next day. (Sounds like a whole bunch of fun, huh? Of course I only agree to talk about this crap if he rubs my shoulders)

I want to know what he does for a living. Specialty Manager for Home Depot (He's the hottest manager inside that big orange box!)

Since I know John has very eclectic tastes in music, I want to know who he likes to listen to that he wouldn't want his manly friends to know about. All of my music is manly music. If I'm listening to it, it's manly. (That's right Mr. Hallisicle! And I'm sure Bette, Barbra, Cher and Yanni would agree)

Who is your favorite Wiener and why? Nomar because he loved the attention. (Nomar worshipped his Daddy. The day Nomar died, so did a little part of Mr. H)

What's Mr. H's favorite leftover party food? Pizza (He HAD to say pizza cuz I don't cook which means we NEVER have leftovers)

What is your favorite beverage? Diet Coke (Good answer)

Favorite candy? Goetz carmels (These make me want to gag. What the hell IS that white crap in the center?)

Favorite chore to do? Clean out the sink. (He's a weirdo, but he's MY weirdo. And we NEVER have a dirty sink)

Least favorite chore to do? Vaccuum (But he still does it and boy, can my man suck)

Ultimate fantasy vacation? Something out of the Conde Nast Top 100 vacation spots of all time. I'm not choosy. (Mr. H is a great traveler. And if the place has a swimup bar, he's a FANTASTIC traveler)

Favorite color? Green ( I did NOT know this. And it pisses me off)

Most ridiculous job aspiration as a kid? Pro surfer (Can't believe my man wanted to swim with the sharks. SCARY!)

Do you clean up after yourself Mr. H? and if not WHY??? I do. I don't have a choice. (He PRETENDS that the reason he cleans is cuz I'd get mad. Truth is, he's ANAL about cleanliness)

Are you a pack rat? Only for so long. (Only until I THROW HIS SHIT AWAY)

What is your fave movie and why? The original Caddyshack. Rodney Dangerfield was just so funny. (What's not to love about a movie that has a poop floating in a pool scene?)

Is Hallie this funny in real life? She thinks so. (DAMN RIGHT I AM!)

Do *you* like salty nut rolls? Never had a Salty Nut Roll. (And if I can help it, he never will)

How do *you* feel about chicken cordon-bleu? Not a big fan of chicken and ham together - the cheese doesn't bother me. (But it bothers his wife who will NOT kiss him if his lips touch chicken cordon pus)

Do you know how much your wife blogs about poop? Yes, I get to preview every blog. (He pre-screens all my poop stuff. Lucky him, huh?)

Can you give me - straight from a manly man - the one piece of advice I should know about being married? Those that say marriage isn't work are lying. (Marriage....the hardest job you'll ever love)

Mr. Hal, what is the first thing that came in to your mind when you met Mrs. Hal for the very first time? I was very attracted to her personality and the fact that she was hot. And the fact that she was giving away a SWATCH watch didn't hurt. (He just wanted the damn watch. And I just wanted his hot football butt. It was a win-win situation)

You're doing a real life survivor thing alone. What 2 items that Hallie owns are most characteristic of her -- and her virtual hula hoop does NOT count. A thong and a picture of the family. (Hey kids, aren't you glad to know that Dad thinks a pic of us all is AS CHARACTERISTIC of me as the thong that I wear on my butt?)

When you go to Florida are you driving or flying and can you make a pit stop in Georgia??? Let's just get to Florida first...we'll drive back to Georgia later. (Can't wait to see Mr. H in a Speedo!! Doesn't EVERY guy wear a Speedo in Florida?)

Do you love Hallisicle as much as Hallisicle loves you? Because I happen to know that she thinks you are the bee's knees. Even more. (He still wants that damn watch)

Does it make you deliriously happy to have me as your SIL? As happy as I am to have you for a BIL? Even though I also think you're kinda Hot? Which is why I call you Hot John. Yes....I think? (You had him at hello Kim!)

Mr. H., The blogging world wants to know. We have a right to know. Has Hallie always been this obsessed with bodily functions/fluids? Or did the blogging world bring it on? Sadly she's always been consumed by bodily functions....or lack thereof. (Hi, my name is Hallie and I'm a proud poop camel)

What was your most embarrassing moment? Biting into a blue Easter egg on Easter and then finding out it was actually a real Robin's egg. (I can't tell you how much fun I have at Easter chasing him around the house with the first pale blue Cadbury egg I find!)

What was your most embarrassing moment caused by or due to your wife? (excluding the flaming nipples incident) EVERYTHING she tells her BFF that she SHOULDN'T tell her BFF and then swears she DIDN'T tell her BFF. (What? Me share our most private secrets with my BFF? Well, I never! hee hee hee hee)

What non-labor/delivery moment made you most proud of her? Her commitment to our family. (Commit my family? Why not? Maybe we can get a great 4 for 1 deal on a padded room!)

I'm Alive....Thanks for Asking

Stayed home from work yesterday cuz my body decided it needed a break. My ear hurt, my head hurt and my "phantom pain" decided to rear it's ugly head. (with a vengeance) Mr. Hallisicle called my boss and told her that I was spending the day in bed.

Which I did...for awhile. Then I moved to the couch. Then I wandered around the house. Then I took Tylenol. (with Diet Coke, of course) And then I went back to the couch. Eventually, my aches and pains eased up a bit (thanks to the aforementioned butt load of Tylenol) and I was able to putter around the house.

Thankfully, my ear feels better today and my "phantom pain" is only at a dull roar. And the headache? Well, it's not gone but it's not as bad. Guess I'll just have to deal...but not for long. Cuz Shmoops arrives tomorrow!! That has certainly been the light in an otherwise dark and crappy few days. :)
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Several quick things before I go take more drugs...

***Has anyone else noticed that if you F-up the word verification when leaving a comment, it gets progressively easier each time? It's like the blogging security agency that controls the word verification system, decides you must be a moron when you can't first decode the Chinese character looking, calligraphy based, secret CIA code. It's like they watch you fail miserably when you attempt to decipher "HIJUEYROWHLYFK" and then decide that you must only be able to handle "BOB." Since ANY stream of letters, no matter how short or long, will prevent spam from infiltrating your blog, why not just give me the F-ing "BOB" first? JEESH!!!

Have I told you lately how much I HATE THE F-ING WORD VERIFICATION THINGY?

***Apparently Kim-D is not the only sicko that enjoys a fresh Salted (poop) Nut (poop) Roll (poop). Many of you commented that you too, delight in the delectable (poop) yumminess (poop) that is the Salted (poop) Nut (poop) Roll (poop). Even my BFF partakes in the Salted (poop) Nut (poop) Roll (poop) now and again.

(Note to self...start advertising for new BFF ASAP)

***Planning food to feed "X" number of people at a birthday party is NOT my strong suit. I will ALWAYS have either too much or too little. I have accepted this and am moving on.

***Feeding your husband ONE crusty roll for dinner is NOT considered a meal. Feeding your husband ONE crusty roll for dinner is NOT acceptable to him no matter how you slice it. Feeding your husband ONE crusty roll for dinner is NOT going to make for a HAPPY MR. HALLISICLE.

(He eventually got himself a bowl of Raisin Bran so I don't see what the big deal was. The roll WAS freshly baked and oh so yummy!)
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Speaking of Mr. Hallisicle.....

I've been asked NUMEROUS times to get Mr. H to guest blog. MANY of you have expressed interest in reading what he has to say. Lots of you want to hear from the Big Kahuna directly.

Well it ain't happening. Well, not in a "sit down at the computer and write an actual blog entry by himself" way. (unless it's my b-day )

But he has agreed to answer questions. Questions that ALL Y'ALL submit. Questions that ALL Y'ALL are dying to know the answer to.

Any question at all.

Well, ALMOST any question. (He's a BIT more introverted than me!)

But don't let that last statement hold you back. Ask ANYTHING you want. Anything at all. And he might, just might, answer it! (and if he won't, I'll answer it for him!)

So, take a minute and consider what question you might throw his way. What have you been dying to know about Mr. Hallisicle? What funky or creative or unusual or amazing or even boring question comes to mind?

I keep telling Mr. H that I have the most amazing blog readers so don't EMBARRASS ME!!! Ask him something! (please?)

That means all my lurkers as well! I know you're out there. And I just bet you'll sleep better tonight knowing you delurked and got that question off your chest! :)

Random Randomness

Those few of you that are still emailing the codes found under any COKE product caps, I thank you profusely. Y'all rock!! I will gladly take these codes from anyone. Send as few or as many as you have my way. I love them and I love y'all for thinking of me.

Thanks! I salute you!

Only 2 more days til Airman Shmoopy comes for a visit! TWO DAYS!!! Hot damn! Yippee!! Yahoo!! Fan-freakin-tastic!

Can you tell I'm excited?

I have had an earache on and off for a few days. And it sucks. And I don't like it one bit. And I totally get why little kiddos (babies in particular) cry their ever lovin' heads off when their ear aches. IT HURTS!!

I think by age 38, ear aches and acne should be a thing of the past.

Michelle and Debbie both gave me this kick ass award. It was given to me for being an outstanding woman and an outstanding mom (did you get catch that CJ?) and because I am an amazing blogger and an Air Force Mom. I love the award and am truly honored that two such great women felt that my blog is a blog with purpose.

You two OBVIOUSLY rock. :)

I found out yesterday that my most favorite Kim-D eats SALTED NUT ROLLS. And I've been horrified ever since. Salted Nut Roll....no matter how you say it, it sounds disgusting. Disgusting like a poop log. With nuts. A salty, nut filled poop log. Yummy!

What's next Kim? A Spicy Corn Roll? I'm sure if you look hard enough, you could find another disgusting poop log. But with corn. A corn poopy roll. Yummy!

And while we're discussing unappetizing items, why not bring up the bland rice cake. Mr. Hallisicle and I have decided we eat too much junk food late at night. And since we are pretty sure the 9 PM craving for something crunchy isn't going to go away, we decided to stock the house with these delectable card board discs of rice to meet our crunching needs.

Eating these wafers from hell at 9:00 pm does nothing but make me want an f-ing bag of Chex Mix in an even bigger way. Rice cakes suck. End of story.

Several blog followers of the WWoW are apparently laughing so much that they now require the services of a fluid catching undergarment. I guess my blog makes them laugh so hard they pee their pants!

I have officially arrived as a professional blog comedian and I couldn't be any happier.

I force my readers to seek out cotton panty protectors for their undergarments. Is that not cool or what?

How many of you out there can make that claim?

MY NAME IS HALLIE, AND I MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH TIL THEY PEE THEIR PANTS!!!

(And if there ARE some of you out there, we should start a club and come up with a super secret handshake!) :)

Hoops-a-Daisy!

I have found my true calling.

I have found my "previously unknown to me" kick ass talent.

I have found my "before yesterday" untapped strength.

And I'm not afraid to share it with all y'all.

"Hi, My name is Hallie and I am a pelvic thrusting/gyrating dynamo."

All together now....

"HI HALLIE!!!"

Now get your dirty ass minds out of the gutter and pick your lower jaws up off the floor.

Cuz I ain't talkin' bout what you be thinkin' ya darn fools!

I'm OBVIOUSLY referring to my MAD hula hooping skills. My mad Wii hula hooping skills to be exact.

Yep, much to my surprise, my pelvis was made to rule the ol' virtual hoop. To spin the ol' virtual circle of hoopness. To twirl the ol' virtual ring of colorful plasticness.

And here I thought my pelvis was all used up after birthin' me some babies.

Apparently I was wrong. Cuz I'm just that good. And I'm sure I could get better. So much better that I might have to go on tour as VIRTUAL HULA HOOPING HALLIE!

Can you see it now? My name in lights atop every seedy bowling alley and backwoods bar across this great land of ours? My name plastered across every VFW hall and community center this side of the Mason-Dixon line? My name coming at you from every Rec Center and local pool hall from Maine to Oklahoma?

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(And if I hoop my way into your town, I'll be sure to look y'all up!)

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Of course, I'd be sponsored. By some big name company. Cuz lord knows, all the best hoopers in town get sponsored.

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Won't be at all surprised if Nike comes a-knocking.

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Or if Reebok comes a-recruiting.

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Or if Prada comes a-pleading.

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What? You didn't know that PRADA sponsored hula hoopers?

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Well if they don't, they damn well should!!!

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(Don't you worry Kim & Tammy.....I plan to give you both a huge shout out when I'm inducted into the Virtual Hula Hooping Hall of Fame. After all, you two are the reason I have to HOOP TIL' I CAN HOOP NO MORE!)

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(And yes, before you ask....Mr. Hallisicle WAS/IS impressed by my thrusting/gyrating skills!) :)

Flaming Nipples!

Place: My parents house in Massachusetts

Time: mid morning on a cool fall day in 1989

After Shmoopy was born, both he and I lived for a time with my parents. Since Shmoops arrived unexpectedly for John and I when we were both still young, my parents graciously allowed us to stay with them.

I was a stay at home mom for the time we lived at their house and had quickly set up a daily routine for my little guy.

On this day in particular, I had put Shmoopy down for a nap in his upstairs nursery and then went to the kitchen to clean his bottles. Back then, I tried desperately to do what "they" suggested. And "they" suggested that you boil the rubber bottle nipples and plastic rings in order to sterilize them completely.

Because "they" said it, I did it. (after all, I was only 19 years old and assumed "they" knew better than I did!) I placed all the nipples and rings in a pot on the stove and turned it on to boil. My plan was to stay in the kitchen and read a book while the stove was on and wait for the boiling to be done. Once boiled completely, I was going to rinse them off in cold water and then put them all away. Easy, right?

When I sat down to read, I realized that I left my book up in CJ's nursery. I ran upstairs quietly and grabbed the book. I was in and out of the room and my little guy never peeped.

As I started down the staircase to go back to the kitchen, I remember slipping on the carpeted stairs. And that's all I remember.

The next thing I knew, I awoke to the sound of the fire alarm screeching, my little baby crying hysterically and coughing and a thick layer of black acrid smoke hanging down from the ceiling. As I lay there on the slate floor at the BOTTOM of the staircase with a kick ass lump on my head, I began to realize what must have happened.

It appeared that when I slipped down the stairs, that I fell head first onto the wooden railing and knocked myself out. Knocked myself out long enough to allow the rubber nipples and plastic rings on the stove to completely boil through all the water and catch fire. Hence the black smoke that was now completely covering the downstairs of my parents large home and the upstairs (including CJ's nursery).

I someone managed to drag myself back up the stairs as I knew I had to get to CJ. I couldn't see 2 feet in front of me but I could hear him crying and knew where to go. My head was killing me but all I wanted was to get my kiddo.

After I found CJ in his crib (had to find him by touch since I couldn't see him through the smoke) I ran to the phone and managed to call Mr. Hallisicle. He called the ambulance AND more importantly called his dad. John's dad was the Chief of Surgery at 2 of the local hospitals and John wanted him to be ready to meet us at the Emergency Room. John was scared that something was really wrong with both CJ and me as we had inhaled a tremendous amount of smoke. And remember, CJ was only 7 months old.

John's dad was in surgery so John left a message with his dad's practice to tell him to get down to the ER quickly as his grandson and his soon to be daughter in law (yes, for those that are just figuring this out now, John and I were NOT married when CJ was born) were being rushed via ambulance for smoke inhalation. John also took a moment to explain what happened to the nurse he spoke with. He let her know that a pot full of rubber nipples and plastic caps had basically caught on fire and spread thick acrid smoke throughout the house.

Well, here's where this story gets interesting....

Ever play the telephone game? You know, the one where one person whispers something into someone else's ear, and then that person has to pass on the message to the next and then the next and so on? And remember how utterly ridiculous the message ends up sounding by the end of the game? What started as "Peter really likes Susan and wants to take her to the movies," works its way around and ends up as "Peter spit on Susan at the movies cuz she peed her pants." Or something like that. You get the point, right?

Well, by the time my very serious soon to be father in law received the message to head to the ER ASAP, he was truly afraid as to what he would find. Because by the time the original message, which got passed on at least 10 times, made it to his ears, it sounded like this:

"Your son's girlfriend and your grandson are being rushed to the ER via ambulance for serious smoke inhalation. Apparently your son's girlfriend seriously burned her nipples while boiling them. Your grandson inhaled a tremendous amount of smoke from the burning nipples."

It wasn't until years later, when I heard the whole story, that it finally made sense why John's dad rushed up to the ambulance doors that day with the most perplexed look on his face. Only years later after John and I had married and had Connor, did my FIL feel comfortable enough to tell us how HORRIBLY AWKWARD he felt on the long walk down to the ER. He would only say that he had absolutely no idea what he was going to find and that he couldn't help but wonder if I WAS in fact, the right girl for his son.

Can you blame him?

And can you see why it took several years for either of us to make eye contact with one another? :)

Wine Not?

I've never blogged this late in the day but thought why not? It's my blog and I can do what I want!!

Actually, I am just looking for an excuse NOT to do laundry and NOT to get my ass on the elliptical machine. Both need to be done but neither sounds enticing.

So instead, I will quick blog. A "quickie" to help me avoid the inevitable fun that awaits me!

The beer/wine fest was great.

But I still hate beer and wine. And I dumped out WAY MORE than I drank. And then I really only sipped the rest. Well, except one. One wine ALMOST, KIND OF, SORT OF made me happy. One wine ALMOST, KIND OF, SORT OF tasted good. One wine ALMOST, KIND OF, SORT OF made me want to leave the festival and buy a bottle.

But I didn't and am not sure I will. But if the mood ever hits and I feel the need to pass over my beloved pina colada for a nice glass of wine, I know which one it will be.

Blacksmith's Sparkling Maine Cranberry

BUY HERE!

This stuff was good. And yummy. And fruity. And didn't make me want to hurl.

But even I recognize that it's not really a WINE in the true sense. It's more like a wine cooler. Or even a carbonated slightly alcoholic punch.

But that's ok with me. Cuz I liked it. And it IS sold in the wine section of our local liquor store with all the other REAL wine. Which means it's ALMOST a real wine!

Plus, it didn't make me want to hurl.

Nuff said!

Drink and Be Merry!

Confession time...

I hate beer and wine.

So what am I doing today?

I'm going to a three hour beer and wine sampling hosted by TONS of different breweries and wineries from around the state of Maine.

The purpose? To find SOMETHING, ANYTHING that I love. To find one single beer that wows me above all others. To find that one fantastic wine that makes me go "ahhhhhhh."

Not sure I'll be successful but I'm determined and on a mission. That should help, right?

I'll report back later and let you know how it turns out. From both my perspective (the beer/wine hater) and from Mr. Hallisicle's perspective (the beer lover/wine is oker).

Who knows? Maybe I'll have some kick ass, mouth watering, "just might make me like beer/wine" recommendations for y'all.

Until then, how about all y'all suggest a few good ones. How about all y'all tell me what YOU like. How about all y'all help me discover THE beer or THE wine for me.

Well, how about it?

Lots Of Important Things...Albeit LITTLE Things!

My youngest is now a Sophomore. My mohawk lovin', skateboard ridin', Xbox 360 playin' kiddo has made it through his first year of high school. And I still look like I could be his big sis! Aren't I fabulous? Just kiddin'....(maybe just a slightly older hot aunt?)

Connor survived the first leg of his high school journey and today, before we see his actual grades (pray, pray, pray) I'd like to congratulate him on his accomplishment. Although his report card was not always the greatest this year, ALL of his teachers spoke highly of his abilities. (If only we could have fine tuned that "ability" into a more consistent study mode!)

Classes have been picked for next year and Connor seems pleased with his selections. But not pleased enough to want summer to ever end!! This kid truly enjoys ever moment (awake or asleep) that summer has to offer.

Ah, to be young and carefree again.... (enjoy it Connor cuz next summer YOU BE GETTIN' A J-O-B!

Can you believe that one week from today we will welcome home our favorite Airman Shmooopy? Only 7 more days until Shmoops comes home for a visit. We're very excited and are anxiously planning his WELCOME HOME/HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!!

Feel free to join us for the festivities. What's 300 or 400 more friends, especially if they are awesome, crazy, fantastic and funny bloggers!! Come one, come all! The more the merrier! (John, I think we're gonna need some more nachos and a bigger chocolate fountain!!)

Finger crossing is needed and requested for Mr. Hallisicle. He saw his surgeon on Wednesday and was checked over from stem to stern. She has ordered him to stay at part time hours for another 30 days which is actually more than we expected. Of course, we did NOT expect her to discover an area of concern in his lower abdomen. Might be another hernia, might be extensive scar tissue, might be fluid build up. Whatever it is, she's concerned enough to want to keep an eye on it for another month.

Bet I don't have to tell y'all how Mr. H felt about this news. Or me for that matter. I've already started praying and worrying, two things I am getting particularly good at. I'll keep you posted as we get new information. But remember, this is John we are talking about and that usually means not so good things...

Love this cartoon. It was sent to me by a good friend who knows of my love for all things thong related. Funny stuff, huh?

And lastly, I'm thinkin' about getting myself this tattoo. I KNOW this was a man making a rather poor (and presumably regrettable) joke about his tally whacker, but it would SOOOOOOOOO work for me too. After all, I DO have a small wiener....actually two. Therefore, I might have to make a few adjustments for it to read correctly. "I HAVE SMALL WIENERS." Wouldn't want my newest tattoo to be politically incorrect, now would I? (Bet MY tattoo would get me A LOT of attention which is something I happen to enjoy!)

So it's a win, win situation. Don't you agree? Any suggestions where I should put it?

Where on my body should I advertise my small wieners?

How best to let the world know that I'm proud of my teeny weineys? :)