While it might be every day that one or more of the four Books & Books stores has some kinda reading, it certainly isn’t every day that the good folks permit a bad cat like me to introduce whoever’s turning the pages -- and for damn good reason, too. I mean, given the podium, who knows what I might do? Not them, of course (how could they?). And not me either. Especially when you consider I’ve no idea what I’m doing.

Okay, so I do have some idea, sorta, but that doesn’t make it bright. Unless by bright you mean dim, dark and dangerous. See, last night I set the stage for a reading by a deeply enlightening Scot named Irvine Welsh using a combination of flashbacks, scare tactics and murder ballads that had never seen the sun.

So now Alberto Carvalho is admitting that he had a "playful" relationship with the the Miami Herald's former education reporter, Tania deLuzuriaga. At least that's what CBS4's Jim Defede is reporting. Carvalho has been on damage control since the Herald reported on a possible improper romantic relationship between Carvalho and deLuzuriaga while she covered the nation's fourth largest school district. The scandal unfolded through a series of emails deLuzuriaga purportedly sent Carvalho between July and September of last year. Carvalho, who accepted the job to be Miami-Dade's next schools superintendent, also told DeFede that he may have not have seen all of the emails from deLuzuriaga and that they may, in fact, be real. He had told the Herald that the emails were fake.

-- Francisco Alvarado

All Kelis wanted to do was yell at some hooker-looking ladies and not to be racially profiled. Isn't that what we all want? Isn't that what we all deserve?

The Miami Beach Police Department says "No."

Back in March 2007 they arrested Kelis (singer of "Milkshake") for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. This was after she allegedly yelled at two undercover police officer who were posing as prostitutes. Some sources say they were chatting up the singer's husband, rapper Nas.

Yesterday a Miami court acquitted the singer on all charges, but now she's going to sue the police department. She claims she was held illegally, a victim of racial profiling, and slandered. Her lawyer plans to file a civil rights suit in the coming weeks.

--Kyle Munzenrieder

You know how politicians like to pull out phrases like "I know the voters of Florida believe..." or "the Citizens of this great state know..."? Then you're like, "Wow, I am a voter in Florida. It's like he's talking about me!" Then you realize he's grouping you in with a pretty undesirable group ...voters in Florida.

Take for example Barefoot Bay resident Andy Lacasse, who has put a sign in his yard saying "Obama Half-Breed Muslin". How dare he! Muslin is a finely-woven cotton fabric. Everyone knows if Obama was a fabric he'd be silk, because he's totally smooth.

Oh, perhaps he meant Muslim. He's not that either f.y.i. We should all know that by now, Wright?

One of the reason LaCasse hates Obama so much is that he thinks the candidate is trying to spread misinformed lies. Imagine the nerve of someone trying to do that.

"Look what he's doing to Palin. Come on. He got people going to Alaska, looking for something to say bad about her," Lacasse said to CFNews 13.

Yes, Lacasse has just as much say in chosing senators, governors and electoral votes as you do. Democracy at its best.

Kyle Munzenrieder

The 'Canes and the Golden Panthers are both off this weekend so it falls to one team to embarrass Miami football fans.

That's one task the Dolphins might actually be up to. They'll travel to Arizona to take on the Cardinals. The Cards haven't won both of the first two games of a season since 1996. On the other hand, the Fins haven't won either game in the first two weeks of the season since 2005. Arizona is the slight favorite, so the older curse might get broken first.

Will this be the continuation of another sad, sad season for the Dolphins or will they miraculously pull their shit together, smash the Cardinals, and go non-stop to the Superbowl? Will a real life Smurf ride the team mascot during half time? Anything can happen!

The game starts at 4 p.m., and airs locally on CBS4.

--Kyle Munzenrieder

It's another installment of the Crispin Porter + Bogusky created Microsoft ads and there still hasn't been a computer on screen. These things don't make me want to buy a PC, they make me want to buy a ticket to a movie starring Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates. I mean I'd feel bad for posting this because it's free advertising, but I'm thinking that CP+B's reputation as the "hip", "irreverent", "edgy" ad company is going to get a bigger boost from these than Microsoft sales.

--Kyle Munzenrieder

Today the Miami Herald broke the news that Alberto Carvalho, the 44-year-old married man who's been selected to helm Miami-Dade County Public Schools, may have had an improper romantic relationship with former education reporter Tania deLuzuriaga. The 27-year-old journalist, now with the Boston Globe, covered the nation’s fourth largest school district during her tenure at the Herald from October 2006 to September 2007. Carvalho -- who has also been offered the superintendent job in Pinellas County -- denied the salacious allegations to the Herald, while deLuzuriaga declined comment.

The article is based on about two dozen e-mails delivered to the Herald other media outlets including New Times. They were allegedly exchanged between deLuzuriaga and Carvalho between July and September 2007. If they're authentic, the emails document discussions the pair had about her coverage of Miami-Dade Public Schools, as well as some sexually explicit banter. So what was in the e-mails? You wouldn’t know from reading the Herald article which refrained from directly quoting the salacious and highly embarrassing exchanges between the reporter covering the school beat and one of her subjects. You can read the e-mails here.

The first string of e-mails began on July 19, 2007 whilst deLuzuriaga was on a 40-mile bike ride. Subject line: “Fuzzy.” She wrote: “It occurred to me while I was riding that I seem to have forgotten to bathe the past two days. I also haven’t shaven since I left Miami. Thought you might like that image. If you say you’d still go down on me I’ll call you a liar. Hope your day is wonderful. I love you.” His reply: “Don’t shave.”

On August 3, 2007, deLuzuriaga forwarded Carvalho the messages between her and colleague Matthew Pinzur discussing this reporter's Rudy Crew story. Subject line: “seen this in today’s new times?” Pinzur wrote: “Frank is a decent guy, but it was also his “article” (really just a raw dump of public records) about Art Teele that was dressed up with Grand Theft Auto graphics the day Teele killed himself.” She replied: “It’s killing me too, especially after the stories I wrote Wednesday about budget and bonus…did you see the comments?”

Four days later, deLuzriaga allegedly wrote Carvalho an email with the subject line: “Leaping?” She wrote: “Will you be completely offended if I leap into your arms the next time I see you (place permitting)? Like in the movies, with arms and legs wrapped around. Like what I wanted to do Thursday and didn’t and when I said I wanted to you asked why I didn’t…love, love, love you xoxoxo.”

-- Francisco Alvarado

You know how McCain's sudden lead in the polls was just a post-convention bump? How it was supposed to dissipate by the end of the week? Well It's the end of the week and McCain is still leading. Most people are praising Palin for the surge. Yes, despite all 71 documented rumors that are currently circulating, America seems to love them some Pitbulls in Lipstick.

Meanwhile no one seems to care about poor little Joe Biden. No one has even bothered to doctor emails suggesting he had an affair with some reporter. So in the interest of fairness Riptide is encouraging everyone to start spreading rumors about Joe Biden. We can't let Sarah Palin have all the tabloid glory.

This past week, The Miami Herald blasted a comforting message: The state’s proposed gay marriage ban isn’t doing so hot. Polls show Amendment 2 is lacking up to 19 percent of the voter support it needs to pass in Florida. On top of that, Mayor Manny Diaz, the Miami City Commission, and the Broward School Board all shot it down in the last five days.

In response, the media pros over at Florida4Marriage (right wingers running the homophobe show) did, well, nothing. In fact, they haven’t posted a new press release on their website since Aug. 5. It noted Governor Charlie Crist was “reaffirming his support.” Snore.

But we’ll give them some credit. They did repost a Sept. 6 St. Petersburg Times article, “Marriage Amendment Prompts Rally in Collier, South Lee.” It states, among other things, that (count ‘em!) eleven members of Marco Island’s San Marco Catholic Church congregated on a street corner in Southwest Florida, holding signs, to show support for Amendment 2 - and distain for same sex lovin’.

(Last time we checked, gay marriage was already illegal here. But great cause, guys. Really.)

Last we checked in on the soap opera that is our public school system the school board found itself in a bizarre love triangle with a former science teacher and Pinellas County after sending their former papi packing.

Eduardo "Eddy" Gonzalez, a state Rep. from Hialeah, didn't like the fact that the School Board moved so fast in finding a replacement, and plans to introduce legislation that would require the superintendency to be an elected position.

An excerpt from his statement:

After yesterday's unacceptable nature in which the School Board disenfranchised members of the community and many qualified candidates, I consider it an obligation to the parents, students, and teachers that I move forward with this legislation.

The School Board's decision was conducted in an inappropriate atmosphere; they denied interviews, screenings, or even opening the position to applicants. I am well assured that my colleagues in the Legislature will empower the citizens of Miami-Dade County.

Riptide doesn't think bringing more campaigning and fundraising into the equation is the answer. We know how some people make election decisions. Do we really want to put this job in the hands of the person with the best smile or with the biggest bank account?

Beside the Miami-Dade citizens who would choose the superintendent are the exact same voters who chose the school board members. If we have such bad judgment in electing board members, how are we going to fare better with a superintendent?

And anyway, Eddy oughta get a better hand on the English language before he starts telling school administrators how to teach our kids.

--Kyle Munzenrieder

• Alberto Carvalho, the guy who the school board wants as the next superintendent, might have been boffing a former Herald education reporter, or he might be the innocent victim of a smear campaign. Officially this is now the most overly dramatic superintendent saga ever. [Herald]
• A High School football coach took a gun from a student who had pulled it out during a fight. Well, that's good. Then he gave the gun back and let the kid escape. Oh, that's bad. [Herald]
• Another football coach in Coral Springs was arrested for dealing coke. [WSVN]
• McCain's statewide lead over Obama continues to grow. Riptide continues to be baffled by all the Palin love. [Naked Politics]
• No one cares about hurricanes after they miss us, but Ike could be one of the biggest storms to hit Texas in a long time. [CBS 4]

--Kyle Munzenrieder

According to Travel + Leisure's latest rankings of "America's Favorite Cities" tourists think Miami natives are pretty, but dumb. The magazine invited readers to fill out a web survey to rank 25 American cities by various categories.

Miami took top honors for having the most attractive people, and came in second for most stylish populace. We ranked in the top 5 for all nightlife categories, and came in third for both "favorite spring break destination" and best place to have a "wild weekend."

Continuing the theme of ranking high in frivolous categories, and low in practical matters we ranked near the bottom for our public transportation system and most cultural categories (including 17th for best art galleries. Wynwood is gonna be pissed).

Visitors also seem to think we're both exceptionally dumb (24th in intelligence) and mean (21st in friendliest). Why are we going to be nice to this tourist trash that think we're all pretty outside and vapid on the inside?

--Kyle Munzenrieder

Quick name two things the world needs more of.

"Pre-packaged pop groups and reality television."

Bingo!

MTV's "Top Pop Group" is filling both those needs with a competition show searching for America's best unknown pop group. Las Caprice, a Miami Beach-based four piece, is in the running. They're reping the Latinos big-time with members of Cuban, Puerto Rican, Brazilian and Peruvian descent. Clearly they're dressed to make their peoples proud.

The odds of this show sending a group to actual super stardom is like 1 to 32,983,289. I mean remember all those other reality television produced bands: The Clark Brothers, Flickerstick, Scene 23, Eden's Crush, Rock Star Supernova, Da Band, Day26, Girlicious, and American Juniors? Of course not, but maybe these girls will be the exception to the rule. So, good luck, I guess.

The show premiers tonight at 10 p.m.. Curl up to witness some horribly embarrassing performances, kill some brain cells and wish you changed you earlier answer to "folk singer" and/or "hole in the head".

--Kyle Munzenrieder

Hello, Kitty

I go to the gym at least three times a week, but not for the cardio — my masseur gives me hourlong rubdowns that throw me into ecstasy that I definitely shouldn't be experiencing in public. I am one of those guys who asks his date for a massage under the guise of "my aching back," but it's always about a little hands-on foreplay. Now that I'm paying this gorgeous hunk of a man to do me good (and do me right), I'm even more in the love with the idea of massage. But I'm still fiending for the follow-through. I get so horny when he starts rubbing me down, and I kinda think he flirts with me too. I don't want to be wrong and embarrass myself by actually making a move. I'm not sure if he's gay, but nevertheless I'm craving his brand of happy ending. Can I? Will he?

Tuchmi Thayer

Click here for Kitty's answer.

Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.

Former UM player and future "Dancing With The Stars" contestant Warren Sapp called UF Football Coach Urban Meyer "a classless dirtbag'' earlier today.

Some UM fans, Sapp said, are angry the Gators went for a field goal late in the fourth quarter of last weekend's game in Gainesville, even though a Florida victory seemed certain. 'Canes Coach Randy Shannon had told press earlier this week, "sometimes when you do things, and people see what type of person you really are, you turn a lot of people off."

Boo-hoo. What is this a friggin' episode of The Hills? It's football. You lost. Move on.

Besides, since when does a contestant on "Dancing With The Stars" have any business deciding what is and isn't classy?

--Kyle Munzenrieder