Notes From The Webmaster

2/12/97

At this time, there are no laws governing the behavior of squirrels. Squirrels aren't even considered citizens; therefore no squirrel can be barred from the tree for participating in hazing rituals. In fact, the only way a squirrel can be barred from the tree is to NOT participate in hazing.

Recently, it has been observed that female squirrels are given the choice to be "sexed in" rather than participate in traditional hazing rituals.

(WE DIDN'T ENCOURAGE THIS!!!!)

Tom, Dick, and Harriet

This very disturbing new trend in squirrel hazing is thought to be caused, in part, by recent press coverage of human military hazing rituals. Female squirrels who are "sexed in" aren't treated with the same respect as those who participate in the traditional hazing rituals; therefore being "sexed in" is not the usual choice of a female squirrel. Male squirrels are not allowed to be "sexed in" (probably because it would be the only choice of male squirrels --ed.)

Interestingly enough, the squirrel military does not participate in hazing rituals. All squirrels must be hazed or "sexed in" by the age of 4 years, while the squirrel military only allows 5 year olds and older to join; making squirrel military hazing redundant.

No squirrels were harmed by us.

Unless they were of a lower rank and tried to steal our nest, stash, and/or babies.

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