Bacos Are Okay Sometimes

What's up, sisters? So, like, I've totally been thinking about you guys lately. Like, OMG all the time. The other day I went to the store and was like, "Man, I wonder what Bagoda is wearing right now," and my BF was like, "Who?" and I was like, "Pfft... whatev" [I was making a "W" using my thumbs and forefingers] and then my BF was like, "..." and I was like, "Face!"

Have ya'll seen this movie called John Tucker Must Die? OMG it is soooo funny. Basically it's about this total hottie who's a playa playa and has so many chicks and then some stuff happens and he learns a lesson and I couldn't stop laughing. Definitely two thumbs up. Two big thumbs up. You know how when they smash their fingers in the cartoons and they get all big and swollen? Two of those thumbs up, but like, times 50.

I'm hungry for a house salad. I only like house salad if it comes with lettuce, cheese, croutons, and ranch dressing. Sometimes bacos are good too but occasionally they sit funny in my teeth and it hurts when I bite down. That totally reminds of me of a story: One time I was eating this house salad that had lettuce, cheese, croutons and ranch and my mom was like, "Why don't you put some bacos in that?" so I was like, "Okay." And then I did.

See you laters, alligators. (I just made that up.)

Liston

So This Is What It Feels Like To Be A Phoenix Fan?

Spurs are terrible. I hate my life.

Love,

Liston

Babies Love Toast

In the interest of cross cultural communication, one's opinion of toast is most often expressed by raising it to a designated height in the air. The higher said toast is raised, the higher one's opinion of it.

This is one of my two sons. His name is Baby Liston. And apparently he is of the impression that the piece of toast he was given (his left hand) is the number one piece of toast in all the land (his right hand).

I tend to agree with his opinion on this particular piece of toast, although only about half as emphatically.

We felt you should know that. Thanks.

Love,

Liston

Introducing Majestic Nubian Art

There are two indisputable truths we know about black people:

1. If they bop you on the head with the heels of one their feet, you will turn into a black person.
2. When they argue, it's in sing-song format. (see: The Five Heartbeats, Dreamgirls, and School Daze)

This has nothing to do with either, but it is magnificient

This is some exceptional artwork. Truly inspiring. As a matter of fact, just the other day things in my life were going really bad, and I was like, "Man, if only I had a poster of Ricky Williams about to ear-clap a woman in high heels walking across water..." and poof! here it is. Amazing.

Peace to the Middle East, we out.


Just for clarification, this is the aformentioned Ricky Williams:

With The Exception Of Rick Ross, I'm The Biggest Boss That You Seen Thus Far

In case you hadn't heard, I ride on the back of my brother's motorcycle with no shirt*. Yeah. Cause I'm bad**. Real bad***. Way more bad than kinda bad****. Like, real bad.

* But I do wear a helmet, because riding without a helmet is irresponsible.

** Bad meaning "tough", not bad meaning "bad" or "spoiled" or "lame", not like, "Ew, this meat is so bad (spoiled)," but more like, "Ew, this meat is so bad (tough)."

*** I'm talking big-time bad. Color Me Badd bad.

**** See illustration for further clarification.

illustration of my being way more-bad-than-kinda-bad for visual learners:



Peace to Middle East. We out.

Liston

It Could Happen To You

Hello close, personal friends. Sorry I haven't posted lately, but I've been so busy with my true love Lena that I haven't had time to anything except make out all day and wash my sweet Hyundai Accent in the front yard. I wasn't one who believed in destiny and soul mates and whatever, but after I received an email sent on a wing and a prayer (-and also a computer, but that doesn't sound real romantic), I couldn't deny it any longer. I mean, check out it out for yourself:

True love isn't like other gay crap you're supposed to believe in. True love is real. And I mean real real, not "real" like people say God is real and then you pray for like, six months or whatever and then you still don't get a Nintendo Power Glove for Christmas and then when you ask your dad what's up he's like, "Don't you know the Nintendo Power Glove causes down syndrome? Ask your sister Jody." and I'm like, "Oh man, thanks dad. I just got my braces off, the last thing I need is a case of down syndrome." My dad always has my best interests at heart.

Liston

Hungry Eyes

Upon her return from the neighborhood grocery store, Mrs. Von Culbertson drops this doozy as she walked through the door:

"Why do Mexicans always look like they're gonna rape you? They got hungry eyes."

Turns out, she's right. Mexican's do have very rape-foreshadowing eyes. Here's a picture from a scientific study I found regarding Mexicans and their eyes:

The proof is in the pudding. And in the picture. That I did not make just for this post.