No one ever said that picking a band name was simple; in fact it’s one of the hardest things a new group can do. Not only does the name have to be original, but it also has to try to convey what kind of music you play and, better yet, intrigue people who have never heard of you to pick up your CD.
That said, just because it’s a difficult process doesn’t mean that anything goes. The five acts below each break different cardinal rules in selecting their monikers. The assessments below may seem harsh, but hopefully you’ll learn from them and together we can help rid the world of terrible band names. Bad music, on the other hand, might be a little more difficult to exterminate.
Leave your least favorite band names in the comments section below!
Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head
If you’re not a fan of bright colors and are prone to epileptic seizures we recommend avoiding the Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head’s MySpace page. Although the members are barely in adulthood, we still think that naming your band after an ill-advised haircut by a celebrity is pretty lame. That said, the band is part of an electro-pop scene that prides itself on kitsch and irony (as well as the aforementioned fluorescent color scheme) so maybe the name is just them making fun of themselves? Either way, we think this band should have probably spent more time brainstorming band names than coordinating their outfits — however we will admit that anything that reminds us of Portman’s character in V For Vendetta isn’t all bad, either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-gQL03u7mc
Taint Stick
We’re not going to go into what the name Taint Stick means — we’re sure that sites like Urban Dictionary can help out — but we will say that not only is the Los Angeles-based band’s name disgusting, it’s also largely non-sensical (and the members’ respective names are so X-rated we can’t even list them here). However the band’s name pales in comparison to the music, which is a metal-influenced amalgam of Green Jelly and CKY minus the talent and with a masochistic streak. Again, we’re tempted to assume that the band’s name, and tracks like “Balls,” are just an inside joke that’s gone way too far, but the fact that the band has a music video and over 300,000 plays on MySpace makes them worthy of inclusion in this article. Hey, at least the band has a healthy sense of humor, right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7IESL-R6WE
Random Hero
Random Hero’s name may not seem as bad as the others on this list upon a cursory glance, but it embodies one of the biggest band naming mistakes: taking two words that sounds okay on their own and stringing them together for no discernable reason. (It’s pure irony that they choose to include the world “Random” in their name.) While the band’s title is bad enough on its own, it’s also generic enough that there are also at least two bands using the moniker: A melodic punk band from Germany and a modern rock act from Denver. If we had to pick between these Random Heroes for the title of the worst band though, we’d have to go with the latter as it is obviously much older and should know better. Additionally the Denver act’s guitarist made an appearance on MTV’s Made under the title “I Want To Be A Punk Rocker” when in reality his band sounds a lot more like Nickelback.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQCcTcC3ZV0
BrokeNCYDE
We almost didn’t include BrokeNCYDE on this list because they’re almost too easy of a target, but any band with such blatant disregard for capitalization doesn’t deserve immunity from, well, anything. If you’re not familiar with the band’s “music,” it’s a mix of hip-hop and screamo with lyrics about “getting crunk” and “drinking forties.” We’ll admit that when you combine the name with the music and the members’ appearances, it seems like the band is a Saturday Night Live parody gone awry. But judging by the enthusiastic fan base that the group has built as of late, it appears that BrokenCYDE is anything but a joke. Then again, we can’t completely blame the band for its awful name and punctuation problems because their label is called Suburban Noize Records. Now what kind of example is that to set for a group of impressionable young crunksters?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TH5ibABP4U&feature=related
The Goodnight Anthem
Remember when nü metal was popular and every band seemed to spell their names wrong and in all lowercase letters? Then screamo exploded and every band seemed to need a day of the week, season or month in their moniker so people would know what kind of band they were? While we understand having a name that puts your band’s songs into context, sometimes acts go way too far. Imitation may be the biggest form of flattery, but in our opinion the Goodnight Anthem crossed the line by picking a name so similar to Brunswick, New Jersey’s rising superstars the Gaslight Anthem. We understand that no band name is truly “original,” but it’s not that difficult to pick a title that won’t instantly confuse fans and make it seem like you’re leaching off another act’s credibility. Desert City Soundtrack, we’re looking in your direction, too — and so is a little act called Motion City Soundtrack.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqTccUe2Cj8&feature=related