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The Doughman 2009

Hoo HooOK, we get the concept of eating competitions and food races. Its an extra challenge because youre eating, and then youre forced to exert physical action. Its hard, sure.

But is it really necessary? Does the Doughman 2009 really need to have competitors check in at 6:45 a.m.? We say, kick the thing off at about 4 p.m., finish it up as the sun goes down, then use the rest of the evening to drink (whether you win or lose), puke and keep drinking.

This would certainly get rid of the fear of the final rule on the Doughmans list of rules: Vomiting is strictly discouraged. By time penalties.

Next, if youre going to have an eating competition, have a real eating competition. None of this freaky food shit. Seafood? A BLT? A damn tomato sandwich? A, um, DAISY CAKE?

These are all great foods, to be sure. But not in a competition. Remember, its called the Doughman 2009 Race. Use foods that will make you doughy. How about the Twinkie Slam, or the Apple Pie Pound, or the M&M Binge? The competitors dont get to the junk food really until they do it as a team at the end. Do it the whole way through.

Thats the American way, dammit. Thats the true way of a Doughman.

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  1. May 29th, 2009 at 07:38 | #1

    As a 2009 doughman competitor, I can say with some authority that I am glad that the race starts in the morning. Durham summers arent to be messed with and competitive eating of freaky food shit doesnt mix well with high humidity and the afternoon sun. And sir, just bc the race starts in the morning doesnt preclude using the rest of the day to drink, puke and keep drinking. The doughman banquet was attended by local breweries who showed their doughy love with ample pours ;)

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